CYH - HtD Epilogue
by Bluesunkatsuri
Summary: Even after one's life seemingly comes to an end, there is still more to live for. Gilbert Beilschmidt discovers this in the aftermath of his dissolution as Prussia and the German Reunification that meant the end of his nation life. *Epilogue to Cross Your Heart & Hope to Die: advisable to not read this without having read those stories*
1. Chapter 1

**Hi everyone!**

 **So here it is, the epilogue story to Cross Your Heart and Hope to Die.**

 **First off, a few things worth mentioning:  
1: Note that this is the _epilogue_ to my previous stories, Cross Your Heart and Hope to Die. I do not advise reading this without having read those two, because chances are, it won't make sense.  
2: Other than a more general epilogue, this will actually be a Multi-chapter story like its predecessors. Also, on that note, I will not strive to make long chapters for this like I did before. I'll just write them and end them where it feels natural, and if that's at 2,000 words like this one or at 10,000 words, I don't know, and honestly, I don't really care anymore, either ^~^'  
3: There will be OCs as major characters in this. That hasn't been a problem in the past, it seemed, and I hope it won't be now, either, but just a heads-up.**

 **With that out of the way, let me just thank everyone who read CYH &HtD again for their awesome support, and if you came back for this, 'thank you so much for that, too! I hope it will be a worthy epilogue (and if not, it's still a separate story, so you can just treat it as non-canon to the first two books ;) Read it if you like, and if you don't, feel free to ignore it completely)**

 **So yeah, let's get this epilogue started!**

* * *

It had been just over three years since he'd last been a nation.  
Gilbert Beilschmidt kept himself busy with studying these days. He'd started in September 1993, and now, in May 1994, he was nearing the end of his first year. So far, things were going just fine. His grades were high, and he already had the capacities to practice his studies, just not the needed credentials. After all, he'd been working as a field medic during wars since the War of Austrian Succession; he had more experience than any human doctor on the planet.  
…He still called them 'humans'. Still referred to humans as 'them'. He had wondered more than once if maybe it was time to accept that he was one of them now, too. He could go by ex-nation for the rest of his life, but he wasn't sure if he wanted that, either.  
He was also getting a tad nervous about certain things since his loss of his nation status. Germany had never mentioned any of it, neither had anyone else, but Gilbert was starting to notice that he was, well… aging. He hadn't done that since the early nineteenth century. He had never done it at this speed.  
Still, he refused to say he was a human now before he was absolutely certain. He would need more time to come to a solid confusion.

He was in the bathroom, inspecting himself in the mirror to check for any more signs of aging, to make sure he wasn't just overreacting, just anything that could make his life make sense again.  
But of course, he wasn't given the time to straighten things in his mind. "Gilbert?" came Germany's voice from somewhere in the house. "I need to take Berlitz out for a walk. Could you do the laundry while I'm away?"  
Gilbert stifled a sigh and called back. "Sure, no problem!" He stepped back, took a deep breath, then went downstairs to the basement. Otherwise known as his bedroom. He still had clothes lying around there that had to be washed and that he hadn't bothered to put in the laundry basket. _For which Ludwig wouldn't have been happy with me, I suppose, had he done the laundry instead._

By the time the albino ex-nation was finished, Germany was back with his dog, too. It was one of the two only days in the week that the brothers could spend time together for longer than just about two hours, and they generally did try to make the most of that time.  
Germany often had meetings in during the week and Gilbert had lectures to attend. If they were home, Germany had paperwork to go through and Gilbert had research to do, papers to write and exams to prepare for. Then there were the things they did in their free time that also kept them apart: Germany would go for an hour-long walk with his dog at least once every two days, aside from the general, shorter walks, he had recently taken to gardening and he did, naturally, have a few contacts that he liked to keep up. Gilbert, similarly, had a small number of good contacts within the university now that he would sometimes stay on campus for, so that they could study together or just hang out. Three people in his year, also studying medicine, who had been on a group project with him early in the year, had taken to spending more time with him, much to his amazement; he wasn't exactly the most-loved person in university, partly because of his albinism, which still managed to freak people out. There was also the so-called 'miracle', Larissa Schultz, who had been the first person to hold a full conversation with him when they'd been forced to share a table at a café.  
When she had asked if she could take the free seat at his table, basically the only free one left (the café wasn't that large and it had been teeming with people for a change), Gilbert had felt a little awkward saying yes. This had not gone unnoticed to Larissa, naturally, and she had proceeded to ask what was wrong. The look on her face when he'd said people had a tendency to avoid him had been priceless. Wide-eyed, the young woman had stared at him for a solid minute, followed by an indignant huff and a disbelieving exclamation.  
"You've got to be kidding me!" she had burst out, anger and slight confusion edging her voice. "People are that shallow even here?"  
Gilbert had managed a laugh then. "I know, right? I'd thought that -and pardon me saying it this bluntly- the intellectually higher-class people would know better than to shun someone over a condition like this. But no, they are the same as anyone else, they just keep quiet about it." He had huffed in mixed annoyance and amusement, then taken a few sips of his coffee before realising a mistake in what he'd said. "Oh, sorry. They don't _all_ keep their mouths shut, either. Some people in my class -I'm doing medicine- have seriously suggested studying me to learn more about albinism."  
"Oh, the nerve!" Larissa had snapped angrily, getting tense all over. "I can't stand people like that. I mean, it's not like you can help it! No one can."  
While she hadn't been the first person to have said something like that to him, her rant had sounded the most genuine so far. And she also seemed to really not mind talking to him, which was also a nice change of pace.  
By then, Gilbert's teammates on the group project still had yet to get used to him, and didn't start treating him as less of an outsider until about two weeks later, so Larissa had been the first person he'd been able to talk to quite like that. When they had met again in the library soon after that first meeting, they had decided to keep in contact more regularly.  
Gilbert could only hope there would be more people like her and his three classmates eventually. Without them around, he did sometimes feel isolated. More contacts would be nice.

Only a few minutes had passed before the two brothers were on the couch together, Germany reading a book with Berlitz on the couch beside him and resting his head on the nation's lap. Meanwhile, Gilbert was debating with himself whether to follow his brother's example or turn on the television. There was something he'd been wanting to discuss with his younger brother for some time, but he'd been postponing that conversation for a while. He had a good guess what it could go like, and he wasn't sure he wanted that.  
But then, he would have to do it one of these days. And actually, it would be best if he did this sooner rather than later. So before reading or seeing what was on TV, he decided to bring this up first.  
"So, uh, Ludwig," he began casually, stammering only once. "I recently got my reading list for next year…"  
He didn't get a chance to say any more. As expected, Germany immediately understood where his elder brother was going with this, and he sighed. "How much is it going to be this time?"  
Feeling guilty, Gilbert averted his gaze as he replied in a soft voice: "Just… one-hundred. And fifty. Two."  
Germany grunted. "Oh, good lord…"  
"For the first semester."  
"Gilbert, I swear," Germany said, his voice stern. It reminded Gilbert of how Holy Rome sometimes used to sound, and the likeness the two Germanic nations shared only made it worse. Although the look the younger nation gave him was obviously stolen from Austria.  
Whoever had inspired this in Germany, he certainly couldn't have got this from Gilbert himself; he'd been stern and correcting with his younger brother in the past, but nothing like this.  
Germany had definitely mastered the art of telling off. "At this rate, we're not going to be able to afford your studies," he explained, calm but still in a way that made Gilbert shrink away in shame. "You're not earning money anymore and your books are getting more expensive with every semester."  
Gilbert shrugged, unable to deny that. "If we can't afford it now," he dared to suggest after a brief silence, "maybe we can ask the government for a loan…? I will-"  
He flinched when Germany barked out a dry laugh at this. "Ask the government for a loan?" he echoed. The stare he gave Gilbert was almost condescending. "Gilbert, you don't seriously think they will buy you books?"  
"I would pay them back, of course," Gilbert protested, rolling his eyes. Wasn't that the definition of 'loan'? "I have put eight hundred years of my life into serving the government and my people. And after I graduate, I will serve the people again, in different ways! You'd think I deserved a little help from them by now."  
Germany sighed and shook his head. "And you forget that they've done so basically all your life, too," he countered, completely calm once more. "The government pays all our expenses for the work we do for them. They pay for any travelling we do, they pay our rent, they pay for any medical expenses and even our groceries through the salary they give us -or in this case _me_." He was silent for a moment, perhaps waiting for a response from his brother. When that didn't come, he eventually decided: "Look, you can try. Of course you can. And maybe you're right and they will help out. And _of course_ we will pay for those books as much as we can, and honestly, that first semester shouldn't even be a problem. But should we reach a point where it _does_ become too expensive, you will really have to find a way to deal with that yourself. I'm sorry."  
Glad that this was over and that it had been as bad as he'd feared it could be, Gilbert nodded. "I know," he said, still a little carefully. "Thanks, Ludwig."  
Finances had been a touchy subject for a while now; Germany was the only one with an income nowadays, since Gilbert didn't work for the government anymore. It was true that nations usually got a steady income directly from the government for all the work they did. And as Germany had said, they would also pay for any business-related travelling, and every now and then they would get a paid vacation, too.  
They already kept Gilbert in mind by slightly raising Germany's salary. But even so, they had less than two-thirds of the monthly budget they used to have. And more expenses, thanks to higher education being quite expensive.  
But the worst part of it all to Gilbert was that his little brother had to provide for him all the time now. He hoped that, once he'd graduated and had a stable career, he could do something for Germany again, too. Although, when he'd said this to his little brother once, the nation had sighed and told him flatly that Gilbert had been the one doing all the work back when Germany had been little. Not only had _he_ been the only one with any income, working hard almost every day to be able to provide for his young brother, he'd also raised a nation whilst doing all that.  
Even if it didn't seem to bother Germany much, Gilbert just hated this situation and couldn't wait until he could pay for himself again. But then, that's what he was studying medicine for (well, that, and because he enjoyed it and because he'd been nearing depression before finding something he could spend his days on).  
 _Just be patient,_ he told himself as he finally turned on the TV to watch the news, which would start in a few minutes. _Just finish your studies, and then you'll have your life back on track._

* * *

 _Mister Beilschmidt,_

 _In response to your request to establish 'Nation Biology' as a new field of study, we have hereby decided to grant you permission to do research for this starting your second year. You will still be expected to follow several courses, listed below.  
If you cannot provide the university with proof that you're making progress in your research within 18 months after starting, we will ask you to resume your studies following the regular curriculum._

Gilbert didn't read any further and put the letter back in his drawer. Eighteen months to prove Nation Biology was worth being its own field of study, starting next September. It might turn out easier than he feared it would be, but perhaps he wouldn't make it within that time. After all, it was already a proven fact that nations' bodies worked differently from humans'. He would have to do much more than that if he wanted it all to work out.  
With a sigh, he turned and looked at the painting of his family that was above his desk. "I'll prove it to them, I swear," he promised them. "I'll prove to them all that nations aren't just superhuman people. We're a species of our own."  
 _We.  
Here we go again…  
_Gilbert shook his head and took a deep breath. "You're not a nation anymore," he told himself. "You haven't been a nation for a few years now. Shut up with your stupid 'we, nations'. Being stuck in the past like that doesn't help your awesomeness."  
But sometimes he thought he would never get used to it…

* * *

 **I am so bad at writing official-sounding stuff, I swear... I'm not satisfied with how it came out, and I struggled even to get this far.  
One of these days I will need to work on that.  
**

 **Anyways, this takes place a few months after the end of HtD, so in early 1994, as stated at the beginning of the chapter. I've got plans for Gilbert until 2000 at this point, maybe more will pop up along the way, who knows. But either way, there's enough material in my head to write a couple of chapters still.  
(That is seriously the only reason I'm writing this thing. It just won't get out of my head if I don't write it down. Gilbert apparently finds himself too awesome to leave me alone just yet, and has decided to continue being my muse like he has been for a few years now. Pesky little character, that man...)**

 **It's not driving me nuts at all, no, of course not. (I actually love it, but I even based my MC for an original book on my interpretation of Gilbert because on-the-edge, unstable, somehow lovable jerk is the only person I seem able to write at the moment... Help me.)**

 **Eh... Anyway... I hope you liked this so far, and thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey everyone! I'm back again.**

 **Sorry that this took me so long. I've had exams all month and other stuff going on...  
Anyways, I've got another part of the epilogue done.**

 **Thanks to everyone who read, reviewed, followed and/or favourited. You're awesome for still sticking with me and this story despite my slow writing pace these days.**

 **I hope you'll like this!**

* * *

"So you're really getting a chance to study Nation Biology?"  
Gilbert nodded, feeling his heart race in excitement all over again. He'd been wanting to do this for months now, and he was glad to know he really would be given a chance.  
Larissa smiled, clearly happy for her friend. "But why nations, though?" she asked then. "What makes you want to study them in particular? I mean, compared to humans, there's only a handful of them on this planet."  
That answer left Gilbert taken aback. _Because I was once one of them and I find nations' bodies easier to understand, considering I had one for eight hundred years._ But he didn't want to say that. He was 'weird' enough for these people to be an albino. He didn't want to risk damaging any relationships he was building now with the bombshell that was 'I am an ex-nation'.  
"Well, they're immortal," he replied as coolly as he could. "That in itself is intriguing, of course, but if you look at the medical side of it… How would that work? They look similar to humans inside and outside. How are _their_ bodies so different from ours that they can hold out for centuries, while a human body, anatomically similar in every way it seems, lasts around a single century at best?"  
For a moment, Larissa didn't reply. Then she shrugged. "Fair enough. You're right, I haven't thought about it like that. Sounds interesting." She flashed another smile. "I can't wait to read about it once you've finished. So I guess the next step is finding nations willing to help with the research?"  
"Oh, that won't be much of a problem," Gilbert assured her, grinning. Sometimes he couldn't help but show off a bit, really. Old habits die hard. "I already have good contact with Germany, and he's agreed to help out. I expect other nations will be willing, too."  
"You are just ever full of surprises, aren't you?" Larissa didn't even seem surprised, despite her words. "I'd ask you to introduce me some time, but I suppose that would be crossing a line."  
Gilbert shook his head. "Not at all," he told her. _He's my little brother, after all._ Although, even though he said that, he didn't exactly want her and Germany to meet quite yet. Not before he had made sure Germany wouldn't mess it all up for him and refer to him as his brother in the presence of any of the human friends he hoped he was making now.  
"Maybe one day."  
At this, Larissa seemed genuinely surprised and excited. "That would be so awesome," she breathed. "Such a privilege, too. How many people get to meet their nation, after all?"  
Gilbert couldn't help but chuckle at this. "Probably more than you think," he told her. "I mean, you don't think nations only talk to nations, right? What a lonely life that must be… And other than that, they're just people. Immortal, near-superhuman people, but just people. In a way. At least in so far that they look similar to humans and they also have the same basic needs; they also need to eat, and they just go to the supermarket for food like any human would. You may have come across Germany on the streets once and not even known the difference between him and a human."  
Larissa laughed now, too, and nodded. "Certainly true! I mean, there are people who don't even know nation personifications exist. It's not like the governments are very secretive about it, but I suppose it's hard to keep up with news and politics for some people."  
"Let's not forget," Gilbert put in, nodding very seriously but struggling not to laugh also. "There are also people who still claim the Earth is flat and the Holocaust never happened. Or that the universe was made in seven days. And as a Christian myself, I must say there's nothing wrong with religion, but not everything in the Bible should be taken literally." He shrugged. "Long story short: there are enough people on the planet who just love denying things or taking things too literally."  
Larissa kept sniggering a few seconds longer, then fell quiet. Stirring her coffee absent-mindedly, she said in a soft voice: "We actually shouldn't talk like that." She looked up, guilt in her dark eyes. "It's not like people can help it if they don't know things."  
Gilbert grunted and rolled his eyes. "Life's no fun if you're always on your toes to not 'offend' people," he complained. "It's not like we're calling people stupid right to their faces."  
For this, he only got a long, silent stare, burning right into him until he caved.  
" _Fine_ ," he grunted. "You're right. But it's still boring."  
After a quick glance at her watch, Larissa's eyes widened and she gulped down her coffee quickly. "Need to go, sorry," she said hastily. "My lecture's starting in ten minutes." She nearly jumped to her feet, then stopped. She gave Gilbert an apologetic glance. "We haven't asked for the bill yet, either…" the woman sighed softly. "Could you pay for us both? Next time's on me, I promise."  
Gilbert nodded and smiled reassuringly. "No problem. Now hurry up, you don't want to be late."  
Larissa thanked him quickly and ran off. Gilbert watched after her through the window for a moment; the poor thing was taking a sprint to reach the lecture in time.  
Slightly amused, Gilbert took his time finishing his own drink, paid the bill and went to the library to study.

* * *

Gilbert was finished early for a change, so he had offered to take cooking duty for the evening while Germany ran his last errand for the government that day. He was lost in thought as he was peeling the potatoes, going over the lecture he'd had that day in his head as he carefully moved his knife underneath the potato's skin. It had been about blood and blood types today. Quite nostalgic for Gilbert, that topic, considering he had been part of the first experiments surrounding blood transfusion. He had been quite invested in all that right around the time blood types had been discovered. Unfortunately, when the Rh factor also became a thing, he had been a little too busy with the build-up to and the start of the Second World War to pay much attention to those developments.  
Even so, he had thoroughly enjoyed that lecture, and he'd even learnt a few new things about it, too. If anything, he had not expected anyone could teach him more about something he had been a part of. Then again, now that he had been proven wrong, perhaps that notion had just been his own arrogance. Probably had been.  
"Everything going all right here?"  
Having been so absorbed in his thoughts, Gilbert jumped when he suddenly heard a voice beside him. In this startled motion, he also briefly flailed with his hands, including the one holding the knife. And the knife just so happened to slice Germany's arm.  
Both brothers flinched at this, though Germany recovered himself within a second, whereas it took Gilbert a moment longer.  
"Sorry for startling you," Germany apologised calmly, inspecting the small cut on his arm. Seemingly deciding it wasn't an issue, he just shrugged and looked at his brother instead. "Anyway, I'm done for the day, so if there's anything I can help you with, just tell me."  
Gilbert blinked, still a little taken aback, then shook his head. "No, I'm just about done. If you want to cut the broccoli, that's fine, though."  
As Germany shrugged and said he would be doing that, then, Gilbert glanced at him, a little uneasy still. "Do you want that cut looked at?" he asked.  
Germany shook his head. "It's really tiny," he assured his brother. "There's no need. I reckon it'll stop bleeding in a minute or so."  
 _The knife was dirty, though,_ Gilbert wanted to argue, but he kept his mouth shut. He would check after dinner; if the cut was in any way dirty enough to become infected, he would still be in time to clean it out by then. And besides, he also knew how to deal with infections, so Germany would be fine either way.

"So how was work?" Gilbert asked as the two brothers were having dinner about half an hour later. "Anything interesting that happened?"  
Germany answered with a short shrug. "Not really," he stated monotonously. "Just the same as always. And how was your day?"  
Gilbert had to suppress a disappointed sigh. Even when they had enough time to sit and talk, making small talk with his younger brother was a difficult task sometimes. At least when he had still been a nation, they had done most of their work together, and they'd had most of their daily contact with one another that way.  
"It was fine," he replied a little stiffly, against his own will. "Today's lecture was about blood, so that was nice. There were actually things that I hadn't heard of before yet." He pricked a potato in half, feeling hollow. Why did holding a simple conversation have to be so difficult at times? "I also went to the café again."  
"With Larissa, you mean?"  
"Yeah…"  
Germany hummed once, and then silence fell, crushing Gilbert. He tensed ever so slightly, desperately searching for something to talk about. It wasn't that Germany didn't want to talk, he knew. But if Gilbert couldn't find any topic they could turn into a conversation, why should he expect his little brother to be able to?  
Much to the ex-nation's relief, Germany eventually spoke up again. "Hungary called this afternoon," he told the albino. "She asked if it was all right if she came for a visit again sometime. Are there any specific dates when that wouldn't work well for you?"  
Feeling a rush of warmth, Gilbert shook his head. "No, not really. She'd understand if I were busy, and honestly, it would just be nice to see her again, even if it were only in the evening."  
Germany flashed a brief smile at this. "I'll tell her that. When she's decided on a date, I'll let you know."  
Gilbert managed a grin again, too. "That'd be awesome."  
To his surprise, that wasn't the end of it yet. Apparently Gilbert wasn't the only one who was sick of the silence by now. "Do you have more work to do tonight?" Germany asked.  
When Gilbert shook his head, the younger brother suggested: "I think there was a film coming on TV tonight. I'm not sure which one, but if you've got time, perhaps we can check it out together?"  
That made up for all the uncomfortable silence earlier. Gilbert smiled wide, his heart warming even further with joy. "That sounds even more awesome."

After they had finished dinner and cleaned up, Gilbert remembered the small cut on Germany's arm. He still wanted to give it a quick check, just to be sure, although he didn't think it was really necessary.  
When he mentioned it to the young nation, however, Germany protested. "It's okay, Gilbert, really," he insisted, pulling his arm away from his elder brother when Gilbert tried to grab it. "You barely even grazed me."  
"Yeah, with a rather filthy knife," Gilbert retorted, biting back a sigh. "Humour me, Ludwig, and just let me take a quick look." As he said this, he reached for Germany's arm again. This time the nation didn't try to stop him anymore, although he did sigh disapprovingly and repeated that it wasn't necessary.  
Gilbert ignored him and pulled up his sleeve, exposing the little cut. Or what was left of it, anyway. It was already closed and looked like it was almost fully healed. For a moment, Gilbert didn't know what to make of it, but then he let go of his younger brother's arm.  
"Oh, of course," he brought out flatly. "What else should I have expected…?" For another heartbeat or so, he couldn't tear his eyes off the nearly-healed cut. Then he shook his head and forced a smile. "Um, it's clearly not infected, or anywhere close to it really, so that's fine, then." Feeling uneasy all over again, he stammered: "I'll just, err… look over some of my notes from yesterday. I'll be back shortly."  
Germany hummed, not saying anything against that. He, too, seemed to have lost any trace of his earlier slight enthusiasm now. "Do you want me to come and get you when the film starts?"  
Gilbert nodded absent-mindedly, turning away. "Sure… Do so."

The ex-nation felt sick as he headed downstairs to his bedroom. Why hadn't he seen this coming? Why was he so surprised over this? He kept telling himself that he shouldn't have expected anything else. He wasn't a nation anymore. Surely this was normal.  
Even so, to see that Germany's body was treating that cut like a human-inflicted wound sent his mind reeling and made his stomach do flips.  
 _Am I to consider this further proof that I might be human now?_ he wondered almost frantically. _Or is it just because I'm not a nation anymore?_  
A little voice in the back of his mind told him he could possibly investigate this further as part of his research, but the thought sent his stomach churning. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to know what this meant at that moment.  
As he sat on his bed, Gilbert pressed his back against the wall and pulled his knees up to his chest. He took a couple of deep breaths, trying to think of other things. He couldn't.  
"Brandenburg," he whispered, wishing desperately for his wife to be by his side now. "Holy Rome… Anyone. Please, I… _I'm scared_."  
Thankfully, even if his family wasn't visibly with him at all times, they also were never far away. Ever since he'd started seeing ghosts more than half a century ago, he could always ask for them to be with him if they weren't there for a moment. They rarely did not listen.  
"Sweetie," Brandenburg said beside him, looking at him with a sad blue gaze. "I thought you knew…"  
Gilbert felt himself shiver. "I did," he replied tautly. "I do. It's just that I… I don't know what to make of it. That's…"  
"Scary," Brandenburg finished for him. "I get it." She smiled at him, trying to be reassuring. "But don't worry about it, dear. It's not that important."  
Gilbert laughed hollowly. "Not that important!" he echoed as he did. He silenced himself and looked at Brandenburg. "Do you really believe that? It actually makes quite a difference." He sighed and looked away again. "If I am human, chances are that I will have a human lifespan from now on. If I'm just no longer a nation and nothing else, what then? I just… want to know."  
For a moment Brandenburg looked as if she would say more, but she kept her mouth shut, sitting beside Gilbert in silence until he finally felt calmer about it.  
Maybe Brandenburg was right. Maybe it wasn't actually much of a problem either way, and he should just let it go. He was likely overreacting, at least. But he simply couldn't stop brief moments of panic like these when they came on. Thankfully he rarely had them quite like this these days, but they could still be triggered by anything.

Gilbert wasn't quite sure how much time had passed like that, but suddenly there was a knock on the door. The ex-nation called to his little brother that it was okay to come in, and seconds later Germany appeared at the bottom of the stairs.  
The nation's blue eyes reflected some hesitance as he looked at his brother. "Are you all right?"  
Gilbert gave a short nod. "I am now. So, is the film starting?"  
Germany blinked, seemingly surprised about the answer he got. "It should in a few minutes," he replied, deciding to ignore what happened earlier also, if Gilbert did. "Are you coming?"

* * *

The film turned out to be not all that exciting, but the evening ended up being a good one nonetheless. The simple fact that Germany and Gilbert had had the time to sit down and do something together had been good enough to both of them.  
But of course, before they would both turn in for the night, Germany found it necessary to bring up the little incident from earlier that day again. Gilbert had seen it coming, but that didn't mean he liked it.  
What did surprise Gilbert was that Germany didn't ask how he felt about it. Somehow he looked bothered by what had happened himself, something he hadn't let on at all earlier that evening. "So, uh," he began, sounding unsure of what to say. "Earlier today. What exactly… What does that mean?"  
 _He's as confused as I am,_ Gilbert realised with a jolt, instantly cursing himself that he had been stupid and selfish enough to think he was the only one who struggled now. The fear and panic he'd felt earlier returned, milder this time, and more because he knew the answer he would have to give wouldn't help his little brother.  
"I'm not sure," he replied softly with a deep sigh. "I don't know if I ever will be certain of it, either. The only thing I know is that, if it wasn't clear yet, this confirms that I really am not a nation anymore." He bit his lip for a moment, then shrugged. "I just don't know what that makes me instead."  
Clearly not satisfied with the answer but knowing he couldn't possibly get more out of his brother, Germany just nodded. Then the two were silent for a bit, but staring at either the wall or the floor, thinking.  
Eventually Germany spoke up again, his voice softer and more uncertain than before as he brought out a single wavering question: "If you could find out the truth… would you even want to know?"  
The question took Gilbert aback for a split second, and for a heartbeat or two he only wondered where this question came from. "Wouldn't you?" he asked almost immediately.  
Germany shot him an annoyed glance for this. "Don't avoid the question, Gilbert."  
"I'm not," the ex-nation responded without missing a beat. "So long as you won't, either. I'll go first, but promise me you'll answer my question honestly, too."  
Again, Germany looked annoyed, but he nodded after only brief hesitation.  
Gilbert felt no such hesitation as he answered his brother's question determinedly. "There's no doubt in my mind that I would want to know," he said, his voice steady, his heart, which had been beating only a little faster than normal, calming into a strong, steady rhythm. He was more certain of this than he was of anything else concerning his loss of immortality. "More than anything else, Ludwig, I just want an end to the uncertainty. I don't care what the answer to all these questions is. I really couldn't care less. I just want to _know_. I want to know what we're dealing with."  
The answer seemed to be the opposite of what Germany had expected to hear. "But what if-?"  
"What if it turns out I'm human?" Gilbert cut him off, looking the nation straight in the eyes now. "Well, good. At least we know what a human lifespan is like. We know a human's strengths and weaknesses. We could adapt to that." He paused for a moment, then sighed and leant closer to Germany, keeping his gaze locked with his little brother's. "Ludwig, I mean it. I don't care either way. I've been a nation all my life and I'd happily live the rest of my days as an ex-nation, a… a nation in retirement, if you will. But if it turns out that's not actually a thing, if it turns out I'm human, then that's fine with me, too. The only thing about this that I just really can't handle is not knowing which one I am. Both options are fine with me, but I just want to stop pretending to be either."  
Germany didn't respond immediately. He held his elder brother's gaze for a few seconds, then looked away. He gave a single, tiny nod, and didn't say anything.  
"Now it's your turn," Gilbert insisted gently. "Don't you want to know what we're dealing with, Ludwig?"  
Another silence fell, a very brief one, before Germany answered softly: "I'm not sure. I think I do." He didn't look at his brother as he spoke. "I think I want the answers, but I doubt I'll be able to accept either one as well as you just said you would."  
Gilbert felt his heart break at the realisation his little brother had been more bothered by everything that was going on than he had let on all this time. _Were you trying to be the strong one for me again?_ the ex-nation couldn't help but wonder. _Oh, Ludwig… I'm still the big brother, you know? Setting aside my own emotions for the sake of my brother is my job._ But then, he'd never been very good at that, had he?  
Though that didn't mean he wanted to accept his little brother doing it instead. It was a difficult period, not just for Gilbert or Germany. It was difficult for both of them, and the only way they would get through it was if they did it together.

* * *

 **Well, they both have stuff they need to work through. I actually recognise the issues I gave Gilbert: you think you've got past something, but then something happens to trigger the old fear, and you're thrown right back into panic and you realise you never really got past it in the first place.**

 **But anyway, here's also the first proper introduction of Larissa Schultz. I'm still practicing creating my own characters, considering I do have ambitions to publish a book someday. Larissa is one of my practice brain-babies.  
(I created her over a year ago, by the way, and planned this epilogue all the way back then, too)**

 **I hope you enjoyed it, and I'm sorry if the next chapter takes me this long again.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hiya! Back with another part of the epilogue.**

 **Thanks to everyone who read and/or reviewed! I've said it many times, I know, but you're awesome!**

 **I hope you'll enjoy this chapter.**

* * *

Hungary arrived in Berlin on the last Wednesday of the academic year, to stay for a week. She had wanted to come when Gilbert and Germany would have time to have a guest over, but she had also wanted to see the university her lifelong friend now went to.  
So on Friday, when Gilbert actually didn't have lectures or exams anymore but the campus was still lively enough to give an impression of what it was like, Gilbert took Hungary there while Germany was out for work.

"I have most of my lectures in that building right there," the ex-nation explained as his gave his friend a tour of the campus. "Although of course I go to the university's hospital a lot, too, which is just down the road."  
"And all of these buildings are part of the university?" Hungary asked, astonished by this fact, it seemed. She hummed, clearly impressed, when Gilbert confirmed this. "It's not like I haven't been in this area before," she said as she gazed around, "but I never realised all of this is actually the campus. It's huge."  
Gilbert nodded. He was also still amazed at how big this place really was. "It's not uncommon to see people walking around with a map every now and then," he stated. "Although not everything here is used for studying or research. There's a bookstore, a gym, a handful of cafés and two general cafeterias."  
Hungary scanned the area for a moment longer, then looked at Gilbert with a smile. "A town inside a city," she concluded with a hint of laughter in her voice. "I get why you like it here; there seems to be enough here to be able to spend a whole day here and not get bored."  
"Only when you're not alone," Gilbert put in, remembering his first weeks here. Before his fellow students had started accepting him, before he'd met Larissa, he had been quite lonely here rather often. It was a nice thing that he could always have his family around, but sometimes he just needed to talk to someone who hadn't been dead for at least a century. Some extent of social interaction was a basic need for both nations and humans, and he had never really been an exception to the rule, no matter how often he had tried to convince himself otherwise.  
Hungary just said she didn't doubt that for a second. Then she flashed another smile. "Do you think we could stop by one of those cafés you mentioned before we head back?"  
Gilbert grinned at her. "Since when can you read my mind, Crazy Woman?"

* * *

It was weird being at the café with someone else than Larissa for the first time. He'd never been there with the few classmates who hung out with Gilbert from time to time, although he didn't really know why.  
A waitress there apparently thought the same. "It's strange seeing you here without Larissa," she commented after taking Gilbert and Hungary's order. She had worked here for a while now and tended to make small talk with the customers whenever she could. As such, she knew the regulars quite well. "I don't mean to pry, but did something happen between you two? She was here earlier, too, and…"  
Gilbert blinked at the young woman in surprise. "No, not at all," he replied confusedly. "Why? Was something wrong when she was here?" He couldn't help but feel uneasy at the waitress's words.  
She immediately shook her head. "Oh, no, nothing like that," the woman said quickly. "It's just that, well… The two of you coming here separately for possibly the first time since I've started working here, and then you come here with-" She looked at Hungary as she said these last words, and Gilbert immediately cut her off.  
"My friend, who came over all the way from Hungary," he stated stiffly, getting annoyed now. "I'm showing her around campus. You didn't mean to pry, you said," he added, narrowing his eyes just the slightest bit in a warning glance. "Then please stop doing so."  
As the waitress, flustered, apologised and walked away, Hungary stared after her. A few silent seconds had passed before she turned to Gilbert again. "What was all that about?"  
Gilbert sighed and shrugged. "A very talkative woman who still needs to learn how far she can stick her nose into other people's business before it becomes annoying as crap," he muttered in response.  
Hungary huffed softly. "Well, excuse me for prying also," she began carefully, "but are you and Larissa…?"  
"Friends," Gilbert replied immediately. "Although that idiot just now seemed to think otherwise. You seriously just can't be friends and hang out with someone of the opposite sex without people assuming you're a couple almost immediately." He rolled his eyes as he said this. It had always annoyed him to no end. "The stupid thing is, if you'd see those two guys over there together anywhere, them being a couple is not the first thing that would come to mind." He nodded to two students sitting at a table together, talking over a steaming cup of coffee and a piece of apple pie. "I just so happen to know they _are_. Best not announce it to the world, though. Poor guys wouldn't be left alone about it."  
Hungary glanced at the two men over her shoulder, then turned back to Gilbert and shrugged. "Well, that's society for you," she said with a soft sigh. "I don't get humanity sometimes, though. They for some reason think badly of homosexuality, yet there have been plenty of rulers in the past who have married their country off to a nation of the same sex. I mean, how would it be any different for nations than it is for humans?"  
Gilbert snorted. "Better yet," he added, remembering his little escapade with Fritz back in the day. "If a nation _chooses_ their partner themselves, then it was suddenly wrong again for them to be of the same sex. Humans should just make up their minds, I swear to God."  
Hungary seemed to be about to say something else, but then the waitress came again with their order: coffee for both, a piece of chocolate cake for Hungary and a slice of apple pie for Gilbert. Hungary was immediately distracted. "Well, time to see if it's as good as you told me it would be!"  
Gilbert waited as his friend tried a bite of the cake, sniggering when she seemed to melt almost instantly. "I told you, the guy's a genius." He paused for a moment and shrugged. "And the prices are fair, too."  
"No kidding," Hungary replied, green eyes still twinkling. "No wonder you've become a regular here. Dammit, I have to travel for hours to get here, and even I might decide to visit more often!"  
Gilbert just smiled. "I'm sure they'd love to hear you say that."

* * *

Almost two hours later, the two walked into Germany and Gilbert's house again; the younger nation still seemed to be away, so Gilbert made a mental note of having to take the dog out for a walk soon.  
"Well, that's where I spend most of my days now," Gilbert concluded his little tour. "Pretty awesome, right?"  
Hungary nodded and hummed. "I liked it," she said. Then, with a grin at Gilbert, she added: "Seems like the perfect place for you to let your inner nerd roam free and go all out for a change."  
At this, Gilbert huffed softly. "Well, you know what they say," he answered stiffly, raising his chin in mock-arrogance. "Knowledge is power, and power is awesome. Therefore, knowledge is awesome." With a grin he added: "And me being as awesomely smart as I am, well…"  
Hungary rolled her eyes and laughed, then leant forward and ruffled Gilbert's white hair. "Yes, Gil, you're very awesome." She said this as if she was talking to a little kid.  
Gilbert just pushed her hand away, narrowing his eyes at her. Then he sighed softly. "Well, now that I've catered to your whims a bit," he began, serious again. "I'm still looking for nations willing to participate in my research. So if-"  
She wouldn't even let him finish. "Of course I'll help, Gil." Crossing her arms over her chest, she asked: "So what do you need me to do? Extract some blood?"  
Gilbert shook his head, feeling uneasy about his request now. "The first thing I want to look into is recovery. I figured it's one of the things that I can get results in quick enough to prove I'm doing something worthwhile. So…"  
Hungary seemed to realise what he wanted to do right before he said it, which made asking her a bit easier on him. "So if I could ask you -and others, of course- to be cut thrice…? One human-inflicted, one nation-inflicted and one… self-inflicted." When Hungary didn't say anything, only stared at him in silence, Gilbert cleared his throat uneasily and went on. "The cuts can be tiny and shallow, just so long as I can keep proper track of the healing process in all three."  
There was another silence, until finally Hungary sighed and shrugged. "Hey, if it's to help you along," she said coolly. "It won't be the first time I'm cut. In fact, the first time you cut me, it was to help you along, too!" she added with a short laugh. "To discover you were a nation. Remember? Gil, whatever you need to do, you can do it. I'm sure you've done worse or weirder to me in the past than anything you can still throw at me now."  
Feeling a surge of relief, Gilbert nodded and thanked her. "I might ask you for more tests in the future, but I want to get this done over the course of the summer, before classes start again."  
Germany had reacted similarly to his brother's request, and Austria had already agreed to help him out, too. He was still waiting for a response from the Benelux and also from a few others.  
As if on cue, the phone started ringing, and Gilbert excused himself quickly and picked up. It was Scotland.  
"Hey laddie," the Scot greeted his old friend cheerfully. "I took it up with the others, and they're willing to help. You mentioned the summer, right? Do you think you could come here for a week or so then?"  
Feeling his heart pound in excitement and relief, Gilbert couldn't suppress a wave of thank-you-s first. Then he immediately felt apologetic again. "Well… I kind of do need access to medical supplies and petri-dishes and chemicals and… Long story short, I'll need a lab for it."  
Scotland chuckled, clearly understanding what his friend was asking with those words. "All right, I'll see if I can get us all over to Berlin for a few days. I'll let you know once I've discussed that, 'kay?"  
"Thank you, Scotland," Gilbert said again. "I'm sorry that I had to ask; I know you guys have enough on your minds right now." The Troubles that the British Isles had had to deal with for years now still weren't over, although it looked like finally a solution was on the horizon. They just had to get there.  
"Hey, we've had a lot on our minds for some thirty years now," Scotland replied, and Gilbert could picture him shrugging as he said this. "It'll probably even be a good thing to be able to do something else for a change."  
Gilbert suddenly remembered an additional request he'd put in for the British Isles. "By the way, did Ireland and Wales agree to…?"  
Scotland sighed deeply. "Sure, they're fine with it," he replied, although not as convinced as he had been earlier. "They both did say there's a limit to what they want to share, though. You'll know if you're digging too deep."  
Although it was already more than he had expected, the ex-nation felt a pang of disappointment now. "I understand. Would you thank them for me? Any information would be helpful, really. This is already much better than nothing."  
He might say that, but in all honesty, he needed as much as he could get from the two old nations: Wales had been paralysed from the waist down for over two decades in the past, after having broken his spine. And though Scotland was the only one who knew Gilbert was aware of this, Gilbert did know for a fact that Ireland had been responsible for it.  
That wasn't why he wanted to speak to Ireland, though; the oldest of the British Isles had been in a coma about a decade ago, the reason for it remaining unexplained for the rest of the world. If both nations would be willing to tell Gilbert exactly what had happened to them and how their recovery had gone, it would certainly be helpful for his research.  
If only he could travel back in time and keep track of all that himself. Really, it would be the best thing that could happen if their medical records of when those things had happened could be shared with Gilbert for his research.  
Scotland himself had already agreed to tell Gilbert all the ins and outs of his temporary blindness during the Great War. Combining that with anything Ireland and Wales could still tell him, the British Isles would be key players in a large part of his research. He was more dependent on them than he wanted to let them know; he didn't want them to feel pressured to tell him more than they wanted to, but he really needed all the information he could get.  
He and Scotland talked a little while longer, about other things, then Scotland had to go and do some paperwork, he said. Gilbert would have to go back to Hungary sometime, too, so they said a quick goodbye and ended the conversation there.  
When he went back to Hungary, who had taken to playing with Berlitz a little as she waited, the woman smiled up at him. "So from what I gather," she said happily, "you have another few victims now?"  
Gilbert rolled his eyes at this. "Yes, Lizzie. I'm gathering _victims_."

* * *

Luckily, over the course of that same week, Gilbert got replies from most of the nations he had asked to help, and they all agreed to help out. A few days later, he got confirmation from the university that he would have access to a small lab in the hospital for the duration of the summer. He went there to set everything up, then another week later, he had his first set of nations there.  
France and Spain had decided to come together, considering there would have to be two nations present at least for the nation-inflicted-wound section of his research.

France had his arm under a magnifying glass, a clock beside him. First he made a small cut in his lower arm himself, and Gilbert wrote down the time it was done before measuring it quickly and making notes of that, too. Then Spain made a small slice across the Frenchman's arm, too, just under the self-inflicted cut. Same process.  
When Gilbert picked up a knife next, France hummed in surprise. "Shouldn't you ask a human to do this, _mon ami?_ "  
Gilbert felt a stab in his heart at these words and tried not to show that they hurt. "No, this is fine," he replied softly, his voice taut. "It makes no difference whether I do this or if a human does. Now hold still… Spain, could you write down the time?"  
Neither of the two nations said anything as Gilbert made a small cut and Spain noted the time as asked. But as Gilbert took measurements again and wrote them down, France spoke up again. "So… what now?"  
"Now," the ex-nation said, still writing down a few last things. "Now we do the same with Spain and then we wait. And I watch and make notes."

A few minutes later, when the 'watching and waiting' phase had begun, the three started talking a bit. While they did, Gilbert of course kept track of the cuts on each nation's arms and wrote down anything relevant.  
"So when we suggested you'd go to university to pass the time," Spain said to his old friend, "I didn't know that also meant that we would have to be your guinea pigs for experiments." He didn't sound angry or displeased about it in any way, although he clearly also wasn't overly excited to have to sit in a lab for hours.  
Gilbert shrugged, carefully inspecting France's arm and noticing that the small cut he'd made on the nation was already closed entirely. _Human-inflicted cut: 17 minutes to close fully. Pink-rimmed, beginnings of a scab forming._  
As he wrote this down in his notebook, the ex-nation replied to what his old friend had said. "That just proves how naïve you are, Tony." He huffed in silent laughter. "You could have figured this out sooner, you know. Thanks for doing it, though." He then went on to check Spain's arm instead; despite there having been only a two-minute gap between Gilbert cutting France and then Spain, the Spaniard's healing process seemed a little slower than France's so far.  
"So how have you two been doing?" he asked, intrigued by this. "And I'm asking this for my research's sake, so please be specific."  
"How very sociable of you," France said with an amused grin. "Unlike some, my economy's not doing so bad right now, and considering the times, it's rather steady, too." Pride flashed in his eyes as he stated: "I can honestly say, I haven't been sick once yet this year. The last time I had a cold was… November, I think? So pretty well, all in all."  
When France asked if that was in any way helpful, Gilbert nodded and wrote it down. He then looked at Spain, who averted his gaze. "Well, you know, there's that recession and all that…"  
Meanwhile, Gilbert was making notes again; Spain's human-inflicted cut had now also closed, after just under 20 minutes. For France, the self-inflicted cut, which had been there for 24 minutes now, was also showing signs of speedy healing. For both of them, the nation-inflicted cuts had stopped bleeding, but were still open; putting pressure on or beside them would no doubt cause some blood to well up again.  
Spain kept talking. "My economy's not that strong overall, mind you. High unemployment rates, just the whole shebang. If you need to know when I was sick last, that would've been… let's see… Early April, I'm pretty sure."  
 _Well, your health is clearly behind on that of France,_ Gilbert concluded silently as he kept making notes.

In the end, they'd sat there for another three hours. By then, the cuts Gilbert had given both nations had been reduced to light pink lines on their skin, the self-inflicted ones not far behind. Having previously decided that it was sheer impossible for Gilbert to hang around them and watch their arms continually until the nation-inflicted cuts were at the same point, he had given them both notebooks and given them the assignment to check every hour and make notes about any changes. If there were barely any changes left to be written down, then they should at least write down the exact time and date the cuts were reduced barely visible lines like the ones Gilbert gave them. Once that was finished, they should sent the notes to him.

* * *

It wasn't until late July that Gilbert could finally welcome the United Kingdom and Ireland into his small lab and run the same tests on them and ask about all the other things he'd wanted to talk about.  
Scotland had volunteered to be the first person to be interrogated by the ex-nation. "Well, the first thing I could do again was distinguish light from dark," he began explaining. "That was right around July 1916, if I'm not mistaken. I could tell if it was night or day, where any source of light was, that sort of thing. From there on forward, it went pretty fast. By September I began to see colour and very vague shapes. Couldn't really make out what was what, though. Then by the start of December, so long as I was wearing strong glasses, I could see well enough to distinguish certain objects and recognise my brothers and such." With a chuckle, he added: "Although I must admit, telling Artie and Dylan apart was very difficult in the beginning! I tried not to let them know, but I usually waited until they spoke, then simply remembered what colour clothes they were wearing that day. Was a fine technique, until they both decided to don a similar-coloured sweater."  
Gilbert nodded as his friend spoke and wrote it all down. "But you were fully blind for a year?" he asked, just for clarification. "The healing process was remarkably fast from the moment you started seeing light and dark again, if you didn't see at all for a year." That is, he thought it was. Unfortunately, there wasn't really anyone he could compare this to. But it was valuable information nonetheless.  
Scotland shrugged. "Well, I can't explain it, but I'm just grateful for it," he replied. "It was the middle of a war, things were chaotic all around, and I didn't want my brothers to have to look after me all the time. They couldn't keep it up, and I knew that…" Sadness flashed in his eyes at the memories, and the old nation sighed. "It's horrible to have to watch your family - _younger_ brothers, even- be torn apart by the chaos like that, and still forced to look after you because you just can't do it on your own anymore. To know that they can't keep going like that without breaking down themselves eventually, but to be unable to do anything about it because you just can't keep yourself alive on your own."  
Those words brought back many bad memories for Gilbert, too. He had been able to take care of himself well enough back when Germany had been a child, but the Prussian's mental instability in that time had still caused the young nation to have to grow up too quickly. Then, years later, he'd had his stroke, and Germany had been caring for him for months, even when he hadn't really needed to anymore. In the Second World War, Austria was going through such a hard time himself, but he'd dealt with a physically and mentally broken, traumatised cousin for over a year despite all that.  
"I know that feeling all too well…"

The conversation with Scotland was wrapped up soon after that, and Wales was up next. The principality had looked uncomfortable upon finding out Gilbert knew how he'd been paralysed early in the century, but after that he'd spoken more easily, explaining things in great detail. Gilbert wrote as much as he could; Wales had been paralysed for most of two decades, and only at the start of the Second World War did he regain feeling in his legs. After that, it had taken him a while to get any further. By the end of the war, he could stand again, but only for a short while and preferably with support from someone else. Walking had taken a few years longer than that, and he'd needed the support of two canes at first.  
"All in all, I think it was at the start of the fifties that I was at a point one could call 'fully recovered', although I still had the occasional check-ups and therapy for a bit longer than that," Wales concluded. He was quiet for a few seconds as Gilbert thanked him and finished writing his notes, but then he suddenly asked: "Why are you doing this?"  
Surprised by the question, Gilbert looked up. "Well, I need to do something with my life, right?" he replied with a shrug. "And I enjoy it. Do I need a better reason than that?"  
Wales hummed and shook his head. "But… Are you sure that's your only reason?" he insisted. "No deeper intentions at all?"  
This time it was Gilbert who felt uncomfortable. "When did everyone start reading me like an open book?" he sighed.  
"When you started letting them. Hung up your masks for good?"  
Gilbert fiddled with his pen for a moment. "Not intentionally," he muttered. He sighed again and decided it was useless to pretend Wales wasn't correct. He might as well answer his question, after the old nation had been so honest to him about something rather sensitive, too. "Well, there is the whole repentance thing," he admitted reluctantly. "I've done so many bad things in my life, and though I've been thoroughly punished for it all, I still hope I can make up for some of the things I did." Gilbert shrugged, hoping that could be the last of it and Wales wouldn't ask more. "It's not a lie, though, that I enjoy this work. I always have."  
When Gilbert looked up at Wales, the older nation was staring at him with a tiny, approving smile on his lips. Slight amusement shone in his eyes, too. "I never would have expected you to be that type of person, you know," he said, voice quivering with suppressed laughter. "The Legendary Black Eagle, conqueror of lands and slayer of men, spending his days on research and healing. Quite a turn you made there. And one for the better, if I may say so."  
For a moment, Gilbert wasn't even sure how to respond. As he was thinking hard of what he could say, Wales just went on to ask him if he had all the information he needed now. The ex-nation nodded and thanked him, and before he could say anything else, the old nation was on his way out, saying he would send in Ireland.

Thankfully, Ireland didn't see the need to make his conversation with Gilbert uncomfortable on the albino, too. Instead he seemed to want to get it over with as soon as he could, making Gilbert wonder whether he really wanted to do this in the first place. To the ex-nation it seemed more like Ireland had been pressured into doing this, perhaps by himself, when his two younger brothers had agreed.  
When the near-ancient nation reluctantly showed Gilbert the scar that ran over the top of his skull, Gilbert began to understand why he didn't seem keen to talk about any of this. Ireland told him how he had ended up in a coma not long ago after he had been shot in the head in an accident 'not unlike how Dylan broke his spine', which Gilbert translated into Ireland accidentally having been shot by one of his brothers.  
 _How unlucky can a family be,_ the albino wondered to himself as he listened and made notes. _They seem destined to hurt each other, poor guys._  
"I was lucky that the bullet more or less grazed me," Ireland said in a reluctant mutter. "Any lower and it would have killed me immediately. Y'see, the bullet never touched my brain, it only broke part of my skull. It was that which in turn damaged my brain, but thankfully not beyond repair. It took a while -I was in coma for three months- but, well… I'm alive, aren't I?"  
"You must have been very lucky indeed," Gilbert commented, trying to take all this in. So much had happened to this one family in the past century alone, most of which they carefully kept secret from the world. _Not unlike what I always did,_ he thought.  
Ireland stiffened at this. "Yes, though even considering what the alternative would have been, it's hard to think of it as _lucky_ that I lost three months of my life and lost memory of even more. Even now, there are things I only 'remember' because people told me about them. Let me tell you: that _sucks_. A lot."  
Gilbert nodded. "I can only imagine." Then, feeling he could best make this clear again, he added: "I promise you, none of this will be made public. Not in so far that people can trace it back to you, that is. If my work ever does get published, I will make sure to filter out sensitive information such as this beforehand. You have my word on that."  
Ireland huffed. "You'd better. We didn't put in so much effort keeping our business private like this to have it all ruined by you." More softly, he added: "There are just some things others don't need to know."  
"Oh, trust me," Gilbert replied with a wry smile. "If there's one lesson I learnt even at a young age, it's that one. You're not the only ones adept at keeping secrets. No one else will know about this, I promise. Especially no other nations."  
He closed his notebook and put it in a drawer, which he then locked. After doing so, he looked at Ireland, who returned his gaze silently. It wasn't until a few seconds had passed quietly like that, that a tiny smile appeared on the old nation's lips, and he gave a tiny, approving nod.

With more nations coming in to participate in Gilbert's research like that almost every week, the ex-nation could perform several tests and gather enough information to form a solid base for further research. By the start of September, he felt more confident than ever that the eighteen months he would have starting then would be plenty. He would have to work hard to get there, but he would establish Nation Biology as a field of its own. It would be quite a challenge, but then, he had always enjoyed a good challenge.  
 _Well, let the game begin._

* * *

 **Right... I did once say that I had all this planned out, right? Wrong.  
I didn't keep in mind that I would also have to write the actual research, meaning, I need to make all that up and hopefully let it make sense, too. Especially that last part is difficult, considering I haven't had biology lessons for four years now. I don't know biology at all, and here I am, having to write biology-based research. But then, I wouldn't be the only writer writing about stuff she's got no experience with or knowledge about.  
I'll pull it off somehow. I'll try, that is. And may very well fail.  
**

 **So if anything concerning Gil's research is going to be complete and utter bullshit, please do excuse that.**

 **That aside, I've noticed in my own university that there is sometimes some hardcore shipping going on there. And sometimes it's actually correct (I knew those two would get together *smirk*), but often enough it's just annoying.  
Also, about the gay couple, please do keep in mind that this was halfway through the 90's. Now I might be wrong, but if the level of tolerance today is anything to go by, I'd wager some 20 years ago it was less accepted...?**

 **Anyway, with that said, thank you very much for reading once again, and hopefully until the next chapter!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hiya! Back again.**

 **About this chapter... Well, you couldn't expect me to keep this completely drama-free. I hope it's not too bad, though.**

 **Thanks to everyone who's read!**

 **I hope you liked this chapter.**

* * *

At the start of October, lectures were full under way again, the first exams already on the horizon. Gilbert spent most of his time working on his research, but there were a few courses he still had to follow. One of those was a series of lectures on Medical Ethics, which he was attending now.

"Ethics in the medical world is a fairly new concept," the professor began. "Although one could argue that it's an ancient one at the same time. After all, each of you will have to take an oath that was used thousands of years ago before you can start working."  
The man then gave a lengthy explanation of who Hippocrates was (as if they hadn't learnt that yet last year) and what his oath meant.  
"Of course, as you all undoubtedly know, it wasn't until fairly recently that physicians around the world started seeing any value in ethics. For a long while, there have been certain rules on what a doctor can and cannot do in his line of work, but frequently these 'rules' were taken more as guidelines, and unfortunately got ignored. Most of you will have heard of one of the most terrible violations of human rights in our own recent history."  
At these words, Gilbert's hand stopped moving, his pen hovering over his notebook motionlessly. With every word the man spoke from there on, his blood ran colder and colder.  
The words seemed to echo in his head as the professor went on calmly, though with clear disgust lacing his voice now. "During the Second World War, a group of Nazi doctors have performed terrible experiments on people, most of whom were prisoners in concentration camps."  
Gilbert clenched his hands into fists as he listened. His chest felt hollow aside from his rapidly pounding heart. He tried to block out the words, tried to think of other things, but the professor's voice was ringing in his ears, impossible to ignore.  
"These men treated their prisoners as less than human, holding no regard whatsoever for their safety during their experiments. The vast majority of what they did is to be considered torture of the worst kind."  
By now, Gilbert was beginning to feel sick just listening. Images flashed through his head, each one more horrible than the last, and it was as if everything else around him vanished. Long-repressed memories were all he saw, all he heard was a rough summary of what he'd once had to live through.  
 _Cutting off limbs just to see how long it would take to grow back._ Oh, humans didn't even know half of it. _Pulling out teeth continuously._ They only knew what had been done to mortals, which of course had been disgusting and horrible as well, but they had no idea of what those monsters had put immortals through, also. _Poisoning, starvation, dehydration._ Thankfully, there were no records left of the experiments on their two nation prisoners.  
None, except the nations' own terrible memories.  
Gilbert found himself shivering non-stop and breathing harshly by the time the professor said what was perhaps the worst so far: "The most notorious of these people, according to many, was Joseph Mengele."  
The very moment he heard this name, Gilbert's breath caught in his throat. There was a flash of light in front of him, which he recognised as being from the projector that was sometimes used. Numbly he looked up.  
The professor's voice finally faded to silence. Everything around him was quiet, a black void, except for the face that was staring at him from the projection screen.  
He couldn't breathe. He couldn't move. He couldn't even close his eyes as he stared straight into the eyes of the monster himself.  
Then out of nowhere, he felt something touch his arm. It was only then that he could tear his gaze away from the projected photograph, instead seeing the worried face of Benjamin, one of his pals in his year. He could see the young man's lips move, but heard no sound come over them.  
He had to get out of here. _He_ was here. He had to get out of here as quickly as he could. He wouldn't let himself be a guinea pig to _him_ again.  
Moving quickly, Gilbert jumped up from his chair. As fast as he could, the ex-nation manoeuvred between chairs and desks, making a desperate sprint for the door. He knew that someone called after him, although he barely registered it before he dashed out of the classroom and threw the door shut again behind him.

Once outside, he was still in a frenzy, trying to get far away from that place, that _demon._ He ran, without even looking where to, paying the people he passed no mind whatsoever. Even so, subconsciously he must have had a destination in mind, because he soon found himself in a quiet corner in the lobby, where he had promised to meet Larissa after his lecture.  
He hadn't even realised her last lecture of the day had already ended; she always waited for him for some forty minutes before he was finished, too, and they could spend some time together. She was sitting there now, too, staring at him wide-eyed.  
The young woman got up tentatively. "Gilbert…?" She sounded confused, startled and nervous as she approached him. "What's going on?"  
Before he could bring himself to respond, she stood in front of him, one hand carefully on his left arm in a soothing gesture. Finally he could take a deep breath again, his heartbeat slowing bit by bit as she again asked him what was wrong.  
Gilbert shook his head as he was still trying to catch his breath. "Complicated," he managed to choke out, his voice hoarse. He felt a cold shiver creep down his spine and his stomach cramped as his mind involuntarily conjured up an image of _him_. He swallowed back a whimper. "Too complicated."  
Larissa pressed her lips together in annoyance, silent for only a moment, but her voice was gentle -though slightly more strained- when she insisted: "Gilbert, you do know I'm also a university student? A year higher than you, too?" One corner of her mouth twisted into a tiny smile. "I'm sure I can follow, so just tell-"  
" _No!_ " Gilbert snapped immediately, interrupting her bluntly. He felt sick at the mere thought of talking about what had happened. He couldn't bring himself to do it, not now he was slowly starting to get himself back together. "Don't make me talk about it…"  
Larissa's gaze, which had flashed with annoyance when her friend had so bluntly shot down her attempt to help, softened the moment she heard his pleading tone. She sighed and nodded. "All right," she said softly, giving a careful tug on his arm. "But please sit down; I don't like the way you're trembling like that."  
He agreed to do so and let Larissa lead him to where she'd sat earlier. He didn't say a word as she sat down beside him, instead focusing on calming down more as he took a few deep breaths, his eyes closed. But as he closed his eyes, he saw again those dark eyes, the evil in their depths, and with a gasp he opened his eyes again.  
A warm hand folded carefully over his. "Do you need me to get help?" Larissa's eyes were round with worry as she gazed at her friend.  
Gilbert shook his head. "Just give me a moment," he asked her in a whisper. "I'll be fine in a few minutes, I promise."

Neither of the two spoke over the next few minutes, although Gilbert could almost _feel_ Larissa's desire to ignore his request and interrogate him. The ex-nation just focused on Brandenburg, who knelt in front of him on the floor; the late Margraviate was saying soft words of comfort to her husband, her voice soothing to his frightened mind.  
"There you are!"  
Gilbert jumped, startled, when he heard a voice call out like that. Larissa immediately grabbed his hand again and hushed him, while Brandenburg glanced past the two of them at the person now walking up to them.  
"It's okay," she assured him. "Just look."  
Gilbert glanced over his shoulder to see Benjamin go up to him in a quick pace; Gilbert's bag dangled from his right arm.  
Once closer, Benjamin slowed down. "Hey," he greeted his friend, lowering his voice after seeing the haunted look in the albino's red eyes. "Are you okay? You left all your stuff back there," he added without waiting for a response, holding the bag out for Gilbert to take from him.  
It was Larissa who grabbed it, though. "Thanks, Ben." With one more glance at Gilbert, whose eyes were wide and startled yet again, she sighed and got up, putting the bag down where she'd sat.  
As she stood in front of Benjamin, Gilbert heard her ask him softly: "What happened? He won't talk to me."  
The young man let out a soft sigh. "I'm not sure," he told her, also speaking softly now, as if neither of them really wanted Gilbert to hear. "We were in the middle of a lecture, and he just freaked out." There was a short pause. "It wasn't a very nice topic, though. He wasn't the only one who was thoroughly freaked out by what we were told. Just the only one who reacted _this_ badly."  
Listening to them, Gilbert shivered and curled up lightly. Just hearing about the topic of the lecture earlier was enough to make his heart race again.  
"Okay, that's it!" came the suddenly agitated voice of Larissa, so unexpectedly that Gilbert's heart skipped a beat. His friend stood beside him again, arms crossed over her chest, staring at him with narrowed eyes. "Gilbert, how did you come to university today?"  
Confused and his mind still whirling with images of Auschwitz, Gilbert could only stare at her for a moment. It was only when the woman asked him a second time, her voice edged with annoyance, that he stammered he'd come by car.  
Larissa gave a curt nod and held her hand out to him. "Keys. Now."  
On full auto-pilot, Gilbert could only meekly follow orders. Numbly he reached into his pocket, taking out his car-keys and silently dropping them onto Larissa's palm.  
Satisfied with this, Larissa grabbed him by the arm and pulled him to his feet, then swung his bag over her own shoulder. "Good. You're going home, Gilbert. Right now."  
Realising now what she was trying to do, Gilbert looked to Benjamin for help. Although he wasn't even entirely sure what he would need help with right now. All he knew for certain was that he wanted some time to himself to get himself back together and _not ever_ go back into that classroom, not if he would have to be reminded of the hell he'd been put through.  
But Benjamin shrugged. "She's not wrong, buddy," he said apologetically. "You really don't look good; you should go home for now, and honestly, it would be plain irresponsible to let you go anywhere on your own when you're like this." He stepped forward and placed his hand on Gilbert's shoulder, a motion that almost sent Gilbert's stomach into a somersault, had he not been able to tell himself just in time that this was his friend, not his enemy. Benjamin didn't seem to realise the impact even such a small gesture had on his friend right now. "Let her take you home, all right? I'll tell the professor where you've gone, don't worry."  
Impatiently, Larissa tugged on Gilbert's arm. "Come on, Gil," she urged him. "We're leaving."

* * *

Even though Larissa had never been to Gilbert and Germany's house yet, she seemed confident that she knew where she was going as she drove the car. Gilbert sat beside her, mostly silent and focusing on his breathing. He was feeling a bit nauseated, and he couldn't tell if that was just his lingering panic or a slight case of motion sickness, which, seeing as he usually didn't have that problem, would likely also have been brought on by his emotional state, to be honest.  
By the time they were halfway to Gilbert's home, Larissa sighed deeply. "So are you going to tell me what the hell's going on with you?"  
Gilbert's mouth felt dry as he answered bleakly: "A deep-rooted, rather intense trauma." He found he had to blink away tears just confessing this much, and he decided that was all he would say. "Please don't ask…"  
He saw Larissa glance at him from the corner of his eye, her dark gaze apologetic. "Sorry," she said in a soft voice. "I didn't mean to… I shouldn't have pressured you."  
Gilbert shook his head, taking a deep, shaky breath. "It's fine."  
A silence fell again, until Larissa asked him a solid minute later: "Second left here, right?" She thanked him when Gilbert confirmed this. "From here on I'm not really sure which way to go, so could you give directions?"

Barely five minutes later, the two got out of the car in front of Gilbert's house.  
"Mind if I go in with you?" Larissa asked him gently.  
Gilbert nodded. "Sure." He just took his keys out of his pocket and led the way in.  
Almost immediately, Germany's voice came from further inside. "Brother? You're back home early."  
Right. Germany had been working at home that day. That was probably a good thing; at least there was someone around Gilbert could talk to. Though of course, that would have to wait until he'd somehow shaken Larissa off in a way that wouldn't offend her. He really wanted some time alone with Germany now, but how could he send her away after she'd helped him like this?  
Larissa looked at him in surprise. "Is that Ludwig?" Of course Gilbert had told her about his little brother. He'd always left out the part of him being the personification of their nation, though.  
"I guess you're going to meet him now," the ex-nation mumbled as he showed his friend to the living room.  
By the time they got there, Germany was coming down from the stairs. The young nation's eyes widened a bit when he saw their unexpected guest. "I suppose you're Larissa," he guessed, walking up to them. He extended her hand to her. "Nice to meet you. I'm Ludwig."  
Shaking his hand, Larissa greeted Germany in return. Then she chuckled a little. "I've seen you for a few seconds," she told him, "and I can already tell you're more polite than Gil over here! Good on you."  
Germany looked stunned for a moment, blinking at her in surprise. "And you… are as blunt as brother told me you could be."  
Larissa let out a short, sheepish laugh. "Uh, yeah… It's a gift." She shook her head and took a deep breath, the smile leaving her expression in a second. "But, uh… I brought Gilbert here because he wasn't exactly doing so well. Maybe you could help?"  
Gilbert could only meet his younger brother's gaze for a few second when Germany turned to look at him instead. The ex-nation averted his gaze to the floor instead, feeling even more uncomfortable than before now.  
"What happened?"  
Why were people so dead-set on making him talk? He would, really, but what was so difficult to understand here? There was no way he could tell Larissa or Benjamin or anyone what had happened exactly without revealing his past as a nation, and he had been avoiding that topic for ages now. He would probably do so for the remainder of his life. He couldn't start talking openly to his little brother now, not so long as _she_ was still here.  
Sure, there was a chance people would accept him for what he was and what he had once been, but there was also still a risk that the truth would only drive them away, and that was a risk he wasn't willing to take.  
No matter how freaked out he was, no matter how many times he would conjure up those awful memories before he could finally get it off his chest to his brother in private, he would suffer through it if that meant keeping his friendship with certain people intact. He'd been in Hell for three months once; he could keep this up a little longer now. Anything to not risk driving people away.  
After seconds of Germany waiting for an answer, Larissa sighed and answered for him. "I wish I knew, but he won't talk to me," she said with a soft sigh, worry slipping into her voice. "Benjamin -you know him? One of his classmates- told me they were in the middle of a lecture and he just freaked out. All he let slip was that it's got something to do with an old trauma, so I'm guessing you might know more about it."  
It didn't take Germany long to answer in a soft voice: "I think I might know what this is about, yes…" He sighed deeply. "Thank you for bringing him here. I'll deal with this once we're alone, but in the meantime, would you like anything to drink?"  
"I should probably get out of your way so that the two of you can settle this…" Larissa started protesting, but Germany shook his head.  
"I can call you a taxi to take you home -or back to the university, whatever you prefer- but it'll take a little while before anyone can be here, anyway. I can't just send you away, so it's no problem, really."  
Glancing at Gilbert, Larissa seemed to be considering the offer. Gilbert could see the worry in her gaze as she looked at him, and he figured she wanted him to deal with what had happened sooner rather than later. But she must have realised Germany was right in saying she would either have to go out on foot or be stuck there for a little while longer, because she nodded and thanked Germany moments later.

* * *

Larissa was still with the two brothers an hour later, talking to Germany while Gilbert sat with them, very quiet but already feeling much better. He joined in bits and pieces of the conversation, but he mostly just sat and listened, happy to realise his little brother and his friend actually got along with each other.  
He was even happier to know that Germany had remembered his elder brother didn't want his human friends to know that he was an ex-nation, so the young man said nothing that would give away their true nature. He was very careful, but managed to also be casual about it. Just as Gilbert had hoped he would be if ever he would meet Larissa, Benjamin or anyone else.  
"It's impressive that someone so young is working for the government like that," Larissa said after Germany gave a quick summary of the work he did; he had summarised only one part of it, though, to make it look like he was working in one specific department rather than being involved in everything the government did.  
The young nation shrugged. "I grew up surrounded with stuff like that, so it wasn't that hard to pick up the right skills and knowledge." He was calm, but Gilbert could tell from a flash in his eyes that he realised he might just have talked himself into a corner that could be difficult to get out of.  
"Really?" Larissa asked, narrowing her eyes. "Gilbert never really told me anything about your family other than about you. What do your parents do for you to have grown up learning stuff like that?"  
Now there was a flash of panic in Germany's eyes, and he quickly looked at Gilbert with a silent apology.  
Gilbert knew just the thing to say to solve this problem once and for all, though.  
"They don't do anything. Not anymore," he mumbled with a sigh. "Our parents have been dead for a while."  
Maybe it was a tad cruel to go about it this way, but he knew Larissa well enough to know that, despite how blunt she could be at times, she would avoid this topic from now on if she thought it would be painful for them to talk about.  
He went on a little longer, making it all up as he went, just to be sure he'd wrapped it up in such a way there weren't any questions left for her to ask. "They died in a car accident about six years ago, and it's been just me and Ludwig since then. Our dad was fairly high up there, though, so we had a good idea of what went on in that world."  
Larissa looked horrified as she listened, and Gilbert felt a stab of regret for telling her lies like these and making her feel so bad because of it. "Didn't you have any family you could turn to…?" she asked, sounding stunned, her voice soft and hoarse.  
Germany shrugged and just looked at Gilbert, probably trusting him to deal with this like he had the rest.  
The ex-nation hummed softly. "More or less, but there was no need to," he told his friend. "I mean, I was eighteen years old, so old enough to work and look after Ludwig while he was still in school. We had help, of course, but it's not like we were two little kids who were suddenly on their own. We managed just fine." Well, that was wrapped up enough like that, wasn't it? And, just in case, he could always put a bow on top as the finishing touch: "Once he got out of high school, Ludwig decided to pursue a job like dad's, and I thought I could continue my own education now, too. I was almost more intrigued with nations than any other aspect of the government, so that's what I wanted to work with."  
There was an uncomfortable silence for a moment, and Gilbert worried that maybe he'd overdone it, but then Larissa nodded silently. "Still, it must have been difficult," she said softly. "I'm sorry I asked…"  
"Don't be," Germany said quickly. "You had no idea, so we can't blame you. And honestly, all this happened a long time ago." He flashed her a tiny smile. "It's fine, really." He looked at his watch then, telling Larissa the taxi was due to be there in about five minutes now.  
The young woman nodded and thanked him, getting up from her chair. She looked at Gilbert again, something hard in her otherwise calm, warm gaze. "Gilbert, I know you've got a lot to deal with first," she told him seriously. "Still, once you're feeling better, I think you should apologise to Ben for what you were like earlier. I understand you had other things on your mind, but do you realise he was trying to help you the whole time and you never said a word to him?"  
Realising she was right was like a punch to the gut for Gilbert. He had treated his friend pretty badly earlier. Benjamin was likely to understand, but it would probably still be a good idea to at least thank him for his help and apologise indeed.  
Larissa went on, more tentatively now. "And… and with me, too. Not that you should apologise to me, I swear, but there are certain things you could have handled differently. If people offer to help you and you shoot them down and snap at them like you did… It doesn't work like that, Gilbert, no matter what state you're in."  
His stomach cramping with guilt now that he recalled his treatment of his friends earlier, Gilbert shrank back a little. "You're right," he choked out in a whisper. "I… I'm sorry."  
Larissa shook her head. "I told you, there's no need to apologise to me for this; I know you were in a bad place just earlier and I forgave you well over an hour ago. But if anything like this happens again, do keep it in mind, okay? If not for me, then for Benjamin and your other friends."  
Gilbert nodded and promised he would.  
Just then, the doorbell rang. Probably the taxi driver for Larissa. The young woman said a quick goodbye to Germany and thanked him for the hospitality, and in turn he just thanked her for taking Gilbert home like she had. Then she turned to Gilbert and gave him a quick hug. "You just take your time and talk it out now, all right?" she whispered to him. "I'll see you soon, Gil. Take care of yourself."  
"I will," he promised softly. "Thanks for your help. I mean it."

Moments later, when Larissa had left, Germany looked at Gilbert and sighed. "So," he began almost reluctantly. "Did this have to do with… him? And the torture?"  
Feeling his heart sink with dread, Gilbert nodded mutely. He had been able to not think about it earlier, when they had been talking, but now his panic was returning. "The lecture was about all that," he explained, having to choke out the words, struggling to speak about it even now. "For a moment, it was as if I was back there and it was all happening all over again. And then… they showed a picture of _him_ and started talking about that monster and I just…"  
Germany nodded, clearly understanding what his brother was trying to say. "And have you considered telling the professor at least what happened to you? People like that need to know about this stuff, or you'll have to endure it again and again. If they know this is something you can't deal with, maybe you won't have to follow lectures like these again in the future, and this won't happen again."  
Gilbert gave a short nod, then silently walked over to Germany hugged him, hiding his face against his shoulder. The nation just held him in response, not saying a word anymore.

* * *

"I can tell you how Hesse died. Do you want to hear?"  
"Don't… Don't, please…"  
"He was difficult to knock out, but a brick to the back of the head did the trick in the end, as it will so often do. They were a bit rough, though; says here they smashed a hole into his skull with the force of it."  
"Stop…"  
"Of course, the freak had healed that hole by the time they had him strapped to a table. But by then, there was nothing he could do anymore: they'd put an industrial saw over his body, just under the ribcage, where they could cut without much resistance until they hit the spine. And then they just dug in."  
" _Stop._ "  
"There was so much blood, everyone standing around him was drenched in it. Going by descriptions, Hesse must have been a big, tough guy, right? _He was screeching until the very end_. And that end, mind you, didn't come until they'd cut clean through his spine, apparently. You nations really are a sturdy bunch, aren't you? To have all your organs shredded like grated cheese, and still be alive throughout it all. It's simply incredible. But it seems you can't heal if you're in two pieces like that, so even your filthy kind has its limits."  
" _Please…!_ "

With a start, Gilbert opened his eyes. He was shaking violently, his stomach churning as he still heard the words echo through his head, the detailed descriptions of how each of his siblings and cousins had been brutally slaughtered. Tears were pricking in his eyes and he found it hard to keep breathing.  
Tasting bitter bile, he quickly got out of bed. His trembling legs wouldn't support him at first, and he stumbled and fell to the floor, but then he struggled back to his feet and up the stairs. Upstairs in the living room, Berlitz looked up from where he lay on his cushion. The dog whined softly as Gilbert passed him without sparing him a glance, but he stayed put.  
By the time he reached the bathroom, Gilbert could still feel his stomach doing flips, and he hunched over the toilet just in time before he threw up.  
 _Decapitation. Cut in half._ There were several ways to kill a so-called immortal, it turned out. All found out when the other German states had been used as guinea pigs in some sick monster's cruel experiments. _Tearing out their still-beating heart…_ Perhaps the most cruel part of a nation's near-immortality was that they could be torn apart, but there wasn't much their bodies couldn't heal. _They survived having all their limbs sawn off…_  
Of all the torture he'd been through, nothing was worse than having heard all the horrible ways in which his family had been murdered. Scared as he had been when he had been experimented on himself, Gilbert had never felt worse than when he had been made to listen to reports of the slaughter.  
And now it was all echoing in his mind all over again.  
As he threw up again, there was a bark from the living room, and scratching against the bathroom door.  
"Shut up, you stupid dog," Gilbert pleaded hoarsely. " _Shut up…_ "  
But of course, that didn't work. And just minutes later, the door opened behind him, and he heard Germany's sleepy voice: "Brother? What's going on?"  
Gilbert was still gasping for breath, and it took him a moment to be able to answer. "Just… a nightmare…"  
Behind him, Germany sighed deeply. "Because of yesterday?"  
"…I guess…"  
When Germany sat down beside him, Gilbert looked up to meet his brother's gaze. "All this happened fifty years ago," the young nation told him in a soft voice. "Don't you think it's time to get some help? _Professional_ help?"  
Gilbert folded his hands into loose, shaky fists. "What do you suggest…?"  
"Well, a therapist might help. You've told the university's higher-ups that you're an ex-nation. You can tell a therapist, too, for the sake of getting better."  
At this, Gilbert gritted his teeth. "Getting better?" he echoed. "I'm not sick, Ludwig. It's deep trauma, it's not like you can shove in some pills for this to fix it."  
"No," Germany replied calmly, raising one eyebrow. "But you can talk about it. You can try to get past it. I know you've been doing exceptionally well with this for ages, but if something like yesterday can slap it right back into you like this-"  
" _I saw his face, Ludwig!_ " Gilbert retorted angrily, tensing up. "Yesterday wasn't a laughing matter, dammit. I looked right into the eyes of the demon that has tortured me for three months of my life." He took a deep breath, trying to control his trembling body again. "I'll be fine. If you just give me time to deal with this, I'll be fine."  
Germany narrowed his eyes. "Even after all this time," he said, an edge to his voice, "you're still too damn stubborn for your own good. Gilbert, why can't you for once just take proper care of yourself?"  
"Why can't _you_ just let me be?"  
He was smacked over the back of his head for this, carefully so, but hard enough to get the message across. "Fine then," Germany grumbled, getting back up again. "I'll let you be for now. Let's see how long you can keep it up." With that said, he promptly left again. Gilbert could hear him usher his dog back to his cushion before he went back to bed himself.  
Gilbert didn't even look at him as he left. He didn't want to think about it, having to go see a _therapist_ over this. He didn't even think so-called 'professional help' could help him with this. There wasn't much to be done about it; he had been tortured and threatened with death every single day for three months straight. You couldn't just erase that.  
With a deep sigh, he got up and went back down to his room once he felt his stomach had settled down again.

Once in his room, though, he was faced with the portrait of his family members that hung on the wall. Where it normally brought him peace of mind and warmth to look at them, it only sent his stomach churning yet again, his mind whirling.  
Shaking, he went back up the stairs, this time going through the living room to the stairs, and up to his brother's bedroom. Tentatively he opened the door; Germany lay with his back to him, and he didn't move even though Gilbert was certain he wasn't back asleep yet.  
Sighing softly, Gilbert sat down on the edge of the bed, next to his little brother's feet.  
"Maybe you're right, Ludwig," he whispered to the young nation. "Maybe I should get help…" He shifted a little. "I never thought it could still affect me like this. But then, I also never thought I'd ever have to look at his face again." Remembering what Larissa had told him the day before, he felt even worse. "I'm just starting to get my life on track, and now I risk driving my rare few friends away again because I can't keep it together if something like this happens. I don't want to do that. I don't want to burden you, either." He took a deep breath, making up his mind in a heartbeat. "So you're right. I should get help."  
Finally Germany moved, the first sign he'd given that he was even listening. "Good," he said softly, looking at his brother over his shoulder. "I'm glad you will."  
Gilbert just nodded, closing his eyes. He tried to calm himself enough to get himself to go back to his room. But before he could even move, Germany grabbed his arm. "You're planning to leave?" he asked. "Silly. Just stay here for the night."  
Gilbert smiled and moved to the other side of the bed, lying down beside his brother. "You know me too well, Ludwig."  
"I've known you for over a hundred years, what else could you expect?"  
"I love you, Ludwig."  
"Love you too."

* * *

 **So another one of his friends down. I didn't really let them appear yet because I hadn't thought of names yet ^~^'  
I'm really bad with names.  
But yeah, listening to one of my favourite bands just brought the name Benjamin. I don't care if it's German or not. Larissa isn't. So whatever.  
**

 **Also, I couldn't wrap it up completely yet. The Auschwitz thing. That something that goes to deep for Gil to ever really get over it, I'm afraid, and if he wouldn't be faced with it in a medical study like this, I don't know where else he would be.  
(This, too, has been a plan for a long time now)**

 **Anyways, thanks for reading, and I hope you liked it!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Another month, another chapter.  
I still can't believe writing takes me this long nowadays. But then, I'm also drowning in work to the point I may well be overworking, so at the same time I can't believe I would even be able to finish a chapter a week again if I spent every free moment writing.  
But I hope you all don't mind that the chapters aren't exactly frequent.**

 ** **Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter(s), or even just for reading. I can imagine this epilogue is nowhere near the quality CYH and HtD had, but if people are still enjoying this, that is enough for me.****

 ** **So without further ado:****

* * *

"So you used to be the personification of Prussia…"  
Gilbert nodded. "And East Germany in later years," he added.  
The ex-nation could tell the man still had some difficulty processing it. He stifled a sigh. "So should we continue this some other time?" the albino suggested carefully. "Maybe after you've had some time to wrap your head around this?"  
Doctor Kron shook his head. "No, no, it's fine," he assured his newest patient. "I do hope it's all right with you if I ask for clarification if there's something I cannot follow." When Gilbert nodded and mumbled that he was fine with that, the psychiatrist straightened his back. "So to start, what is it you're here for?"  
Gilbert couldn't stop the snort that escaped him. "What not?" Of course, the still-lingering trauma of his imprisonment in Auschwitz was what had finally pushed him to seek out help, but there was much more. Much, _much_ more.  
Feeling almost apologetic to the poor human tasked with helping him fix his damaged mind, Gilbert told him very clearly: "I am currently eight hundred and two years old, doctor." He paused, and a brief silence fell, in which the two men only stared at one another. "I've seen and done and experienced _a lot._ Most of it rather unpleasant."  
Kron already looked a little overwhelmed. Unsure how to go about all this. He just gave a short nod. "I can imagine… I think."  
An idea suddenly came to Gilbert, and he stifled another sigh. It would probably help this man understand what he was talking about exactly, but he wasn't really keen on the idea. Still, it was worth the shot. "Maybe if you see what eight centuries have done to me," he began, gripping the bottom of his shirt, "you'll understand better." Before he could change his mind, he took off his shirt, exposing his torso.  
The many scars that still marred his skin. Of many, he couldn't remember where he got them. Of plenty, he had bad memories.  
Most recent, of course, was the star-shaped burn over his heart, reminding him forever of the painful way in which he joined the Eastern Bloc, of when he lost his identity as Prussia forever. The long, wide line right underneath it always made him feel a stab of grief when he looked at it. His beautiful Königsberg, forever lost. On his side, a long strip of silvery-pink skin that sometimes still sent shivers down his spine. Kunersdorf had been one of the worst losses he'd ever had to suffer, and it had nearly killed him. The smaller burn scars that patched his skin were permanent proof that he had always been shunned and hated.  
He actually had plenty of stories to tell this man about some of these scars, but that was for another day. For now, they would serve another purpose. As a metaphor of sorts.  
"This is what centuries of warfare, hatred and persecution does to a person," Gilbert said blankly as he saw the astonished, shocked and slightly disgusted look on his new therapist's face. "And trust me when I say, after a life like mine, the inside isn't any prettier than this."  
Gilbert watched in silence as realisation and understanding seeped into the man in front of him. The human was absolutely horrified, that much was obvious in every inch of his face. But he didn't allow himself more than a few seconds of this, before he shook his head and tried hard to stay professional once more.  
"I get it," Kron said softly. He took a deep breath. "So where would you like to begin?"  
Gilbert shook his head and shrugged. Maybe he should have thought this over more. But then, he had expected he would just pop in, say he was an ex-nation, then leave the human to get used to that idea more before they could properly get started. "I don't know," he confessed. "The people who have tried to kill me, maybe? The people I cared about who were killed? The people _I've_ killed? I've basically been through eight centuries of death, pain, misery and hatred, with the occasional happiness sprinkled into it."  
Overwhelmed still, the psychiatrist suggested tentatively: "Well, uh… maybe it's a good idea to start with what made you decide to come here?"  
Instantly Gilbert felt a twinge of reluctance. Even though he knew it was the main reason he was seeking out help now, part of him had still wanted to avoid the topic. He shifted uncomfortably. "That would be the time I was imprisoned in Auschwitz," he confessed, his voice a lot softer now. "When I was tortured…  
The human nodded, visibly relaxing now that he had a clearer idea what to do with his new patient. "I see," he began, sounding gentler and calmer again. "How much are you able to tell me about it?"  
Gilbert swallowed hard. He could already feel his heartbeat picking up as he remembered once again what he had been put through. "During the war, I was quite fiercely against Hitler, you see," he began, deciding to start out with the least difficult part. In fact, as horrible as the consequences had turned out to be, he did still feel a certain pride over his actions back then. It took courage. Foolishness, yes, but also courage. "And in return, he had never really been a fan of me, either. In '43, I tried to assassinate him, but I was quite rash and didn't think it through. I was stopped with ease, then captured and sent to Auschwitz as punishment. The official reasons for my imprisonment were my albinism, my being an enemy of the state, and even my being bisexual was a good enough reason, apparently. In reality, it was just to get rid of me."  
The human listened intently, making short notes here and there. When Gilbert fell silent for a moment, he urged him on carefully: "Anything else you can tell me?"  
Gilbert didn't respond immediately. He really didn't feel like talking about this for much longer, but then, that was part of his problem, wasn't it? He had to talk it out if he wanted to move on. "My first month in there," he went on reluctantly, "I was basically the laughing stock for the guards. They seemed to enjoy humiliating me in as many ways as possible. I was starved half to death, dehydrated, worked day in and day out until I nearly broke. I'd never imagined a person could weaken so much in a single month. Then I was taken away from there and… I was brought to the medical ward instead. I presume you've heard of one Mengele?"  
A look of horror passed over Kron's face when he heard this name, and he seemed to be piecing the rest of the story together even before Gilbert told him anything more.  
The ex-nation sighed. "Yeah… I was left at his complete lack of mercy for three months before my cousin, Austria, managed to free me and the other nation imprisoned there."  
Only a short silence passed between the two after this, before Kron asked calmly: "And do you know why this experience stands out above all the other things you've been through?"  
That question got Gilbert thinking. He'd never asked himself that question yet. But now that he did, the answer came quite easily. "Because it's one thing I've never recovered from," he brought out in a quivering voice. "Physically, yes, I suppose I did. More or less. Though it took me a good two years to be back at a normal weight, about as long to have some normal muscle mass again and far longer to have stamina even remotely like what I had before all that. It's just… I had never been through anything like it. It wasn't the first time I'd been tortured, although that's not something that's happened to me a lot. But I had _never_ had anyone hurt me for the sake of hurting me, not like that. Others had always had a purpose, but this man…"  
His breath finally caught in his throat. He knew he couldn't keep talking this openly much longer, not all at once, but he just had to finish this somehow. Just a few more words.  
"I was his _toy_. All the humans he tortured and experimented on… They were quick to _expire_ , so to say, but because of my near-immortality at the time, I didn't die. I survived it all, no matter what he did to me, and he _loved it_. I'll be the first to admit that I can be cruel and sadistic myself, or at least I could be in the past, but that man was something else entirely. He was a monster. He was a demon, and I was his plaything for three months."  
Kron didn't say a word as Gilbert spoke, but when the ex-nation fell quiet, the man gave a short nod. "It can't possibly have been easy to talk about this so openly," he told the albino. "It normally takes many sessions to get this far when it comes to matters this difficult." The psychiatrist flashed him a tiny smile. "I can tell that you've reached your limit for today, and that is no problem. You've been through a lot, Gilbert, and it's no easy task to face that. We will continue this another time."  
Gilbert managed a smile now, too, glad that it was over for now. They finished off the session quickly, and Gilbert was on his way home not long after.

Unfortunately, after wasting his afternoon at the psychiatrist's office, Gilbert spent most of the evening working on his research. Most of the night, too.

* * *

"You look awful, Gil," Larissa sighed as she looked at her friend. "When's the last time you've slept?"  
Gilbert stifled a sigh. "Last night," he replied honestly.  
Larissa grinned at this. "And how long was that?"  
"…Two hours."  
The young woman laughed softly. "You know, if this were any other day, I would send you to bed immediately. But considering the circumstances, I'm just grateful you still came."  
It was two days before the start of Larissa's internship as an interpreter. She would be going to an airport for it, and today was her last day of classes and preparations. It was for that reason that the two had rescheduled their weekly time together to this day instead of later on in the week like they usually did.  
"So have you finished preparing?" Gilbert asked her tiredly.  
Larissa shifted a bit. "All the paperwork is done, I've been in contact with who is to be my mentor, and my bags are packed. So yes, I suppose so." She spoke monotonously, her eyes blank as she said this.  
It surprised Gilbert to see her like this. Last he'd heard, she'd been excited to finally get out there and do the work she had been training and studying so hard for. "What's the matter?" he asked, confused.  
Larissa sighed deeply. "Well, I guess I'm just going to miss it here," she confessed softly. "Two months is a long time, you know."  
"And they can be over in the blink of an eyes just the same," Gilbert assured her gently. "And besides, you won't be far. I could come visit you there sometime. You could come here. Surely you'll have a few days off in those two months? You'll have plenty of opportunities to stay in touch with your friends and family."  
Larissa gave him a long stare after he'd said this, the look in her eyes immediately telling him he'd done something wrong. But what? The ex-nation's tired mind couldn't come up with an answer to that question.  
It was answered soon enough, though. "I won't be far?" Larissa echoed in disbelief. "Gilbert, you do know where I'm going, right? I told you before." When her friend didn't answer, Larissa shifted in her spot next to him on the park bench to face him. Her eyes conveyed several emotions as she looked at him, but none of those were anywhere near happy. Anger that he'd apparently forgot. Sadness for some reason, too. Then a few other things that he couldn't quite put his finger on.  
"Gil, I'm heading to the Netherlands tomorrow. My internship will be at Schiphol airport, not anywhere in Germany, definitely not near Berlin. I've told you this!"  
Taken aback by her anger, Gilbert shoved out of her way just a little. "I-I'm sorry!" he apologized immediately. And he really did feel sorry to her for forgetting. "I've had my mind in a million places lately, and I… I'm sorry." But how could he have forgotten something like this? No matter how much he had on his mind, no matter how absorbed he was into his research and his studies, he should have paid more attention to people when they were telling him things. _But sometimes it's so hard to balance it all…_  
A silence passed between the two, and eventually Larissa sighed. "Well, I guess that's fair," she muttered softly, crossing her arms over his chest. "Not that I'm happy about it, but you are right…"  
And then it dawned on Gilbert what this meant. Even if Benjamin was there to hang out with, and Adam and the few others he more rarely talked to, if Larissa, the first friend he'd made in his new life, wouldn't be there for two months… Lonely might not be the best way to describe it, but there would certainly be some sort of emptiness.  
"Well," he mused softly. "Thank God for telephone and mailmen. And if you get access to it, I guess e-mail's an option, too."  
Beside him, he heard Larissa sigh. "Honestly, you can even make that sound kind of dorky… How you manage it, I may never know."  
"Hey, there's nothing dorky about me!" Gilbert protested, taking this opportunity to hopefully lighten the atmosphere again after his earlier mistake. "I'm awesome, and don't you forget that." More awkwardly, he quickly added: "Well, even though awesomeness does have its shortcomings."  
Larissa let out a short laugh. "Oh, it has plenty!" she agreed with him, looking happier again. "But most of them are forgivable, because true awesomeness comes to see his friends off despite having barely slept. Thank you for that." With a warm smile, she ruffled his hair briefly. "It's little things like those that make you awesome, despite your flaws. It's those things that make you a good friend despite everything."  
Now where did all that suddenly come from? Gilbert didn't know how to respond for a moment. "Uh… Thanks?" he stammered eventually. "I… I always did think I never do enough for others. Not just you, but everyone. Compared to what they do for me…"  
"As I just said," Larissa interrupted him, utterly convinced of her own words. "You don't _have_ to do big things for everyone all the time. An accumulation of smaller gestures works just as well. Makes one feel appreciated. And somehow, through all your occasional egocentrism, you manage to do just that."  
"Egocentrism?" Gilbert echoed, less flattered now. He appreciated how honest and blunt Larissa could be, but sometimes he just didn't know what to make of it, and it wasn't always clear when she was joking or exaggerating for the sake of comedy. Like now.  
The woman looked up at the sky, pale blue mingled with streaks of white clouds. Finally her expression -lips puckered a tiny bit, an amused light in her eyes- showed that she wasn't fully serious. "Well, you really enjoy talking about your research and your studies, but when others tell you about theirs, you don't seem able to remember what they told you. Just to name an example."  
Gilbert snickered softly. He was going to hear about this one for a long, long time yet, no doubt.

The two sat and talked for a few minutes longer, then got up and took a stroll instead, all the while still talking. Larissa told him some of the details about her internship; because she would be working at a Dutch airport, it was a good opportunity to practice her conversational skills in that particular language while she was there. She would be expected to help with translating if there were troubles in customs. The first two days would be introductory, after that she would work five-hour shifts each day and keep a logbook. As for where she would stay, a family living near the airport had volunteered to take in interns and temporary employees in the area for a short while. She wouldn't be one of the lucky ones to have a hotel room completely at the airport's expense for the period she would be working there, but at the same time, it might actually be better this way; a room all to yourself was likely quick to get lonely. Hopefully the people would be kind, and her stay with them would be pleasant.  
At the end of the stroll, when they both almost reluctantly admitted to each other and themselves that they still had work to do, Larissa took out a pencil and notepad from her shoulder bag. "Here's the address where I will be staying," she said as she quickly scribbled things down. "And the phone number, also. I discussed this with those people, and they're okay with it if I receive phone calls with their number, so don't worry about that. The first two weeks at least, my shifts will be in the morning and early afternoon, so I'll probably be there from three in the afternoon onwards. No, make that four, just to be safe. Any time before that, I'll likely be away, so if you do call, just make sure to time it right."  
A little overwhelmed with this wave of instructions, Gilbert just laughed sheepishly, for the lack of a better response. "I'll keep you updated if I have any breakthrough in my research," he promised her. "And you'd better keep me posted on how things go on your end! Otherwise you'll accuse me of egocentrism again."  
With a smile, Larissa pressed the note into his hand. "At least I'll be back for Christmas," she mumbled to herself. "Thankfully. My parents tend to make a big deal out of it. My brother wouldn't like me for being away then, either. So you can expect to see me again around that time, too."  
Gilbert blinked. There it was again. "Why are you so down about it?" he asked, wondering where her original enthusiasm had gone. Or at least, why it seemed to be overshadowed like this. "You're not worrying that you won't do a good job, are you? You'll be phenomenal. They'll be sad to see you go when the two months are up. And then when you get your degree later, people will be fighting over who gets to hire you by then, based on the good work you'll do the coming months."  
Larissa flashed a small smile at this. "Thanks."  
Still not sounding happier, though. "And everyone here will stay right where we are," Gilbert went on, wondering what he had to say to make her feel better. "You won't miss much, I'm sure. I can't possibly be the only one who will keep in touch with you. Really, what's the matter? Two months pass more quickly than you'd think."  
"I know." She took a deep breath and sighed. "Just… Just promise I won't have to be the one calling you or sending you letters all the time. I know you're busy, I know you're under pressure to deliver in your research, but…"  
 _Really, what's the matter?_ Gilbert was desperately trying to figure it out. Hadn't he more or less promised he would? So why would she ask this again? He brushed his hand against her arm when she looked down, trying to catch her attention again. If only she would look at him, maybe he could see some answers in her expression. "Hey…"  
He wasn't able to say anything else. Larissa pressed herself against him, loosely gripping his sleeves to keep him in place, her lips brushing his for barely two seconds. He was too surprised to react, and Larissa seemed to take his lack of response as consent to kiss him completely. He didn't stop her; she was tentative in her movements, giving him the idea she hadn't done this before, or at least didn't have much experience. Something about that made him not want to ruin it for her, although he couldn't bring himself to kiss her back. He just couldn't.  
It wasn't long before Larissa let go of him, taking a step back. The wide-eyed stare she gave him more than likely mirrored his own astonished expression. Her face slowly went red, and she looked horrified for some reason.  
"I-I'm sorry," she stammered, her voice just barely a whisper. The young woman was shaking lightly. "I shouldn't… What was I thinking…?" She took another step away from Gilbert; her eyes looked glassy. "I'm sorry…"  
Gilbert's mind was whirling too much for him to respond properly. He wanted to tell her it was all right, but he didn't know if that would be the truth. All he knew was that the look in her eyes at that moment broke his heart.  
"Just… Please just forget what I did," Larissa went on, stammering, voice quivering, eyes glazed over with shame and sadness, shimmering with tears. "I shouldn't have… I know I shouldn't have."  
Gilbert tried to make a sound, but he couldn't. Not before Larissa nervously glanced up at him once more. "I… I should go," she told him softly, apologetically. "I think I've already missed one bus and I don't want to miss the next. T-take care, Gil. I'll see you in December, I guess."  
With that, she promptly turned around and left before he could say anything. Her pace was hurried and uneven as she seemed to be running away from him.  
Staring after her in astonishment and confusion, Gilbert stayed right where he stood for God knows how long. He didn't have any idea whether it was seconds or minutes.  
But eventually someone spoke beside him. "Well, bro," Hanover said, "you could've handled that better, you know?"  
Gilbert sighed. "Yeah, well, so could she."  
"…I won't deny that."

* * *

Gilbert went back to his lab immediately after that, working on his latest test; for one, he was comparing nation blood to human blood to see if there was any difference in the chemical makeup. Aside from that he had also decided to test if a nation's direct relatives could be confirmed through DNA tests: after all, so far nations had mostly relied on relations between their people and culture and their own feelings and instincts to determine their family rather than actual biological proof. In the rare few case where nations had a mother, it was easy to see who their siblings were, if they had any. In the case of them having just a father, that became a lot more difficult. It was even more difficult to say if their 'father' was truly as they thought he was.  
But more often than not, nations didn't really have parents, so how could they still have any direct relatives? Did they even have relatives?  
Gilbert was looking to prove the latter, although he wasn't sure he would ever find the answer to the former.  
For the DNA test, he was using some blood extracted from Germany, Austria and all three Benelux countries. They had all claimed to be family for as long as they'd lived. He was going to prove that now. _Shame I can't use my own blood anymore…_  
Before he could do that, he first had to establish whether or not there was a difference between nation blood and human blood. Next, he would have to see if his own fell into either category, and which one. At least he now had a theory on how he could get some clarity as to what he was nowadays. If it worked.  
But as he was working, his mind inadvertently directed itself to Larissa again. Why, in the name of everything sacred, _why_ had she kissed him? If it was because she actually fancied him, why hadn't she shown any signs of that before now? Or maybe she had. Maybe he'd missed them.  
He was flattered, of course. Very much so. Majorly freaked out, too. Confused beyond belief. And also, he noticed when he saw his reflection in the glass cabinet where he kept several chemical substances, blushing like an idiot just thinking about it.  
 _For Heaven's sake, Gilbert, get a grip!_ he scolded himself, gritting his teeth as he opened the cabinet and grabbed the chemicals he needed. _Between this and all the unresolved trauma, you'll never get your research done. Focus, dammit. You've got far too much to do.  
_ Right. His research came first. That was the only thing that had a deadline. He had fourteen months left to prove he was making any significant progress. He knew he could do it, that wasn't the issue. He just also knew that he would have to keep working to get there. No distractions.  
Well… not too many, anyway.  
 _Back to work._ He should be able to see the results of one of his tests, and he would check on that once he had prepared another. That's all he had to focus on now. The only thing that he needed to do at this moment.  
The ex-nation sat down, grabbed four petri-dishes -two with human blood cells, two with that of nations- and carefully dripped a tiny amount of chemicals onto it before securely closing them. That would have to mix and react to each other for about a day. Tomorrow he would come back to it and see how things were progressing.  
Next he grabbed four other petri-dishes, also with human and nation blood, and shoved them under a microscope one at a time. He made notes of what he saw: with the human blood, it was nothing out of the ordinary. Exactly as one would expect.  
When he then examined the nation blood, his heart quickened. Just as he had hoped, it had reacted to the chemicals he'd used differently from how the human blood had.  
 _Bingo._

* * *

"So how was your day?" Germany asked during dinner that night. He looked at his elder brother in a slight grimace, worry sparking in his eyes. "You… look terrible, if I have to be honest."  
Gilbert let out a deep sigh. Somehow he had been able to ignore it while he had been working, but the very moment he'd walked through the front door, exhaustion had kicked back in with a vengeance. A massive one. Even while seated at the table, he struggled to keep his eyes open. It was probably a good idea if he went straight to bed after dinner.  
"Well, I did make some progress with my research today," he answered tiredly. His heart began racing all over again. "Meaning, I've actually had some promising results now."  
Yet again, although not as well as before, he managed to overlook his exhaustion when his little brother asked what he'd discovered, and he began explaining: "Well, you remember that I'm working with blood now?"  
Germany snorted and nodded. "How can I forget, if I've been one of the people providing you with that blood? But go on."  
Gilbert smiled. "Well, let's just say I'm starting to understand how nations can heal their wounds more quickly than humans. Nation blood contains more platelets than a human's, along with some other components that regulate blood clotting. I still need to look into what prevents this from causing thrombosis, but simply put, a nation's blood is more equipped to react quickly to injuries."  
Germany blinked, silent for a moment. "I thought we knew that?"  
With a sigh, Gilbert nodded. " _Yes_ , we knew that. What we didn't know was _how_ nations are quicker to heal, and now I'm one step closer to figuring it out." He hummed and took a bite from his meatball. "I'm also looking for a similar difference in the immune system," he went on. "I should have more on that by the end of the week. Hopefully it'll go smoothly."  
Germany flashed a smile now, too. "You know, I may not be able to follow half of what you're working on," he said warmly, "but I'm glad you're at least making some real progress now. I'm sure you'll have something to show the university well in time for that deadline."  
"I certainly hope so," Gilbert agreed, biting back a massive yawn. "Although this blood research is certainly promising so far."  
There was a pause, and the two brothers just went on eating their dinner in silence for a few minutes. Eventually Germany spoke up again. "My day has been pretty boring," the young nation said. "The usual: a meeting and tons of paperwork. So… You haven't been holed up in your lab all day, have you? Had any lectures?"  
Gilbert shook his head. "No, but I did go to a park with Larissa earlier today. She's leaving for her internship tomorrow, after all."  
Germany hummed. "Oh, yeah, I remember that. Airport, right?"  
Nodding, Gilbert noticed a strange hollow feeling in his chest. "All the way in the Netherlands, so she'll be away for a while." He was going to miss their weekly hour at the café. He didn't take much time off from his studies and his work, but this was an hour a week -two hours, occasionally- that he valued a lot.  
But he could not think of Larissa now without again feeling her lips on his, seeing the look in her eyes right after she'd kissed him, feeling the uneasy confusion he'd felt at that moment. He still didn't understand why she had done that. Well, no, of course he understood _why._ The kiss itself and her expression and behaviour afterward had made it quite clear: obviously his friend had her hopes set on having more than just friendship with him. What he didn't understand was why he hadn't known about this before. It would be the finest example of hypocrisy if he didn't admit to knowing why someone would keep quiet about their feelings -it had taken him literal centuries to open up to Hungary- but to this day he was baffled by how Hungary had managed to stay oblivious to his feelings for her. He had been well aware of it when Brandenburg had first developed a crush on him, he had seen clearly how it developed into love. With Fritz, he simply hadn't been expecting it: he had never considered a man having feelings for him, and even less so had he expected he would ever have feelings for a man, but they had been there, brief and relatively innocent as it may have been.  
As far as he knew, he hadn't ever had difficulty realising just how people felt about him, be it good or bad, platonic or romantic. Maybe he didn't always see things as clearly as he thought he did.  
"Is something wrong?"  
The ex-nation could just barely stop himself from flinching. He looked at his brother and forced a smile. "No, nothing," he lied carefully. "Except that I could fall asleep right this instant."

* * *

 **The thing with Larissa? Yeah. That, like the character herself, has been a plan for well over a year. I hope you don't mind, but that is part of the plot here. And if you do mind, well... Sorry about that.**

 **Also, the research with the blood. I literally thought of that just last night and did a teeny-tiny bit of research this morning. That's how well-prepared I am with Gil's research. Awesome, right?  
(And that's just another reason the chapters take ages to write)  
Actually I have only the later chapters planned out. The direction Gil's life is going to head in. I'm more or less making it all up on the spot, which is something I have always done, but it doesn't make it any easier to keep up a steady pace in writing.  
I should probably reconsider this method if I ever want to be a published author.**

 ** ** ** **Anyways, I'll stop scolding myself now. Thanks for reading yet again, and I hope you enjoyed this chapter. For once, I can say I have a major scene planned out for the next chapter, so who knows, maybe it won't take me a month this time? (Although my exams in two weeks' time take priority of course) We'll see. I hope you'll stick around for it, but in the end, that's all up to you!********


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks again to everyone who read and reviewed! You guys have always been awesome and will always be!**

 **Tonjasprofil asked for a description of Larissa, and while I myself struggle to picture her face exactly (which can be a bit awkward when trying to picture the scenes I write) I do have a good idea of what she looks like in all the rest, so here goes:  
Larissa has long, straight, dark brown/black-ish hair, sometimes worn loose (then it will reach to halfway down her shoulder blades), sometimes in a ponytail or a braid. Brown eyes. Her clothing style would be somewhere between casual and classy: casual in her downtime, classier when in university or at work. Doesn't do much with make-up, but when she does it's subtle. Subtle with the jewelry, too: small necklace, maybe earrings? And I'm not quite sure yet whether or not she has glasses.**

 **While I'm at it, Benjamin has lighter brown hair, green eyes. Quite laid-back, which can be seen in his clothes, also. Not much else than that as of yet. And as for Adam (another of Gil's pals in his year, of whom I'm suddenly not sure anymore whether he's already been mentioned or not): I have no clue. I know his name. That's about it.**

 **I hope that's clear enough? I'll probably add more in in-story descriptions when I get ideas.**

 **As for this chapter, well, I suppose it was coming one of these days. I hope it won't disappoint.**

* * *

A few weeks had passed, and December was nearly halfway passed. Gilbert had discovered a few more promising things in his research with nation blood: it not only contained a higher number of coagulation factors than human blood did, the factors that could cause health problems when appearing in a higher percentage like this remained low enough to avoid any such issues.  
Aside from this, nations also had more antibodies in their blood, in a similar manner: nations somehow had the right balance of all the exact same things humans were made of to essentially be superhuman.  
Their ability to heal faster than humans stemmed from this slightly altered composition of their body: the presence of injuries and illness was detected more easily and far more quickly, and the body was able to take countermeasures sooner because of this, too. Those countermeasures, in turn, were performed at a far quicker pace than in humans.  
It still didn't explain why nation-inflicted injuries were slower to heal in comparison to human-inflicted ones, and he still only had vague theories on how economy-based illness was different from a viral or bacterial illness. But he would find out someday, he was certain of that now. And besides, he didn't necessarily have to discover every secret and crack every enigma nations' bodies held before his deadline: he simply had to prove that Nation Biology was a field of its own, that knowing the human body inside out wasn't quite enough to provide the best medical care for nations, also. Frankly, he believed he was already close to proving that with his latest discoveries.

"Wow," Benjamin breathed, his eyes wide as he read through some of the notes Gilbert had made. "This is… pretty advanced stuff." He read a bit more, then grunted and looked at the ex-nation with a baffled look on his face. "Lend me some of your brain cells, please. I could use some of that for the upcoming exams."  
Gilbert couldn't help but laugh. "You're doing medical school," he reminded his friend between his laughter. "I don't think there's anything wrong with your own brain cells!"  
"Certainly not," Benjamin replied, chuckling now too. "But I'm seriously wondering if I have as many as you do. This is insane." He held up one sheet of notes and pointed to it. "You're only in the second year too, remember? So how in the name of Hippocrates are you already doing stuff that looks like it could be our professors' work?"  
In response, Gilbert shrugged. "I've had some more time to work on this than you, that's all. I think."  
Benjamin just rolled his eyes and sighed. "You're only twenty-four, right? Twenty-five?"  
"Closer to twenty-five by now than I am to twenty-four, yeah."  
"Exactly," the human said in an almost whiny tone. "I'm twenty! I don't see myself conducting research like this _all by myself_ four years from now."  
Gilbert just smiled, taking his research notes back and putting them into his bag. "No," he agreed. "You'll be performing complicated surgeries and saving lives. Have some faith, Ben."  
Benjamin only hummed, glancing around for a moment. When he looked at Gilbert again, there was something in his eyes that for some reason unsettled the ex-nation. "By the way, Gil, I think I've spotted your little brother in the newspaper recently. Is that possible?"  
"Could be." Ah, so it was just about Germany. Or, as Benjamin knew him, Ludwig. "Politicians do have their pictures in the newspapers every now and then, after all."  
As he was saying this, Benjamin was already digging through his bag. He took out a clipping from a newspaper. "Uh-huh. That's him, isn't it?" He shoved the paper toward Gilbert; it was mainly the photograph that accompanied the article, not much of the actual article itself.  
The very moment Gilbert lay eyes on it, however, his stomach seemed to do at least ten flips, and ice crept into his veins. If he hadn't been able to tell from the quality of the photograph and the people in it, the date that had still been included in the top corner of the clipping would have certainly told him that he was in trouble now.  
 _1974._  
Benjamin didn't waver for a second. "So? Am I right or not?"  
But Gilbert already couldn't bring out as much as a squeak. He stared at the picture of his brother and some West German politicians of that time, feeling himself tremble and his heart pounding in his ribcage. _No…_  
His human friend cracked a smile. "You look alike, you know? He's clearly your little brother. Astonishing how a politician like him has a body like a human tank, though; it's not exactly something you see often. It's more something you'd expect from an athlete, maybe a pro-wrestler, or perhaps a cop… Soldier, maybe."  
Every word he spoke came as a punch to the gut. _He knows,_ was all Gilbert could think as he listened. _Oh, God, he knows… He's figured it all out._  
"The most astonishing part is how he is twenty years old, just like me, and looked twenty years old _twenty years ago_! He hasn't aged a day, has he?" Benjamin leant back and crossed his arms loosely over his chest. "You're quite astonishing, too, though. The albino who barely feels the effects of his albinism. Also, I have been wondering for a while now why you would choose _specifically_ to research Nation Biology, while there are next to no nations on this planet in comparison to the number of humans, and nations tend to not even need as much medical attention as humans do. It's kind of surprising that someone would think of studying an almost rare species like that over his own kind."  
Gilbert sighed and closed his eyes, praying that he would stop soon. He wasn't ready for a confrontation like this.  
Benjamin, on the other hand, clearly was. "Unless, of course, you're not actually human? That would explain a lot, in fact." As he was saying this, he took out another newspaper clipping, laying it next to the picture of Germany: an East German newspaper from the '60s, and a photograph with Gilbert in it, similar to the one with Germany. "And then I really do mean _a lot._ "  
Strangely, a sense of calm settles over Gilbert now. Perhaps it was that he knew there was no way to lie his way out of this one anymore. There was really only one option. Benjamin knew who -or at least what- he was, there was no way around it. The ex-nation looked up to meet his gaze. "So now what?" he asked softly.  
Benjamin held his gaze for a moment, then sighed, sitting back in his chair again. "Now," he replied calmly, "you will tell me exactly who you are. If I found out this much, I'm fairly certain I can find out all the rest. All the necessary bits anyway. So please spare us both the trouble and just tell me."  
Silently, Gilbert nodded. He straightened himself and looked at the pictures again. "Back then," he began, nodding to the newspaper clippings, "I was known as East Germany. That was only for a short while, though, compared to what I was originally known as." He took a deep breath and went on. "I was born in 1192, and while I had inherited certain land as my own, the people inhabiting it at the time weren't connected to me. I started out as the Monastic State of the Teutonic Order, but my main identity has always been Prussia, in all its forms except the original Baltic region."  
"And you never told anyone," Benjamin scoffed, narrowing his eyes. Clearly he was angrier about this than he'd let on earlier. "Why would you lie? About _everything_?"  
"Oh, but it wasn't all a lie," Gilbert told him honestly, hurt that his friend obviously didn't trust him, although he could understand very well why he wouldn't. "I am now who I claim to be. Prussia is no more, East Germany doesn't exist anymore. I'm no more than Gilbert Beilschmidt now, and in all likelihood, I really am human."  
This seemed to confuse Benjamin, and the young man just stared at Gilbert with furrowed brows for a few seconds. "What's that supposed to mean?"  
Gilbert sighed and fidgeted briefly, turning away his gaze. "It means I'm not a nation anymore. I used to be, but I'm not anymore. And in all honesty, I'm still in the process of finding out what that makes me instead. But one thing is certain." He looked up again to meet Ben's gaze, trying to stay calm under his piercing glare; the man clearly was not amused now that he knew for certain that his friend had lied about who he was. Hopefully Gilbert could convince him that he hadn't meant any harm. "Whatever I am these days, Ben, I'm as mortal as you are. And I'm here, studying and working and trying to build some relationships, in an attempt to just have a life. I'm just trying to make the most of the time I have left, whether it be months or years or decades. Isn't that what everyone does?"  
Benjamin seemed to consider this for a moment. He narrowed his eyes and huffed. "But _why_ would you lie about your past like you did?" he asked again, sharper now. "I suppose I kind of get why you wouldn't openly announce it to the world -or even the entire university for that matter- but why wouldn't you tell me? Why would you lie even to your _friends?_ "  
 _He's got a good point…_ Even so, the answer was a simple one. So simple, in fact, that Gilbert was certain Benjamin already knew it; he just wanted to hear the ex-nation say it.  
Taking a deep breath, Gilbert decided that it would only make matters worse if he wasn't completely truthful now. "Because I was scared," he said in as steady a voice as he could. His mouth felt dry and he had to actively stop himself from shivering with nerves. "I have been shunned for most of my life, Ben, simply for what I am -an albino. No, more than that, really… I have always been the outsider, in my own family, among nations, and even now I'm an outcast. Until proven otherwise, I am neither a nation nor a human now. If I gave in to that… If I were to be honest about it… I wouldn't belong _anywhere_ anymore." He paused, swallowing the hard lump in his throat and trying harder yet to control himself. "I don't want that anymore, Ben," he went on in a tiny voice. "For once in my life, I want to be part of something and _stay_ part of it, not to be kicked out after some time. And I was -and still am- terrified that the complete truth about what I am and what I used to be will ruin my chance to live a normal life."  
Though he didn't know what else he should have expected, the silence that followed his confession weighed heavily on Gilbert, and the accusing glare Benjamin still sent him was like a knife to his heart.  
"Please," he choked out shakily. "Prove me wrong…"  
Finally Benjamin's gaze softened a bit, but the young man almost immediately looked away, too. He sighed and nodded to himself. "Larissa came to me once, you know," he began without looking at Gilbert, his voice grim. "She told me your story about your 'parents'. She was horrified… She felt so bad for you and your brother, that you'd had to go through all that, she was nearly crying about it. I felt sorry for you, too, until I stopped to think about it and realised it was all a little too perfect. An eighteen-year-old, just out of high school himself, really, able to provide for himself and his younger brother like that? The younger brother quickly rising to the political top almost the moment he graduates from high school? Come on. Child Protection would never have let you have custody over your little brother if you were barely an adult yourself. He would've been taken away from you in an instant."  
His hands clenched into fists, and Benjamin gritted his teeth. " _She_ didn't think of that. Larissa believed you, because she'd never had a reason to doubt you before. She was so _hurt_ , thinking you and _'Ludwig'_ had had a terribly hard life." Benjamin looked up again, a new fire in his eyes when he stared straight at Gilbert. " _How_ could you do that her? What the _hell_ possessed you to tell her a lie that cruel?"  
Gilbert flinched the moment he heard that Larissa had been that distraught over his quick story back then. He hadn't meant to hurt her… He hadn't meant to hurt _anyone._ But in his attempts to avoid being hurt himself, he'd done just that. _It's just as it's always been,_ he thought sadly, feeling his heart ache with regret. _I try so hard that all my plans backfire._ It had really never been any different. The only thing he had ever wanted in the past had been to be accepted by others, and it had led him to drive people away from him instead. He had thought that by now he had learnt, but clearly, he was still the same. Exactly the same.  
 _I'm still a failure…_  
"I _never_ wanted to hurt anyone," he choked out softly, the only thing he could think of to say right now. He wouldn't try to defend himself. He wouldn't try to deny what he'd done. The only thing he could possibly do now was to try and make as much right as he still could.  
Benjamin stared at him, holding his gaze long and silently. Then finally he sighed. "And you know what? I actually believe you. But it doesn't make it better. So here's the deal," he added. "You will tell everyone -that is Larissa, Adam, anyone you're relatively close to- who and what you really are. You will _apologise_ for being the lying bastard you are. _After_ you've done that, we'll see about you being forgiven. The sooner you do this, the higher your chances."  
Gilbert couldn't answer anymore. Tell everyone? He had been okay telling Ben, but only because the man had obviously already figured it all out. Most of it. With Benjamin, it clearly would have done more harm than good if he had denied the truth any longer, but anyone else he spent time with, anyone else he considered a friend… It's not like he wanted to lie to them all. But eighteen months down the line knowing them all, did he really still have a choice?  
When the ex-nation didn't respond, Benjamin looked just about ready to leave. But seeing this, Gilbert stopped him hastily. His voice quivering, he managed to choke out only a single question: "Do you mind…?"  
Benjamin locked gaze with him, his eyes reflecting all the things he must be feeling at the moment: disdain, betrayal, anger. But there was something else, too. "That you lied to us all for so long, yes," he eventually replied stiffly. "But do I mind that you're not exactly human?" His expression softened a little as he declared: "Not in the slightest."  
He then packed his things and stood up, turning away from the ex-nation. As he walked away from him, he added: "Just keep that in mind."

* * *

"What do I do now?"  
"You _know_ what to do, stupid. Stop asking."  
"Saxony, hush. There's no need to be harsh."  
Gilbert listened, wondering where to go from now while Saxony and Brandenburg began bickering over him. It was just like the good old days, in a way. Too bad that feeling couldn't even manage to cheer him up this time.  
"He knows that what he did is wrong," Saxony insisted to Brandenburg, pointing to his younger brother as he spoke. "And he also knows how to fix it now. That human practically spelled it out for him, if he couldn't figure it out yet himself!"  
"But you know as well as I do that there's more to this than that. It's far easier said than done," Brandenburg reasoned, crossing her arms over her chest with a huff. "In a way, this is also related to a traumatic thing from the past, just like so many things in Prussia's life!"  
Gilbert sighed now. "Thank you, both, for making me a part of this conversation," he muttered in annoyance. "And also, Brand… You know not to call me that anymore."  
His wife stared at him, not impressed. "And you know I've always called you Prussia and I always will," she retorted. Her gaze softening, she smiled at him. "Sweetheart, Saxony is not wrong," she told him. Then, with a sideward glare to Saxony, she added: "If a bit too blunt."  
Of course Gilbert knew that he had no choice but to be honest now. He didn't need to be told that. " _How?_ " he asked, looking down at his desk. "How am I supposed to now just go around telling them all that 'hey, guess what, I actually used to be a nation until recently' and…" He gritted his teeth and grunted, planting his face on his desk now. "I messed up…"  
It was silent for a moment, but then Saxony sighed. "Well, there's no denying that."  
"Remember what Benjamin told you," Brandenburg then said, standing next to Gilbert now. "He said he doesn't mind _what_ you are, so long as you're honest about it, right? I'm sure the others will feel the same way."  
"And those that don't aren't the right people for you to have any form of relationship with, anyway," Saxony added, for once fully agreeing with Brandenburg.  
Brandenburg nodded, a smile forming on her lips. "And if you tell them before they have a chance to find out on their own -or before Ben loses his patience and tells them for you- they'll be more likely to accept it and forgive you. It's the best way to preserve the relationships you've built."  
Just as Gilbert took a deep breath and nodded, Saxony butted in again. "And speaking of relationships," he said with a wide grin and twinkling brown eyes. "What's your plan concerning Larissa?"  
Immediately Gilbert felt his face grow hot and his heartbeat speed up. "There is no _plan_ concerning anyone!" he protested fiercely, stammering a little.  
Saxony grinned wider, a mischievous look in his eyes. "I'm just saying," he went on teasingly, "she seems like girlfriend material. And if that blush is anything to go by… And do I hear shallower, quicker breathing there?" He leant in closer, and was clearly satisfied with how his younger brother was reacting to his teasing.  
Gilbert tore his gaze away from Saxony and looked at Brandenburg instead, silently asking her for help. Brandenburg smiled at him, though. "It does seem like Saxony might be right," she told him more gently. "And I can tell you now, Gilbert, that if you want to go for it, you should."  
Understanding now that he wouldn't get out of this, Gilbert just sighed.  
Brandenburg went on indeed, guessing Gilbert's feelings just like she had always been able to. "If you think that's being unfaithful to me because we can talk again now, think again. You've had a brief affair with Fritz since I've been gone, you've had a few years with Hungary in exactly this situation. Did you feel bad about those? Because I didn't. Much as I hate to say it, sweetheart, I've been dead for nearly three hundred years. Promise me that you won't stop living your life because you want to wait to be with me again."  
Though he was touched by her words and how genuine she was speaking them, 'awkward' was still the main thing he felt at that moment, and he would prefer not to. "Can we maybe stop talking about this?" he requested with a sigh. "It's been only one little incident, and we haven't even talked about it yet. Also, it may be a good idea to wait and see how she reacts to me being an ex-nation and all that."  
Saxony had just about stopped grinning, but his smirk returned with a vengeance now. "Wait, so you mean you might actually…?"  
"I don't know!" Gilbert interrupted him quickly. "I don't think- But then- Maybe? Maybe not?" He was confusing even himself with this, and he grunted in frustration. "God, just shut up, Saxony. I'm done talking about this, thank you."  
Of course, he'd had weeks to ponder about the incident with Larissa, and although he had spent those weeks trying to avoid it, he'd also spent enough time doing exactly that. Maybe it wasn't even so strange that some people had thought they were already a couple, considering they spent time together every week in an almost date-like setting. Of the few friends he'd made over the past months, he enjoyed being with her the most. Not taking into account everything relating to his past as a nation, Gilbert was very open with Larissa and felt comfortable doing so, and she seemed to do exactly the same thing with him. Another thing he could not ignore was how he loved to see her happy, to hear her talk about things she enjoyed, to see her dark eyes twinkling with delight when they had conversations in one of the many languages they both spoke -something they occasionally did and should probably do more often still. And no matter how much he tried, he could not shake the memory of the hollow misery he'd felt upon seeing her eyes glisten with tears after she had kissed him.  
It was natural to enjoy seeing someone happy, especially if that person was dear to you. It was natural also to hate seeing them in pain, or be sad or confused. But if he had to be completely honest with himself, Gilbert could not deny that, in hindsight, such feelings concerning Larissa had been a tad… Well, maybe 'extreme' was the best way to describe it. Intense.  
If he had to be completely honest with himself, then in hindsight, there may have been a slight chance that perhaps they had maybe already been in a relationship without realising it.  
"…You know we can hear your thoughts, right?"  
" _Stop listening!_ "

* * *

"Gilbert! It's good to see you again." Austria smiled as he walked in and laid eyes on his cousin.  
As he took a few steps to get to Austria and greeted him with a quick embrace, Gilbert was still amazed that he and his cousin had managed to grow so close after all the centuries they'd spent fighting.  
"Good to see you, too," the ex-nation said. He glanced past the Austrian for a moment. "Hungary's not here?"  
Austria shook his head, still smiling. "No, she and I are travelling separately this time. Which is not so bad -at least now we have time to catch up without her butting in every few seconds."

Germany was taking Berlitz for a walk, so Gilbert and Austria sat alone for a little while, talking together as they waited for him to come back. And of course, one of the first things Austria did was to ask about Gilbert's research.  
"It's going well," the albino replied, happy to know he was telling the truth, too. "Thanks for letting me use your blood: it's been really useful."  
Austria shook his head. "No problem. Do you… need more?" He raised an eyebrow as he said this, giving his cousin a knowing look.  
Gilbert realised it was probably visible in his expression. "Uh… Well, blood isn't without its expiring date, so if you don't mind…"  
"I don't mind," Austria assured him. "But if it's all right that we do that after Christmas, I'd prefer that."  
"That's fine."  
Just as Gilbert said this, the telephone rang, and he excused himself quickly. The moment he picked up and said a greeting, he heard a familiar voice, and he felt his heart pound faster.  
"Gilbert! How are you? I just came back home." Larissa sounded happy. Over the past two months, after a bumpy start, they'd had good contact again, although neither of the two had spoken about the incident where Larissa had kissed Gilbert.  
It was good to hear she was doing well. "I'm good," he said briefly. "So how was your trip back?"  
"Long, but it went well." She said a few more things, but quickly stopped herself.  
Gilbert just listened, conscious of a warmth spreading from his chest to the rest of his body as she spoke. But then she fell silent, and he remembered what Benjamin had told him to do.  
Reluctant and with a dry mouth, Gilbert managed to force out the words. "Larissa, can we meet sometime soon? Next week maybe?" He steadied his hand, which was shaking with apprehension. "There's… something we need to talk about."  
He could almost _feel_ the woman's flash of anxiety through the phone as he said this. "Oh," she stammered in response. "Yes, of course. Does Wednesday work for you? The café, at two?"  
Gilbert nodded. "Sure, that… That's great. Thanks, Larissa. I have a visitor over right now, so if you don't mind, I should go back to him now."  
Larissa just replied that it was fine, and they said a quick goodbye moments after.

As Gilbert sat back down on the couch, Austria looked at him curiously. "Larissa? Isn't she…?"  
"My friend," Gilbert answered with a nod; Austria wasn't very familiar with her name yet, but Gilbert knew he had mentioned her to him once or twice.  
"Your friend," Austria then began, staring his cousin straight in the eyes with a flash in his own, dark blue irises. "Or your girlfriend?"  
Gilbert sighed deeply and leant back, closing his eyes. "Honestly, I don't know right now…"

* * *

Days later, it was Wednesday 21 December, and Gilbert stood waiting outside the café on campus. Larissa was running late, but only by a few minutes. Just as he was thinking this, he saw her approach. She'd spotted him, too, and she came running. Larissa was smiling, her eyes shining.  
"Gil!" she called out once she was close. "Oh, it's good to see you again! I've missed you."  
He smiled back, his heart warming at the sight of her. "I've missed you, too." He really had. He'd known that before but he fully realised that now, with her standing in front of him again.  
"Shall we go inside now?" Larissa suggested, glancing at the café.  
But Gilbert shook his head, his heart sinking. "No, we… We'd be better off with more privacy."  
The joy in Larissa's eyes faded. She let out a long sigh, nodding silently. She mouthed 'of course', but no sound came over her lips.  
Gilbert's heart ached with apprehension. _Please don't let this… whatever this relationship is end because of today._  
The ex-nation took Larissa by the hand and led her away from the main road, to a quiet spot on campus -quiet especially now, with only the last classes before Christmas still going on. There weren't many people still around, and that was just as he preferred it now.

Once they'd found a bench in a private spot, they sat down, and an awkward silence hung over them for a few seconds.  
Larissa took a deep breath. "Gilbert, about that kiss…"  
"What?" Gilbert reacted immediately, confused for just a moment. "Oh, no, this isn't about that!"  
Larissa gave him a confused stare, then a blush slowly crept onto her cheeks and she bit her lip. "Can we… still talk about it?"  
Gilbert thought for a moment, then nodded. "It might even be best if we start with it, actually," he decided. "I've had two months to think about it, and… Well, I just want to say that I… didn't mind it." His heart pounding against his ribs, he added in a whisper: " _I liked it._ "  
Larissa's blush deepened, and she looked away quickly. "…So did I…" Even though she was turned away from him, Gilbert could still see her smile. "So… What do we do from here on? Do we just continue like we always did, or… do we do more than that?"  
And the moment was gone again. Gilbert sighed. "Well, that's for you to decide," he told her softly, "after you've heard what I have to say."  
As Larissa straightened herself to look at him, an intense nausea settled over Gilbert. He reminded himself of Benjamin's warning, of how his family had told him that if Gilbert wouldn't be honest, Benjamin would be for him. He couldn't have that. The best chance he had of salvaging anything was to be truthful with Larissa now.  
So he forced himself to start speaking and to keep speaking until he'd told her all he had to say. "Larissa, I'm so very sorry… I haven't always been honest with you." He could see the surprise in her eyes when she confessed this, making it infinitely harder on him to keep going. No doubt the best thing to do now would be to just spill it as quickly as possible.  
"You see, I… I am not entirely human." He took a deep breath and went on before Larissa could have a chance to say anything. "I _used to be_ a nation personification, but I am not anymore. I was abolished -twice, in fact- but survived it, and I am now… not certain of what I am."  
As she listened, Larissa paled in shock, and she shoved away from Gilbert by the end of it. She was frantically searching his gaze for something -perhaps silent laughter to prove he was joking- and when she didn't find what she was looking for, she looked even more shocked. "…What…?"  
"It's why I want to study Nation Biology specifically," Gilbert went on, hoping it would make more sense to her if he explained this. "It's because I'm more familiar with nation's bodies than I am with humans'. I've been treating nations for-"  
" _Don't_ ," Larissa interrupted him sharply, her voice shaking on the word. "Don't say it."  
Gilbert's heart sank at the tone of her voice and the look in her eyes -one of confusion and anguish. "Larissa," he pleaded softly, "you must understand I didn't intend to hurt or betray you, or anyone else for that matter."  
But Larissa narrowed her eyes. "And I'm supposed to believe you now?" She huffed angrily. "Who's to say you're not lying about _this?_ Why would I accept this as the truth if everything you've told me before was a lie?"  
"Because why would I tell you this, knowing you would be angry -and rightfully so- if it wasn't true?" Gilbert answered in as steady a voice as he could. "I care about you, Larissa. You know that, right? You're one of the best friends I have, if nothing else, so why else would I do something I know would anger you, if not because I believe it could spare you even more hurt and anger in the future?"  
For a few seconds, Larissa only held his gaze in silence, but then she looked away and shook her head. Her lips stayed pressed together tightly, though, and she made not a single sound.  
By now Gilbert didn't know what to do anymore. He wasn't sure whether he'd had any idea to begin with. "Would you rather have heard from someone else?" he asked softly. "Found out by yourself?"  
"No," was Larissa's resolute answer. "I appreciate you telling me. Really, I do." Her flat tone stated quite the opposite, but Gilbert believed her. "But why didn't you tell me sooner? What could possibly make you think it best to _lie_ to me?"  
Finally. Something he knew how to respond to. Something he could answer truthfully without having to sit and ponder it over first. "Fear," he admitted immediately. "Fear of being alone again. Of people shunning me for what I am. I've had far too much of that in the past, and… It has made me far too cautious." He let out a long, soft sigh. "Fear can bring out the worst in people, Larissa. I'm unfortunately a good example of that."  
Larissa seemed to be taking in those words for a few moments. Then she sighed and nodded. "That much is true," she mumbled. Then she got up, turning to look at Gilbert.  
Her expression was unreadable as she spoke. "I'll need some time to think about this," she said in a soft, quivering voice. "Please don't contact me in the meantime -I will contact you when I'm ready. I promise I will." She clenched her hands into tense, shaking fists. "I won't leave you over this, never to speak to you again. But you can't just drop this information on someone and expect them to be okay with it. Not just like that."  
Hearing this, relief flooded Gilbert's heart, and he almost thought he could feel the gentle prick of tears in his eyes. Somehow, the moment Larissa said this, he just knew it would be all right in the end. She would be able to come to terms with this eventually, and they would be able to move on and be like they used to be. And for now… For now she just needed time.  
Confusion and anger still in her dark eyes, Larissa turned away. "Goodbye for now, Gilbert."  
"…Goodbye, Larissa."

* * *

 **Because nothing good ever comes from lying. Even if everything gets settled in the end, for some time at least, it will only cause anger, confusion and misery.**

 **And once again, yes. Yes, this is the direction I'm taking with this story. Sorry if you don't like it, but if so, feel free to ignore this story and not consider it canon within CYH &HtD. If you do like it, well, good for you! I'm enjoying writing it, as it's somewhat different from what I usually do.**

 **With that said, thanks for reading again, and I hope you liked this chapter.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hiya! Finally got this done. I thought I'd finish this chapter more quickly, but then it was halfway-done for a week or two... Yeah. It happens.**

 **Tonjasprofil, what you mentioned about Ben... I must admit you're right. I can't promise it won't happen again, but it's good that you mentioned it, so that I can keep it in mind for future chapters/stories. So thanks for that!**

 **And also a thank-you to everyone who's read until now. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter.**

* * *

"…and we haven't spoken since."  
Kron nodded, taking a deep breath as Gilbert finished telling him about his experience being honest to people more close to him. A wonderful experience indeed.  
The psychiatrist just sent him a wry smile. "I can't say I would have reacted any differently myself, in that situation," he said. "But if you are so certain things will turn out all right…"  
"Oh, I'm very certain," Gilbert assured the man. "Ben is starting to come round again, now that I did as he asked. Werner, unfortunately, has decided to cut ties with me because of it, but then, I could have seen that coming from him. Not the most open-minded person. Adam took it surprisingly well, really. But… he's Adam." Gilbert actually still wasn't quite sure what the deal was with that man, not even after having known him for more than a year. "He's very intelligent of course, otherwise he wouldn't be near the top of his class in university. But he's… a bit silly sometimes. Tends to take things very lightly. Sometimes maybe too lightly."  
Of course, that had worked out all the better for Gilbert. At least he had one friend left who didn't see his actions as absolute betrayal. But at the same time, he couldn't help but feel it was weird. Disappointing, almost, strange as that may be; after all, if Adam didn't seem to care much about this, how much did he really care about his friendship with Gilbert in the first place? But then, he had never shown any signs that he didn't care about his friends. Adam was just his unique self.  
Kron's smile turned more calm and pleased now. "It's good to hear there are people who accept who you are," he said to the ex-nation. "I hope it has managed to work in your favour, too? Calmed your nerves, perhaps?"  
Gilbert nodded, again feeling that surge of relief he had felt when Adam had told him he didn't mind that his friend wasn't quite human, when Benjamin had first held a normal conversation with him again. "People have forgiven me for far worse in the past," he said softly, remembering the things Holy Rome, Austria and Hungary had forgiven him for -assault in every way imaginable, even murder. "But then, people have also shunned me and hated me for far less."  
The psychiatrist nodded; they had talked about this before, but never in much detail. "So are you willing to tell me more about it now?"  
With a soft sigh, Gilbert gave a short nod. He straightened his back before he started talking. "Well, you must know of how superstitious people were, say, a millennium ago, right?" When Kron confirmed this, the ex-nation went on. "Then imagine what medieval folk thought of albinos like me. Or what they thought of immortals."  
He could basically see the wheels turning in the man's head. When he thought he'd given him enough time to paint a clear image for himself, Gilbert added: "Now try combining those."  
The man cleared his throat and looked away for a moment, clearly feeling uncomfortable. "That must have been horrible," he said almost apologetically.  
"It was," Gilbert agreed. He let out a deep sigh. "They blamed me for the Black Death, for one. They were just about scared enough of me because of my immortality to not set my house on fire, but with every outbreak, someone would paint a nice 'X' on my door and I would be confined to my house. Plague outbreaks were usually followed by famines, but it was more the rule than the exception for my personal famine to begin simultaneously with the plague."  
And people used to wonder how he, as Prussia, could have _looked_ much weaker than he was -even though he had always been very muscular and had always looked strong. Germany could barely beat him in arm-wrestling, but his arms were nearly twice the size of his elder brother's. It was very simple: Germany's first famine-like experience had been when he had been nearly full-grown, in and after the First World War. Gilbert had been starved too often in his youth to grow to his full potential. Not that he'd ever had a reason to complain, of course. Not until his little brother had grown taller than him, that is.  
"Oh, and the people had many nicknames for me, too," Gilbert went on, feeling his heart quicken in anger as he recalled the injustice he'd been put through. Back then he had already hated it, but he'd never known any different. Now that he did, he despised the people who had done all this to him even more for it. "They liked to call me 'vampire', 'ghost' and such things. 'Demon' was their favourite."  
He leant back; it was going to be a long story, after all. "Then there were other things they hated me for. I can't say none of them were good reasons. I wasn't always the most likeable person." He grinned sheepishly. "Actually, what I did now isn't so different from what I used to be like. Austria and I never got along well in the past, but at least he made an effort to be friendly. I wanted to show that I was better than him -especially as a kid, I must admit I was very insecure, and I always tried to cover it up with arrogance- so I called him Sissy and always made fun of him." He told some more stories: how he had insulted several nations the moment he met them in an attempt to look 'strong and independent', how he had boasted about his strength until it inadvertently came back to bite him.  
"I was a difficult person to get along with," he finished with a sigh. "But what else could anyone expect, since I had received nothing but hatred from nearly the moment I'd been born?"  
"You do have a strong personality, from what I can tell," doctor Kron said with a nod of agreement. "But I can't see any reason why anyone would treat you that badly, I have to agree. I know it's my job to help people with this sort of thing, but I honestly do not see any way you could have lived through this and _not_ developed some issues in social interactions."  
Glad to finally hear it from a professional, Gilbert almost smiled. "Right? It's not like I wanted to be this way."  
The moment he said this, his own words hit him like a jolt of lightning. Damn. He _had_ never wanted to be who he was. Who he used to be, anyway. It hadn't been until earlier this century that he had begun to make a change. He liked who he was now, although of course not everything about him was ideal. No one was. But at least he didn't despise himself now… Not anymore.  
Looking at Kron, Gilbert could tell the man realised those words had brought about even more. But he was gentle about it. "Do you want to talk about it?"  
But Gilbert shook his head. "Maybe next time. I still have work to do."  
It was a feeble excuse, but then, it was also the truth. But Gilbert just felt he needed to think about this by himself some more before he would talk about it.

* * *

" _Gil!_ "  
Gilbert flinched instantly, pain jolting through his pounding head more strongly than before. "Lizzie, please," he grunted, closing his eyes. "I already have a headache."  
Hungary huffed, narrowing her brilliant green eyes in annoyance and anger. "Good, you should!" She walked over to her friend, and Gilbert received a gentle shove from her. "That's what you get for being out working from eight in the morning 'til almost ten in the evening! What were you _thinking?_ "  
Pushing Hungary away, the ex-nation went past her and flopped down onto the couch. "I didn't work all the time," he defended himself. "I also had a session with my psychiatrist in the afternoon, and I went out for lunch with Ben and Adam before that."  
Hungary came to stand over him, arms crossed over her chest. "And what about dinner? Did you even have one?"  
"Yes, _mum_."  
"Please tell me it wasn't in your lab."  
Gilbert frowned and shook his head. "Of course not! The risk of contaminating any of my tissue samples, or the blood, or…" He trailed off when he saw the stern look Hungary was still giving him. She was silently demanding him to tell her exactly what he had done and when, and he couldn't really help but give in. His head was hurting too much for him to want to deal with Hungary when she was like this.  
So he just sighed and admitted: "I had a couple of sandwiches in the adjacent office whilst writing reports."  
Finally Hungary dropped her act and knelt down beside the couch, looking at him in worry more than anger now. "You need to take better care of yourself, Gil. I know you like your work, but it's not healthy to constantly work or study like this. And going to a psychiatrist is not a proper break." She ran her fingers through his hair for a moment. "You need your rest, Gil. And much as I hate to have to say it, you need your rest all the more now that you're not a nation anymore. Humans aren't as strong, you know that."  
Gilbert huffed, his lips twisting into a smile as he closed his eyes again. He could barely keep them open anymore, he was that tired. "I know that better than anyone else by now, I believe," he mumbled in response. "Although I'm not sure yet why humans get tired more quickly -or at least, why my own stamina has practically been halved."  
Hungary hummed softly. "Worry about that some other time, sweetie," she told him softly. "Just sleep now."

* * *

By the start of January, both Hungary and Austria left again; they had been able to stay in Berlin over the holidays, but of course they had work to do, also.  
For Gilbert, an evaluation of his research was coming up near the end of the month. He was fairly certain his progress so far would not disappoint, but he wanted to get as much done as he could, anyway. The more he had to show for, the better. Germany didn't agree with it, but Gilbert worked through the weekends for two weeks. It left him quite exhausted, but more yet, it left him satisfied with the work he had managed to do.  
Then on January 20, it was the day of the evaluation.

One of the professors supervising the research read through Gilbert's notes and reports wide-eyed, the look on his face making the ex-nation's heart race with hope. The two of them were silent for a good fifteen minutes, the professor reading, Gilbert watching and waiting for his response.  
Then, finally, the man looked up. "This work you've got," he said to the ex-nation. "It is simply fascinating. You started over the course of last summer?"  
Gilbert nodded. "I figured I might as well start as soon as I could. A period without lectures or homework seemed like the perfect time to get work done."  
The man nodded as he flipped through the pages of Gilbert's reports some more. "I do hope you're taking time off, too, though," he stated. "For just one person, this seems like a lot of work." Looking at Gilbert again, he added: "Personally, I was against the eighteen-month deadline from the moment it was decided you could do this research. I seriously feel you should take it slower, Gilbert." His gaze hardened with what looked like concern. "Don't forget you're also still a student. I know you have an altered program for this year to allow for your research to be done, but it still seems like too much work for just one person."  
Gilbert shook his head, managing a little smile. "It's fine, professor. It is a lot of work, but I can manage. I enjoy both the studying and the research, at that." Though he said that, and though it was mostly true, he could not deny the man was probably right. Just as Hungary had been right, and Germany and Austria whenever they told him to rest. Over the past week at least, he could feel his body protest every single time he dragged himself to his lab or to a lecture. He wished he could say he slept well, but he pondered too much at night, keeping him awake more often than not.  
But what else could he do? He had to work. He wanted to pass his exams the coming years and get his degree, he wanted to establish Nation Biology as a new field of study, and he wasn't going to give up on any of it.  
But the professor leant forward, the concern ever more clear in his gaze. "Gilbert, remember I have years of medical experience behind me, also," he said in a gentle but insistent tone. "I have studied biology and I know the human body inside out. And what I'm seeing in front of me now doesn't look healthy." He sat back. "I know your work is important to you, but your health should always take priority."  
Gilbert just nodded, though he was quite annoyed with the way this man was talking. Of course he was only concerned and only being kind, but what gave him the right to lecture Gilbert like this? _I have more experience than you,_ he wanted to tell the professor. _As a medic, as a person…  
But not as a human.  
_He had always believed that nations and humans didn't have too much difference in stamina on average, but he was beginning to reconsider that now. Or maybe his own problems were more because of his declined health; he hadn't worked this hard in ages, so it's not like he could very well compare how he felt now to a previous situation quite like this.  
So maybe he had gone too far. At least now that he knew he had already exceeded expectations, he could take it more easy for a little while and rest up before continuing his research at full speed again.  
"Is there anything you would suggest I should include in my research, professor?" Gilbert simply asked, curious to see if there was anything specific people wanted to learn about nations.  
For a moment the professor was quiet, his gaze fixed on Gilbert. Then he sighed softly. "Well, since you ask, I must say it's fascinating to read how well you have already explained nations' heightened regenerative abilities," he said. "It would be interesting if you could explain their immortality, also."  
Gilbert just blinked at him. "What…?"  
The man explained calmly: "Since you've discovered so much in so little time, I truly believe you can one day crack this enigma, too." His lips twisting into a tiny smile, he added: "Just don't overdo it, okay? The key to immortality is likely not easy to find; I don't expect you to be able to explain it within the time frame you've been given for this particular research, so don't push yourself too hard just because I said this. Understood?"  
Before Gilbert could react, the professor finished by saying: "You are going to go far with this, Gilbert. I look forward to reading all of your work in the future. If it was solely up to me, you would have already received a PhD for all you've managed to do so far."  
Gilbert didn't know how to respond anymore. He just looked at the man, feeling dizzy with sheer gratitude. Eventually he cracked a grin. "I'll be sure not to disappoint you, professor."

* * *

Later that same day, Gilbert went out for lunch with Adam and Benjamin; they had told him a while ago that they wanted to hear everything about the evaluation of his research, and they wouldn't give him a chance to go home before he had told them.  
Now that they sat at a table with him, though, they seemed ready to go back on that particular comment.  
"He actually said that?" Adam burst out disbelievingly when Gilbert told them what the professor had told him about having granted him a PhD if he could. The young man's eyes were shining. "That's amazing!"  
Ben was smiling, also. "It sure is," he agreed. "Imagine what that would be like! Not even two years into university and already getting a PhD. You're a bloody genius, you know."  
Gilbert grunted. "Yeah, well, I've had literal centuries to work on this," he mumbled in response, gingerly rubbing his temples. He was having another one of those blasted headaches. He had those a lot lately.  
Adam barked out a short laugh. "That's true! Cheater."  
Sending his friend an annoyed glance, Benjamin looked less amused at this reminder that Gilbert was an ex-nation. Then he just sighed and looked back at the albino. "So, mister Genius," he said, in a more stiff tone than before. "Mind telling me what day it is?"  
Confused, Gilbert stared at him. "What…?"  
"What day is it?" Benjamin repeated fiercely. "Date, day of the week, just whatever. Tell me."  
Though he was thoroughly confused about this question, Gilbert decided to just roll with it and answer. "It's January…" he began. "…The twentieth. It's a…" Why was this so hard? "…Wednesday…?"  
"It's Friday," Benjamin replied with a blank stare. "Good job on remembering the date, though. Frankly, with how worn out you look, I'd thought you would be incapable even of remembering that much."  
Adam feigned flinching at this comment. "Ouch. Little harsh maybe?" He then took a swig of his drink, adding more quietly: "I can't disagree with you, though."  
With a deep sigh, Gilbert glared at them both. "Does one of you have a paracetamol, by any chance?" he grumbled, deciding not to respond to Ben anymore now. "My head is seriously killing me here."  
"Yeah, that's the problem, silly," Adam told him, poking him in the cheek. "You don't need a painkiller, you need sleep."  
Gilbert huffed. "I have something to celebrate here, dammit," he muttered, annoyed. "I'll sleep, trust me, just as soon as I get home. But first I just want to have a moment to celebrate today's good news."  
"You've got to be the most stubborn asshole I've ever met, in every single thing you do," Benjamin told him stiffly, narrowing his eyes at the ex-nation. "You lied to us all for over a year because you wanted to be accepted as a human. Then will you accept that you're human, dammit?! Humans need sleep, and a lot of it, too!"  
By now, Gilbert was gritting his teeth in frustration. "Well, so do nations! And besides, I've got no proof yet that I'm human."  
"And whose fault is that?"  
All three young men were quiet after Benjamin said those words. He and Gilbert were staring each other down, while Adam glanced from one to the other and back again, clearly uncomfortable with the sudden tension.  
Eventually Adam sighed, breaking the silence in a quiet voice. "Surely you could have run a quick test on your own blood by now, if you'd really wanted to know…?"  
Rolling his eyes, Gilbert grunted. "Great, now you're on _his_ side?"  
"Sides?" Benjamin asked calmly, raising an eyebrow as he sat back and crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't recall there being sides in this conversation. And if there were, then Adam and I have been on your side more than you've been yourself the past minutes."  
Arguing was only making his headache worse. Gilbert grumbled something and leant forward over the table, hiding his face in his arms. He wished Benjamin would just shut up and let him be, if only because his head was pounding so badly. But at the same time he was touched by the fact the man still considered him a friend enough to lecture him in this way. It felt completely different from the shorter lecture the professor had given him earlier. More heartfelt.  
"Look, whether you're a human or a nation or somewhere in between, the fact of the matter is that you're not a robot or a wax doll, so you've got a body with certain needs," Benjamin went on, still mostly calm, though he seemed to be losing his patience. "You're already displaying enough symptoms of severe exhaustion; don't you think it's about time you actually listen to your body?"  
Feeling dizzy just sitting there with his eyes closed, Gilbert could no longer deny that his friends were right. All of them had been, from Hungary to Germany and Austria to these two. He had been overdoing it for weeks now, and he would pay a hefty price if he didn't slow down now. He had in fact already accepted that he would have to slow down a bit on his work, but that he didn't even have the energy to enjoy himself anymore was what got to him now. The one thing he could not accept. Although, in all honesty, the only thing he found hard to accept was that he'd been stupid enough to let it come to this. He should be smarter than that.  
Bored of waiting for a response, it seemed, Benjamin said lightly: "You know, Larissa won't like it if I tell her you've worked yourself into hospital. As a patient, that is."  
Immediately, Gilbert looked up, his heart skipping a beat. "What?" The whole statement confused him. "You mean, you've been talking to her?"  
Most of his seriousness now faded, Benjamin chuckled as he met Gilbert's gaze. "Uh… yes? She's my friend, too, remember? Which, mind you, is your doing." He shrugged, laughing for a moment. "It's what you get for introducing people with compatible personalities to each other, you know?"  
Gilbert felt his heart pounding against his ribs. "So… So how is she?"  
Amused, Benjamin just shook his head and smiled before answering. "She's doing fine as ever," he told his friend. "She's asked me to keep her updated on anything important while she's busy untangling your little web of lies for herself. She's making some significant progress on that, by the way. I can't promise you anything, but I think it's safe to say you'll hear from her soon."  
His chest filling with warmth, Gilbert took a moment to process those words. "But she seemed determined to have nothing to do with me until she was done processing what I told her..." he mumbled to himself. "So why would she…?"  
This time it was Adam who answered. "I don't know her very well, but if I'm interpreting everything right," he said with a shiver of laughter in his voice, "it's for the simple reason that she's absolutely head over heels for you, buddy."  
"Understatement," Benjamin snorted, grinning wide. "I don't know how you did it, Gil, but you've got her pretty smitten with you."  
Gilbert shrugged, trying not to show how much he enjoyed hearing that from others, too. It made him all the more certain it was the truth, at least. And over the past weeks, the more he thought about it, the more he wanted it to be true.  
"I don't know what I did, either," he mumbled, smiling a little. "I never intended for this to be the outcome of our friendship, but I… I don't mind if it is."  
Adam hummed, then suddenly looked at the ex-nation curiously. "I was just wondering," he began in a casual tone, "but in a life as long as yours… Well, bluntly put, how many girlfriends have you had by now?"  
"Two."  
The answer seemed to baffle both Adam and Benjamin, who at first had sighed and rolled his eyes when Adam had asked his question. Gilbert decided to elaborate a bit. "That includes my wife, Brandenburg, who was unfortunately killed in battle in 1704. And I've also had this brief affair with a man." With another short shrug, he concluded, "That's all, really."  
His two friends stared at him in astonishment for a moment. Then Adam went on almost tentatively. "So if we add Larissa -can we add her?- that would be an average of one love interest every two-hundred years." He seemed to need a moment to process that information, then raised an eyebrow questioningly. "Is it a Medieval thing to be so… chaste?"  
By now, Gilbert managed a chuckle also. "No, I'm just not much of a people person, which makes it nearly impossible to build meaningful relationships with people, even more so if that relationship is going to be a romantic one." Glancing up at his two friends, he cracked a smile. "Honestly, you guys are two of those rare exceptions who don't seem to mind spending time with me. Thanks for that."  
Adam and Benjamin smiled now, too. "No problem," Benjamin said, in perhaps the warmest tone he's spoken in for weeks on end. "I'll admit your social skills can be a bit lacking at times, but nothing that can't be forgiven, and overall, you're a good friend."  
Adam nodded. "It's not that I _don't mind_ spending time with you, I _like_ it. Don't be stupid, Gil; you don't have to thank people for just being your friends."  
"I don't have to," Gilbert replied happily, "but that doesn't mean I can't." After saying this, he broke off in a long yawn.  
"So will you now listen to your friends' advice and go home to rest?"  
"…Fine."

* * *

"Good afternoon, brother."  
Gilbert greeted his little brother with a yawn and a tired wave before he slumped down on a chair at the table. Suppressing another yawn, he asked sleepily: "How long have I been out cold…?"  
Germany let a tiny smile form on his lips. "You're a smart guy, how about you do the math?" When Gilbert grumbled in protest, Germany turned to look at him, amusement sparking in his pale blue eyes. "You went to bed at six yesterday," the young nation told him. "It's three now."  
As the tired ex-nation worked his brains into figuring out how many hours he'd been in bed, he sighed. "Fuck, and I'm still exhausted," he complained with a grunt after realising he'd slept for nearly a full day.  
Silently, Germany came to join him at the table. He looked at his brother in a mixture of amusement and pity, both emotions fighting to get the upper hand in his gaze. "You needed that sleep, Gilbert," he said in a careful tone. "And I reckon you'll need more yet. You've been overworking yourself for weeks on end."  
The nation gave his brother a soft nudge, and Gilbert glanced up at him. "Give yourself a week off," Germany suggested. "Don't go to university, don't do your research. Just rest and get yourself together again."  
To his own surprise, Gilbert didn't feel any sense of resistance and displeasure for this suggestion. More easily than he had thought he would, he nodded. "All right, I will."  
Germany also looked surprised. He blinked once, stared at his brother in confusion, then asked him in a stunned tone: "You… will?"  
Again Gilbert just nodded and smiled. "You're right, after all," he admitted finally, fidgeting for a heartbeat or two. "You've all been right all this time. I have been working far too hard for far too long. I've been enjoying it, but that doesn't take away the fact I will need time off every now and again. And I've surpassed expectations, apparently, both my own and those of my superiors, so it's not like I can't afford to take it easy for a bit."  
Still astonished by this sudden 180-turn his brother seemed to have made, Germany was silently staring at him for a moment longer. Then he smiled. "I'm glad you've seen some sense," he said warmly. "It took you long enough."  
At the moment he said this, Gilbert was already getting back to his feet and making his way over to one of the bookshelves. He knew exactly what he was looking for, and with the book he wanted in hand, he flopped onto the couch and lay on his back. He'd been wanting to read this particular book for ages, ever since he'd seen his younger brother read it months ago and then hear him praise it for how well-written and intriguing the story was. He could tell the 'well-written' part had not been exaggerated from reading just the first page, and by the end of the first chapter, he was already hooked.  
All the while, he was faintly aware of Germany keeping an eye on him, but only for a few minutes it seemed. After that he grabbed the book he had been reading lately -the sequel to the one Gilbert had his eyes glued to right now- and joined his elder brother. And so they spent a solid hour at least, in content silence, enjoying each other's company and the world inside their books.  
And as they both had no work for the day, they took Berlitz out of the city for a stroll in the forest and spent a few hours out of the house that way, too. Doing this, they found they had more to talk about together than either of them had thought for the past few weeks. That they had missed each other's company even though they lived under the same roof.  
And that night, when they got back, Gilbert unexpectedly received a call from Larissa. She told him she'd heard of how well his research was received so far, and wanted to congratulate him. Next she asked him if he had time to meet her again the next week. She was ready to talk now.

And just then, Gilbert felt like everything in his life was going well for him.

* * *

 **So finally I figured out who I want Adam to be. A really open-minded, slightly 'silly' person. He's that kind of guy who might be inteligent enough to go to university, but if you hear him talk sometimes, you'd never guess. He can be a tad naïve, but his open-minded, laid-back personality also allows for him to be very forgiving when it comes to stunts like Gilbert pulled on him and the others.**

 **Benjamin isn't that forgiving, which I hope is portrayed clearly enough. He will give Gil a chance, and any other in his situation of course, but he won't soon let someone like that forget that what they did is unacceptable.**

 **And, obviously, Larissa is the kind of person who'll respond to this kind of thing by taking a step back and straightening things out in her mind. Try to figure out why the other would act like they did on her own, but not talking to them until she's had a chance to calm down and let things sink in so as to not lash out too angrily. If she hadn't walked away from Gil that day, I can just about picture her slapping him for it. Rightfully so, I must so, but it's good that she didn't...**

 **(And Werner is a name I and character I literally came up with on the spot when reminding myself that I had once clearly stated Gil usually hung out with either Larissa and/or _three_ fellow students, not two. So I'll just apologize here and justify it by making him a one-off character who wasn't too close with Gil to begin with. Easiest choice for him was to dump that liar instantly and get on with his life.)**

 **Also. Overworking. Constantly being tired. God, I wonder what that feels like *sigh*  
I'm starting to be more and more certain that I'm basing part of Gil's life here on my own right now. University life is busier than I had ever thought it would be and strangely, I don't even mind it so much for the simple reason that I love what I do. Although it sometimes gets on my nerves pretty badly. For all its downsides, I enjoy spending time with the friends I made and I even still have time to have a part in a play (and with the last rehearsals and then performances next week, it is going to kill any chance I have to keep up on homework, so maybe I don't have time for it after all... but who cares. It's fun.)**

 **Point being, I can really understand Gilbert. If you enjoy the work you're doing, it's so much easier to completely overwork yourself. That you enjoy something doesn't necessarilly mean it's not exhausting, so for anyone who hasn't experienced that first-hand yet, keep that in mind. Try not to let yourself hit that brick wall, whatever you do in life. Nothing is worth risking your health for.**

 **And with that, I'm out. Thank you all for reading once again, and I hope you're having a great day... week... life. And hopefully until the next chapter!**


	8. Chapter 8

**I finished this one pretty quickly, I think. It's not a very long chapter, but I hope you'll like it, anyway.  
Thanks to everyone who's read, reviewed, any or all of it. You're awesome!**

* * *

Seeing Larissa for the first time in weeks -months, if one didn't take into account the twenty-odd minutes they'd seen each other since she'd come back from her internship- felt both more awkward and more natural than Gilbert had expected. Of course he hadn't been fully separated from her in those weeks, as his family, mainly Saxony, had made sure he wouldn't forget about her for a second. He had been teasing and nagging his younger brother almost continually, especially whenever he found out Gilbert had dreamt about the charming young woman again, something he did more often than he liked to admit, although he wouldn't trade those dreams for anything.  
Larissa herself seemed more at ease than he had expected her to, also. Maybe the weeks she had spent away from him had really done her good.  
She had already made it clear that now that she had come to terms with Gilbert being something other than a human, she wanted to know more, if he was willing to tell her about it. So they sat somewhere, away from prying eyes and people who could overhear them talking, and Gilbert let her ask whatever she wanted to know. He had decided there was nothing he would hold back, to make up for having kept the truth from her for so long.  
"So first off," she began, curiosity sparking in her eyes. "How old are you?"  
Gilbert couldn't hold back a chuckle. "Are you sure?" She nodded, so he shrugged. "I've been around for eight hundred and three years. I was born in 1992, sometime at the start of the year, in the winter. When exactly, I don't know."  
"So your so-called birthday is a fake, too?"  
Gilbert shook his head. "It's as close as I can get to a true one," he explained. "It's the day I became a kingdom in the past, and later it was also the day I established the German Empire. It's the right season and a meaningful day to me. So… yes and no."  
Larissa hummed and nodded. "Then I'm sorry that I missed it this year," she said with a hint of laughter. She paused then, thinking, before she went on to ask: "So how about your family?"  
"You mean, is Ludwig really my brother?" Gilbert nodded calmly. "He really is my little brother, though the age difference between us is greater than it seems. He was born in 1871, so there's nearly seven centuries between us." He fell quiet, realising suddenly what she might have been referring to. He sighed deeply. "As for the rest… What I told you wasn't a complete lie. Closer to the truth than you might think, actually.  
"I never had a mother, and though my father Germania was alive when I was born, he was never able to raise me. Or he didn't, anyway. I never met him, not when I was old enough that I could remember. I was raised by knights in my earliest years, but I had to fend for myself when I was still very young. I raised Germany, so I was the only 'parent' he's ever had. As for the rest of our family, all the German states in the past had separate personifications once. Our siblings and our cousins. They're all dead."  
Larissa's eyes widened, shock shimmering in her brown irises. She was quiet for a moment, holding his gaze, then looked down instead. After a quiet sigh, she mumbled: "I'm sorry…"  
But Gilbert shook his head. "It's fine. It happened ages ago, and I'm over it. Mostly. Ludwig doesn't remember them much." He next asked if there was anything else she wanted to know.  
The young woman just looked up at him with wide, worried eyes. "Will it be better or worse than what you just told me?" When Gilbert told her that would depend on what she was going to ask, she decided it was worth giving it a shot. "How… With all that time to spend, what do you do with your life?"  
Gilbert smiled. "Well, I was always closely tied to the government," he explained to her. "Nations always are. For centuries I've lived close to or with my royal family, and worked with them to govern the nation on a day-to-day basis. I had diplomatic tasks, meeting with other nations in discussions about alliances or trade, sometimes with, sometimes without our leaders present. I was usually also expected to help raise my monarch's children, especially crown-princes, to bond with my next monarch as much as possible." Funnily enough, the one crown-prince a king had tried to keep him away from most of all at times had also become the monarch he had been closest to.  
Shaking off those thoughts, he went on with his story. "In times of war -and that was likely the majority of my life, really- I was tasked with leading the army. In times of peace, too, actually, I trained our soldiers and worked on strategies. I've been a soldier for the vast majority of my life, and a damn good one, if I do say so myself."  
Something of admiration now showed in Larissa's gaze, mingled with slight confusion. "You were a soldier?" she asked, as if she couldn't quite believe it.  
Gilbert nodded. "Fought in every war the Prussians have fought, from the Prussian Conquest to the Second World War. Although the latter I wasn't quite as active in the army anymore, not as a soldier. I was mostly a medic in those years." Why he found it so easy to talk about this now, he didn't really know very well. If anything, he guessed it was because it was Larissa he was telling about these things. Anyone else and he would no doubt have been more cautious about what he said.  
"Have you heard of the Preussenschlag in the thirties? The events of that day resulted in me having a brain haemorrhage, so I haven't been much of a fighter ever since. Too risky. But before that, people sometimes used to refer to me as a God of War. Even when I was little, I was one of the best in the ranks of Teutonic Knights. I won't be so arrogant as to lie and say I was undefeated, but if I was at full strength, the only ones who stood a chance against me one-on-one were fellow nations. Although, even among them, there were very few who could ever pose a threat to me. Russia and Sweden, for example."  
When he was finished, Larissa didn't respond right away. Her brown gaze was fixed on the floor as she mused: "Sounds like you enjoyed warfare…"  
 _Shit._ That wasn't exactly the impression Gilbert was hoping to leave on people. "I did not," he said, only half a lie. "I loved the adrenaline rush of fighting in battles and I took great pride in my strength and skill, but I never enjoyed meaningless killing. It's just that, in the heat of battle, you don't think about that. You think about winning and surviving. And when you fight in a war, protecting your people always comes first, and you'll just have to try not to think about the massacres." Larissa looked up at him as he spoke, and Gilbert locked gazes with her as he assured her: "I never shied away from battle, but warfare wasn't something I truly enjoyed. Not like I found I enjoy other, better things, such as healing."  
In response to this, Larissa looked up and smiled a little. "You don't have to apologize," she told him with a hint of laughter. "I may not be a fan of fighting, but if it was your job, I won't judge." She then made a noise that was somewhere between a short laugh and a cough, and added hastily and awkwardly: "Just so long as you won't… _kill_ ever again, of course. I _will_ judge you if you do."  
Now it was Gilbert's turn to laugh, and he shook his head. "Don't worry about that," he assured her with a smile, placing his hand over hers in a reflex. "I've had enough of killing for several lifetimes. Now I just want a chance to save lives, which is why I'm studying to be a doctor."  
A second or so before he finished talking, he realised the position he had placed himself in, his hand folded over Larissa's, facing her directly. He felt his face grow warm with embarassment and started to pull his hand back. But before he could, Larissa turned her hand with her palm against his, then coiled her fingers gently around his wrist. For a brief moment he wasn't sure what to do, but then he calmed himself and let his heart settle down again. If she was okay with it, then so was he. So he shifted a little, also, and moments later they sat talking while loosely holding hands.  
"You must have known quite a number of famous historical people, mm?" Larissa mused after a little while, smiling as she stared in the distance. Her brown eyes were twinkling with wonder at the thought. "All the people I've heard about in history class when I was younger…"  
Gilbert huffed in silent laughter. "I suppose so," he mumbled, almost surprised at her tone. He'd never thought it very special, and since he'd always been surrounded by nations before, he'd never known anyone close to him to think it special, either. "I haven't thought of it that way yet… Would you believe me if I said Frederick the Great was my best friend back in the day?"  
Larissa whipped around to face him, wide-eyed, disbelief flashing in her gaze for only a moment before she seemed to remind herself who she was talking to and accepted it. Still. "You've got to be kidding…" Before Gilbert could answer and promise her he wasn't, she already shook her head. "No, of course you're not; he was your monarch, it's… logical you had a close relationship."  
For almost a minute straight, Larissa was talking to herself like that, listing all the reasons why it made sense that the personification of Prussia had not only known, but had actually been good friends with one of his most famous kings. Gilbert just listened, amused, trying not to laugh when she seemed to freak out a little.  
"You were friends - _best friends_ \- with _Frederick the Great_?" the young woman burst out after a minute, still struggling to wrap her head around it, clearly.  
Gilbert couldn't help but chuckle now. "You know his nickname?"  
"Old Fritz, you mean?"  
The ex-nation nodded. "I called him that since the day he was born. Fritz, I mean. I didn't call a baby 'old', obviously." He smiled at the memories. "He didn't like it if I called him anything else. There were people from whom he didn't accept being called 'Fritz', but he hated it even more if I called him 'Frederick'; said it sounded like an insult, coming from me. As if I were angry with him. I can see why, I suppose."  
As he watched Larissa nod slowly, taking it in with slight difficulty, Gilbert thought it best not to go into more detail here.  
It didn't take very long for Larissa to shake off her astonishment and look at Gilbert with a deep curiosity in her gaze. "I've been wondering," she began softly, almost tentatively, averting her gaze momentarily. "Last year, when you…. When you came out of that lecture all freaked out, and you wouldn't tell me what was wrong…" Gilbert's stomach lurched as she spoke, but he'd promised both her and himself that he would be honest with her now. He just hoped she would accept the truth without too much detail, because he didn't want to go there. Not now.  
Meanwhile, as he pondered over this, Larissa took a deep breath and put the question forward: "Did that have to do with your past as a nation? I guess I understand why you wouldn't tell me before, but if anything like it happens again, I want to be able to help this time. So please… What was it about?"  
Would there ever come a day he could escape this? Let go of these blackest pages in his personal history? If he'd ever believed he could, by now he had officially lost all hope of it.  
But he would keep his word. More reluctant than he'd been about anything he'd told her up to this point, Gilbert started talking shakily. "In the Second World War, I was imprisoned in Auschwitz for several months. Have you heard of the medical experiments they performed on prisoners?"  
He didn't need to say anything more, it seemed. Thankfully. Larissa's eyes widened in shock and dismay, her complexion paled with horror. When Gilbert was about to say more, she stopped him. "It's okay," she told him quickly, her voice trembling. "You don't need to… I think I've already got a pretty clear picture."  
Gilbert just thanked the heavens that she seemed to think so. The less he had to say on this topic, the better. He stiffened when suddenly he was held in an embrace. But the sudden tension in his muscles left as quickly as it came, warmth flooding him instead. He smiled carefully.  
"It's not that bad," he tried to convince the young woman holding him. "I mean, it would be a lie if I said it didn't still affect me sometimes -you've seen how bad it can get- but it's not so bad on a day to day basis. If there's nothing to confront me with it, I can generally manage not to think about it much, and then I'm fine. That day was just… a very direct confrontation, and I couldn't deal with that." No response came, so he began to gently push her away and smiled a little sheepishly. "You don't have to feel sorry for me, you know."  
Larissa met his gaze a little indignantly, but sadness was the dominant emotion in her brown eyes. "How can anyone not feel bad for you," she retorted in a soft voice, "after hearing what you've been through all your life -eight centuries long!"  
Touched, Gilbert smiled even more awkwardly. "Well, you'd be surprised how many people manage exactly that," he stammered with a hint of laughter. "But trust me when I say that despite all the bad things that have happened to me, there's also been plenty of good things."  
Larissa seemed almost too relieved at this. "Well then, _tell_ me some of those good things!" She managed to laugh a little now, too. "Might cheer me up again, too!"  
"I was only answering your questions, remember? You asked for all this." Shaking his head in amusement, Gilbert decided he might as well start up a potentially risky topic. That is, until he and Larissa had figured out once and for all what they meant to one another, this might not be the best thing to talk about. But at the same time, it might be best to do so now, since she now specifically asked for a happier story, and also so that it wouldn't be like another bomb dropping on her later. To show her that he truly wanted to be honest with her from now on, about everything.  
"Well," he began with a short sigh. "First off, it might be good to know that, generally speaking, merging two nations under something like a Personal Union would mean marriage between the two personifications. Now you may remember the Personal Union of Brandenburg-Prussia from your history lessons."  
Larissa listened intently, seemingly quite intrigued by this information. Hearing that last sentence, she nodded to herself. "So you've been married." She said this as a conclusion, not a question.  
Gilbert hummed. "Yes. It was an arranged marriage, one that we both fiercely protested against at first. Brandenburg and I had always been good friends and were perfectly happy just being each other's cousins. We didn't want to marry and risk ruining that."  
As he spoke, the ex-nation glanced to his side, where Brandenburg was standing. She was watching the conversation between Gilbert and Larissa quietly, a warm smile on her lips and a happy twinkle in her eyes. It felt good to know she was so accepting of the situation and any outcome it could have; that had been quite different back when she was still alive. But of course, that only made sense.  
He went on. "But thankfully, ours was one of those rare cases where an arranged marriage actually worked out really well. We always cared for each other deeply, but instead of making things worse, our marriage only made our relationship better. And one of the upsides to being nations was that we could be together for far longer than humans normally can." Gilbert glanced sideways at Larissa and grinned, feeling quite certain that his next words would be another bit of info that could surprise her. "Brandenburg and I were married for over eighty years, after all."  
Thankfully, Gilbert's fears of offending Larissa or anything of the sort with this story turned out to be unnecessary: she was just smiling as he told her all this. "I always felt sorry for people back then," she said in a soft tone once he was finished. "Having to marry for politics rather than love always seemed like a horrible concept. It's good to know people could actually have both." She was quiet for a moment after that, until she suddenly asked: "What was she like? Uh, that is… Assuming Brandenburg was a woman…?"  
That last bit made Gilbert laugh, and being unable to answer with words just then, he nodded. "Yes, she was," he said once his laughter died down again. "Although, mind you, it wasn't impossible for two nations of the same sex to be married to one another -for some reason, people didn't mind that so much. Probably didn't consider it homosexuality, but then, I wouldn't have a clue as to why not. Anyway, Brandenburg was… Well, she was definitely headstrong. I always said that what skill she lacked with a sword, she had double with her tongue, which could be as sharp as a blade if she wanted it to be. She knew exactly what she wanted and how she wanted it, and had the wits to get things done her way, too, most of the time. We made a good team like that: I had the military skills and knowledge, and she was extremely good in diplomacy. Well, if she wasn't angry, that is."  
Somewhere beside him, Gilbert could hear Brandenburg chuckle at this, and she agreed joyfully.  
Smiling at this, Gilbert went on. "But beneath that business-exterior, she was so gentle and kind… Always ready to help others, always loving and caring toward those dear to her. To be honest… you remind me of her at times."  
This seemed to take the young woman aback a little, and she blinked in confusion. "I… do?"  
Was it that hard to understand, even after his description of Brandenburg? Gilbert nodded, insisting. "Absolutely. You can be blunt and, occasionally, even a bit rude, but I've never known you to bear anyone any ill will. You know exactly how you feel about things and are generally strong-willed enough to let others know, too. Yet it's so obvious how much you care about others that it's nearly impossible to take your words the wrong way. Not at all unlike Brandenburg."  
With every word he spoke, he realised he hadn't thought of it quite like this before. Not whilst actually paying much attention to it, anyway. But it did explain why he felt as strongly about Larissa as he did. Actually, he had always had a thing for strong-willed women. Brandenburg, Hungary and now Larissa; he couldn't really help it. He just liked it when women weren't the obedient little sheep some people wanted them to be, or like which had been expected of women until relatively recently.  
 _Well, what do you know?_ It was almost laughable that he only really came to this conclusion now. _Over eight hundred years down the line, and I can still learn new things about myself. That's… actually almost pathetic._  
"Well," Larissa said with a soft sigh. "I think I've been digging into your personal life long enough now. Thanks for being so open and honest this time… I really appreciate it."  
Gilbert shrugged. "No problem. I mean, getting started on it is the most difficult. Once you've got that part down, talking about all the rest is not so much of an issue anymore. And really, you deserved honesty from my part by now."  
"Still." Larissa turned, and Gilbert was certain she was going to get up from the bench. But she didn't, and instead leant over to him and gave him a careful kiss on the cheek, _then_ got up. "Thank you, anyway."  
Almost certain that he was blushing like a lovesick little schoolboy, Gilbert stammered again that it was not anything to thank him for. He was even more certain that his pale face suddenly possessed colour when Larissa chuckled softly before asking him if he wanted to go out for a drink with her.  
With an undoubtedly awkward smile, the ex-nation nodded. "Sounds great."

* * *

Germany sighed deeply and shook his head, confusing Gilbert. He had only been telling his younger brother about what his day had been like and how the conversation with Larissa had gone, just as the nation had asked of him. What was this reaction for?  
"Honestly, brother, when will you make it official?" Germany said with a snort of amusement and a grin on his lips. His pale blue eyes were alight with joy and a certain mischief. "You're both so obviously smitten with each other -stop pretending to be friends and nothing else."  
Gilbert smiled awkwardly, instantly feeling strangely uncomfortable yet comfortable at the same time again, like he always did when someone brought this up. "W-well, it's not that easy," he stammered in protest, pricking a potato in half with his fork. "A relationship like that is a two-way affair, Ludwig. She has to want it, too, and-"  
"And she _does_ ," Germany interrupted him with an almost exasperated grunt. "Gilbert, that was almost painfully obvious even back when I first met her! She's been pining after you for almost a year, if I estimate it right. And by now, I'm seriously getting tired of how you act when you talk about her. Will you just get a move on and marry that girl?"  
Gilbert now nearly choked on his mouthful of potato. Coughing to dislodge what had got stuck in his throat, he looked up at his younger brother in astonishment. "Don't talk about that," he pleaded hoarsely. "Not for ages yet. Not until she and I have actually had a chance to see if a relationship between us would work out, until we've both finished our studies and research, until…" Well, until what else? The first two things he'd named were things he could get behind fully, but he couldn't think of anything else. Not that it mattered.  
Germany rolled his eyes. "Trust me, from what I can tell, the two of you would be almost perfect for one another, so that shouldn't be an issue. Your studies? You're both doing an excellent job at that, and I doubt you'll need much more than two years now to graduate. But all right, I'll admit that that was a bit rash of me to say. But at least ask her out -on a _real_ date, not the make-believe _'friendly'_ dates you've had so far. You'll see that everything will work out just fine."  
Gilbert couldn't protest against any of that, really. Still, he huffed indignantly at the tone his younger brother used. "You're one to talk, Ludwig," he grumbled softly, frustrated only because of how uncomfortable all this made him feel. "You've never had _any_ sort of relationship, nor any interest in one -unless I've missed something?"  
Germany just calmly shook his head. "No, you're right. But I've read enough books to know how to recognise a couple-to-be like the two of you, and I've known you long enough to see that she makes you happier than even your research does. And that's all I want -a chance for you to be happy in your last years, however few or many you may still have." His gaze softened a bit when he said this, and it was clear to Gilbert that he was genuine about this. "If she's all it takes for you to be happy, then who or what is holding you back, other than yourself?"  
For a moment, Gilbert wasn't sure how to respond to this. And just as he got an idea what he could say, Germany spoke again, not giving him a chance to say anything. "Sure, finish your studies and do your research, because I've seen how happy it makes you to busy yourself with that. But how about, from now on, you devote a bit less time to that, and instead devote that time to Larissa? Just a suggestion."  
And now Gilbert realised that there was nothing to say to any of this, anyway. All he could do, really, was smile and nod, a silent promise that he would do as his younger brother suggested. So he did.

* * *

Later that week, Gilbert sat in his lab, dripping some blood into a petri-dish. A few more drops onto a separate glass disc, which he carefully shoved under a microscope. Calmly he inspected, made notes, checked again and cleaned up. Tomorrow the blood in the petri-dish should have reacted to the chemicals he'd mixed it with. What was left in a tube would be fine until tomorrow if he kept it properly chilled, and then he would put in a centrifuge and do some last tests. Then he would know for sure.  
He took off his lab coat, plucked the cotton ball that was taped to his skin from his arm, satisfied to see that he had slid his needle in neatly enough that he had not a trace of a bruise surrounding the almost-closed little hole.  
What Germany said had been true. Not just concerning Larissa, but a number of other things as well. The only thing that had been holding Gilbert back, had been himself. And he would no longer do any of that. He was determined to do everything he had promised himself more than a year ago.  
So as a first, tomorrow he would know for certain what he was.

And so, barely twenty-four hours later, the results of his test buzzing in his mind, Gilbert approached Larissa, who sat waiting for him on a low fence surrounding the restaurant they were going to have dinner at. She had dressed for the occasion: a plain, light blue dress, a bit frilly at the bottom but not very much so, reaching to just over her knees. A darker blue bolero over it. Her dark brown hair was pulled back in a ponytail, exposing two light blue earrings that she wore more often but were generally hidden by her hair, matching her dress perfectly. Gilbert couldn't recall having seen her like this before. She'd never felt the need to dress up like this.  
As he was now slowly getting used to, his heartbeat sped up significantly just seeing her. Taking a deep breath, he went her way with resolute strides.  
She smiled when she saw him. "Hey, Gil," she greeted him joyfully. "So, what's that big announcement you mentioned? You got me curious the moment you call-"  
He didn't even give her a chance to finish what she was saying. The very moment he stood in front of her, Gilbert cupped his hands under her jaw and pulled her into a kiss. His entire body seemed to tingle with excitement and bliss when she went along completely, leaning in closer, snaking her arms behind his neck and pressing herself against him. Gilbert, meanwhile, moved his hands down to her shoulders, letting them rest there for only two seconds before they made their way down to her waist and gently curled around it.  
The seconds it took them to part again felt like a perfect little eternity, and without even taking a moment to catch his breath, Gilbert leant with his forehead against hers and breathlessly told her his news. "I'm human now."  
"What?"  
He couldn't prevent a wide smile from forming on his lips now, and could only barely suppress a chuckle or two. He hadn't known how much he wanted this to be the outcome until he'd known how much he wanted _her_. "Going by what I found in my blood, I'm biologically almost identical to humans now. Still a hint of nation in me, but barely any. It means I'm mortal now, that I should age like a regular human, that I can _be_ a regular human." He leant back a little, looking into her beautiful brown eyes, which were shining with joy, albeit mingled with ever so slight a hint of confusion. Gilbert felt his heart pounding against his ribs, holding her close like this, and was almost certain that it was beating hard enough for her to feel, also. "It means the last thing I could consider an obstacle is gone. That I can do this without any reservations."  
Not a second later, their lips connected again. Larissa had one hand on the back of his head, her fingers between his hair. She was gripping it quite tightly, but he didn't mind it one bit. Warmth was coursing through his veins as he held her, kissed her, felt her arms around him. A warmth that only increased when she ended the kiss, leant back to look at him, and smiled contently.  
"Just as I want it to be…"

* * *

 **So. Yeah. I think that's the most detailed kiss I've ever written, and I still don't know what it's like. So like I've said once or twice before, if anything romantic in my stories is awkward or just plain weird, forgive me. Like Germany, my knowlegde comes from books and television ^~^'**

 **Anyway, new step in the story, a new 'arc' if you will. I still have so many years planned for Gil... Unless I run dry of ideas, this story isn't going to end for a while yet, I think.**

 **I hope you all enjoy it enough to stick around for the full ride! Thank you for reading yet again.**


	9. Chapter 9

**So uh, this took a while to finish again. Anyway, provided I don't fail any of my upcoming exams, the academic year will be over at the end of this month. So hopefully by then I will have time for some minor research and just writing in general.  
I hope so, anyway.**

 **Thanks for reading, and I hope you'll enjoy this chapter! A new stage in Gilbert's research...**

* * *

It was awfully quiet when Gilbert came home. When no dog came running to check for potential intruders, he quickly concluded that Germany had gone out for a walk with Berlitz. Lucky break.  
The ex-nation hung up his coat, put away his shoes and went into the kitchen. Germany had left a newspaper on the table, and Gilbert just quietly poured himself a drink, sat down and started scanning it a bit. Try as he might, though, he couldn't focus on what he was reading, and he didn't remember a sentence anymore the moment he reached the dot at the end. Everything that had happened yesterday was still buzzing in his mind, pushing away every other thought that might try to fight its way into his mind.  
He hadn't been home for more than five minutes when the door opened and the sound of blunt claws scrabbling over the floor came from the hallway. Some rustling, then the hallway door opened to let in Germany and Berlitz. The young nation halted in the doorway, staring at his brother in surprise.  
"What time did you come back last night?" he asked curiously after a few seconds. "I didn't hear you come home at all."  
Gilbert didn't answer, just looked back at his younger brother, silent.  
It took Germany no more than a few seconds to start grinning. "You came home just now, didn't you? Must've gone well, then."  
Clearing his throat, Gilbert nodded in response. After having dinner with her, he'd gone home with Larissa, and ended up spending the night there. That wasn't particularly something he wanted to talk about with his brother. But though it had certainly been the most enjoyable part of his day, it hadn't been the only significant event.  
So he gestured to Germany to sit down, saying he had something to tell him. The nation looked curious and somewhat surprised, but didn't say anything and did as requested. Gilbert took a deep breath. "Over the past week, I've done tests on myself to find out… Well, you know."  
Germany's eyes flashed with surprise and a hint of fear was audible in his voice as he asked: "And… you've got results?"  
The ex-nation nodded. "I'm closer to being human than anything else. The percentage of platelets and other such factors in my blood is slightly above average still, but far below the standard for nations. Same thing with my immune system." It probably would come in handy, given he wouldn't lose these qualities and become exactly like humans. "Also, going by what I can see in the mirror, I've been aging quite like a human the past years, too."  
He paused for a moment, waiting for a response from Germany. When that didn't come, Gilbert sighed. "We already know that I can't injure a nation as lastingly as nations can… In short, I think it's safe to say I'm now a human with a very strong immune system. So… Well, that's about it so far."  
A short silence followed, until Germany asked tentatively: "So then, what's next?"  
"Next?" Wasn't that obvious? Gilbert smiled reassuringly. "We just go on like we've been doing the past years. Nothing has changed except we now have some clarity. We still don't know how many years I've got left, and I doubt we'll find out before I actually die. We've got nothing to adjust to, nothing to keep in mind. Only some potentially helpful information."  
Even as he said this, Gilbert could see that his brother would need some more time to let the information sink in properly. The young nation just sighed. "Will you tell the others?"  
Gilbert gave a short nod, trying again to reassure Germany with a gentle smile. "Of course I will. I'll give Austria and Hungary a call today, and I'll let Scotland, France and Spain know, too. And Ben and Adam, of course."  
At the end of the small list, Germany narrowed his eyes in what looked eerily close to suspicion and even slight anger. "Might I ask why Larissa is absent from that list?" he asked with an edge to his voice that sent a stab of guilt into Gilbert's heart.  
Knowing for certain that Germany had already deduced this, the ex-nation had no choice but to admit it. "She already knows…"  
Germany huffed. "You told her before you told me," he said sharply. "I get she would be one of the first to hear, but _the first_? I really thought that would be reserved for your brother." The cold anger in his tone was impossible to miss. Gilbert tried to say something, but the nation cut him off before he could. "You really didn't think of maybe dropping by to share the news before you went off and jumped into bed with your new girlfriend? Some great prioritising right there."  
"I'm sorry, all right?" Germany's anger was like a cold dagger to the chest. It was justified anger, he knew that, yet at the same time it felt almost unfair, and that was a strange combination. He didn't know whether to be defensive or apologetic. "I messed up, and I'm sorry about that."  
For a few seconds, there came no response from Germany, but eventually he sighed. "Well, what's done is done, anyway," he mumbled, still a little agitated. "And I'm sure you didn't mean anything by it… So whatever. It's fine."  
Though he said that, Gilbert couldn't shake the feeling that it wasn't quite fine yet. But he honestly didn't know what else to say, so he didn't say anything. Maybe if this was left alone long enough, it would just pass without any more trouble.

* * *

Telling the others about his newfound humanity went no worse or better than he had thought. Both Austria and Hungary responded with calm acceptance and some mild but genuine enthusiasm when they heard how positive Gilbert thought about it himself, but they were both unable to hide a hint of sadness that lay in their voices, also. It was a feeling Gilbert could well understand: though this information seemed to bring nothing but clarity, but in truth it also brought a definitive confirmation of what they had already known. Gilbert wasn't going to be around forever, and in nations terms, his time left was short. It wasn't a very easy thing to accept, even after a few years of knowing about it, and it probably never would be.  
Next he called Scotland, who luckily happened to be home when Gilbert called. The old nation immediately expressed his surprise when hearing his friend on the other side of the line, and asked what was so important that he would make a phone call instead of contacting him otherwise, like they more commonly did.  
Gilbert sighed. He wasn't at all sure how his dear friend was going to take this. "Well, do you remember that I was hoping to find out what species I belong to now?"  
Scotland chuckled a bit at how he phrased it. "Sure I do. I may be old, but my mind isn't." After his short quip, he became more serious again, though he still had the same light-hearted tone in his voice. "So I take it you've finally found out?"  
"I did." Gilbert paused and nibbled on his lip, though only for a second. Telling Scotland about this might be one of the hardest part of it all, for whole different reasons than telling any of the others was difficult. "I, uh… Well, it's a bit more complicated than saying I'm still like a nation or that I'm human, actually. I guess I'd be somewhere in between right now. Although 'in between' doesn't necessarily mean 'in the middle', of course." He could only hope that Scotland was going to take it well. "No matter how you look at it or what you'd call it, I'm closer to being human now than anything else. So basically…"  
"I see," came Scotland's soft interruption, cutting him off when he really had nothing else to say, anyway. "So I guess you really are mortal now."  
Gilbert affirmed this quietly. Feeling nervous just thinking about how the Scot might feel about this, he tentatively went on to ask: "So are you… okay with that?"  
"Why wouldn't I be?" The words came out just a bit too sharp to not sound defensive. "And besides, what difference would it make how I feel about anything? I'm happy for you, you know. That you know for certain now." Though Gilbert knew he spoke the truth, he couldn't help but think that Scotland could also just be more honest about how he felt, instead of only about what he thought. "Just make the most of it, will you?"  
"Of course."  
Then a sigh. "Well, I was actually pretty busy, so if you don't mind…"  
"No, it's fine. It was good talking to you, even if just for a moment."  
"…Same here. Bye, laddie."  
Then Gilbert stood listening to the rhythmic beep of the phone for a moment longer, before he sighed and finally put it down. He couldn't even begin to imagine how jealous Scotland was of him right now. He would wait a little while before he would also tell him about his newfound relationship with Larissa.  
Scotland had told him more than once, sometimes more literally than other times, that he was getting tired of immortality after more than two-thousand years of it. How he envied humans for all their freedom in their short lives. That he would do anything for a chance to live like a human, with the ability to have a lover, a family, a life that would be satisfying yet finite. More than once, it had left Gilbert wondering if he would have ever wished for that himself, once he reached the age Scotland had. Now he knew that, once faced with all that, he would be reluctant to let go of it again if given the chance.  
He just hoped Scotland wouldn't begrudge him any of it.

* * *

As some people were more difficult to contact than others, it took Gilbert a few days to notify everyone he felt deserved or needed to know the results of his tests; France and Spain, but naturally also the Benelux and Switzerland and Liechtenstein. Even Russia, considering how close they had worked and lived together for decades, and though he could say no such thing of the nation's leaders back in the day, Gilbert could not deny that Russia had always treated him well. Most of the time, anyway. His human friends, too, of course, and at the start of a therapy session, also doctor Kron.  
After that, two weeks passed relatively calmly. Gilbert followed his younger brother's advice and spent a little less time on his studies, which still left him successful enough, really. He more eagerly followed the second part of Germany's suggestion, and spent that extra free time on Larissa, whether it be just to have some downtime with her or to help her study, something he rather enjoyed doing.  
The ex-nation was standing over de stove, baking a couple of sausages, while talking to Larissa, who sat at the table behind him. Gilbert was grinning wide as he tried to get the woman in a difficult position but struggled immensely to do so.  
"So how would you react if someone started speaking to you in Russian?" he asked in the language he named.  
Larissa didn't hesitate for a second before she responded in Russian, speaking fluently. "I would simply greet them and reply to whatever they said to me in the appropriate way, whichever that may be."  
Gilbert hummed, then switched to Japanese. "But of course, then you would also have a response for me right now?" He grinned wider yet when he heard a grunt behind him.  
"Gil, come on! You know I don't speak Japanese. If it were Chinese, though, that would be another matter entirely," she added in said language, a hint of laughter in her voice.  
Now there was a language Gilbert didn't speak. He had learnt a bit of Chinese from Larissa over the months, and was proud that he had understood -more or less- what she had said to him, but he couldn't formulate any sort of response. So, thinking hard, he tried something else. "And what if someone would start speaking multiple languages to you at the same time?" he asked her in a mixture of French and Spanish, something which came out with more difficulty than he had thought.  
Larissa laughed. "I would commend them for their creativity," she said in Spanish before adding in French: "And I would probably laugh at them for taking casual bilingualism to such an extent."  
Gilbert grumbled a bit to himself. There weren't many languages that he'd picked up in his eight centuries that this woman hadn't taught herself in her two decades-and-a-bit. He was thoroughly impressed, but also a bit frustrated with himself because of it. He had always been so proud of the effort he had put into learning other languages, but if someone could nearly surpass him in barely three or four percent of the time he had spent on it, did he really still have the right to take pride in his knowledge?  
" _Et linguas mortuas?_ " he asked her next, almost certain that she wouldn't be able to respond to this one. " _Loqueris linguam Latinam?_ "  
To his surprise, there actually came an answer. " _Non loquor, nam linguam Latinam difficillime ad loquendam est. Sed legere possum._ " Next, at the astonished look Gilbert sent her for this, Larissa laughed again. "I had Latin in high school for a few years, silly," she told him with a smile. "And I enjoyed it, so I tried to keep whatever knowledge I had of it intact."  
Even after that explanation, Gilbert couldn't do anything but stare at her for a moment, until finally he huffed in silent laughter. "You are absolutely awesome."  
"And you are both sickeningly sweet together," Germany suddenly commented, walking into the room with a wide, teasing grin on his lips.  
While Gilbert felt his face grow warm with embarrassment and turned all his attention on the meat he was baking, Larissa just shrugged with a hum. "I'll take that as a compliment. Thank you, Ludwig."  
Her cool and flat response gave Gilbert a surge of motivation to react like that, also. "I'm still waiting to see just how 'sickeningly sweet' you will get when it's your turn, little brother."  
In response to this, Germany grunted in annoyance. "For your information, Gilbert," he said almost defensively, "I am _perfectly happy_ being single, and I don't see that changing anytime soon."  
Larissa smirked at him as he joined her at the table. "No one ever sees it coming," she told the young nation with brown eyes twinkling with joy. "It just happens. And it will happen to you, too, someday."  
"I doubt it," Germany replied stiffly. "Either way, I'll be home late today, so could you take over walking with Berlitz for today?"  
Even though the request was clearly directed at Gilbert, Larissa answered quicker than he could. "Of course we will! Won't we, Berlitz?" She turned to the dog and called him, and Berlitz immediately came running and plopped his head onto her lap, wagging eagerly as the woman scratched him behind the ears. Berlitz was extremely fond of Larissa, and the feeling was mutual.  
Gilbert watched them with joy. Larissa had been coming over more frequently lately, but it was still good to see her getting along with Germany and even the dog. Naturally, he would hate for there to be any conflict between people that he cared it about, and he was overjoyed to find that he wouldn't have to worry about that happening here.  
Either way, there was something Germany seemed to have forgotten about. "I'll have to be at the university this afternoon, though," Gilbert reminded his little brother as he flipped the sausages a last time. They were almost perfect now. Almost. "That discussion, remember?"  
It wouldn't quite be an evaluation of his research, but one of the professors overseeing his work still wanted to discuss on a few matters with him, a few suggestions to improve on what the ex-nation had so far.  
Larissa then suggested that she could stay in the house while both brothers were out, to look after Berlitz during that time, if they were both all right with that. Germany wasn't quite as quick to agree as Gilbert was, but he didn't seem to mind it so much, either.  
So at least all those things were settled now. Gilbert then turned off the stove and served breakfast.

* * *

Gilbert couldn't quite place it, but from the moment he walked into professor Hanssen's office for their meeting, he felt strangely and inexplicably uncomfortable. Something about the man's voice as he invited the ex-nation had been off, and the look he gave him now as the albino sat down at his desk opposite of him had that same vibe to it.  
Still, the discussion began on a positive note: Gilbert once again received praise for his work, the professor stating he'd had trouble putting down the notes after he'd started reading them until he'd read it all at least twice.  
Hanssen then cleared his throat, seemingly ready to get down to business with the ex-nation. "Now this may come unexpectedly, as it does not quite relate to the research you have done so far, but nevertheless it's a question that I cannot stop thinking about." He chuckled briefly, a slight trace of a flush betraying how awkward he felt about what he would say; it did explain the uncomfortable atmosphere when Gilbert had entered, the ex-nation thought. "You have mentioned before that nations do not necessarily have two parents," the professor said. "Or in fact, some nations don't have even one parent. Yet your research shows that there is clear, biological proof of family ties between nations in spite of this. One has to wonder how this is possible. Or is that just me?"  
The words hit Gilbert harder than he could have thought. It _was_ a good question. Pondering it over, he mumbled a response to the professor. "I have never thought on it much," he confessed. "Back when I was a nation, it was just… It just _was_. Things are like that for us. Them, I mean. It's true that it is sometimes difficult to determine the exact familial bonds between nations, and much of it is left up to the nations' own choices. In my family, we decided that those we were closest to would be declared our siblings, while the more distant family members were our cousins. Now the German states did all have a common ancestor in Germania, and most would call him their father, and would then go on to call someone who also did so their cousin. It was… complicated."  
Hanssen hummed pensively, clearly intrigued but also not satisfied with an answer as vague as what he got. "While we're on the topic," he then went on, "another thing about this that continues to baffle me is the lack of nation offspring. That is, I assume that -though perhaps it does not happen as often as it does with humans- it is also not uncommon for nations to have sex, either with other nations or humans. And since it is clear that nations are not actually infertile -they _do_ have offspring, however rarely- it astounds me that nations only seem to procreate when a new nation is established."  
The man had been right in saying this topic was an unexpected one, but it did intrigue Gilbert. Here was something he'd never spent much time thinking about, but it was indeed a great mystery. Female nations had a normal menstrual cycle, almost identical to that of humans, which did suggest fertility, and yet it was exceedingly rare for them to get pregnant. So were it the male nations who were near-infertile? And if humans and nations were similar in many aspects, what were the differences between them that prevented cross-breeding between both species? Cross-breeding between different species was not impossible, as had been proven with experiments in the past, and it continued to be experimented with even now.  
And that was to not even mention the first thing the professor had mentioned: how was it possible for nations to just come into existence, as though out of thin air? How was it possible for a female nation to become pregnant without any interference from a male? To Gilbert's knowledge, there was no other species on this planet that worked that way. Nations were probably the only living creatures that could not-be and then suddenly _be_ , having been born from nothing, or 'born from the Earth', as he recalled Hungary describing it many centuries ago.  
"I can tell from your expression that you're as curious about this as I am," Hanssen then said, interrupting Gilbert's thoughts. The albino looked up to see the professor stare straight at him. He smiled a little as he saw the look on Gilbert's face, one of confusion and frustration over that confusion. "I don't know if it would fit in with the plans you have for your research as of yet, but perhaps it is something to look into?"  
"It most certainly is," Gilbert agreed almost eagerly. "And considering I've been working with blood and, as you said, family-ties between nations, I do not think this would be out of place in my research." His brain was already working out ways to go about this. "Of course, it would be very difficult to find out how nations are born without parents, but at least the fertility-aspect and the cross-breeding can be researched."  
The professor nodded. "That's what I thought. If you need assistance in this, I would be honoured to help. But considering how much you've been able to do on your own so far, I don't doubt that you will be able to do this by yourself, also, if you so wish."  
Gilbert couldn't suppress a smile at this careful compliment, then nodded and thanked the man. They then went on to discuss different ways of going about this research, but they soon concluded that the simplest answer may also be the best one; it was time to get a new supply of petri-dishes, test tubes and volunteers.

That night, talking over dinner with Germany and Larissa, Gilbert told them both about what he had discussed with the professor that afternoon. At first they both seemed intrigued, but as the ex-nation went deeper into the topic, both clearly showed they had their reservations about it.  
Germany was the first to interrupt him as he talked about it. "Brother, you do realise what you would be asking of people to do this?" he tried carefully. "You'd be messing with people's DNA, and not like you did before with blood -that couldn't possibly harm anyone, but this…"  
"This can't hurt anyone, either," Gilbert argued. "Everything will be done in my lab. It is not at all difficult to get egg-cells from women, and… well, you should know how easy it is to extract the necessary ingredients from men," he added with a snicker upon seeing the flash of embarrassment in his younger brother's eyes.  
He shrugged. "From there on, it's just a case of combining the cells and seeing what happens. My hypothesis, based on what I know so far, is that human and nation cells will simply reject one another, and that will likely be all there is to it. And the other part won't be anything special, either; just a case of figuring out whether to 'defect', for the lack of a better word, lies with male or female nations."  
Larissa, who had been biting her bottom lip as she listened to this exchange, now spoke up also. "I know that it won't do any harm," she said softly, a strain in her voice. "Still, something about it feels… Perhaps not wrong, not per se, but it's not right, either." She paused for a moment, fidgeting a little before looking up to meet Gilbert's red gaze. "But if you want to go through with this and you will be allowed to proceed with experiments like these, then I will volunteer. I trust you'll go about it all the right way." Even though she said this, there was still a shiver of doubt in her voice.  
It was that doubt that made Gilbert feel guilty, though he wasn't sure what for. He shook his head. "Only if you are absolutely certain of it," he told her. Then he looked at Germany. "The same goes for you, of course. If you were even considering participating in the first place."  
Germany was silent for a moment, thinking hard. Gilbert could see how conflicted he was over this, for whatever reason. "I don't know…" the young nation eventually sighed. "I want to help you, but… Something about this just doesn't feel right. Though I also couldn't tell you what I think is wrong with it if I tried." He shook his head. "Just let me think on it, okay?"  
Perhaps it was because he was so intrigued by biology and solving the mysteries of nations, but Gilbert, though he understood why people would have some reservations about research like what he'd just suggested, couldn't begin to understand why it was such a big deal. It wasn't the most acceptable of research, not compared to the completely harmless experiments he'd done so far, but in the end, there was no harm in this, either. He wouldn't force people into anything they wouldn't want to do, he wasn't going to hurt anyone. He would be experimenting with all the components that would normally be the base components for life, yes, but he wouldn't let anything happen. He would make absolutely certain of that.  
Sure, he had been slightly uncertain what to make of the situation when he had first walked into Hanssen's office, but now he had to give it to the man: his idea was brilliant.

That night, when Gilbert was already more asleep than awake, he felt rustling beside him. Larissa was staying the night again, and appeared to be restless. Gilbert was trying to judge whether he should do something about it or give in to the gentle pull of sleep. The latter was very tempting, and once or twice he wasn't even sure that he hadn't actually already nodded off, but when Larissa sighed, he decided on the former.  
Cracking open one eye, he looked at the woman beside him; Larissa lay on her side, her gaze on the wall behind Gilbert. "Is something wrong?" the ex-nation asked, his voice croaking with sleep.  
Larissa shook her head slowly. "No, nothing," she whispered back, her eyes ever fixed on the wall. "Just thinking."  
It took Gilbert until he'd craned his neck to follow her gaze to the wall behind him to realise she was looking at the painting of his family. It didn't take him long at all to see that she was gazing specifically at his likeness on the canvas, Brandenburg close by his side.  
He felt a twinge of unease at this. "…Does it bother you?" He hoped it didn't, for he wouldn't know what he would do if it did. He didn't want her to feel uncomfortable about it, but he absolutely didn't want to take it down, either. The painting was a comfort to him whenever he needed it, and a precious connection to his lost family members, one he treasured even if he could see and speak to their spirits.  
Relief was too small a word to describe the rush of warmth and comfort he felt when Larissa shook her head with a small, reassuring smile. "No, it's just…" She sighed again. "It makes me curious. About her. You've told me about her before, you've told me what she's like, but when I look at the painting… I want to know more." Her expression was almost blank as she spoke, her stare distant as she gazed at Brandenburg. "Don't think of it as jealousy -how could I be jealous of a dead woman?- but I just… I want to know what made you love her. Why and how did you come to love her like you did, like you clearly still do?"  
Gilbert just took her word for it that she wasn't jealous despite her saying she had realised he was still in love with Brandenburg and would always be. He was too sleepy to argue about it, even to himself. Too sleepy to give her the answers to her questions now, too. But a possible solution came to mind within seconds, one he felt slightly apprehensive about, but only for a second. He had nothing to hide from Larissa, just as he had never had anything to hide from Brandenburg.  
"You could read about it," he suggested in a hushed voice. "I have journals from my past. Tons of them. Many were lost, but plenty are still in my possession." He couldn't suppress a yawn for a moment, but then he went on. "It describes exactly how I went from dreading to marry her to loving her, and everything that came before and after it. Actually…" He caught himself almost falling asleep mid-sentence, and jolted himself awake to finish the conversation. Looking Larissa in the eyes, he told her: "You could read them all, if you'd like. Though I can't promise you will like everything you'd read."  
For a few heartbeats, Larissa did nothing but stare back at him, a surprised look in her eyes. That surprise then faded into gratitude and a warm, loving expression, and she puffed out a very quick, soft sigh. "Perhaps," she whispered. She reached out to carefully stroke his hair for a few seconds before ending it with a soft kiss on his forehead, a gesture that Gilbert took as her consent for him to sleep now. Not that he thought he would have lasted much longer even if she hadn't been okay with it. "If you think it's all right… Maybe I will."  
His eyes already closed again, Gilbert sought out her hand and gently clasped it in his. The last thing he felt were her fingers curling around his hand as she carefully snuggled up to him. Her warm breath on his shoulder as she whispered a goodnight to him. His own heart warming in pure bliss.  
A wonderful job. A fantastic girlfriend. A few great friends. A precious little brother still by his side.  
For once in his life, everything seemed to be going the way he wanted it to. He truly couldn't remember the last time he'd been as happy as he was now. He couldn't remember ever having felt as certain that the happiness would finally last.

* * *

 **I'm not the only one who has wondered how nations sometimes just pop into existence, right?  
(Ha. But I am the one who can write an explanation for it... Although, there are some things that I might leave open if I really can't think of how it could work. Suggestions, anyone?)  
**

 **As for the multilingual conversation Gilbert and Larissa had, I wish I could write all those languages! But I'm not confident enough in my French and Latin was just the only other language in the list that I know. Speaking of, here's a translation:  
"And dead languages? Do you speak Latin?"  
"I don't really speak it, as Latin is a difficult language to speak. But I can read it."  
And it may just be that on that 'as Latin is a difficult language to speak' I messed up (blasted gerundivum...) but hey, that's for me to get embarrassed about if ever, near the end of my studies, I read back and see just how majorly I screwed up. Until then, let's just pretend I can write Latin, m'kay?**

 **Anyway, I hope the chapter was interesting enough, and though I can't make any promises as to when the next update will be, I can say I'm crossing my fingers that it won't be too long! So yeah. Hope you enjoyed, please leave a little review on your way out if you've got the time... You know the drill. And hopefully until the next chapter!**


	10. Chapter 10

**I don't think I've ever been gone without an update for this long...  
Honestly, the past two months were study hell. I have never studied so hard in my life. Every day, morning until evening, and then the exams. One week break. More studying. Another exam. I hope you understand that I could not even find the inspiration to write even if I found the time.**

 **But at least I can say I've made up for lost time with an extra long chapter. Yes. 9,532 words. Half of which were written today, after my last exam of the year ^~^'**

 **I actually think this is on par with my longest chapters for CYH & HtD.**

 **Either way, thanks for sticking with me and this story (if you've come this far I'm just assuming that's what you've done, after all) and thanks so much for reading, and a little extra thanks to everyone who has taken the time to leave a little review! I've never wanted to be one of those review-craving authors, but I've found that in times when the writing gets tough, some encouragement like that can be all you need to keep going.  
As I've said before, I know how it feels when authors leave stories unfinished, and I will do my best to not do that.  
So yeah, you all have my sincere thanks for giving that little kick in the backside that helps me stick to that resolve.**

 ** **That said, I hope you'll enjoy this chapter! This was a concept that one day popped into my mind and would not leave me alone anymore. It was begging to be used and I hope it does not disappoint.****

* * *

The academic year was drawing to a close. A busy time for most students, an exciting time for those near the end of their studies. For Larissa, in her third and final year of her Bachelor, it meant that if she performed well in these last weeks, she would enter the summer as a certified interpreter. Well, of course the official graduation ceremony would take a few months longer to take place, but it would be close enough.  
For Gilbert, this meant that he spent a significant amount of time supporting her, telling her not to be so silly as to doubt herself whenever her brain seemed to have a brief malfunction like that, and hold multilingual conversations with her on an almost daily basis just to prove to her that she was worrying over nothing when she wondered if she would pass.  
"But _you_ speak about as many languages as I do!" she protested one afternoon, when her doubt and anxiety got particularly bad. "More, even, if I'm not mistaken. You would make about as good an interpreter as I would, and you've not even spent three years studying to be one."  
Gilbert rolled his eyes. "No, I haven't, but I have spent how many years learning all these languages?"  
"You're not much older than I am!"  
For this, the ex-nation just stared at her blankly. The anxiety must be eating away at her memory. Perhaps that was something for psychology students to do research on; it didn't seem like a physical malfunction, anyway.  
Larissa grunted and let her head drop to the table, leaning on it face-down as she made an exasperated gesture with her hands. Or what was probably supposed to be exasperation. "You don't _look_ much older than I am," she corrected herself, "and that sometimes does not help my confidence."  
With a shrug and a sigh, Gilbert just told her: "Well, so long as you remember that what I spent eight centuries on, you've managed to do in twenty-odd years, and that makes you pretty awesome." He paused for a moment, pondering those words before adding: "And that was an almost criminal understatement."  
Larissa huffed a little, seemingly fighting not to smile at this compliment. She kept her frown, but her eyes were twinkling. Pleased with this, Gilbert decided to try and steer the conversation away from this topic now. Best not get her stressed out again minutes from now.  
"So, is there anything you would like to do once we get to Scotland?"  
This seemed to cheer her up in a heartbeat. They had planned to go to Scotland for a week sometime during the summer. It would be a regular vacation, but naturally Gilbert would go to see his friend when they were there. That particular aspect of the trip was something that Larissa was somewhat nervous about, but she had by now met Germany, Austria and the former personification of Prussia. She was getting more used to meeting nations. She knew Hungary would be in Berlin sometime during the summer also, so she was also on the list of nations she would soon meet.  
"You know, I never thought I'd get to meet nations," she mused, not answering Gilbert's question, although he was pleased that he had succeeded in changing the topic for now. The young woman laughed now. "And here I am, frequently visiting Germany, having met Austria once, soon to meet Hungary and Scotland and, as if all that wasn't enough, I'm dating the ex-personification of Prussia! My life sure has become unique since meeting you."  
Gilbert could only smile. "Well, I'm glad you think of it that way." After all, it could easily have gone very differently…  
As if reading his mind, Larissa glanced up at him, still with a faint smile on her lips. "I would've preferred if you told me immediately," she reminded him calmly. "But it's hard not to forgive you. I understand why you wanted to keep quiet about it, but I hope you've learnt by now that there is no need."  
At this, Gilbert smirked, his eyes twinkling with mischief as he met Larissa's gaze. "If there's no need to hide my past," he began teasingly, "then why, oh why, do you keep stalling on letting your parents know?" When Larissa got flushed instantly, stammering uncomfortably, Gilbert couldn't help but snigger at her reaction. He didn't mind what she did and didn't want to tell her folks about, really. He had met them before, and they were good people. Started out a bit uncomfortable around him, because of the albinism of course, but it had only taken until their second meeting to get past that.  
Larissa, meanwhile, was still making excuses. "W-w-well, you saw what they were like with your albinism!" she protested feebly. "I don't want them to make you feel uncomfortable like that. And trust me, if I told them my _friend_ was an ex-nation, they would have a hard enough time understanding that. Even I needed weeks to understand the concept of _'ex-nation_ ' as opposed to 'nation' and 'human'!"  
"Frankly, though I'm making progress, I don't quite get it yet myself," Gilbert commented calmly with a shrug.  
"Exactly!" Larissa seemed relieved when he said this, as if he suddenly understood everything she had just said and had yet to say on the matter and more. "They would constantly ask questions and bug me about it if they only knew I _associated myself_ with such a person. If I were to tell them that, hey, my boyfriend isn't even human!... Can you imagine?"  
Finding it both hilarious and adorable how Larissa was freaking out over this, Gilbert still couldn't help but say that, no, he didn't really get it. "I never knew my father, never had a mother, my elder brother was the one who married me off in the first place. I suppose, once he passed forty years of age, Old Fritz became a bit of a father-figure to me. But in that respect, it doesn't help that twenty years before that, we'd had an affair ourselves. I've never really known any family members to be protective over me like that, or freak out at the thought of me having any sort of relationship." He fell quiet for a moment, thought, then shrugged. "And honestly, I don't really feel that way towards Ludwig, either. To be frank with you, more than a century down the line and what with him, unlike me at that age, actually being an adult, I swear I will celebrate his first girlfriend. Boyfriend. Alien. Whatever, really. So long as it won't be one of his dogs…"  
Larissa burst out laughing at this, and soon enough, Gilbert joined in. That went on for a solid two minutes, until Larissa calmed herself again and told him: "That's what parents are like, Gil. No matter how often they say they're fine with anything, when it comes down to it, they freak out over having to 'give up their child' to someone else, and they will find anything they can use as a 'fault' in that person to prevent it. Now as for my parents, they like you - really, they do - and I honestly think that, at my age, they have no say in my choices anymore, but 'he actually isn't a human' still won't go down well. Not at first, anyway."  
Gilbert shrugged, taking her word for it. "Still," he told her, "they will have to be told sooner or later. Depending on how serious we get."  
He didn't even realise exactly what it was he'd said, until Larissa gave him a weird look for it. "Depending on how serious we get?" she echoed questioningly. "You mean, we're not serious yet?" She sounded as if she was just amused, joking around a little, but something in her voice also sounded almost accusing. Clearly she wasn't sure what to make of that comment.  
So Gilbert had to set it right quickly. "That's not what I meant," he protested hastily. "I'm more serious about you than I was about Hungary, and I'd had a crush on her for literal centuries. That should be enough of an indication. And if it's not, well, I think we both know better than to be so rash, but honestly, I'd marry you tomorrow if I could."  
Silence. Immediate and complete silence. It was only during that silence that his own words began to sink in. Right. So that was a thing.  
His mouth gone completely dry, Gilbert croaked: "I just said that, didn't I?"  
"Oh, you said that," Larissa confirmed dryly, nodding slowly, her eyes wide. "You said that, all right."  
"I… I wasn't bluffing, if that helps."  
"You know… I actually don't know if it does. I seriously do not know."  
Flustered, Gilbert stammered on. "But as I said, I mean, that's not really an option. Well, sure, I have first-hand experience on how well rushed marriages can go, but… Well, no, my marriage to Brandenburg was arranged and forced, but postponed for years, and in the meantime we'd been forced to live together, and considering it took us another decade or two before we really got it on together, well…"  
He was silenced by Larissa, who just held up her hand with an exasperated look and a sigh. To his surprise, she was smiling when he fell quiet and looked at her. "I love you too, silly," she told him warmly. "And no, we're not getting married. Not yet, anyway. But let's not completely rule it out as a possibility for in the future. We'll see. I guess." She, too, was quiet after that, while Gilbert was still trying to stop his heart from racing like it was. Then she sighed again, more softly now. "I know what you were trying to do, by the way," she said, confusing him. "By asking me about plans for when we get to Scotland. And though you've talked yourself - and me, mind you - into a corner like this… Thanks for trying to cheer me up." Then, with another warm smile, she added: "You still succeeded, you know."  
And so, yet again, Gilbert also smiled.

* * *

Germany seemed a little ill at ease when he and Gilbert were out for a long walk with Berlitz in the evening. They hadn't done this for a while, spending time together like this, just the two of them. Dog notwithstanding, of course.  
Considering how relaxed he felt, Gilbert was curious as to what was on his little brother's mind. They were talking about whatever came to mind, short conversations that wouldn't last more than five minutes at a time before a short silence fell, followed by a shift in topic. Until, eventually, Gilbert decided it was time to speak up.  
"What's the matter, Ludwig?" the ex-nation asked with a soft sigh, glancing sideways at his brother.  
Germany didn't respond for a moment, sighed deeply, then shrugged. "Honestly?" he answered in a soft voice. "Sometimes it's just… It's still difficult. All of this."  
To Gilbert's surprise, he didn't need any more pressure to continue talking and explain what he meant now. "For decades, my only wish was to be reunited with you, to have a chance to be by your side again, as I had always been before then. And when, after forty-two years of separation, I could finally see you again - for more than just a week at a time at the UN, that is - I was so happy. _So damn happy._ And to tell you the truth, I still am. And yet…" He trailed off for a moment, eyes downcast. "Sometimes it just feels as if we're still living apart. Under the same roof, and we see each other daily. Well, almost, anyway. But then, I have my work, you have your studies and your research and… and Larissa." At this, he quickly looked at his elder brother, an almost apologetic shimmer in his pale blue eyes. "Not to say that she's a problem. On the contrary, it pleases me to no end, seeing you so happy. So don't worry about that for one second, all right? But it's just… Everything is so different from how I thought it would be."  
Gilbert nodded. He could understand that. Well, he thought he could, anyway. So, to clarify, he asked: "Like what? What's different, what did you expect from all this?"  
Germany shrugged, taking a deep breath and shaking his head. "I don't know," he admitted. "Not precisely. But I had been preparing for… I was so certain that you were going to die. For years, decades, that had been the event I had been expecting, preparing myself for, and then you're still alive, years later, and… I don't know." He was quiet then, pondering, obviously struggling to figure this out even for himself, let alone put it to words. "Don't get me wrong," he then said. "I'm overjoyed that you're still here. I hope you'll be here for many years to come. But if, for so long, you've been expecting someone so close to you to die soon, and it just doesn't happen but you also don't know for certain that it will not happen sooner rather than later…"  
"That's difficult," Gilbert agreed. He, too, had struggled with that, although he at one point had decided to just go with the flow, take things as they come, and calmly see what would happen. He had made that decision several times before, back when he had still been a nation, but he'd never been able to hold on to that thought for very long. Before relapsing into worries and fears. This time, for some reason, he was fairly certain his conviction would last, but he couldn't be sure. It just pained him to know that his little brother was going through the same thing.  
After a moment of silence, Gilbert only sighed. "I can't tell you what's going to happen," he admitted softly. "I can't give any indication as to how things will be. Although, going by how I've been doing lately, I think it's safe to say that I'll be around for a while longer. I believe that if I were still in danger of dying anytime soon, I wouldn't be healthy right now." He shrugged and tried to smile at his younger brother. "Maybe that helps?"  
Germany now smiled too, with a soft huff of held-back laughter. "Of course it does." Then he shook his head a moment. "I guess I just cling too much to clarity, and when there is none…"  
Now Gilbert just reached out, grabbed Germany by the arm. He gave him a second to figure out what was going on before he embraced his younger brother. "There is one thing I can promise you," he told him in a soft voice. "I promise, Ludwig, that no matter what happens, no matter what the future will be like, it will be all right."  
He stepped back, locking gazes with the young nation. Keeping both his hands on Germany's shoulders, the ex-nation went on. "We know for certain that I won't live another century. With a human lifespan, it'll likely be another forty to sixty years, perhaps a little longer. And that's enough time. I know that for both of us, there won't ever be _too much_ time left. We'll always want more time, but we won't _need_ it." With another warm smile, he added: "And if something were to happen in the meantime… If I were to get sick or get caught in an accident, I want you to know that, to me at least, that will be fine, too. I've had centuries. I've had more than a century with you. That, too, is enough. Never too much, but it should at least be enough."  
Germany didn't say anything at first, only looked at his brother with a gaze filled with both sadness and love, and Gilbert knew that he agreed. Finally he sighed and nodded. "It is enough," he said softly. "Though you're right; more is always welcome. But we'll see." Then, smiling: "Thanks, brother. I needed this."  
"You know, I think I needed it, too," Gilbert replied with a brief, soft laugh. "Know what else I think I need? More evenings like these. More alone-time with you. You were right, we have been living apart too much lately. So you can expect me to tag long more often if you're going out with Berlitz. Just a heads up."  
Germany chuckled. "Thanks for the warning. However would I manage if I suddenly found you by my side without any explanation? I'd be terrified."  
For the rest of the evening, the two only talked and laughed together, enjoying their night to the fullest. And it was indeed exactly what they both needed.

* * *

"This is pretty damn cool, I'll have to admit."  
Gilbert rolled his eyes, grinning. That was just such an Adam thing to say.  
For once, he had asked both Benjamin and Adam to help him out with his research; they had no more classes, the last exams of the year for them all had ended just last week, and all three agreed that it would be a valuable experience for them as much as it was for Gilbert to do research like this for a change. And maybe they would have valuable insights that could be used for his research.  
Right now he was explaining to them what his plans were, how he was going to go about his experiments and what he hoped to achieve. It was good to know that, unlike several others, at least fellow medical students were intrigued by this idea instead of anxious about it.  
"But don't you think you should really have more samples from female nations?" Benjamin commented, countering Adam's enthusiasm with his usual laid-back levelheadedness. "I get that you will always have fewer volunteers among nations than among humans, but this doesn't seem suited for scientific research."  
Gilbert sighed. He had to agree, but at the same time, there wasn't anything he could do about it. "There's very few female nations in Europe," he explained, disappointed over this fact for the first time in his life. "Belarus and Ukraine both refused to participate, as did Liechtenstein - I suppose Switzerland had a hand in that - so that leaves Hungary, Belgium, Monaco and Czech. It would be far too difficult to get women from other continents to participate, but even then, the majority of nations seems to be male."  
"Have you ever looked into why that is?" Adam suggested then, serious now, thankfully. Gilbert liked his upbeat attitude, but it wasn't something he much wanted to work with for a longer period of time.  
But right now, he only chuckled. "One thing at a time, eh? It's not a bad idea, but let's focus on this first."  
Benjamin hummed. "All right, so there weren't many more to go with even if no one declined," he mused. "Even so, it might not be a bad idea to perform a larger-scaled experiment such as this one in the future, if you ever get the chance."  
"If," Gilbert agreed. "But as for now, let's just work with what we've got. So, are you both good to go, or do you have any more questions?"  
Both shook their heads, stating they were ready to get to work. And do the trio began their research.

They started with a look at whether cross-breeding between nations and humans was possible. The answer came surprisingly quickly and easily: as expected, the cells completely rejected each other, both in using a human egg cell with nation semen and the other way around. It was like trying to bring two magnets together with the same poles turned towards one another. Frankly the only thing the cells didn't do was literally jump away from each other.  
Gilbert inspected this phenomenon through his microscope for a little while, then sat back with a deep sigh. "Well," he stated dryly, almost disappointed that these results didn't take more time and effort to get. "That's clear, then."  
Of course, Adam said he wanted to see, even though they had already discussed that everyone would have a look at everything they did, so that nothing would be overlooked. He peered into the microscope, silent for a few seconds, then started sniggering. "Dude, they're like cats and dogs down there," he laughed. "Like a married couple after a fight. Dang. Well, so much for that, I suppose."  
"Not exactly the metaphor I would use," Gilbert said with an amused grin, "but yes, agreed. I doubt there's much more we can do here."  
"I don't think I've ever seen cells _less_ compatible with one another," Benjamin commented when he'd pushed Adam aside to get a look, too. "I'm all for careful and precise research, but this… Let's face it, this is it. This is all we'll get out of this." When he moved back, he looked like he felt the same way about this as Gilbert did; pleased that the results turned out as expected, pleasantly surprised that they were so easy to obtain, but at the same time a little disappointed that it wasn't more work, more of a challenge.  
Still, they documented everything neatly and detailed, then went on to the next phase: to find out why nations almost couldn't reproduce at all. This lasted longer, stretched over several days.

"Uh, Gil?" came Adam's voice from behind a microscope, sounding confused, his voice trembling with slight anxiety at what appeared to be unexpected developments. He looked up at the albino with wide eyes. "We, uh… We've got a pregnancy on our hands here. I think. Sort of."  
This confused Gilbert, too. "What? No. No, we don't. Nations can bang each other for literal centuries - pardon the expression - and not produce any offspring. And you're telling me we created a nation in a _test tube?_ After just three days?" He must be seeing things, no other possibility.  
Still, when Adam stammered that he should look himself then, if he didn't believe his friend, Gilbert both eagerly and almost reluctantly stared into the microscope.  
"…I'll be damned. Fuck. You're right." There was no way around it. What he was looking at was without a doubt a fertilized egg cell. But how in the world was that possible?  
"So…" Adam brought out weakly, his voice dull with shock. "Do we tell them they're parents? In a way."  
Without even thinking clearly, Gilbert immediately shook his head. "Let's just see what happens first. At this point, nothing is certain."  
By now, Adam seemed to be freaking out. "Well, I'm pretty certain of what I saw, and as are you, or you wouldn't be reacting this way!" He got up from his chair, pacing around a bit. "So… So we created a nation. An artificial nation. _What the fuck, we created a_ _ **nation.**_ What do we do with it?" He stopped pacing again, staring straight at Gilbert, still with the uncertain look in his eyes. "Do we… you know, _end it_? I mean, we can't be going around creating an artificial nation, that's unheard of! Actually should be impossible."  
"Technically speaking, it's not an 'artificial' nation," Benjamin put in, surprisingly calm over this.  
Adam didn't take that, though. Not right now. "Dammit, Ben, you know damn well what I mean! Sorry if my terminology isn't up to code when I'm freaking the fuck out here!" And back to pacing. "Let's get rid of it. This shouldn't be happening. This should _not_ be a possible outcome here. Just… no. Let's get rid of it right now."  
"Are you out of your mind?" Gilbert demanded sharply, finally having gathered his thoughts again. As much as needed to be able to speak and reason now, anyway. He pointed at the microscope. "This. This doesn't just happen. Not even once per century, to my knowledge. I mean, yeah, on average, more than one nation is born per century, but not through _natural pregnancy._ Not… not like this." He, too, was still freaking out about as much as Adam was, but at least it didn't keep him from rational thinking. "This might be our only chance to study this, and you want to put an end to it? Not on my life. This is too rare, too valuable, to not investigate further now that we've got the chance."  
Still outwardly calm, although by now Gilbert could spot anxiety and nerves in his eyes, Benjamin shrugged. "I agree that it's worth studying, considering it's so rare," he mumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. "But am I right in thinking you're not planning on telling anyone about this?"  
Slowly becoming aware of the fact that he was trembling ever so slightly, Gilbert nodded, feeling choked with a combination of excitement and fear, wonder and dread. So they had done the seemingly impossible. But was this near-impossibility the reason why other people had such reservations about this kind of research? If it was, then by now he couldn't help but agree that it was not the ideal situation.  
"We don't know what's going to happen from here on," he reasoned, his voice sounding weak and quivering. "And frankly, there is some information that doesn't need to get out in the open. At least at this stage, this right here fits neatly into that category. We should give it more time, see what happens, and then we'll judge what to do about it." He then looked up and gazed at both of his friends in turn. "Either way, if there will be any consequences at all to deal with, they will be my responsibility, and mine alone. This is my research, after all, and I refuse to burden you with anything, should something happen."  
Both Adam and Benjamin mumbled a soft thanks for this, and with nothing left to discuss, all three went back to work.

* * *

Over the next few days, it clearly did not go unnoticed by anyone that Gilbert had a lot on his mind, but every time someone asked about it, he would answer curtly that all was fine, until finally they gave up trying to get something out of him. For once he was glad that Larissa was also very busy at the moment, as it prevented at least her from seeing too much of the stressed state Gilbert was in. Germany witnessed it every evening and often also in the mornings. Almost all time in between, Gilbert spent at his lab now, keeping a close eye on the situation whilst continuing his research as if nothing had happened as much as possible.  
'The situation' didn't last long. Gilbert, Benjamin and Adam actually put in effort to keep the cells… the foetus... intact, in a state as if it was inside a womb instead of in a test tube, trying to recreate a natural environment for it to develop in so that their findings would be as close to nature as they could get, but even with all their efforts, it withered away in less than a week.  
In the meantime, however, the same thing had happened again. More than once. And those three cases ended exactly like the first one had. The longest time one had remained viable was only nine days.  
After studying this phenomenon closely over the course of three weeks, the trio was starting to gain an understanding of what was going on here. How wrong Gilbert's hypothesis had been. How wrong all of this was. Perhaps it was not their research, their work that was wrong, not per se, but what they concluded from it certainly was. Enough so that, once they all agreed they had seen enough to come to their solid conclusion, all three were left wondering what to do with this information.  
It wasn't as if this could be dangerous information to leak. It wasn't as if it could be abused in any way, even if one were to try. It wasn't even as if it was irrelevant to the greater scheme of things, Gilbert's research as a whole.  
But the sheer cruelty of what they had discovered could only leave them with doubts whether to ever publish any of this.

"Hey, Gilbert…?" Adam began tentatively after a long and painful silence. "Are you all right?"  
The albino shook his head. He sat hunched over in his chair, resting his face in his hand, covering his eyes with it as he did his best to fight back his emotions. Taking a deep, quivering breath, he choked out: "Not yet. I will be, but… not yet."  
There came a soft sigh from Benjamin's direction. "Yeah, I can imagine. I mean… I suppose this just got personal for you, in a sense."  
The heavy silence returned, suffocating Gilbert. Ben was right. This had become personal now. After realising what their findings over the past weeks had meant, Gilbert began to realise what it meant for people he knew, people close to him, immediately followed by realising what this meant for himself, too. It was a consecutive process of one bleak realisation after another, and he desperately wished he had reached the end of it now, or he might not be able to keep it together. He had already failed in staying composed, but he wasn't much hoping to burst into tears over this. At least not when other people were around.  
But then he looked up at Brandenburg, who was by his side as usual, and upon seeing her tear-stained face, her glassy blue eyes as she gazed at him with immense sadness, he couldn't hold back a silent tear or two of his own.  
He tried once more to bite back his emotions, holding his breath, but that only left a huge lump in his throat that was threatening to choke him. So he sighed deeply, turning his gaze to the floor instead. "Brandenburg and I," he began in a taut, very quiet voice, in a way only thinking out loud. "She and I… We may have had a child. Several, perhaps. And neither of us would have ever known about it. Not ever. And… and the same goes for so many nations…" Hungary and Austria were undoubtedly in the same situation. Hell, even Hungary and Gilbert himself might be. It wasn't as if they had always taken what they had perceived as unnecessary precautions. And in the long run, any precautions far more often than not _were_ unnecessary for nations.  
But technically speaking, it wasn't that nations couldn't conceive. It was simply that they could not carry a child to term, or even for much more than a week, if there was no nation for the child to represent. Most likely the child would fade away before the mother would even begin to suspect anything, which in fact might well be a blessing. And if there were any noticeable symptoms at all before the inevitable miscarriage, Gilbert doubted they couldn't be passed off as being caused by something else.  
When people had expressed their doubts over this kind of research, the ex-nation was certain they hadn't had an outcome such as this in mind. He suspected it was something they couldn't even imagine. He never would have, anyway, had he not seen proof of all this with his very own eyes.  
And now he was so deeply conflicted over whether to tell anyone about this that it hurt. The truth was a cruel one, an almost unbearably painful one, but it was still the truth. And didn't people deserve to know? He wondered what would hurt them all more: if this information ever got out, in whatever way, and they found out that Gilbert had known and kept it from them all, or if he just told them? Was there even a chance of this ever getting out? He trusted Benjamin and Adam deeply regarding this, knew that they were too shocked yet themselves to even consider telling anyone, even if it was only a random stranger on the streets.  
They could burn their research notes. Destroy all evidence, leave not a trace behind except the knowledge they now all possessed and would be willing to take to their graves if necessary. But Gilbert knew for a certainty that if he had absolutely nothing to show for at his next evaluation, there would be questions, and whatever answer he gave would only lead to more until he would be backed into a corner. It wasn't as if he had the sole right to do research like this, either. If anyone ever wanted to know more about this themselves, they could easily recreate his research even if there was nothing left of his to base their work on. It was so simple. So easily thought of, so easily done. And it was for that fact that he could not create any fake documents regarding this, either. If anyone were ever to delve deeper into this, for whatever reason, they would discover that he had lied about his research, and then all of it would create an even bigger commotion and things would get even more out of hand than it already would.  
The very moment he had even considered professor Hanssen's suggestion, he had placed his own back against the wall he now found himself pressed up against. And it hadn't even been his own idea. That was perhaps the worst of it all, at least to him personally. It hadn't been his idea, and he knew that if he hadn't discovered this now, someone else eventually would have. At least one man had shown interest in this before making the suggestion that maybe Gilbert should look into it. But upon accepting, Gilbert had inadvertently made it his own burden to bear, and now it was inevitable that one day, whether soon or in the far-away future, _he_ would be held accountable for this. Hopefully, no, almost undoubtedly people would realise that it wasn't his fault, that he was not to blame that nature was this cruel to nations, but he was still the bringer of bad news. And depending on the circumstances and the nature of the information he brought, sometimes the messenger _did_ get shot.  
He could only hope for the best. Keep faith that at least the nations closest to him could forgive him. And maybe, given time, the world might just forgive him.

* * *

Late that afternoon, Gilbert stumbled back into his and Germany's house and silently hung up his coat. All the way back home he had been haunted by his discoveries, and he actually seriously doubted that he would feel any better anytime soon. So far, nothing had been decided yet as to whether or not this information should be destroyed or published along with the rest of Gilbert's research. He wasn't sure whether he would come to a decision on that within the week, or maybe even the month.  
Walking into the living room, he was surprised to see not only Germany and Berlitz, but also Larissa. She instantly looked up when he came in, beaming as she saw him. Without any hesitation she jumped up from the couch, walked over to him and threw her arms over his shoulders in a tight hug.  
"Sorry that I didn't call you about this earlier today," she said, her voice quivering with excitement and joy. "But honestly, I just wanted to tell you in person. Guess who's got her Bachelor's Degree?"  
Now this, this was the exception. Gilbert felt his heart warm in excitement for Larissa, and he returned her firm embrace immediately, smiling. "Told you that you could do it," he told her warmly. After a kiss on the cheek, he added: "Congratulations. You've earned it."  
Obviously the young woman wasn't satisfied with just a kiss on the cheek, so she leant back a little and kissed him instead, on the lips this time. But when she let go of him and took a step back a few seconds later, her smile quickly faded ever so slightly, and worry sparked in her eyes in place of her happiness. "Is something wrong?"  
Gilbert shook his head. He wasn't ready to talk about this yet, and he wasn't going to ruin this day for her. "It's nothing," he promised her. "Nothing you should be concerned over." When she looked unconvinced, he forced a smile and leant forward to give her a reassuring kiss on the cheek.  
When he did, Larissa grabbed him firmly by the shoulder and kept him from moving back for a few seconds. "You know I'm not going to let you keep up this godawful stubbornness of yours for long," she warned him in a very soft whisper.  
The determination in her voice was enough to turn Gilbert's forced smile into a genuine one, and he whispered back: "I do. Just as well as you know that I will not allow anything to ruin today for you. This is _your_ day, with your amazing news, and your well-earned celebration."

That put an end to both Larissa and Germany nagging him about what was wrong, and by the time the three had been talking for about an hour, the positive atmosphere was almost enough to make Gilbert forget all about his grim discoveries for a little while.  
It was also about that long before Gilbert began to feel hungry. It was close to dinnertime after all. But just having dinner with the three of them didn't quite seem to cut it as a proper celebration. So, acting completely on impulse, he looked at Larissa at one point. "How would you like to go out for dinner tonight?" he suggested. "Anywhere you'd like. My treat. Perhaps that restaurant where we went on our… Well, kind of our first date, I guess you can call it." At least he knew with near-certainty that that specific restaurant, though good, was somehow never too crowded to just walk in without making reservations. With a glance at Germany, he added: "We could go with the three of us, or just you and me, whatever you like."  
"Make that the two of you," Germany said immediately, smirking to himself. "I wouldn't want to be a third wheel. And besides, I do still have Berlitz to look after and some work to finish."  
Larissa, meanwhile, looked a little overwhelmed by the sudden suggestion, but then smiled wide with a faint blush. "Uh… Sure. It sounds like a great plan, actually." Thinking it over for another second or so, she was already less flustered and nodded. "I'd love to. And perhaps, since my apartment is closer, maybe it's a good idea to spent the night at my place instead of coming back here?"  
The subliminal message could not have been more clear. From the corner of his eye, Gilbert could see that this time, Germany was getting a little flustered, and he muttered under his breath about him _definitely_ not wanting to intrude on this night out between the two.  
Gilbert only smiled, his heart warm with joy. "Then I guess we should be going in a bit. I hope you don't mind if I at least change out of my work clothes first, though."  
Larissa shook her head, then faked a little pout. "It's not like I've got anything here that I can change into, so why should you be dressing up for the occasion?"  
To this, Gilbert could do little else than roll his eyes with a chuckle. "Because you _always_ look lovely, silly. I, on the other hand, look like I just came out of a lab in some basement in hospital. Oh, right, I did. Just give me a minute."

* * *

As expected, they had been able to walk right in, got a table for two, quick service and good food. Gilbert had taken the car with him, so after dinner it didn't take long to reach Larissa's apartment, which was quite close to the university grounds. It wasn't big, but it was better than most students got, with a private bathroom and her own small kitchen. There was a communal kitchen also, which she preferred to use when she was cooking something more elaborate, but on her busiest days when she didn't even have time to do anything but whip up something quick and easy, her private kitchen sufficed, and at least it was closer to her study materials, too. She had told Gilbert once that there were nights when she was preparing for exams, and she would be stirring through soup whilst reciting passages from her books to herself. Gilbert figured it must get lonely sometimes, living all on your own in a small apartment without even enough time to get out and socialise at times. It probably made all the free time one had to spend with friends and family all the more precious.  
She had two bookcases full of books in there, of which one was for study books and the other was filled with novels, fiction and non-fiction alike. And of course, as many of those books as she could, she had bought in the original languages. There were books in English, French, German, Spanish, even three in Chinese and then some. Looking at it never failed to amaze Gilbert; with only few exceptions, he could read all of those books, but back when he had been Larissa's age, he could only read German and Latin, some Ancient Greek, although that was a language he had soon forgotten most of, as he had never come into contact with it much after his earliest youth. By now he could read the alphabet and recognise a few words, although the latter only because of their modern-day use in medical and psychological terminology.  
German had always been his native tongue. Latin had been taught to whomever got any decent education in the first place. Two languages had been his world in his first few decades. Larissa wasn't even halfway through her third decade of life and she already spoke so many more. Maybe it wasn't quite as visibly impactful to society to have people who spoke so many languages in their midst, but Gilbert knew that, when it came down to it, people like Larissa were technically their only connection to other parts of the world. The only way through which they could communicate - through someone who understood both, and could translate their messages to one another.  
So many people wouldn't understand the merit of the work she did, the benefits of all she had worked so hard to learn. So many people would never understand how impressive this woman, and anyone like her, really was. And the same went for so many other things. People could easily understand why someone would choose to study law or medicine or economics or psychology. But anything that could not be directly linked to what they perceived as useful to society was often looked down upon. What a shame that was, really.

As Larissa owned nothing more comfortable than a desk chair, the two sat down on the edge of her bed to talk there instead. It was a perfect fit for such a small apartment. Not quite for two people, though. Going by the size of it, Gilbert figured she had never thought that maybe, one day, she wouldn't be the only one using it. Then again, maybe she had kept that in mind, as it was - thank God - slightly larger than the average single bed, but too small to be classified as a double. Still, they had managed to make themselves comfortable on it before, and they would be able to do so again. And it wasn't as if Gilbert's own room was much bigger than this, anyway, including his bed. It was always a tad awkward and a bit of a puzzle to get into a comfortable position like this, but at least they were starting to get used to it.

Hours passed by, and it was already very late when they decided to stop talking and move on to other activities. By the end of that, Gilbert didn't even bother to check what time it was anymore. Like it even mattered. Neither of them really had anywhere to be the next morning, anyway. He figured he could just contently let himself drift into sleep now, feeling Larissa's warmth against his back.  
Except he couldn't. Everything around him was so silent, so serene, giving his mind all the freedom it could need to wander. And wander it did, right back into the grim reality of things. Back into his research. The information he wished he had never discovered. The information he wished did not exist in the first place. It was too cruel to be true. Yet true it was.  
The harder he tried to banish all these thoughts from his mind, the stronger they became. Giving in to it also wasn't an option, as it gave no respite from all the dark facts, either. No matter what he did, it was there, plaguing his mind. Even when, after a little while of this, he felt movement next to him, rustling, followed by Larissa's forehead pressed lightly and warmly between his shoulders.  
The young woman took a deep breath and sighed, and Gilbert felt her breath warm on his skin. It did little to ease his mind, though. "You know, yesterday really was great," Larissa whispered to him, putting some emphasis on that word. Yesterday. "There's not a thing that can ruin that day anymore now," she went on, voice ever calm and steady even as Gilbert's heart began racing and pounding in his chest. "So now that yesterday is perfect and perfectly safe as it is… Now that a new day has begun, will you finally tell me what's on your mind?"  
Gilbert glanced at the clock in silent despair. 0:53. It really was a new day, had been for almost an hour. And recalling what he and Larissa had said to each other just hours ago, he knew for a fact that this time around, she was going to be as stubborn as he had been before. He would have no choice but to talk if they wanted any chance to sleep before the sun came up. The only choice he had was to decide for himself just how freely he would talk. That, too, would determine how much sleep either of them would get.  
Still, even knowing this, to speak those first words was a challenge in itself. "Sometimes I just wonder," Gilbert choked out after a little while, his voice shaky as he tried in vain to control it. "I just have to wonder… What do I do it all for, really? Does any of what I research and work on really benefit anyone at all? Or am I really only doing this as a mean to pass the time… For my own amusement."  
It was silent for a few heartbeats. Larissa pressed up closer against him, put a hand on the side of his ribs and sighed against his shoulders. "Of course it's meaningful work, Gil," she told him softly, her voice gentle but unwavering. "All of it is. At least in the long run, even if right now some things might look like they're meaningless, you're doing it all for a reason. For a good one."  
Touched by her conviction, Gilbert still couldn't bring himself to have faith in any of it, least of all himself. "Sometimes," he began again, stopping right there. He took a deep breath now, feeling choked up, then tried something else. "I've been at this for a year, and what do I have to show for that actually has any practical use?"  
Silence again. It was unnerving. But then he realised it had only been because Larissa had to think for a brief moment. "Remember what you once told me?" she began, moving her hand from the side of his ribcage to his chest instead, holding him in a semi-embrace like that. It was almost enough to be of comfort. Almost. "You found out that nation blood is different from that of humans. You found out what makes it different. And because of those differences, it's not safe for nation blood to be used in a blood transfusion in a human. Our bodies cannot handle the increased levels of… of cells that nations have in comparison to us. Was it white blood cells? You'll know what I'm talking about, anyway."  
For a moment, he felt her lips against his left shoulder, then her voice came once again. "You've firmly established that nations cannot donate blood to humans, while humans can donate blood to nations. But nation blood will have better effect, quicker, and is therefore better to use in emergencies, if available, than human blood would be." A deep sigh against his back. "You've told me all that. How is that not useful information? Even if it were to happen once a century that a nation would need a blood transfusion, for example, at least you know that nations should never donate blood to humans even if the blood types match up perfectly."  
Her words brought only a brief moment of comfort, a reassurance that not everything he did would one day turn out to be a waste of time and funds. But those last words came like an unexpectedly cold dagger to his heart. The human body had a hard time dealing with nation blood and more than likely would not survive being injected with it. If only he had known that sooner. If only he had known that a century ago.  
How many people had he condemned to death simply by taking part in the early experiments with blood transfusion? How many people had perished from receiving his so-called help?  
"It's never been any different," he choked out, voice strained and quivering, and his muscles tensed. "It never _will_ be any different, will it? No matter what I do… Even if I'm only trying to help… The only thing I seem able to do is harm others…"  
That, too, was the cruel reality of things. He had only ever hurt others, sometimes more directly than others, sometimes deliberately and more often yet by accident, but bringing others pain and misery seemed his greatest skill. And it's not like he wasn't an exception, either. He received at least as much suffering from his own actions as others did. At least he hoped what he had done to others wasn't worse than what he felt just thinking about it.  
By now Larissa was leaning over him, one hand on the back of his head, her fingers moving carefully through his white hair, the other having moved from his chest to his chin and cheek instead. She was trying to get him to look at her. "Something happened, didn't it?" she guessed in a soft voice. "Can't you tell me? You've always told me before. What's stopping you now?"  
Instead of directly answering her question, Gilbert mutely shook his head. He felt his eyes begin to prick with warm tears as he realised again the heart-wrenching truth, not just of his recent discoveries, but of his entire life. Sometimes things were so good that he could forget the grim purpose with which he seemed to have been put on this planet, but he could never escape it, and sooner or later, no matter what he did, he would get a painful reminder that all he did was hurt, betray and kill.  
Not even twelve hours ago, he had wished people would find it in their hearts to forgive him once the time came that he had to reveal the cruel information he now possessed. Now he no longer wanted to be forgiven. He only wanted a way out of this endless cycle of misery he had been born into.  
When Larissa asked him again why he wasn't saying anything, he finally broke. "I can't tell you," he brought out with great difficulty, his mouth dry but his eyes getting glassy, fogging up his vision in the dark room. "Eventually I will have to. But right now I just… can't." He tried to swallow, to at least moisten his achingly dry throat, but he couldn't even do that much. "I'm sorry." The words came out much like a sob.  
"But this isn't only about your research, I can tell," Larissa said. It was only a conclusion, but it felt as if she were still trying to press him for information that right now he just couldn't give even if he wanted to.  
She seemed to realise that now, too. So instead of saying anything else, she just sat up, turned him over, pulled him up along with her. Neither of them said anything as Larissa held the ex-nation in a firm and warm embrace and Gilbert could do nothing but cry like the pathetic weakling he was and truly always had been, no matter what lies he had always told himself to feel better.  
He didn't know how much time passed like that. He didn't really want to know. But eventually Larissa spoke up again.  
"I don't know what all this is about," she whispered to him. "But I think I got the gist of it now. Gilbert… I don't hate you. Ludwig doesn't hate you. Your friends don't hate you, neither does your family. So why, why on Earth would you hate yourself so much?"  
Hopefully she didn't expect him to answer that question. He could not. How was he supposed to utter a single word, if all he could do after hearing that question was cry out in agony because it was just so horribly, painfully _true_?  
Larissa responded by holding him closer, providing him with warmth and the only comfort he had at that moment. Comfort that he wasn't even sure he deserved, but which he was grateful for all the same.  
Larissa's soft, gentle voice sounded close to his ear once more. "Whatever led you to believe that you only ever hurt people has been filling your head with nonsense," she assured him in that soothing whisper of hers. "The Gilbert I know would never deliberately hurt anyone."  
And for once that night, Gilbert was deeply grateful that he couldn't even speak the words that lay at the tip of his tongue. _Then you don't know me at all._ Instead he just clung to her, thankful for her presence, for having at least one person who could almost make him believe he wasn't such a bad person at all, one person who knew what to say to him whom he could actually touch. He knew that whatever Brandenburg would have said to him would have been at least as effective as Larissa's words were to him, but he honestly couldn't imagine how he would have got himself through this with only a ghost to talk to.  
No, rather, he didn't _want_ to imagine what he would have done in his desire to get out of this never-ending cycle of suffering and his longing to be able to touch that ghost that would have been by his side. Killing two birds with one stone would never have seemed easier.  
He would never tell her just how deep that pit of despair was that she was now slowly pulling him from, but Gilbert felt assured that, at least with Larissa by his side, he would allow himself to live to see another day. Having more than one person to live for made his conviction that much stronger that, come what may, he would never let himself sink so deep into this that he would take the easy way out.  
Even so, he was once again convinced of something he had known all his life and had tried to deny so many times.  
He was cursed. And no matter how much these periods of carefree happiness and warmth could make him believe otherwise, sooner or later something would come into his life to prove to him that there was simply no escaping this. He was cursed like that, had been from birth and would be until the day he died. And if, someday, his death would miraculously happen to fall into one of those interims of blissful respite from all the pain, then at least that would be a blessing.  
And until then, all he could really do was try to make the best of it no matter what. In doing so, he had fallen so many times. But at least, whether it be on his own strength and conviction or through the help of others, he had always climbed back up so far.  
And with the support of people who somehow cared about him, how could he let them down? Honestly, he had gone through worse, and he had never given up before. He would not give up now, either. Never.

* * *

 **...Sorry about that. I just figured that Gil's emotional recovery was going a bit fast. One of these days he had to crash again. Hard.**

 **Then, about that little information drop in his research... It's one way I can think of to explain why nations are only rarely born naturally like that. And not a pleasant one.  
Can I make it worse for a bit? Just because. You see, I do have this personal theory (and I've had this for at least a year) that Brandenburg really was pregnant when she died. And this kid may or may not have actually been born had she not been shot...  
Yup. Berlin.  
But I won't be that cruel to Gil. Not outside of my own imagination. Not in-story.**

 **With all that out of the way, I've got no studying to do until September. Hooray. Maybe I can manage more than two chapters before then, at this rate ^~^'**

 **I hope you liked this chapter, and if you've got the time, please leave a little review. And I hope until the next chapter!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Back again! I may still be significantly slower than a year ago, but I can say I'm glad I'm at least doing more than a chapter a month now. I hope I'm not the only one.**

 **Thanks again to everyone who's read and a special thanks to everyone who's taken the time to write a review!**

 **I hope you'll enjoy this chapter!**

* * *

Two weeks had passed since Gilbert, together with Adam and Benjamin, had discovered the truth about nations' apparent infertility. The three had decided not to say a word until the information had been shared with Gilbert's superiors, the professors overseeing the research, including Professor Hanssen.  
That day was fast approaching, and Gilbert was only too grateful that first he had an appointment with Doctor Kron again. While he could not quite tell him any details, confidentiality meant that at least he could speak to this man more openly than with other people. And with how long he'd been having sessions like these, Kron often knew what he was talking about without needing much more background information. The perfect outlet right now.  
"While I understand your fears," Kron said after listening to Gilbert's explanation for a little while. "Have you considered the possibility that others might not consider this a problem as much as you do? Or at least, that they might not hold you accountable for it?"  
With a sigh, Gilbert nodded. "By now I've had enough time to consider all possibilities, I think," he answered bleakly. "It is possible that I won't get the blame. Most nations I know are very understanding… after a little while. They won't like me at first, but given time, they'll know that I technically had nothing to do with it, other than bringing this all to light. But it's not their opinion of me that I'm afraid of." He fidgeted a bit, feeling anxious about the mess he had created for himself yet again. "I'm afraid of hurting others with this. But even now that I've had time to think rationally, I still don't see how I can resolve this without hurting anyone. I just don't see a way out of this at all."  
Kron gave a solemn nod. "Perhaps you are right," he said in a soft but firm voice. He looked directly at Gilbert as he spoke. "But then look at it this way: surely it will not be as if these people will not recover from this. We can't always prevent hurting those we care about, but often, if we just give it time, things will settle themselves. If you show them how much this hurts you as much as you've shown me, even if they might not be able to express that immediately, I don't see why they wouldn't forgive you. And it might help them, too, to know they're not alone in this."  
Gilbert just nodded, hoping he was right.

When he got home, Germany was still out for work, having to go to three different meetings in one day. It sure wasn't his best day of the week, that much was a fact. Still, when Gilbert walked in, he heard noise in the kitchen, and he frowned. Was the dog raiding a cabinet? It wouldn't be the first time. It would, however, be the first time since his days of puppy-puberty.  
But when he opened the door to the living room and kitchen with an annoyed sigh, Berlitz was lounging on the floor, eyes closed but tail swishing lazily over the floor. Larissa was in the kitchen, a bucket by her side and a wet cloth in her hand. She looked over her shoulder as she heard the door open and greeted Gilbert with a smile.  
Sometimes he still had to get used to her having a spare key and, with Germany's permission, freedom to walk in and out as she pleased. Germany actually appreciated having someone to look after Berlitz when both he and Gilbert were out, now that Larissa had time off. She was still looking for work, but had pretty much received the confirmation that she wouldn't find anything solid until she had her degree on paper, which would be after the summer. She could work in the two months until then, but after discussing that with her parents, brother, a few friends and Gilbert, she had decided that she deserved a vacation, and that she had the funds to go through summer without a part-time job for once.  
And so here she was. Cleaning the kitchen. For some reason.  
The two stood staring at each other for a few seconds, silent, until Gilbert amusedly shook his head. "You don't have to do that, you know," he said to her.  
Larissa shrugged and put the washcloth into her bucket. "I use the kitchen," she countered. "So why shouldn't I make an effort to keep it clean sometimes, too?" She then dried of her hands on the kitchen towel.  
Gilbert wasn't sure what he could say against that. She had a fair point.  
Larissa walked up to him then and tugged at the collar of his shirt to straighten it. Apparently hadn't been to her liking. "So have you talked about it?" she asked him in a suddenly soft voice.  
Right. That. Gilbert shook his head with a soft sigh. "We didn't really have time for it," he defended himself, only half a lie.  
Half a lie that Larissa saw through in an instant. "And maybe you didn't want to talk about it, either," she scolded him gently. "Gil, you know it's important. Just look at what happened two weeks ago; you need to get these things off your chest, and while I'm happy to help, I'm not trained for it. These things are exactly why you're seeing Kron in the first place, remember?"  
Gilbert nodded silently. He could see why she wanted him to talk about the whole hating himself sometimes thing (which, to be honest, was actually more than sometimes) but what he'd discussed at the session today was just as important. Or almost as important. At the very least it was to be considered important.  
A silence hung between the two after this. Larissa didn't seem to want to meet Gilbert's eyes, or maybe she was unable to, when she finally spoke up. Her voice was soft and quivering a little. "Gil, do you remember that suggestion you made a while ago?" she began carefully. "About those journals you have…"  
Immediately understanding what it was she wanted to ask, Gilbert grabbed her hand lightly. "Where do you want to begin?" he asked, cutting right to the chase.  
Larissa seemed surprised for a moment, looking up at him now, then blinked once. "As early as you've got?" She shrugged. "I don't know… I just feel it's about time I learn to understand what it means to you to have been a nation. To have lived so long. Maybe if I understand that better, I will understand you more, too." She paused for a moment, then let out a soft sigh. "And maybe that will help us both."  
Gilbert just nodded, let go of her hand and went to the bookshelf. He picked out a bundle of loose papers, clipped together, which were written on with a typewriter. "Here's a copy of my oldest journal," he said as he handed it to Larissa. "I do still have the original also, but that's very damaged and fragile. We keep it elsewhere, for safekeeping. Poor thing is as old as I am, after all, minus a decade or two."  
That information seemed to stun Larissa momentarily, and she took the bundle of papers with both hands, eyes as wide and full of wonder as if she were holding the centuries-old book itself instead of its copy, which was still twice her age. Her eyes were shining, but filled with seemingly conflicted feelings when she looked back up at Gilbert again. "Thanks. I'll be sure to treat it with care." She then glanced at the pages, and immediately she laughed. "Latin. Of course. Well, considering the date you've written down, it should be Vulgar Latin, so I guess I'll be fine."  
"And I can translate what you can't read, if you want me to," Gilbert assured her.  
Larissa nodded silently. She still held on to the journal copy as if it was a priceless historical treasure. For the first time he could remember, Gilbert realised fully that, actually, that's what it was. So many historians based their facts off of old journals and letters written by people from centuries ago. And Gilbert, being Prussia, had had access to very sensitive information about certain events that, looking back, he hadn't always been as careful with as maybe he should have done. Maybe, someday, he would donate his centuries of historic records to the university for historians to use. Maybe one day he'd put that in his will, because thinking about donating such personal records, filled with his darkest and brightest moments both, while he was still alive… He was okay with giving them to people he was close to, people he trusted, but with Larissa and even Germany, there were just some things he'd written that he was feeling nervous about.  
Larissa then quickly finished cleaning the countertop, something she had been nearly finished with anyway, put the bucket and cloth away, then sat down on the couch with Gilbert next to her. The ex-nation tried not to pay attention to it as she read through his earliest writings, but he couldn't quite stop himself from glancing to his side every minute or so, to see where she was at. The first entry took her quite a while to get through, but he noticed that she was getting used to the Latin rather quickly.  
"French and Spanish help a lot in this," she commented once, when he asked if she needed him to translate. "I'll be fine." Then she went on to ask if he had really believed himself to be human at first, and Gilbert realised that had never come up in any conversation yet.  
"Well," he said with a shrug, "at the time it made more sense to me than anything else. I didn't know about the existence of nation personifications, and the only other options people had given me were demon, ghost and vampire. Of course, those weren't exactly ideas I wanted to entertain."  
Larissa snorted derisively when he listed what people had called him for ages, muttering about what ignorant, rude creatures people had been back then.

Time passed achingly slowly to Gilbert. It felt like ages had gone by an hour later, when Larissa sighed and said she'd give up on reading the Latin now.  
Gilbert could understand that. He shrugged. "Thinking about it, the most relevant texts I have - most relevant for you right now, anyway - are younger, from when I started writing in German. I hope you'll be all right with Medieval German?"  
Larissa laughed for a moment. "Probably better than with Latin, anyway! Couldn't you have thought of this sooner?"  
Gilbert shrugged again in an apologetic gesture, already moving to grab the right book for her. "Perhaps. It just didn't occur to me before now, so I guess not." This time around, he also grabbed a book for himself to read.  
So once again, they sat side by side, both reading quietly. The journal entries Larissa was now reading dated from after the establishment of the Monastic State of the Teutonic Order, when he had gone to Hungary. There was quite a gap after those texts, entries that had all been lost. There wasn't much else to read between him going to Hungary and discovering his best friend was a girl, and him joining merchants on a ship for several weeks, going Scandinavia, the Netherlands and the British Isles, among others. Those things were probably more interesting to read than records of traveling from Acre to Hungary, anyway.  
Only a few minutes had gone by when Larissa chuckled out of the blue, startling Gilbert a little as he had just begun to get into the book he was reading. "You must have been adorable as a kid," the young woman said warmly, still chuckling softly. "So enthusiastic. How old were you?"  
Gilbert just glanced at the date at the top of the page. 3 June 1360. When he'd been off to trade. "One-hundred-and-sixty-eight. As for physical age, which I suppose you're referring to, I think I was about ten years old."  
With a warm and amused smile, Larissa met his gaze. "As I said. Adorable."  
"You might want to reconsider that once you've read more."  
"I doubt it." The young woman leant against his shoulder now, put the papers down and let out a deep sigh. "Hungary is pretty important to you, isn't she?" she mumbled as she placed her chin on his shoulder. "You wrote about her a lot. But did you seriously not realise that your best friend was a girl?"  
The laughter in her voice when she asked this was enough to make Gilbert blush in embarrassment. "Well, neither did she!" he defended himself. "She was raised in the company of men, and no one had ever bothered to tell her otherwise for centuries. If she wasn't aware of it, how was I supposed to be?"  
Larissa sniggered for a moment. "It's just cute. I must say, though, reading about her like this only makes me look forward to meeting her more."  
"Well, she'll be here in only two days, so you won't have to wait long."

* * *

Two days later, Hungary finally arrived, a bit later than planned due to traffic issues along the way. Gilbert found himself strangely nervous about the meeting between her and Larissa now that it was only moments away. And for once, he realised almost immediately why he was nervous about it, although he still found the reason ridiculous if he thought about it.  
It's just that he'd never had someone he had a relationship with meet an ex of his during that relationship. Brandenburg had been his first, brief as it had been, Fritz his second, and Brandenburg had been dead for a few years by the time Fritz had even been born. Hungary had known both of them, but there had been about two centuries between his relationship with her and their deaths.  
As certain as he was that this meeting would go well, that the two would be able to get along, something about it just felt weird to him.  
The moment she entered the living room, Hungary tried to greet Germany with a quick hug, but was stopped by Berlitz when the dog heaved himself onto his hind legs and flung both his front paws at her, leaving Hungary with no other choice but to quickly stagger back a step and catch his flailing paws.  
"Well, hello there, Berlitz!" she said warmly to the excited dog, which was whining in joy upon seeing her. "Yes, I've missed you too. I've missed you too, boy!" The Hungarian set his paws back on the floor, sidestepped him and finally gave Germany that hug. "And I've missed you, sweetie. Thanks for letting me stay here for a little while."  
"Anytime. You know that."  
Hungary smiled wide, then turned to look at Larissa, who had just stood up from the couch to greet her. "And you must be Larissa!" she said excitedly, her green eyes twinkling as she scanned the woman from top to bottom. "I've heard so much about you. All of it good." She paused for a moment, still looking at her, and gave a single, short nod before she turned to Gilbert, who stood beside her.  
Her expression very serious and her voice steady and even to accentuate this, she said: "You've done well, Gil. Very well. I approve."  
Immediately, the ex-nation felt his face grow warm with embarrassment. "I don't need your approval for my choice in partners!" he stammered defensively. Oh God, this was exactly the sort of thing he had been afraid of. He just silently prayed now that Hungary would not give it her all to embarrass him completely while she was here.  
Hungary just laughed loudly, and from the corner of his eyes he saw Larissa giggle softly as well. The nation gave him a friendly shove. "Well, all things but our own little fling considered, Gil, you're pretty much my little brother. And besides, I'm just messing with you. Lighten up." She then turned back to Larissa and held out her hand. "I'm Hungary, as I suppose you know. You can just call me Elizaveta, though, if you'd like. Nice to meet you!"  
Larissa smiled, obviously relieved over how things were going so far, and took her hand. "Likewise. And I've heard many good things about you, as well."  
This made Hungary laugh again. "And many bad things, too, I'd wager!"  
"Well… A few."  
"Good. Then at least Gil hasn't been lying to you about me."  
"I would never, Lizzie," Gilbert said, rolling his eyes. "You're far too direct to lie about; all illusions would shatter the moment someone just lays eyes on you."  
Hungary huffed and narrowed her eyes at him now. "Is that supposed to be an insult?"  
Gilbert responded with a grin. "Only if you want it to be, my dearest Lizzie."

As per usual when Hungary came over, the first hours after her arrival were completely filled with chatter. And, which was also not uncommon, the Hungarian did her very best to make Gilbert feel mildly uncomfortable every few minutes at the very least.  
"So," she began at one point, after having done the general catch-up with Germany and Gilbert. She was staring at the ex-nation now as well as Larissa, who sat side-by-side on the couch, her green eyes gleaming. "Of all the things I've heard, I haven't yet heard how all this began. So tell me, who was the first to come off that naïve notion that you were just friends all this time?"  
Larissa didn't seem to mind the question one bit, and Gilbert was all too glad to let her do the talking. At first, anyway. "Well, to be honest with you," the woman began, grinning a little as she gave Gilbert a sideward glance. "I don't think I was ever clinging to that idea as tightly as Gil was. So I guess you could say it was my doing? Though really, it's a bit more complicated than that."  
"A bit?" Gilbert laughed, loosening up a bit now that he saw how relaxed Larissa was under Hungary's questioning. "Let me tell you, Lizzie, it was just a slight mayhem for a couple of months. You see, for over a year I had just been minding my own business, enjoying her company and considering her the best friend I had among humans right now, when suddenly this lady here thought it a wise idea to kiss me a day before the left the country for two months! And in those two months of absence she gave me _plenty_ of time to re-evaluate the entire year we'd known each other, only to come to the conclusion that maybe people had had a valid point when they'd thought we had been a couple all that time. Just maybe." He could still remember his inner turmoil in that period, something he had been desperate to avoid thinking about but which eventually always found its way back into his heart and mind.  
"Now during that time, Ben also happened to find out the whole nation-thing," he went on, "giving me no other choice but to spill the truth when she finally came back."  
Larissa cut in now, fidgeting a bit. "Let's just say that little bomb dropped a bit heavily on me. I couldn't really wrap my head around it and just found it a lot to process, so I cut off contact." She chuckled almost guiltily as she smiled sheepishly at Gilbert, adding in a small voice: "For another few weeks…"  
"Yeah, and do you have any idea how much I missed you all that time?" Gilbert put in, meeting her brown gaze. "There were moments, I swear, it was bordering on torturous!"  
"Oh my God," Hungary suddenly choked out, green eyes wide as she realised something suddenly. "Wasn't that around the time you started overworking yourself so much, Gil?"  
Gilbert just rolled his eyes. "Well, I had to do _something_ to distract myself, or I'd have gone crazy."  
Hungary just laughed softly as she shook her head in amusement. "Oh, sweetie, you may have done an excellent job seeking distraction, but I'm afraid it did nothing to keep you from going crazy."  
Germany shrugged at this. "Can't say I disagree. You really weren't at your best."  
Larissa then rested her chin on Gilbert's shoulder. "Well, then I'm only more glad things worked out the way they did in the end," she said warmly, smiling.  
Practically sensing her intentions, Gilbert turned his head and kissed her quick. Right after he did so, he heard Hungary talk softly to Germany. "Surprises me that you don't seem bothered when they do that, sweetie."  
Germany sighed. "Well, you get used to it. Except when it lasts like… longer than ten seconds. Those can be awkward to be around. And God forbid I walk in on another make-out session ever again." The poor young nation shuddered at the memory.  
In response to this, Gilbert only smirked at him. "Well, rejoice, my little brother; at least you'll be spared _that_ much while Hungary's here." After all, due to the lack of space in the house when it came to bedrooms, Gilbert and Larissa would spend the nights at least at her apartment. They did have a space for guests, of course, but now that there was another option available, this was much preferable over being in the house with three to four people. Hungary would be getting Gilbert's room for the time being.  
Still smiling, Hungary turned back to Gilbert, an excited light in her eyes. "Oh, I just remembered! How's that research going that I helped you with?"  
There it was. The one thing to ruin this otherwise nearly flawless day. _Because there's always something, isn't there?_ A stone seemed to land in Gilbert's stomach, and the words seemed to coil around his neck like a noose, slowly choking him. That one question had robbed him of all the relaxed joy he had been feeling until then, all the carefree happiness.  
He had hoped she wouldn't ask. He had known she would, but he'd denied it fiercely to himself out of fear that he would be freaking out over it long before it would come up in a conversation. He had just hoped that at least the first day of Hungary's visit would have gone smoothly.  
The silence that followed was as heavy as he had imagined it to be. Or maybe it wasn't silent at all? If Germany or Larissa said anything, he didn't even hear. He was only aware of his nervously shaking hands, his fearfully pounding heart, his mind spinning as he thought of what to say. And then, much to his confusion, the answer came surprisingly easily to him.  
"Lizzie… Actually, what I discovered is a very serious matter. All this time I've been afraid of sharing the information, scared that I would not find the right words for it." He met her gaze directly, feeling a stab in his heart when he saw the look she now gave him, filled with uncertainty and anxiety over the shift in the atmosphere. "Let's go to my room for this, all right?" Gilbert suggested gently, still astonishing himself with how he handled the situation now that he was so suddenly faced with it. "I want to talk to you about this with just the two of us at first." Glancing apologetically at Germany and Larissa, he promised them he would tell them both, but for Hungary it was far more personal and likely to have greater impact, so he really did think it best to be able to tell her privately.

And so Gilbert found himself sitting on the edge of his bed, looking directly at Hungary as he recounted the discoveries he'd made in his research. He started careful, with telling her exactly what had been done and what the results had been, starting with the staggeringly definitive proof that cross-breeding between nations and humans was impossible. Then he slowly moved on to tell her heart-breaking conclusion he'd finally come to.  
As she listened, Hungary's eyes widened, her complexion paled in shock, and by the time he reached the end of his report, she sat staring at him teary-eyed.  
"I'm so very sorry about this, Lizzie. I should never have researched this, but by the time I realised that, it was already too late to turn back." He sighed, his breath coming out shakily. "I wasn't sure how to tell you. Anyone. But I also couldn't very well say nothing. I just hope…" He looked up to meet her glassy gaze, asking bleakly: "Are you all right?"  
Hungary didn't respond to that question directly. Instead she sat there, shaking like a leaf, tears trailing down her cheeks. "You mean…" she choked out breathlessly, her voice wavering. "All of this means… I-it means I…" Slowly she moved one hand to her abdomen, probably without even thinking about it, and swallowed back a sob. " _I've been a mother?_ I would have been, had our nature been just slightly different?" She curled into herself slightly as if she was in pain, gritting her teeth. "How do I tell Austria…?"  
"You won't have to," Gilbert told her softly, his own voice almost as weak and shaky as hers. "It's my research that brought this to light. It's my responsibility." Even though he wanted nothing more than to run away from that responsibility, there was no way he would leave this burden for Hungary to bear, not unless she absolutely wanted him to. And that too was something he could well imagine.  
But his words didn't seem to reach Hungary when suddenly she stiffened. "Oh God…" she breathed, sounding absolutely horrified as she slowly lifted her gaze to meet Gilbert's again. Pure anguish lay in her green irises. "Don't tell me you and I…"  
Gilbert shook his head. "I can't tell you," he admitted softly. "Not for certain. But considering we'd been together for close to twenty years… There's a good chance." It was as if speaking these words to her, words that had been in his mind since he'd discovered all this, finally tore his heart in two.  
But he wasn't even given a chance to feel even that much before Hungary flung herself at him. She cried, first clinging to his shoulders, then cursing at him in both Hungarian and German between her sobs while she weakly pounded her fists against his chest, and finally clinging to him once more. Gilbert just let it all wash over him. She had a right to be angry. She had a right to seek comfort. Everything she did right now was entirely normal, entirely all right, and he just held her and let her do what she thought necessary.  
They sat like that for a while, but finally Hungary quieted her sobbing to a mere sniffling and slowly sat back up. Her eyes were red and puffy and her cheeks wet with tears, but when she next looked Gilbert in the eyes again, to his surprise, they were filled with pity. "It must be so difficult for you, too…" she breathed.  
In response, Gilbert could only smile, feeling his own tears finally spilling, too. "Probably not nearly as much as it must be for you, though," he responded weakly and shakily.  
"Nonsense," Hungary told him, some strength returning to her voice as she reached out to carefully catch one of his tears as it slid down his face. "You've lost children the same as I did. And yes, maybe that is different for men than it is for women, of course it would be. In a sense. But in the end, you and I have both lost all our children in the past. Maybe even ones we had together. And to have to find out the way you did…" She sniffed, then rubbed the back of her hand over her eyes before looking back at Gilbert. "At least I had someone to tell me as gently as possible, but to have to find out on your own…"  
As emotional as they both were, at that moment the only thing the ex-nation could do was laugh. Was this what he had been so afraid of all that time? Having someone show pity for him for the way he'd had to find this out? "Have I ever told you how amazing you are?" he choked out between his laughter. "That you can even think about that right now… You truly are amazing."  
Miraculously, Hungary managed a chuckle now, too, although it was laced with tears and misery. "Well, it's all a bit too much to handle all at once, you know," she laughed it off, tears still welling up in her eyes. She tried to wipe them away again, but they returned just as quickly. "I suppose I just need to think of someone else now, else I'd go crazy. If I kept thinking of me right now…" She trailed off, gritting her teeth in an effort to stay quiet.  
Gilbert just smiled at her, nodding silently. He knew that feeling quite well, although he hadn't always been able to deal with it as well as Hungary did. "Would you be okay with it if I told the others?" he asked carefully.  
Hungary nodded. "Yes, of course. I'd rather you didn't walk around with this on your mind much longer than you have to, anyway." Then she lowered her glassy green gaze to the bed, fidgeting a little. "But would you mind if I stayed back a little while? I don't fancy hearing it again. I just…"  
Gilbert gave her a quick, comforting hug. "Don't worry about it," he told her softly. "Just take your time, all right? Take all the time you need." Then, with a heavy heart, he got up. For a moment all he could do was stare at the door, then he took a deep breath and steeled himself to go up and share the news with two others.

* * *

"I knew there was something wrong with doing this," Germany grumbled once he'd heard all. He, like Larissa, was ghostly pale after having listened to his brother explain the outcome of his research. "Why didn't you just listen to us when we told you it wasn't right?"  
Gilbert shook his head with a deep sigh. "What good would that have done? I had already shown interest in front of Hanssen. I couldn't very well go back on my decision without getting questions. And the pure fascination he'd shown… I can tell you now that if I hadn't done this, he or someone else would have." He looked away uncomfortably when his younger brother kept his stare on him. "And I most certainly cannot show up empty-handed now, or lie about the results. No matter what I do, this information will get out sooner or later, and… I'm just so sorry to everyone that yet again _I'm_ the one to bring them all bad news." He paused for a moment, yet again feeling tears pricking in his eyes, nagging to be let out. He refused. "For once in my life, I would just like to stop hurting people."  
Larissa, who had been awfully quiet all this time, now stared straight at him until he felt compelled to meet her gaze. When he did, she immediately grabbed his face and held it firmly so that he wouldn't be able to look away again. Her gaze boring into his, she said: "Stop blaming yourself, Gilbert. Right this instant. Yes, what you discovered is terrible and everyone would have been better off if it had stayed secret. But that goes for you, too. And besides, the only crime you're guilty of is listening to suggestions." Her voice was steady and strong, demanding of him to stop the self-loathing right that instant. "It wasn't your idea. It wasn't your doing. It was you who discovered this, but no more than that; and as you just said, if you hadn't, then someone else would have, and everyone would still have been hurt." Finally she sighed and let go of him again, sitting back. "The only thing I find reckless," she added more quietly, "is that you dragged Benjamin and Adam into this."  
"I already promised them that I would take all responsibility," Gilbert assured her, feeling his stomach twist as he was reminded that he had pulled his friends into this mess he'd made. "I wish I could take away these experiences for them, this knowledge and the way they acquired it, but I can do no more but leave them out of it from here on and bear the burden on my own."  
"No." Larissa's voice was hard and edged with anger in this one word. She narrowed her eyes at Gilbert when she spoke, and it took him a moment to realise that her rage was not directed at him. "You and _Hanssen_. You said it, I said it, and it's true; _it was his idea._ Let the man take responsibility for it, also, instead of dropping it all on you."  
Germany spoke up again now, too, his eyes wide. "You don't think that's why he made you do this research in the first place?" he wondered out loud. "Because he knew there was something unethical about it, and so that he would be clear of guilt if things went wrong?"  
Gilbert shook his head. He didn't want to believe that. "It's probably because nation research is my thing as of yet," he reasoned. "Yes, there have been a handful in the past who have done some minor research in order to treat nations better, but none as extensive as what I'm doing. It's only logical that I would include this instead of letting someone else do it for me."  
"Even so," Larissa said coldly, clearly not willing to let go of her anger quite yet. "You shouldn't be the only one held accountable; and for heaven's sake, Gilbert, stop blaming yourself, _please_. It's not healthy, and it's certainly not necessary." She looked up now, locking gazes with him again. "But promise me right now," she added in a low voice quivering with barely controlled rage. " _Promise me_ , Gil, that from now on you will consider these things longer before making decisions. Don't rush into any research ever again. Think first, then act. I refuse to let you put yourself through something like this again. Understood? I refuse."  
For a moment, Gilbert couldn't even find his voice to respond. He just nodded mutely, struggling to make a sound again. Finally he regained that ability, and choked out weakly: "I promise." Even though his voice sounded feeble with shock over how fierce Larissa got over this, though, he was completely sincere. There was no way he would be faced with something like this again. He, too, simply refused to let that happen.  
After giving everyone a moment of silence, Germany said quietly that he would go see if Hungary was all right. Once he'd gone down the stairs to Gilbert's room, Larissa pulled the ex-nation into an embrace and kissed him. "You should know by now," she whispered to him after parting again. "You'll have to do something truly unforgivable to make me think less of you at this point. Gil, I don't know how you did it, but you've pulled me too far down the rabbit hole for me to still get out."  
Gilbert could only laugh at this and pulled her closer. Quite a metaphor, to refer to their relationship as a rabbit hole like that. Not that she was wrong; anyone who built any sort of relationship with an ex-nation like him would inadvertently be pulled into a whole other world, one of nearly immortal personifications of nations, creatures that would always be there but would usually not influence their lives one bit in any other situation. Having experienced all that, there was no going back, not really.  
But even through his amusement and the warmth he felt, there was a lingering cold feeling, too. "How far are you in my journals now?" he asked, curious how much she already knew and had forgiven.  
Larissa hummed. "Fifteenth century. Why?"  
He just shook his head. "Just curious." _Curious to see whether you will still think this way once you've read about my worst crimes…_

* * *

 **So that's it for this chapter, but I'm starting the next one right now, actually, so who knows. Maybe I will, at some point, do a chapter in a week. Maybe not, though. We'll see.**

 **Well, I couldn't imagine Hungary giving Gil a hard time over his research and discoveries, although there will of course be some who won't be so understanding and quick to forgive. But Hungary is just... Hungary. She's been friends with him too long to not see that he never intended for any of that to happen. Germany reacted well because, even though he's a nation, the news just doesn't affect him personally. And of course, Gilbert is his brother. If anyone knows the man through and through, it's him. And the same goes for Larissa (she's starting to get there in terms of understanding him)**

 **Well, thanks for reading, and I hope you liked this chapter. Little spoiler for next chapter: Scotland.**


	12. Chapter 12

**So yeah. New chapter.**

 **Thanks for the feedback over the previous chapter; I've taken it all in consideration and decided it was indeed a point to address more (and hopefully better) in future chapters. So that will be done!**

 **But first Scotland. Because Scotland. I hope you'll enjoy!**

* * *

"You know, I've been to the UK before, but never to Scotland."  
Larissa's brown eyes were sparkling with wonder as she gazed around. She had already commented on the nature on their way here in the car they had rented, saying she loved it. Now, after they had parked their car and were walking down the street to were Scotland lived, she seemed no less smitten with the scenery.  
Meanwhile, Gilbert was just thankful to be here. More than he had thought possible, the little vacation really managed to take his mind off everything that had happened the past weeks. It had taken poor Hungary a week to act completely herself again after hearing the news, and Gilbert had felt sorry for even telling her. Adam and Benjamin had both been fine with it that others knew now, too, as they had understood completely why Gilbert hadn't been able to lie to Hungary when she asked him so directly. As for letting the university know, that would wait until after Gilbert came back from his week in Scotland. He was ever so glad that Scotland hadn't been able to participate in this research and that the likelihood of receiving questions about it was a lot smaller than if he'd gone to, say, any of the Benelux countries, to name an example.  
"Are you nervous about meeting the man himself?" Gilbert asked, smiling.  
Larissa hummed in response. "Maybe a little." Despite her saying this, when Gilbert glanced down to see her trembling hands, he was fairly certain she was more than a little nervous.  
The ex-nations reached to lightly grab her hand, hoping to bring the little reassurance she needed right now. "Just remember what I told you about him," he said gently. "Scotland is about the nicest person I know. Might actually be the most kind-hearted man on this planet, really. You don't want to get him angry, of course, but in the centuries I've known him, I've barely ever seen him get really angry. There's nothing to worry about."  
He just hoped that was true. He had discussed this with Scotland even before they had arranged this week, knowing the old kingdom was as likely to take this all badly as he was to take it well. At least over the phone, Scotland had sounded completely all right with the fact that his friend was making the most of being a human. Both times they had talked about it. Although the first time around, the Scot had sounded a bit tense about it. The second time he had sounded genuinely fine with everything. Gilbert prayed that nothing would change about that now that it wasn't just a conversation over the phone.  
His heart was beating fast right after he rang the doorbell, but it quieted down the moment the door was opened. It had been far too long that he'd seen Scotland. His friend seemed to be thinking the same thing.  
"Took you long enough!" the tall nation greeted him with a wide grin. "I was starting to wonder if you had missed your flight."  
"Nah," Gilbert replied with a shrug. "Just a slightly racist guy behind the counter when we went to rent a car for the week. Literally everyone has always told me I've picked up your accent, but _no_ , I sound 'too German' and 'impossible to understand' and all that crap."  
Scotland scoffed. "Right. What a prick. Anyway, come in, both of you."  
It didn't go unnoticed to Gilbert that Scotland hadn't said a word yet to Larissa, but the moment he closed the door behind them, he made up for that. "So you're Larissa. Nice to meet you, lass." He held out his hand to her welcomingly.  
At this simple gesture, Larissa seemed to feel more at ease. She shook his hand with a smile. "Nice to meet you, too, Scotland. Thank you so much for having us." She paused only a moment after stuttering on whatever she had been going to say next. Maybe not completely at ease yet, then. "Do you… have a human name, also?"  
Scotland gave a quick nod. "Sure do. Allistair. You can call me that if you like. Just Scotland is fine, too." He shrugged and looked away a little awkwardly. "They're both my names, anyway, so, yeah… whichever." He then cleared his throat and suggested taking this conversation out of the hallway and into the living room.  
It was a slight disappointment, though not a surprise, that this meeting wasn't going as smoothly as the one with Hungary had. Hopefully it would ease up as time passed.

"So how have you been?" Gilbert asked Scotland once they'd sat down. "You seem a tad… on edge."  
Scotland nodded, chuckling seemingly only for the sake of laughing it off. "Just a little," he said, the stress clear in his voice. "You know how difficult peace can be. I don't think you've any idea how difficult peace in Ireland can be. At least we seem to be getting _somewhere_ , which is more than I can say about the past thirty or so years we've been at it, but literally everyone in the family is stressed out by now."  
Larissa seemed uncomfortable when she heard this, but said nothing. Gilbert, on the other hand, did. "If this is such a bad time to have visitors over, why didn't you just say so?" he asked gently. "We don't want to be a bother, so…"  
"Oh no, please stay!" Scotland said quickly, looking almost startled by his friend's suggestion. "I specifically took the week off for this. I'm _desperate_ for a time-out, so please stay." He was quiet for a moment, blinked, then started laughing. "Dammit, I just heard how that sounds…! For fuck's sake, I'm hopeless right now, I'm sorry."  
Gilbert just grinned. "That's fine. I can imagine it's difficult right now. Well, in that case I'm glad we can provide you with a break. And thankful that you're willing to take a week off for it."  
Larissa now nodded in agreement. "Very much so. To both things."  
Scotland was still laughing a little, but then fell quiet again. "Right… One thing, though. Coineach will be popping in for dinner tonight. He's in the area for a meeting, called me an hour or so ago… I couldn't just say no."  
"Of course not," Gilbert agreed with a reassuring smile. "Does he know we're here, also? It'll be good to see him again." Then, turning to Larissa, he quickly explained who 'Coineach' was.  
The young woman seemed a little overwhelmed. "Oh, so now I'm meeting Northern Ireland, too? That's, ah… Wow." Then she just took a deep breath and sighed deeply. "Will this ever stop being a lot to deal with?"  
Gilbert nudged her, still smiling. "It took me some six hundred years to not get overly excited whenever I met a new nation. Who knows, maybe you can adjust better than I can, but if that's anything to go by, I'm afraid not. Sorry."  
Scotland cleared his throat a little awkwardly, drawing their attention again. "I can't make any promises about Coineach's mood right now," he warned his two guests. "He's been dealing with puberty on top of three decades of terrorism and strife… and personal issues. He might not be at his most pleasant."  
"We'll get out of the way if we need to," Larissa instantly promised.  
Gilbert had another idea, and immediately added: "Tell you what, Al. We'll cook tonight, if you'd let us, and then you can have some time alone with North during that time."

That was an idea that everyone could get behind, and it wasn't very long until Northern Ireland came in. He seemed quite on-edge, exactly like Scotland had warned his two guests, even just from hearing him from the kitchen. Larissa and Gilbert had considered pausing the chopping they were doing at the time to greet him, but had decided against it when they heard the tone with which he spoke to Scotland. Best give the boy some time to cool off first.  
Gilbert found it difficult to just stand in the kitchen and listen, though; he picked up several things just from the teenager's voice that got him itching to step in.  
Eventually Larissa came up behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Go on," she said encouragingly. "It sounds as if this won't be a bad time. I'll handle things here, no problem."  
The ex-nation sighed softly, smiling. She was freakishly good at reading him sometimes. Most of the time, actually. He just tilted his head, kissed her on the cheek and went into the living room.  
He announced himself with a soft knock on the wall before he came around the corner, and put up a smile when both Scotland and Northern Ireland looked at him in mild surprise. "Hey there, North," he began calmly. "I'm sorry, but I couldn't help but overhear… well, not words per se, but rather just your voice, and…"  
God, the boy was really not doing well; he had an almost sickly pallor to him, dark circles under his slightly bloodshot eyes, and though he wasn't actually trembling at the moment, he did have a shaky, unsteady look about him. Total exhaustion and far too much stress.  
Gilbert did his best not to show too much pity for the poor young nation, but he was sure he did not quite succeed in hiding it all. "You're clearly not doing well, and I just can't stand by without doing anything about it."  
Northern Ireland stared at him for a moment longer, silent, then let out a deep sigh. "Well, if you can magically cause lasting peace for me and my people, your help will be very welcome," he muttered half-heartedly. "If not, I don't think there's much you _can_ do."  
The albino ex-nation shook his head. "I wish I could, kid. But what I am able to do is make sure the government knows not to drop a huge workload on you for a little while." He then gently told the young nation to sit down on the couch, and then sat down in front of him. All the while, Scotland watched in silence, curiosity but also immediate approval in his eyes.  
Gilbert glanced over his shoulder at his friend. "Do you have something to measure blood pressure, perchance?"  
The Scot looked confused, thought for a moment, then nodded with only slight uncertainty. "An old-fashioned thing, I suppose. I'll go look for it."  
As Scotland went through his cupboards in search of the blood pressure meter, Gilbert asked North to hold out his arm. "I just need to check your heartrate for a moment, all right?" He then lightly pressed two fingertips to his wrist, immediately finding his pulse; it was quite fast. Keeping track of the time on his watch, he counted carefully. Not the result he'd hoped for.  
Scotland had then found the blood pressure meter and handed it to him. Gilbert just quickly thanked him and then looked at Northern Ireland again. "You have a heartrate of about one-hundred-fifteen beats per minute," he told the boy as he slid the sleeve for the meter around his outstretched arm. "And my guess is that your blood pressure is also too high."  
Northern Ireland just quietly let him do as he pleased, but with a disapproving frown on his face, and when Gilbert told him that his blood pressure was a hundred-thirty-five over eighty-seven, the boy rolled his eyes and sighed. "Yeah, that's what the last doctor Dylan and Arthur sent me to also said," he muttered in annoyance. "And he said that, though it was a bit high, it was nothing bad, so there's not much to be done about it."  
Gilbert shook his head. "For humans, this would be heightened but still all right," he explained calmly. "Nations generally have lower blood pressure and a slower heartrate than humans. Not by much, but the difference is enough to be of significance in your case." He pulled the sleeve off North's arm again and placed the meter on the coffee table beside him. "I really strongly advise you to stop working for a little while and give yourself a chance to get better. In fact, make that doctor's orders, and tell the government that, if they decide to make a fuss."  
The young Irishman huffed and fixed his green gaze on the table. "Easier said than done."  
Gilbert couldn't help but agree, much as he loathed to have to do so. "I could write you a letter explaining why you should take a break, if that would help," he offered. Then he shrugged with a soft sigh. "I know I'm not your doctor -hell, I've not even graduated yet- but much as I hate to admit that the world has been so neglectful of nation healthcare, I am currently the leading authority on Nation Biology. I'm sure that will count for something."  
Finally Northern Ireland seemed more accepting of the ex-nation's offer to help. "Thanks." After this, he looked at Gilbert again, curiosity in his pale green eyes. He didn't say anything, but it was so obvious that he had a question that Gilbert eventually could not help but ask what was on his mind.  
The teenager shrugged, suddenly looking just a little awkward. "Nothing, really, except…" He sighed and bit his lip for a second. "It's just that it's weird, seeing you like this. I know that you're the same person as the personification of Prussia and East Germany, it's painfully obvious just looking at you. And yet…"  
"You've aged," Scotland put in when his little brother trailed off. Northern Ireland nodded quietly, signalling his agreement with this statement. Scotland sat down now and went on. "That, and your whole demeanour seems to have changed over the years, too. That, of course, has been a much slower process. Started after the war, I think."  
"It's like you're a different person," Northern Ireland concluded, and the way he said this sounded like all this time he had been looking for the right words to say that.  
After this, there was a silence for almost a minute, until Gilbert let out a long, soft sigh. "Well, you're not wrong; I _feel_ different from how I used to be. From _who_ I used to be." He shook his head. "But that's not a bad thing. If anything, I'm happier with the way I am now than back when people found enough fault with me to declare me demonic for it. The work I do now is a lot more fulfilling than warfare, and certainly hurts a lot less." _Well, generally speaking, anyway._ The longer he thought about it, the more he found himself at peace with the results of his latest research, but at the time and for a considerable time after, it had been quite the emotional blow, and the prospect of delivering that same blow to those it concerned was still a daunting one.  
Perhaps most importantly, he had decided that, in her anger at the time, Larissa had been wrong about one thing; all of this was Gilbert's own doing and no one else's. He _could_ have said no. He _could_ have decided to call it quits halfway through, no matter how complicated the justification for that could have become. Hanssen had made the suggestion, nothing more. The man bore responsibility for nothing more than voicing an idea to one who might put it to the test. When Gilbert's discoveries had hit too close to home, he had panicked and failed to see a way out of the situation. Even now, he didn't see any way to avoid having to tell others some day or another, but at least now he saw ways out of this that he had simply ignored when he had been working on all this.  
But even now that he was slowly starting to make peace with the situation, he still could not shake the feeling that what he had done was wrong, and the sharp guilt he felt whenever he thought of having to share his information with other nations was how he had to pay for his mistakes.  
When Scotland hummed, the ex-nation let go of those thoughts again, setting them aside for the time being. All of that was for another time. "Well, it's good that at least you enjoy the life you have now," the old kingdom said in a soft voice, bordering on mumbling. "But I can't say you ever looked out of your element out on the battlefield, either. You have a soldier's spirit, Gil. And I doubt that will ever truly be gone."  
Gilbert nodded, thinking that over for a moment. Perhaps he was right. "A 'soldier's spirit', as you say, doesn't necessarily mean a soldier, I suppose," he mused, thinking out loud. "When I think of a soldier, I think of diligence, loyalty, perseverance and unwavering strength, both physical and mental. Now I don't want to just attribute those qualities to myself, but…"  
"Funny," Scotland commented on this, laughter twinkling in his blue eyes and a grin on his lips. "A century ago, you would have jumped at the chance to call yourself exactly that. Arrogant young man you were, back in the day. And maybe you still are, eh, laddie?" His grin grew a little wider as he added: "After all, that sentence sounded an awful lot like you would have ended it with 'but let's face it, that is what I am.'"  
"And you would be right," suddenly came a voice from over by the kitchen door. Gilbert turned to see Larissa standing there, leaning against the wall as she looked at the three men in the living room. "Dinner should be ready in a few minutes," she then told them, shifting the topic so quickly and with such ease that it took Gilbert by surprise for a heartbeat or two. "Just to let you all know."  
With that, she went back into the kitchen to do the last bits of work. Gilbert was tempted for a moment to go after her, but something told him he would be sent away again if he tried. She wouldn't have left so promptly if she didn't want him to have this conversation.  
But by now, Gilbert wasn't even sure what else to say. At least not when it was about him. So instead he looked at Northern Ireland. "You've aged quite a bit, too," he observed with a careful smile. "So you're, what, some sixteen years old by now?"  
The young nation shrugged. "I guess so. If that's what you think I look like."  
The albino nodded. "Sure. You're starting to look more like a man and less like a boy now, if you ask me. You've the height to match it, too."  
This last comment managed to get a smirk from Northern Ireland. "Yeah. Arthur hates it. Dylan seems more accepting of it, but I guess he also finds it uneasy. Even when he was in his wheelchair, he's never had to look up to me yet, but chances are I'll be about as tall as Cearul before I'm full-grown."  
Gilbert smiled, huffing in silent laughter. He decided not to voice the thought that popped into his head at that moment, but he could not think otherwise even if he tried. _Chances are, the two Irelands will be hard to tell apart by the time North is an adult. At least from behind._ Northern Ireland had the same hair his eldest brother had, only a shade darker and a bit wavy, whereas Ireland's hair was mostly straight. Other than that, Northern Ireland had the same pale irises Ireland had, but green instead of blue. Their faces were more similar now that North was growing up. Probably only made sense that they looked so alike, considering they were not only part of the same family, but even part of the same island and the same ethnicity, in a sense. Better yet, one could say Northern Ireland was a part of Ireland, since that was exactly how the nation itself had come to be.  
Thinking about it like that, Gilbert made a mental note that perhaps this was something to look into in the future. But as of yet, it wouldn't really have much to do with his current goals, so until he had fully and solidly established Nation Biology, he would leave this particular topic alone.

* * *

"Sorry that I couldn't cook tonight," Scotland apologised after dinner, looking at both Gilbert and Larissa, but mostly the young woman, who had done most in terms of preparing dinner. "Thanks a ton, lass. You're a good cook, you know that?" Northern Ireland, his mouth full, nodded eagerly in silent agreement with his brother.  
The compliment brought a smile to Larissa's face, and she shook her head. "No problem, really. I know that it's not the standard for many people, but my parents more or less raised me this way. Helping out when visiting people, I mean."  
Well. That was something Gilbert had never heard before. It did explain Larissa's behaviour every time she was over at his and Germany's house, though.  
"You see, they always taught me that the best way to repay hospitality is by being a good guest and offering to help where you can. I'm not much one for sitting around and letting myself be served by my hosts, never have been." She paused for a moment, then laughed softly. "But I promise I won't be digging through your cabinets for cleaning supplies unless asked -that's something I usually reserve until I'm more familiar with the people and the house, and it won't be awkward anymore."  
Gilbert hummed amusedly. "That's a stage that may come later for other people than it does for you, though," he teased her, referring back to how he and Germany had reacted to her vacuuming the living room floor one morning, after she had stayed the night and had risen earliest of the three. Especially Germany had been almost appalled at the idea that a guest would do the cleaning for him that, after some awkward stammering, he had basically snatched the vacuum cleaner from her and finished it himself.  
Scotland seemed a bit more at ease now that he had heard this was more or less standard for her. Gilbert then added that he just viewed helping out here and there as good payment, since they would be receiving a bed and a roof over their heads for two nights for free, which was more than could be said of their next stop, when they would go sightseeing in the country.  
"Isn't it weird, though?" suddenly asked Northern Ireland, looking at Larissa as he did. He soon elaborated. "For a human, I mean, to just be here. I mean… Well, I'm, like, fifty years older than you are but you'd probably think me a teen if you looked at me. And Al is more than two thousand years old! Don't you find that just a bit weird?" He then shrugged and mumbled an apology. "Sorry, I've just always been somewhat curious what humans think of our kind."  
"I'm starting to get used to it," Larissa answered with a shrug and a smile. "I do find it weird to think that you're decades older than I am, or that I'm dating an eight hundred-year-old. Eight hundred and three." She looked a little overwhelmed when she looked at Scotland, sheer disbelief in her eyes. "But someone who's literally thousands of years old? I will admit, that's a lot to take in."  
She paused for a moment, long enough for Scotland to jokingly say that it was a lot to take in for him sometimes, too.  
Larissa laughed at this along with the others, but was the first to quiet herself down again and go on talking. "If you want to know what I think of nations," she told North honestly. "I would say that while I am still honoured to meet you all, I've come to rethink my opinions of nations as a species over the months. I used to think you were a species superior to humans in certain ways, but now I've begun to realise that you're just people, almost exactly like us. Your bodies may be stronger than ours, but beyond that, you're not so different from humans at all."  
Northern Ireland nodded, clearly genuinely interested in her opinion. "I think I like your take on it better than some other people's," he said finally, smiling a little. "At least you seem to treat nations with respect -what I've seen so far, anyway- but not overly so. You know, I've finally reached an age where this is not so much a problem, but what I really hate are the people who overestimate a child nation just because we're nations, and those who keep underestimating them because they're children." He huffed for a moment; Gilbert guessed these were situations far too familiar to the boy. "It's true that nations are generally children and also childlike for far longer than humans are, often even longer than the average human lifespan, but 'childlike' in a nation is still wiser and more experienced than 'childlike' in a human, a few decades down the line."  
"Speak for yourself," Gilbert corrected the young nation, sniggering a little and grinning. "You do realise that nations these days grow up a lot faster than we used to back in my day?"  
Scotland hummed in agreement, then added: "What do you think it was like when _I_ was a kid? There were no 'nations' to speak of, we used to represent tribes and clans back in the day; not exactly the conditions for nation personifications to grow up in."  
This seemed to intrigue Larissa enough to draw questions from her. "So from what I've gathered from all this, both the things you've said and the things I know from Gil," she began, a questioning frown on her face, "your kind can be kids for centuries, right?" The three men all nodded, confirming this, and Larissa shrugged. "And mentally you don't grow up much faster than you do physically, either? That is, the gap between physical and mental age generally isn't too big, is it?"  
Gilbert was the one to answer this question. "Actually, that might well be down to circumstances one lives in. For example, I was raised by the Teutonic Knights; my upbringing was strict, with a daily routine of prayers, lessons and, by the time I could not be considered a toddler anymore, even weapons training. In my earliest years I was given some freedom to be a child and play, although there were no other children around to play with -even if there were, they would have avoided me, I guess. In the end, by the time I reached the age where humans would already have been adults, I could look after myself almost just as well as any of them could, and because I also already performed the tasks of a knight at the time, I daresay I was very mature for my age." Then, with a grin, he added: "Although you have read enough proof of the opposite, of course."  
Surprisingly, Larissa shook her head. "From what I've read, Gil, you _were_ pretty mature back then. In some aspects. You did have some childlike enthusiasm and naivety, though."  
Scotland then shrugged and began telling about his own childhood. "I spent my first few _centuries_ as just a child living with my mother and older brother, Ireland. We did help to ensure our survival, gathering fruits and nuts and hunting small game like rabbits or going fishing. We learned to skin our kills and use their pelts for bedding, clothing, shelter… But all in all, life was good, and pretty easy. There was little need for us to mature quickly. So we didn't. Well, and then our mother died and we were left with a one-year-old to care for." He sighed. "You can probably guess how that went."  
Northern Ireland decided to finish with giving his own example. "As for me, my first eighteen years were fine, and then the war started. After the war ended, the Troubles followed quite quickly. Does a real number on one's childlike innocence, that."  
Did it ever. Gilbert could only think about Germany when Northern Ireland said all this; from the moment the Great War had begun, Germany had grown up very quickly.  
All these different answers only seemed to overwhelm Larissa. She grunted in exaggerated annoyance. "I want to adjust my earlier answer; you're a very confusing species and I doubt I will ever understand everything. But I'm fine with it all so long as I don't think too deeply on it and just accept whatever weird and confusing stuff is being thrown my way."  
"I wish I could say the same about humans, but I've seen your kind evolve for the past two thousand years, so I do believe I've got humanity as a whole pretty much figured out by now," Scotland said, immediately followed by silence and a pensive look in his eyes. "Actually, humans do keep on surprising me from time to time. The speed with which you develop your technology, for one… Almost freaky."  
Northern Ireland rolled his eyes at this. "You see, Al, _this_ is exactly what I was talking about a little while back," he said to his brother with an exasperated sigh. "It's comments like _these_ that make you sound like an old man. It's no wonder people give you weird looks sometimes; for all they know, you're not even thirty yet and sound like you're from before even steam engines became a thing!"  
"Which I am. By far."  
The young nation grumbled at this monotonous answer, asking him to at least keep it in mind and not embarrass him again in the future.  
Dinner went by like that, with good-humoured conversations and the occasional laughter. It seemed to do everyone good; Northern Ireland looked less stressed than he had been earlier that evening, Larissa seemed more at ease and as did Scotland. Gilbert was just pleased that things went well like this.  
Northern Ireland left again not long after dinner, but not before Gilbert wrote him that letter he had promised.

The few days spent with Scotland were good, although mostly for Gilbert, something he did understand and kept in mind while they were there. The rest of the week, when they went on a sightseeing trip, was far more enjoyable for Larissa at least, and Gilbert had a good time out of it, too. It was wonderful to be away from research for a little while, to just take a break from it all, no matter how much he enjoyed his work.  
When their holiday came to an end, at least he felt it had been long enough to serve its intended purpose. The meeting about Gilbert's latest research was only days away now, but he'd had sufficient distraction now and enough time to think it over several times to feel as much at ease with it as he figured he could.

* * *

Gilbert was spending the night with Larissa in her apartment, like he did at least once a week. They were just quietly reading side by side, Larissa reading through some of Gilbert's old journals again while the ex-nation was giving one of her French novels a try, just for the heck of it. The sound of the calm flipping of pages was the only sound they heard for at least half an hour, and sometimes that was really all they needed.  
But after some time, Larissa put down the bundle of pages she'd been reading, paused after that, then breathed out deeply. Gilbert already figured that she had something to get off her chest, and paused his own reading, but he said nothing. Instead he waited for her to say whatever it was that was troubling her.  
It took another minute of silent hesitation before the young woman finally looked at him. "Gil," she began, her uncertainty evident even in that one syllable. It was clear to the albino that she had to force each word over her lips with quite some difficulty. "First off, this has been on my mind for a little while now, so it's not… I've considered all this very carefully. I just want you to know that."  
She waited for Gilbert to nod and assure her that he understood that part before she went on: "Now, I've read these for some time now, and I… understand that circumstances forced you to act in certain ways sometimes. Honestly, I think I understand where most of it came from; you were mistreated for so long, by so many people and in so many ways. I get that you were hurt over it and angry at those people. But even so…"  
By now Gilbert was pretty certain he knew exactly where this was going, and though he dreaded it, he hadn't expected any different for some time.  
Larissa forced herself to continue still, her voice hardening now. "I've read everything you wrote about Austria so far, you know. I know that you hated him, and honestly, the way I saw you interact with him a little while back, I'm still surprised you're the same two people as I've read about in here. And though I've read plenty by now of _that_ you hated him, I'm still not clear on _why_ you hated him so much. Well, other than maybe jealousy." She paused, took a deep breath and shook her head before she went on. "Same with Hungary, from a certain point onward. Although, I will admit, she's done worse things to you than Austria ever seems to have done, so I do get your anger with her more than with Austria."  
She gritted her teeth, and Gilbert braced himself for what he knew was coming, and what he knew he deserved to hear. "What were you _thinking?_ Gilbert, I swear to you, I know what it's like to despise someone for petty reasons. I've been there, you know? I think everyone goes through that at some point in their lives, at least when they're still children and nearly everything is for petty reasons, if not in their adult lives. But to _break someone's legs_ over it. To speak of _crushing_ that person as if it's your main goal in life. Or the way you wrote about Von Katte's execution! Your hatred for him, too, was born from pure jealousy. Wasn't it?"  
Gilbert nodded slowly, the only answer he could give, for Larissa soon went on, her voice trembling with anger by now.  
"I know that jealousy is an ugly, terrible thing," she said, her voice getting strained with emotion. "But I don't think I've ever seen it uglier than it manifested itself in you back then. Gilbert… What was the matter with you back then?"  
Convinced that she wanted an actual answer to this question, Gilbert sighed. "Honestly, I still ask myself that sometimes, when I look back on it. And I've come only a little bit further than you seem to have: I had to struggle and fight for everything I ever achieved in my life, and it was hard. You could almost compare it to an orphaned little street urchin miraculously working himself up to be the CEO of a major company, or a successful politician. I guess the amount of effort that went into achieving all I did in life would have been similar to that. But as for Austria, he… Well. At least back then, I just got the idea that he had just about everything without having to lift so much as a finger for it. And to be fair, when we first met, he really was a jerk to me, calling me a barbarian, saying it was only natural that people were scared of 'someone like me', all that crap. He was a Duchy by the time I was still only a region occupied by a Knights' Order. He was favoured by the Holy Roman Empire, whom I had always adored and looked up to. And finally he even got Hungary, the girl I had been pining after for centuries, and especially the timing of that was bad, being not long after I had lost Brandenburg and while I was still not over that. I despised him for so many reasons…" He trailed off for a moment, the finished more softly: "But he didn't deserve the hatred he got from me. He deserved none of what I did to him."  
"No," Larissa agreed tensely. "He did not."  
She said nothing after that, and Gilbert felt an overwhelming sense of needing to tell her more. He didn't want to. He had to. It was only fair. She _needed_ to know these things about him. And if she couldn't cope with that, if it destroyed their relationship, maybe that was for the better. If she did, well… Gilbert already never doubted how lucky he was to have her. It would only be yet another confirmation that, for once in his lifetime, he might well be the luckiest man in the world to have someone like her by his side.  
By now he had to force himself to speak as much as Larissa had to earlier. "There's something else you need to know," he brought out in as strong a voice as he could manage, which wasn't much at that moment. "You wouldn't read it anywhere. I never wrote about it. I never wanted to remind myself of it, not any more than I already did." He paused, becoming aware of someone else being in the room with them. He glanced aside for just a moment; Brandenburg sat at a little distance, watching in silent approval, a tiny, encouraging smile on her lips and her blue eyes gleaming with a mixture of love and sadness. It was just enough for Gilbert to find the courage to say more. "You must know by now that on the same day that Brandenburg died, her sister Bavaria died, also."  
Larissa gave a slow nod, but kept her lips firmly pressed together.  
Taking a deep breath, Gilbert went on, hoping he could find the right words. "Bavaria died that day… by my hand." Immediately Larissa's eyes widened in shock and disbelief, and Gilbert quickly continued: "Brandenburg had just died in my arms, I still don't know what had happened to my emotions at that time. I was feeling completely numb. Then I encountered Bavaria, a little way off the battlefield, injured and sitting with her back against a rock. I never told anyone the full story," he added, looking Larissa straight in the eyes as he said this. The sheer horror he saw in her expression cut into him like a knife, but he knew, had always known, actually, that he would have to tell her this someday. "I never wanted to tell anyone everything. But you need to know.  
"She… taunted me," he went on, a little hesitant but determined to get the truth out there once and for all. "She had always believed me to be unworthy of her sister Brand, and told me that the simple fact I wasn't by her side during the battle was proof of that. And I believed her. If I had been beside Brandenburg all throughout the battle, if I had stayed with her, maybe I could have protected her and maybe she would have survived. But at the time, all those words accomplished was bringing me more pain and infuriating me beyond belief. So I told her Brandenburg had died. That she had shot and killed her own sister. And the poor thing… she was heartbroken. And even so… I killed her." The long-repressed memories came back with a vengeance now that he spoke them out loud, and he felt choked with them. "I regretted it the moment I did it," he said, completely truthful about it. He really had. More than anything. "I cried and begged her for forgiveness. Her and Brand. But it was too late; they were both already gone. And to this day, it still haunts me. I had never wanted to be a killer, and what I'd done sickened me. It still does."  
It was quiet after that, and it took Gilbert just about all the courage he had to look Larissa in the eyes now. She was crying. Wordlessly, soundlessly crying, tears spilling from her eyes and her lips pressed together in a tight line. Her eyes shone with anger, sadness, disbelief. But the disgust Gilbert had expected to see, the rage, the hatred and betrayal, were all absent from her gaze. It puzzled him, and lost any sense of thinking he knew what her reaction might be. Much as he dreaded it, he decided to wait and see.  
Finally she spoke again, perhaps a solid minute later. "Are you trying to get rid of me?" she asked, her voice thick with tears.  
Gilbert shook his head. "Never. Not in the slightest. But just as you needed to know about my past as a nation, I just felt you had to know this. It wouldn't have been fair for me to lie to you about this. If you had a criminal record, I'd want to know about it, too. Not to say it would change my feelings about you, but it is something to be honest about. That's all."  
Larissa gritted her teeth for a moment, silent, but Gilbert could see her searching for words. "Well," she brought out stiffly. "I'm sorry, Gil, but this _does_ change my feelings about _you._ "  
Another dagger into his heart. Another one he deserved, though, and one that did not come unexpectedly.  
"Since we started dating, I haven't seen a single reason to doubt you. I still believe you're a good man. How passionate you are about healing, how you immediately offered to help Northern Ireland back in Scotland, how heartbroken you were over the prospect of hurting others. I do not believe any of that to be a lie. I cannot." She took a deep breath, rubbed her eyes dry with the back of her hand, then stared straight at the ex-nation again. "I want to believe that the Gilbert Beilschmidt I've known the past two years is real. That the man I fell in love with is not a lie. And I do believe that. God knows people can change, Gil, and drastically so. And I truly believe you are one of those people. _But_ ," she added, her voice hard as steel and cold as it, too, and her brown eyes narrowed in sheer conviction, and Gilbert knew that every word, every syllable she spoke was true, and not to be taken lightly. "Give me _one_ reason to doubt you, Gilbert, give me _one_ reason to believe that _monster_ still exists somewhere within you, and I'm out. I'm putting a great deal of trust in you, Gil. If any of what you've told me or what I've read about was even a little bit more recent, I'm quite likely putting more trust in you than you even deserve. But I love you. Maybe I'm a fool for doing so, but I really do love you, and I don't want to leave you. But if you betray my trust, I swear I _will_ leave you, and I won't come back. Not ever."  
Finally she broke, tears welling up in her eyes again and a sob finding its way past her lips. She sat there, tense all over, teeth gritted in anger as she cried. For a moment Gilbert wasn't sure what to do. He would comfort her, were it not that he was absolutely uncertain whether she even still wanted him to stay for the night or not. Probably not.  
Eventually he carefully reached out, tentatively brushed some hair from her eyes. She accepted that, so next he laid his hand over the side of her face. Also accepted. Very carefully he moved one step at a time, ready to pull back if she wanted him to, until she even allowed him to hold her gently as he promised her that he would never be like that again. He told her that the word he did now was his way to try and make it up to the world; he had spent far too long hurting others, both intentionally and unintentionally, and now it was time for him to help people instead. He would never truly atone for all he'd done, but he could give it his best shot, and that was his only goal left in life. To finally be a good person. He would do anything in his power to not betray her trust, hers or anyone else's. And if he ever would, then he knew he would deserve everything he would get for that.  
And that was exactly the reason he would, occasionally, talk to her about things neither of them really wanted to talk about. Simply because he had to. Simply because it was something he had too often avoided in the past, and that, too, he had to make up for in any way he could.

* * *

 **The last part was a long time coming. And I know it's a stretch, someone reacting this way when told that they've been dating someone who's basically a murderer. But Gilbert does deserve a break sometime and he does deserve someone who loves him. But of course, he's on his second and last chance with her right now. That's honestly the best he could expect to get out of this.**

 **But it just goes to show that Gil really is making an effort to make up for past mistakes. He's serious about this. Serious enough to nearly willingly ruin his relationship with Larissa over it. That's some determination right there.**

 **Anyway, next chapter will contain that meeting/evaluation of his research, which I hope will clear up a thing or two. Thanks again for the feedback regarding that. Was a great help.**

 **So thanks for reading again, and hopefully until the next chapter!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Since this chapter again took me almost three weeks to finish, I have decided to change plans: this will be one of the last chapters taking place without skipping a few years from now. You see, I had the start of this planned out and the end of it, too, but I have now reached that dreaded mid-section, this time without history to guide me through the content for chapters.  
So. Considering I will soon be starting my second year in uni (soon being after this weekend) _and_ I have begun working on an original fantasy book, I will spare myself (and all of you) a boring, difficult mid-section with slow progression and just _uuuggh._  
So yeah. You can expect me to wrap up the 90s pretty soon (although the time-skip might still be at the end of the decade, but just in case) and go on to what this so-called epilogue is truly about: Gilbert's life as an ex-nation and what he does with his limited time.**

 **Anyway, with that out of the way, I once again want to thank everyone who still sticks with this story. That seems to be less and less people, but I honestly can't blame anyone. I personally feel as if this is a far cry from what CYH & HtD were, and that's actually the reason I wanted this to be separate from the two; optional to read for those who are really curious, but just as easy to discard for those who prefer that.**

 **Oh, and by the way, I did once write the entire scene where Prussia killed Bavaria. From Brandenburg's perspective. If anyone would like me to post that sometime, I could do that. Just say the word.**

 **With that said, here's the latest chapter:**

* * *

Despite all the time he'd had to prepare for this, despite all the times he had imagined this meeting over and over, Gilbert found himself nervous as the three professors in front of him, including Hanssen, were reading through the reports of his recent research. They looked intrigued by what they read, mildly surprised, but there wasn't much in their gazes that betrayed any negativity whatsoever. It confused him, almost to the point of it being infuriating. Why were they so calm over this?  
His confusion and frustration reached its peak when they finished reading, calmly putting down the reports and looked at him. "Excellent work, mister Beilschmidt," one of them, Altman, commented. He sounded pleased.  
Dumbfounded, Gilbert stared at him. "Excellent work?" he echoed, shocked that anyone could think of this research as such. "With all due respect, professor, this is quite likely the worst thing I've done."  
Altman let out a soft sigh and nodded. "Admittedly, cross-breeding between species is not always regarded as ethically correct, but…"  
"That's not what I was referring to," Gilbert cut him off, feeling tense as he sat there. "I believe I should have left this alone. The results regarding fertility in nations is quite unexpected and likely to be hurtful to some nations. In fact, circumstances brought me to tell Hungary and Germany about it perhaps a little prematurely, and Hungary at least was shattered by it." None of the men responded yet, so Gilbert forced himself to go on. He didn't want the silence right now. "On top of that, to my knowledge this information has no noteworthy medical application. It's not something anyone can do anything with - it's just knowledge we could have done without."  
Well. That was it, really. That's all he knew to say right now. Time for one of them to speak up.  
And, after a few seconds of hesitation, that's exactly what Hanssen did. "My apologies, Gilbert. I should have considered this more before making the suggestion of researching this to you," he said in a calm, gentle tone. His apology sounded completely genuine, and was oddly soothing to Gilbert despite adding to his confusion even further. "Sometimes it's too easy to forget that you are essentially conducting research into a species you belonged to, and are by all accounts the first one to do so. Now of course, we all do the same when we research humans, but we all have countless precedents and barely any nasty surprises like this. I should have taken into consideration the fact that this might have been too personal for you, especially considering you're limited to using people you've known all your life as volunteers for your experiments. I honestly cannot say how I would cope with experimenting on my own family or friends, and for that, you have my sincere apologies."  
The third, Müller, added to this: "But, Gilbert, what does this knowledge truly change? Pardon my bluntness, but surely every nation is aware of how small the odds are any of them will ever have a family? As for such miscarriages so early on, humans have those more often than many are aware of, also."  
Gilbert met his gaze. Was it that hard to understand? "Yes, that much is true," he had to agree, though unwillingly so. "But for humans, it is not the standard to have _only_ such miscarriages, nor as many. My research suggests that it is only slightly more rare for a nation egg cell to be fertilized than it is in humans - truly, I'd wager species like pandas have a harder time of it than nations do, initially speaking. Yet the chances of a nation actually becoming pregnant are as close to zero as one can get. And if you then take into consideration the lifespan of a nation, and also the fact that many of them lived in a time when there was almost no way to prevent a pregnancy… It might even happen a million times in a nation's lifetime. It may not be a burden on their bodies and they might not be aware of it happening, but I do feel it had best remained that way. Unknown. Because it's not like every nation has an easy time accepting that they can never have what humans have, not even necessarily about having a family but even down to simple mortality. And though I never struggled with my immortality in the past, I do understand the sentiment some nations seem to have; it's not always easy to be so similar to another species in so many ways, yet to be so different at the same time. Especially when it comes down to certain things such as this."  
"I imagine a nation's existence is more difficult than it is even possible for humans to fully understand," Hanssen then brought in. "And I think I understand your feelings regarding this. But even so, Gilbert, you must know that it is unfortunately a normal part of our jobs to sometimes bring people bad news."  
Altman nodded, agreeing fully. "No matter how many people you help, there will always those who are incurable. Just as it is our duty to heal those we can, sometimes it is our duty to bring them news that we cannot help them."  
Gilbert let this all sink in, nodding slowly. He knew that. He'd had to do it himself when he'd worked as a field medic during wartime. Far too often.  
Strange, though. That he technically had more experience in that, and still had to be told by these men that what he faced now was actually not so different. Not so different at all. It's was such a simple solution to his problems, to know that his situation was, in essence, not all that uncommon. It was soothing, eased his mind significantly. So why hadn't he been able to reason this far himself?  
Müller looked pleased. "I can tell you understand now that what you did and what you have to do still is not wrong. Maybe not pleasant, far from, but not _wrong_. Now. You must know that you have six months left for your research to be completed. I want you to go into those last months with some peace of mind; you have proven yourself, mister Beilschmidt, and we all look forward to seeing what more you can achieve before your deadline. Maybe one more experiment. Maybe perfecting what you already have. Either way, we will back you in trying to establish Nation Biology when the time comes. In that, you have my promise."  
Both Altman and Hanssen nodded and voiced their agreement, leaving Gilbert's heart to flutter with relief and excitement and pure happiness. Over the past months, he had been assured several times that he was very likely to succeed in his research and achieve his goals. Each time he had been overjoyed to hear those words. But to hear it again now, from all three professors, was perhaps the best moment of all.  
His heart light and fluttering, he finished the meeting and was on his way back home.

* * *

Gilbert couldn't wait to tell Germany that everything had gone well, that he had been scared of nothing all this time, as per usual, and best of all that several months from now, he could expect help from at least three renowned biologists in finally firmly establishing Nation Biology.  
Germany had the day off; no meetings to attend and very little paperwork to be done by tomorrow. He had claimed to want to spend his free time with Berlitz and the garden and a good book, and for that reason Gilbert was surprised when he walked in to see his younger brother with a frown on his face. His foul mood was written all over his dark expression, most visibly so in his narrowed eyes as he regarded the ex-nation when he came into the living room.  
He wasted no time on greetings and niceties. "So," he said coldly, his voice hard as steel. "Were you ever planning to tell me at all?"  
His words and even more so the tone of his voice made Gilbert realise with a sudden jolt what he was referring to. What had happened early that afternoon, while he had been to his meeting. "She told you," he guessed, voice hoarse. He felt a dull sense of betrayal. He hadn't asked Larissa to keep quiet about it when he'd told her of his past mistakes, but somehow he just hadn't felt he needed to. It was a given. He had quite specifically told her that he had never told anyone in as much detail as he had told her. What part of that was not clear enough? What part of that had given her the idea that he was okay with it if she blabbed about it to his little brother?  
"She told you," he repeated with a surge of anger.  
Ludwig only blinked, not fazed by his brother's reaction. "Of course she did," he replied stiffly. "She wanted to talk about it to someone. And assumed that, as your brother and the person closest to you, I would have known about it. Strange enough, I thought the same thing. But I didn't. So…" He paused, looking straight at Gilbert now, his gaze as hard and cold as his voice. "She wasn't an accident like Saxony, was she?"  
Useless to lie about it now. Or ever, really. Gilbert shook his head. "At the time, in the heat of the moment, it was quite deliberate. Every single moment that came after it, it has been the greatest mistake of my life. I can't tell you more than that, Ludwig," he added when he saw the look the nation gave him. "It is something I should never have done, but I did, and I've regretted it ever since. No more and no less." Clearly it wasn't his only mistake regarding this. He had made several others; he should have told Germany sooner, and he likely should have waited with telling Larissa. But all that was done now.  
Germany seemed to notice part of what Gilbert was feeling at that moment. "You're angry with her for telling me, aren't you?"  
"Wouldn't you be?" Gilbert countered. Of course he was angry. Larissa had told him that night that she put a great deal of trust in him, but that went both ways. And just as Gilbert had managed to damage her trust by telling the truth that night, she had now managed to do the same with his by telling it to someone else behind his back.  
"I suppose I would," Germany sighed with a shrug. "But as of yet, I'm just a bit too occupied with being angry at you. Again, not because you killed someone, or not entirely. Primarily I'm just angry with you for not telling me. You could have mentioned it when you talked about Saxony. Or any other time." He then huffed, adding more quietly: "And well, yes, I suppose I'm also angry that you deliberately murdered your cousin once."  
Gilbert rolled his eyes. "Of course you are." The words came out more bitter and sarcastic than he had intended them. Actually he hadn't intended his words to be sarcastic at all. It just happened to be that way.  
After that, no one said anything for a little while, but the anger between them was as good as tangible. Eventually Gilbert got sick of the silence. "So," he grumbled, still tense. "Can I tell you some good news now, or what?"  
"Sure. Knock yourself out."  
Upon hearing the deadpan way in which Germany said this, Gilbert had to restrain himself in order to not lash out at his little brother now. Instead, he put on a smile, difficult as that may be at that moment. "My research turned out to be not so unethical at all. I've been worrying over nothing, as it turns out. As per usual. And at least according to Hanssen, Altman and Müller, I've basically already got Nation Biology in the pocket right now."  
"Really? That's good."  
Gilbert sighed. "You're not going to be any different anymore today, are you?"  
"I seriously doubt I will be."  
Scowling, Gilbert made his way into his bedroom, leaving Germany to his brooding in the living room all too gladly. _Even Bavaria herself has forgiven me,_ he thought as he angrily stomped down the stairs. _I should've never said anything about any of this, dammit._ And if he hadn't, all would have been fine, really. He had never written about his crime, that much of what he had said to Larissa had been true. She would never have discovered it if he hadn't told her, and neither would Germany. But for once in his life, he had simply wanted to be honest for a change, completely honest and open. And look where it got him. Two of the people he loved most were rightfully angry with him, but for something he had done almost three hundred years ago, something he had beat himself up over often enough. Maybe he should have left it alone. Maybe he should have put it all to rest a long time ago. But of course, him being who he was, he was too foolish to realise that before he had no way back anymore.  
"So, I've forgiven you, have I?"  
Gilbert let out a grunt of annoyance. "Bavaria, goddammit, not now."  
The teenage girl shrugged. "Well, I suppose that, in hindsight, you did save me from a far worse fate some two centuries later," she commented more calmly, her voice less sharp. "At least when you killed me, you were quick about it, which is more than can be said for the others."  
"Oh, please," Gilbert sighed in response, dropping himself down onto the edge of his bed. "I stood there with my sword in your chest and gave it another twist for good measure. There's nothing you can say that makes it any better." He couldn't believe she was even trying.  
But Bavaria didn't give up quite yet. "Hey, I'm not _trying_ to make it sound better than it is," she rebuked him with an edge to her voice, an answer to his thoughts rather than his words. "You murdered me and that's that. But I'm just saying, now that I know what the alternative would have been, I'm glad to have been killed by you instead of at the hands of those sadistic freaks that killed the others in their unholy experiments." She shrugged again, and said almost haughtily: "But hey, that's just the opinion of the girl who was on the other end of that sword you held back then. I get that it wouldn't be the most valuable opinion to you."  
Gilbert shook his head and sighed. "It's just not that easy to talk about, especially now. Especially with you."  
"Oh, and you think this is so pleasant a topic for _me_ to discuss with you, then?"  
"Of course not."  
Much to the albino's surprise, Bavaria sat down next to him after he said this. For a moment, neither of the two spoke, but then the deceased nation said in a light tone: "Congrats on your research being received so well, by the way."  
She sounded far more genuine than Gilbert could have ever imagined she would, and this made him smile. At least someone was happy for him. "Thanks."  
Bavaria shrugged. "I'm not the only one, you know," she corrected his negative thoughts yet again. "You should tell people. It's great news that you received; you deserve a moment of pride in sharing it, dare I say so. You've worked hard enough for it."  
At this, Gilbert shook his head, his smile fading again. "You saw how ecstatic it made Ludwig," he told her sullenly. "And at least for today, I have no intention of talking to Larissa."  
"Ouch." Bavaria made a motion as if she was going to nudge him gently, although of course she could not. It conveyed the message quite the same, though. "But there are more people you can talk to. I know of at least two people who are dying to hear how it went, if only because they've been worried about their own involvement in it all this time."  
Of course. Benjamin and Adam had inquired a few times how the research was being received, after Gilbert told them that he had more or less been forced to tell others about it. They had also clearly stated to want to know how it was received by the university. He should give them both a call soon.  
"It'll be good for them to hear that they won't be in trouble," Gilbert agreed in a soft mumble. Then he looked back up at Bavaria. "Now then… Not that I don't like talking to you-"  
"Tsk. Spare me the lies, I know you don't. Likewise."  
This earned a small smile. "Can I talk to Brandenburg, you think? _Alone?_ "  
In response, he heard the voice he so longed for behind him. "Of course you can."  
Immediately, Gilbert turned around to look at the Margraviate, and he smiled wider now. Brandenburg was smiling back at him. "Bavaria can leave us alone for a little while. Can't you?" she added to her sister.  
The raven-haired girl grimaced. "It's either that, or listening to you lovebirds being all sweet and… No thanks. I much prefer to not witness that too much if I can help it. So I guess I'll see you later." And with that, she disappeared.

Gilbert, grateful for his time alone with Brand, felt his chest warm up in contented comfort just being beside her. Right now, more than he had for months, he had been desperate for a moment like this.  
Brandenburg held his gaze for a moment, her blue eyes filled with warmth. "I'm glad that I still come at first place for you," she said to him eventually, adding: "And more than happy to share that first place with Ludwig and even Larissa."  
Gilbert sighed. "Right. I'm happy you think that way, but I'm afraid first place might soon be shared between only you and Ludwig again."  
"Not if it's up to you, I know."  
"But it's not," the ex-nation protested. "And I think she might be done with me by now." And it would be his own fault. Angry as he was with her right now, he still didn't want things between him and Larissa to go south. She had said the same thing, but then right after she had done this, and Gilbert couldn't help but feel those things were a bit contradictory to one another.  
But Brandenburg leant closer to him, so close that he could almost sense her, and reminded him: "I was once one of the people who called you demonic."  
It was a painful memory, but one Gilbert still possessed. "And you corrected yourself that same evening."  
"Still called you a maniac several times after."  
The albino sighed deeply. "Your point? Or are you really only trying to remind of all the things I'd rather forget?" He huffed and looked away, adding in a mutter: "I think I've had quite enough of that today."  
But Brandenburg shook her head. "I'm just saying that we've had issues too," she told him gently. "I've been overwhelmed by your… attitude and such… for a time, also. But I learnt to look past that. I learnt to separate the actions from the man, the mistakes from the kind spirit that had unfortunately made them." With a warm smile, she added: "She will, too. That I know for certain."  
"Well. You more than me, then." Though he said this so sullenly, he too had hope, especially after hearing this from Brandenburg. They were both silent for a moment, but after a little while, Gilbert asked: "Do you think I'm wrong to be angry?"  
Brandenburg shook her head. "Not at all. And I do think you're right to not go to her to talk this out now. Talking about it while feelings are still so fresh wouldn't be good for either of you. But don't wait too long with it, either."  
Gilbert gave a short nod and lay down on his back. He closed his eyes with a deep sigh. "I'm happy you're here."  
He heard Brandenburg chuckle. "So am I. And, sweetheart…"  
The ex-nation hummed.  
"Congratulations on the success with your research. You've earned it."  
He smiled.

* * *

It was only the next day that Gilbert was out spending the night together with Adam and Benjamin. They had a table in the corner of a bar for just the three of them, well enough away from people to be able to talk freely but close enough to not feel isolated. Exactly right, just like the beer they were enjoying.  
"I can't believe you fools talked me into worrying so much," Benjamin sighed as he rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Honestly, if you two hadn't been freaking out so much, I probably wouldn't have thought we'd made such a huge mistake. And maybe I could have talked sense into you both, too. Thanks, really."  
Adam sniggered at this. "Yeah, right. Because mister Emotionally Tough Guy never freaks out about _anything._ "  
"Mind you, for myself at least, I wasn't exaggerating," Gilbert put in, thinking back to how he'd felt right after they'd made their discovery. "That was very personal in a way I certainly did not like. Granted, given more time to mull it over, I came to terms with that information just fine, but at the time…"  
Ben hummed at this but didn't say anything, while Adam immediately tried to steer the conversation back to more cheerful tones. "Well, I'm just glad we didn't commit a crime and can just live our lives as usual. I'd say, cheers to that!" As he said this, he lifted his glass of beer.  
Grinning, Gilbert tapped his own glass against it, and Benjamin followed suit. The three students each took a few gulps of their gold-tinted drinks before Ben asked the albino: "So what's next?"  
Gilbert shrugged. "I haven't given it much thought, to be honest. Of course, classes will be resuming shortly, so I won't have as much time anymore. I was thinking of going back to the blood-related research, maybe figure out certain familial bonds between nations and how all that works. After all, how can creatures quite literally born out of thin air have any blood relatives? Yet it happens. It happens all the time." He gave his glass a swing and watched the liquid in it swirl for a few seconds. Feeling again the excitement he'd felt the day before, he added: "But honestly, there's not much more I need to do right now. All three of them said it's quite likely all my research will be accepted, and that I'll be able to get Nation Biology to be accepted soon after. And when that time comes, I do plan to do more with actual medical applications attached to it. The blood thing, and some other, minor things I've discovered so far are useful, but not enough yet. Plenty to prove that nations should not be treated with human patients in mind, yes, but not enough on _how_ to treat them yet. Are there any chemicals that are not suited for treating nations? How much more of certain chemicals - think of anaesthetics, for one - are needed to work properly on nations, but how much of them would be _too_ much? Unfortunately, some of those might be difficult to get hard answers on, but others I've already experimented with decades ago. There's plenty still left to learn."  
"And teach," Adam put in, taking Gilbert by surprise. The ex-nation looked at his friend in slight confusion. Adam shrugged, his expression showing an equal amount of confusion, but more than likely about the fact that Gilbert had not considered this yet more than over his own suggestion. "Well, I mean, it's great that you're doing research like this and all, but surely you weren't planning on being the only person in the world doing it? Even if you publish papers and theses and even entire books on it, that won't be the same as actually educating others in what you've discovered."  
Gilbert had to admit that he was right, and he did see the logic in his statement, yet he could not help but wince a little at the idea. "I don't know," he sighed. "I'm not exactly teacher material, I'm afraid. Most 'teaching' I've ever done was training soldiers. And raising Ludwig. But that's very different from standing in front of a class full of students to teach them about Nation Biology."  
Adam was relentless, though. "Well, if you're not teacher material right now, then you had better become it," he said, his voice somewhat harder now. "Gil, I know the three of us are young - or, that is, Ben and I are young while your body just pretends to be twenty-five - but there will come a time when we'll all die. And by then, we will all have learnt plenty to share with the world, either through becoming doctors and healing people, or becoming teachers to educate more people to be able to do so. And what you've been working on especially should not be solely your work. It shouldn't die along with you, whenever that may be. So whatever you will be doing from now on, keep in mind that one day, you will have to transfer all that knowledge to people who will be able to continue your work when you cannot."  
His words struck home for Gilbert. He had been so busy completing his own studies diligently while also doing his research and, whenever he had time left, having a life beside all that, that he hadn't even considered what he would do when all that was finished. What he would have to do. Well, thankfully there were also people specialised in teaching how to teach. Before the time came that he would have to educate others himself, it would probably be a good idea to follow a few such courses. If he had to be placed in front of a classroom right now… The thought made him laugh.  
Benjamin raised an eyebrow at this. "Is something funny?"  
Gilbert nodded, trying to stifle his laughter enough to speak. "I just pictured myself giving a lecture," he said a little breathlessly. "All those poor students. I think having so many people listening to me would send me back to being a drill sergeant! My classes would be like military training, and I would be there, pacing to and fro, shouting questions at them that they would have to answer flawlessly. And God forbid someone doesn't salute!" He could picture it so clearly. And it might not even be far from the truth. Good thing he probably wouldn't be expected to teach anyone for a while yet.  
Picturing it for themselves now, Benjamin and Adam also laughed. "I would like to see you act like that for once," Adam managed to choke out as he too struggled to stop his laughter after a little while.  
Benjamin, already quiet again, nodded. "It's difficult to imagine _you_ leading an army. No offense. So, while it was a fun mental image for a moment, when it comes to you actually being like that… See it first before I believe it, I swear."  
Gilbert forced his expression to become plain. His laughter ceased within moments now, his eyes cold like gleaming red gemstones as he stared at his friends. He didn't even have to think about straightening his back and squaring his shoulders; the motions and posture came as naturally to him now as it had a hundred years ago, to his own surprise. He'd thought he would be out of practice, not having acted as a soldier of any kind or rank for many years now.  
 _I guess it's like riding a bike,_ he thought to himself, pleased as he saw the surprise in his friends' eyes. Clearly they had not expected him to give them a demonstration right then and there, if at all. He fixed his gaze on Benjamin in particular. "You dare question my authority?" he demanded coldly, his voice strong and steady. "Such insolence will not be tolerated in my corps, soldier."  
Benjamin blinked at him, silent for a moment. It took him ten or so seconds before he made a sound. "I can picture it now." Adam only nodded in agreement.  
Gilbert relaxed again and allowed himself to smile once more. "You two are too easy. I was hardly even trying."  
"Well, it was very convincing," Adam replied, eyes still wide. "How long have you been doing work like that?"  
He didn't even want to do the maths. "Centuries. Literal centuries. Let's just say I'm over eight hundred years old, and it's only been the past fifty-odd years that I _haven't_ been a soldier."  
"So did you still fight in the Second World War?" Benjamin asked. Gilbert would have been surprised at his attitude that evening if he hadn't yet known that alcohol had a tendency to make the man more openly curious about things. Instead he just shook his head.  
"Have I never told you the story?" he wondered out loud. The two shook their heads. "I had a stroke a few years prior to the war, so I was soon taken off the army. I spent not even a year as a soldier, and I'm very grateful for that. And even then, I didn't do much actual fighting. Last time I held a gun during that war was when I was pointing it at Hitler's head in '43."  
A stunned silence followed. "You… did that?" Adam breathed in shock.  
 _I'm really behind on telling them certain things._ Gilbert nodded. "And lived to regret it, when I was sent to Auschwitz to be tortured by Mengele."  
The very moment Gilbert said this, something seemed to dawn on Ben. The young man closed his eyes. " _That's_ why you freaked out that day," he concluded, speaking softly now. Gilbert had to agree with his decision; this was something he'd rather not let people hear.  
Adam seemed to remember it now, too. "That lecture on ethics that you ran out of? Shit, man, with this background knowledge… I can't blame you. Not one bit."  
Gilbert shook his head. He refused to talk about this any longer and ruin the evening. "Going back, though," he said quickly, his tone making it very clear that he wanted this to be the end of this topic, at least for now. "Adam, I fully agree with you, but I truly pity my future students."  
Adam raised an eyebrow at this. "You do? Well, then you can start pitying me, too."  
It took a few moments for Gilbert to realise what he meant, and even then, he could hardly believe it. "You… You mean that?"  
The human sighed. "Gilbert, for once, let me be frank. If you'd let me work with you when the time comes that we've both got our degrees and you can do this work full-time… Right now, I can't imagine anything I'd like to do more."  
This didn't make it much easier for Gilbert to process, but eventually he managed to choke out some words again. "Of… Of course." Was this really happening? "I'd love to work with you. Wasn't that clear when I suggested you both join me over the summer? As soon as we're both able to, if you still want this by then, you're very welcome to join the team." He looked at Benjamin almost nervously and added: "And the same goes for you, if… if you'd like."  
Ben smiled, but shook his head. "Sorry, but I do still have my ambitions of working in a hospital and cutting into people. And saving lives, of course. But I might pop in every now and then and see if I can be of any use to the two of you, if you don't mind."  
Gilbert grinned. "Of course not. Silly of you to even ask."  
In response, Adam raised his glass again. "To our futures. I'd say we're making good progress on them!"  
Feeling even happier than the day before, Gilbert once more joined the toast. They certainly were.

* * *

 **Do you have any idea how much I'm struggling to find a way for Gil and Larissa to talk this out? It's not like I can ask any people for reference. "So, how did you come to terms with the fact your partner murdered his cousin three hundred years ago?"  
And to combine that with having no personal experience with fights or, for a better description, tensions such as these, especially with a lover... I feel like I wrote myself into a corner with this one (hence the fact this chapter took me so long and ended with me postponing having to deal with that).  
**

 **But over the past two days, I think I've begun forming a few ideas. So maybe not all hope is lost yet.**

 **Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter, and again, if anyone would like me to post the Bavaria-thing as a sort of side-chapter, I'd be very willing to do that. Thanks for reading!**


	14. Chapter 14

**I can't believe I went more than an entire month without updating. I'm so sorry.  
But honestly, if I thought the first year of uni was a lot of work...  
Second year is worse. Much worse. And by god, exams in two weeks... sigh.**

 **Thanks for reading and reviewing so far! You're still awesome. Always will be.**

 **As I warned in the previous chapter, or mentioned more like it, I went for a nice little time-skip in this chapter to make the writing process a little easier.  
And I only just remembered, I'm also supposed to post that little extra chapter about Bavaria's death. So that will be posted along with this chapter.**

 **I hope you'll enjoy this one!**

* * *

Being with Larissa hadn't been this uncomfortable since the first time Gilbert had revealed his past as a nation to her.  
Before a week had passed, the two had decided they should talk about their latest problems. In fact, it had been Larissa who had taken the initiative, which had taken Gilbert by surprise. Of all the things Larissa was, she wasn't very quick to confront things like these. It had taken her months to seek contact again after the whole nation-thing. Any other time that an uncomfortable conversation was needed, it had been Gilbert who had voiced this first. Right now he just supposed it boded well for him that she was so quick to come to this decision.  
Still, sitting in one room now, face-to-face, the tension felt higher than he had anticipated. He waited for a moment, hoping to see if Larissa would initiate the conversation now, too, as she had this meeting. She didn't.  
"So," the ex-nation eventually said with a sigh. "Where do you want to start?"  
This got the woman talking. Or rather, it didn't leave her any other choice. She fidgeted for a moment, gaze downcast, then looked up at Gilbert instead. "By apologising," she said, a slight shiver in her voice betraying her anxiety over that. "I didn't know that Ludwig was unaware of… you know. I truly did not. But I just… I _needed_ to talk to someone about it. I hope you understand that, at least."  
Gilbert nodded. "I do. Trust me, I didn't speak to anyone about it for thirty-odd years myself, and it nearly drove me mad. When Holy Rome figured it out and confronted me about it, I felt like I just wanted to curl up and die from shame. But in the end… Although I didn't like to do so, having someone to talk to about this was a good thing. So yes, I completely understand." He paused for a moment before adding more quietly: "And I suppose I don't blame you for thinking Ludwig was the right person for that."  
Larissa blinked and averted her gaze once more. "It surprised me a great deal that you had never told him. I guess I was frustrated over it, too, besides still being confused and angry over what you'd told me in the first place. I know I should have stopped the moment I realised Ludwig had no clue what I was talking about, but I didn't. And for that, I'm sorry."  
Gilbert already felt better just hearing her admit her mistake, considering she seemed to find that difficult in any situation. But before he could say anything, she went on: "Actually, that even Ludwig didn't know about it meant a great deal to me. Once the frustration subsided, I mean." She looked up again and met his red gaze directly. "It proved to me that you were serious when you said you'd never told anyone like that. And… I think that gave me an idea how much it meant to you."  
Gilbert shrugged, not sure what to say to that. "I'm just sorry that I told you in the first place," he sighed. "I don't think there was really any need to, in hindsight, and I doubt it was something you wanted to hear. So… Sorry about that."  
But Larissa shook her head, to his confusion. "No, don't be," she told him, her voice steadier now. "You didn't need to tell me, that's true. If you hadn't, I would likely never have found out, just like Ludwig. You could have kept quiet about it if you wanted to, and correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you did prefer not talking about it. But you did. Because you felt it was better to be honest about it." She paused briefly, taking a deep breath. "It was all the proof I actually needed of what I then demanded of you: that you are, despite your mistakes, a good person. Because for all your flaws, which are only natural to have, you truly are an honest person. So when I asked for proof that you wouldn't be like you used to be anymore, and you told me that you would do whatever you could to make up for past mistakes… I should have known that you were sincere when you said that. Just hearing you say that should have been enough for me, simply because you wouldn't lie to me. I know you wouldn't. So don't apologise. In this, you have nothing to apologise for. Not to me." Finally she managed a smile as she concluded: "I believe in you, Gil." Then, after a second's hesitation: " _Prussia."  
_ For a moment, the albino was dumbstruck. Overjoyed that Larissa admitted that she, too, was capable of mistakes, happy to know that she wouldn't hold it against him that he had told her about this, or that he hadn't told Germany for that matter, but his mind came to a halt when he heard his old name from her lips. She had said it before, of course. Several times she had spoken the _word_ 'Prussia', but never had she addressed him as such. Truth be told, he hadn't expected anyone to ever do so again, save for Brandenburg and Holy Rome and a few of his other family members. He wasn't sure why, but the sheer unexpectedness of it robbed him of his breath and all ability to speak.  
It wasn't until a solid ten silent seconds had passed, if not more, before he rediscovered his voice, although it was wavering and uncertain. "I… I don't go by that name anymore…" he tried to remind her, still unsure as to why she had even decided to call him Prussia.  
Larissa gave a short nod, her smile getting an almost apologetic look to it. "I know," she answered softly, her voice also shaky now that she saw that her gesture wasn't immediately understood. "It's just… Well…" She stammered a bit as she seemed to desperately search for the right words. "I won't call you that again if you don't want me to, but what I meant was…"  
After a brief pause, having trailed off there, Larissa took a deep breath and tried again: "I know that I've said before that I accepted who and what you were. That I was completely fine with your past and the implications of your having been a nation. But I realise now that it was a lie. Not an intentional one, as I simply had no idea what it truly meant, but it was a lie nonetheless. And, truth be told, I _still_ don't fully comprehend what eight centuries of life can be like, what it can do to a person or what it means for that person to have lived so long and experienced so much. I don't think I even can. So I will stop trying to understand, and instead just accept it as is. As I should have done from the beginning."  
Gilbert's rapidly beating heart slowed down to a more relaxed rhythm now that he began to understand what she meant.  
"I know from your stories," the young woman went on, her voice strong now, conviction in every syllable she spoke. "I know from your journals and my own common sense that you have lived through horrible events, times that gave a man - especially in your position - no other choice but to live the life of a soldier and everything that entails. I know that countless people have died by your hand. I also know that countless have been saved by you, both through your actions on the battlefield, in the infirmary, more than likely even through political decisions you've made. I understand that _that_ is a nation's life, even if I do not fully understand all the implications." She reached out now, placed her hand on his and firmly clasped her fingers around his wrist as she gazed straight into his eyes. "I'm not a psychologist, but even I have some basic understanding that a mind - be it a human's or a nation's - can only withstand so much before _something_ goes awry. So yeah, maybe you've made your mistakes, like any person would, and maybe they were more impactful than the average human's. But who am I to judge you for that, if I can't even comprehend what your life has truly been like, no matter how much I hear or read about it? Instead of judging you for things you did hundreds of years ago, why don't I look at the person you are now, see how far you've come since then? Rather than being angry over something that happened literally centuries before I was born, that has nothing to do with me in any way and never will, I should appreciate how much you've clearly changed for the better."  
Gilbert smiled warmly, his mind reeling with happiness over this. Those words mended everything that had happened and more. He wasn't sure what to say, except an expression of his gratitude, and he parted his lips to do just that.  
Except Larissa didn't even give him the chance to utter a single sound. She wasn't finished yet, and she wouldn't tolerate being interrupted before she had said exactly what she had to tell him.  
"So when I called you Prussia," she said conclusively, "that was me finally acknowledging and accepting who you are. _All_ of who you are. Maybe you don't go by those names anymore, but yes, you _are_ Prussia and you _are_ East Germany and you _are_ Gilbert. So I cannot just love one and despise the other. I will not." She paused for only a moment, then added warmly: "I meant it when I said I love you, and nothing you have done in the past should ever change that, nor will it."  
Once more, the ex-nation was rendered speechless for a considerable time. He couldn't stop himself from smiling if he tried, his heart feeling like it was about to burst in gratitude and happiness. "Quite a monologue you had there," he managed eventually, unable to hold back a shiver of laughter. Then, his voice steady again: "I love you too."  
Strangely, he couldn't remember if he'd ever said that to her before quite the way he did now. Whether he had or not, this time at least he was utterly convinced of his own words. He did love her, utterly and completely, and more than ever since the moment they'd entered this relationship, he was certain the feeling was mutual.  
He twisted his hand, where she was still holding on to his wrist, so that, after gently dislodging her grasp with that motion, their hands were clasped together. "Maybe I don't understand a human's perspective in this as well as I think I do," he admitted then. "Maybe it's as impossible for me to understand your point of view entirely as you say it is for you to understand mine. But maybe that's exactly what makes it all the more worthwhile." With a wide, warm smile, he concluded: "If we manage to overcome that, then I doubt there's much else that could possibly go wrong. So if having you by my side is the price, then I will gladly accept that challenge."  
Larissa's only answer to that was a kiss.

* * *

Gilbert took a deep breath, forced his heart to calm, then stepped out of the car after his brother. It was the year 1997, more than a year after his research had been approved of, seven months after he had received his Bachelor's Degree, and five months after he had begun his final project before Nation Biology would be fully accepted. Like Adam, now his co-worker, had predicted two years ago, Gilbert was expected to instruct others in the basics of Nation Biology at the very least, besides continuing his research alongside his friend and delving deeper into it than ever before. Hence him being in New York with Germany, while the UN gathered together once again. While of course the medical staff here were faced with first-aid tasks more than anything else, at a place where so many nations gathered together for a certain period of time, it would be good for them to know at least some of the most significant differences between humans and nations.  
Looking at all the nations, though, he wasn't surprised to feel sick with nerves. "I never expected to be back here again," he mumbled to no one in particular. Germany's only response was a hum, so the albino stifled an anxious sigh. "How many do you think will recognise me?"  
"You haven't changed that much," Germany said in response, shaking his head in amusement. "Given, you look a little older and, admittedly, a bit more nerdy than most would remember you, but you're far from unrecognisable."  
It was Gilbert's turn to hum, though in this case in annoyance. "Explain to me how I look 'nerdy', please."  
Germany just chuckled. "Well, for one, many nations would know you best with a sword in your hand, instead of a briefcase stuffed full of scientific papers."  
Gilbert could do no else than shrug at this; it was true, after all. After this little exchange, he silently followed Germany past the nations who were still waiting outside and went into the building. Not much had changed since he had last been there seven years prior, which came as a relief. At least he didn't have to worry about getting lost, although he had already seriously doubted that he would.  
Truth be told, part of him didn't like that everything here was so familiar; he was afraid the familiarity of it all might end up being more painful than pleasant.  
Seeing all the nations certainly made it feel like old times. He'd been here once since he had lost his status as a nation. Once, seven years ago. It was funny how that seemed like a long time now; there had been times in his life when seven years had felt as insignificant as a few months in comparison to what these had been like.  
"Well, I'll be damned."  
Gilbert immediately recognised the voice, and he wasn't sure how to feel about it just yet. But when he turned around and saw the mischievous grin with which Poland regarded him, any nerves he might have had faded swiftly. "And here I thought I'd never have to look at your ugly mug again," the Polish man said. Although his words were far from kind and clearly not intended to be polite, either, all malice that might have been in them once was now absent. Their time together in the Eastern Block had certainly changed their rocky relationship for the better, even if it would never be good.  
"Likewise," Gilbert answered calmly. "Though you won't have to look at it long; I won't be joining the meetings."  
Poland looked confused, and the ex-nation couldn't blame him. "Then why are you here?"  
Gilbert shrugged. "I take it you've heard of the work I've been doing? I'll be instructing some people in how to give proper medical care to nations instead of treating them like humans, should the need ever arise. No need to thank me."  
"Oh, don't worry, I won't," Poland joked. Well, that is, Gilbert was close to certain that it was a joke, but not entirely. The nation nodded to somewhere behind Gilbert. "But I know someone who might."  
Gilbert glanced over his shoulder and almost immediately spotted the person Poland was referring to; England was about as pale as snow and his step was as unstable as that of a drunkard's.  
Meanwhile, Poland went on talking. "You should have seen the five of them at the EU earlier this year," he said, adding an angry huff. "Dead on their feet, all of them. Actually slept through half the meeting. No, seriously. They say they're in the middle of peace negotiations, but at this rate, I doubt they will even live to see the end of those. I feel bad for them that they even still have to come here."  
Gilbert recalled the state Northern Ireland had been in two years ago. England looked much worse now. He guessed Ireland was no better off, and the old Republic would probably also be here, along with one more of their family; when it was the EU, usually everyone in the British-Irish family attended, but the United Kingdom normally sent two of their four nations as representatives to the UN, and Ireland, being separate from them, always came, too.  
"Thanks for pointing that out to me," the ex-nation said. "I'll certainly see if there's something I can do."  
Poland shrugged and looked eager to be on his way again. "Hey, don't mention it. I might not be a fan of you, but I don't hate _everyone_. Now if you don't mind, I actually have work to do here." And with no more than that, he was off.  
From the corner of his eye, Gilbert noticed Germany, who had gone on ahead for a moment, came back to join his brother. "You know, I still can't believe my eyes every time I see you and Poland talk without verbal or even physical fights. I never thought that would be possible."  
Gilbert hummed his agreement. "Every single time, there's one moment where I seriously believe I'm dreaming." Then he turned back to look at England, who had tottered a little further now. "So how much do they still do at these meetings?"  
Germany followed his gaze and sighed shortly after. "Back at the EU, barely anything. I don't expect they will do anything here, either. But I can't blame them." He gave a quick shrug. "I doubt there's anyone who expects them to work this week, really."  
Gilbert was still pondering that and whether or not to do something about the situation when a weight slammed into his back hard. Arms were wrapped around his chest from behind and held him tightly.  
"Gilbert! It's been so long!"  
The albino instantly recognised the voice and smiled. "Hey, Veneziano." He wriggled free and turned around to give his old friend a proper hug. "It certainly has. How are you?"  
The Italian was beaming at the younger man. "Oh, not bad. Not at all. But how about you? What are you doing here?"  
The ex-nation didn't even have a chance to answer before more nations came their way, now also having noticed the unexpected guest. America was among the first to reach them.  
"Is that freakin' Prussia? No, sorry... Gilbert, was it?" Unlike Italy Veneziano, the American seemed stunned more than anything. "Dude, I thought you said you'd never be here again!"  
Canada followed his brother, probably out of pure curiosity, and only said a quick and confused greeting to the albino rather than asking the same question everyone else did, for Romania also showed up, inquiring about the exact same thing.  
A little overwhelmed by all the sudden attention, Gilbert grinned and shrugged. "I'm just here to make sure the medical team around here knows what to do with you guys, should the need ever arise," he explained honestly.  
It was Canada who commented on this first. "Oh, right! I heard something about that. Haven't you been researching nations the past years?"  
The ex-nation nodded and was about to say more on the subject when America burst out another question, smiling wide. "So how's mortal life treating you? Aside from, you know… aging you a bit." He hummed for a moment, his smile fading into a very brief grimace. "I remember you looking closer to my age than Ireland's. Guess that's in the past now, huh?"  
At this comment, Gilbert couldn't help but sigh, though out of amusement more than anything else. "I suppose so. But cut me some slack here, I'm only twenty-seven. I know that for nations that's roughly the top range of biological age, but for humans it's still plenty young." With another shrug, he added: "As for how my life has been, I can honestly say the past years have been great. Mortality isn't so bad, if you actually get to enjoy it."  
"Is it really so different from being a nation, though?" Romania asked, looking a bit sceptical on that. "I mean… Aside from the immortality, surely we're not that different from humans?"  
 _I used to think that, too, until I experienced both worlds_ , Gilbert thought fondly as he shook his head. "Basically, I have much more time for myself. That is, humans have far more freedom to make their own choices. Nations work closely with their government from basically the moment they're born, and it's not at all bad, but you seriously don't realise how much more freedom you could have until you're released from that."  
Veneziano chuckled for a moment. "Sounds like you enjoy it. Careful there, we might all want to become mortal if you make it sound too good."  
Germany hummed in response to this. "Speak for yourself. I think I first want to try and reach the age of, say, five hundred before I think about maybe wanting to try mortality."  
The Italian rolled his eyes at this, still smiling, and looked back at Gilbert. "So… Can I visit sometime soon? I'd like to see your new place."  
America's eyes widened at this. "New… place? What's that supposed to mean?"  
Gilbert wasn't completely sure why, but talking to nations felt a lot better than he had thought. When Poland had first talked to him, he had felt a little nervous. Veneziano had been a welcome distraction, but all the others who joined soon after was a bit too much. Or so he'd thought. It was actually really nice just to see them, and he was actually still not entirely over the fact that they seemed genuinely interested in how he was doing.  
Being able to share some of his news was something he really looked forward to, now that he was asked about it. "I moved out of Ludwig's basement just over three months ago," he declared proudly, his grin plastered on his face now. "Was about time, too."  
By now, Romania looked more than confused. "But… But you spent all those years in Russia wanting to go back to him," he reminded the ex-nation who had been one of his many roommates until a decade or so ago. He had been there through nearly all of Gilbert's outbursts of how much he wanted to leave that place, go to West-Berlin and be reunited with his younger brother. "Decades. I've had to sit through _decades_ of you whining about that - with reason, I'll admit - and now, not even eight years after you finally got that, you _leave_? Of your own volition?"  
"Pretty much, yes."  
"…I meant _why_."  
Gilbert shrugged. Could he really not imagine why? "I needed more space for my research materials. I also kind of needed more space for my girlfriend. Fiancée, actually."  
The looks of shock that passed over everyone's faces, with the exception for Germany's and Veneziano's, of course, was absolutely priceless. He had more or less intended for that to happen, but to succeed in it was just great.  
"Dude, you lost me," America said after a little while, his eyes nearly popping out of his skull. "You mean you… You're… You really are… You…"  
Gilbert couldn't help but laugh at his pitiful attempts to speak. "I think the word you're looking for is 'engaged', and yes, I am. Have been for almost four months."  
Veneziano butted in now, seemingly too excited to keep quiet now that the news was out anyway. "I've met her before, and Larissa is a really nice person! Very straightforward and sarcastic, maybe a bit too much so sometimes, but very kind, too. She and Gil go really well together."  
That was almost enough to make Gilbert blush. Almost. He managed to do no more than look down in embarassment for a second or two before recovering his earlier grin. "So yes, all in all, I guess I can say that mortal life is treating me better than immortality ever has."  
With a sudden jolt he remembered why he was there in the first place, and quickly excused himself. "I do have somewhere to be, though. And so do all of you, mind you. I guess I should try to find out where exactly I'm headed before I manage to not be there on time. What a great impression that would make," he added in a mutter to himself. He didn't even want to imagine the reactions he would get if he showed up too late for something like this.  
"Sure, but don't think I'm letting you off that easily, dude," America told him with a smirk. "Clearly there's far too much to catch up on, so you can expect me to bother you again later."  
Italy nodded and smiled. "It's been a few months. I'd like a chance to talk more, too." The way he said the second bit told Gilbert that the Italian was actually more peeved about the sudden intervention of America and the others than he let on. Not surprisingly: whereas Gilbert counted America at least among his closer acquaintances and Romania as the former roommate he was, Italy Veneziano was actually one of his friends, and their first chance to talk in months had just been rudely interrupted.  
"I think the medical team has offices over that way," Canada added helpfully, pointing to a corridor to the far right. "Good luck."  
With a final smile and a thanks, followed by a quick 'see you later' to his younger brother, the ex-nation took off.

As he walked down the corridor he had been directed in by Canada, glancing at every door he passed for any indication that he was heading the right way, Gilbert was almost dizzy with how his mind reeled. A lot had happened the past year, and it was sometimes all too easy to forget just how much that was until he summed it up like he just had. Not long after his graduation, he had officially partnered up with Adam to conduct what was now _their_ research, while Benjamin went on to get his Master's Degree. Adam had proved to be a reliable co-worker, always willing to take some of Gilbert's workload when the ex-nation once again overestimated himself. And with all the other things going on in his life around the same time, that occurred frequently.  
The small desk he'd had in his bedroom in Germany's basement had been an inadequate workspace for some time by then, and after long debate with himself he had finally talked to his younger brother about possibly moving out. He had believed Germany would have some reservations about that, for the exact reason Romania had pointed out earlier, but the nation had been completely fine with it.  
"Honestly, I'm surprised it took you so long to come to that decision," he'd said to his brother, his expression kind but at the same time telling the older man what a fool he could sometimes be. "I know that it would mean we wouldn't see each other quite as often, but I would much rather know that you had your own place to live out your life as you please - whilst being able to visit anytime, too, of course - than to have you basically waste away in my basement for the sake of staying with me."  
So, in the final months before his graduation, Gilbert had begun searching for his own house. Well, his and Larissa's, that is. She, too, had decided it was about time she moved out of the small apartment she had lived in as a student, and more than two years down the line, they had both decided that they had long since reached the point in their relationship where it was only logical for them to live together.  
By the time they had a place, a small, two-bedroom house with an extra room that they used as office space and a cosy little garden, Gilbert had just graduated a little while earlier. By the time they officially moved in, they were already engaged.  
That was actually quite the anecdote. They had been busy painting the walls of their new living room, with help from Larissa's father and brother, when that more or less became a thing. Neither of them really proposed to the other. Rather, it had been the calm conclusion that followed from the conversation they were having at the time. If only Gilbert could remember exactly how it had started; he had been far too busy trying not to let the paint splatter his face too much to keep track of his exact words, or anyone else's for that matter. But then, maybe it was the gaps in the story that made it all the funnier. He wasn't quite sure. The first he remembered was that Larissa reminded him, laughing fondly, of what he'd told her a few years earlier: that he would marry her in a heartbeat if he could.  
Gilbert, painfully aware of his now-future in-laws immediately being distracted from their sections of the wall, laughed sheepishly. "Well, I didn't lie," he told her as he had told her back then. "But I stick by what I said: it would have been far too early for something of the likes."  
Larissa nodded, smiling warmly at the memories. "Absolutely. Especially with everything that happened after that, I'm glad we've given it the time it needed."  
Unable to disagree with that logic, Gilbert let out a soft sigh. For a moment, it looked like that would be the end of it. But then the ex-nation added casually: "I still would, you know."  
"What?"  
"I'd still marry you in a heartbeat. That hasn't changed. Well, not for the worse, anyway."  
This brought a smile to Larissa's face as she said: "Yeah… Well, me too."  
By then, Hans and Gerard had stopped working entirely, watching their sister and daughter and her lover in stunned silence as they kept on talking.  
"Would it still be too early for that, you think?" Gilbert inquired right before grunting in annoyance as paint splatters hit his glasses. He put down his roller and tried to clean it off, finding it more difficult than expected.  
Larissa, meanwhile, shrugged. "I don't know. We've been together for over two years now. And considering we've shared the same opinion regarding this for the majority of those two years, I suppose not?"  
"Fair point." Finally, he managed to get that last smear off. Tenacious stuff.  
As Gilbert bent down to pick up his roller and continue working, Larissa asked: "Do you think we should?"  
"Should? Nah." Gilbert shrugged as he went back to painting the wall. This section was nearly finished. "Could? Definitely. Things like that are a choice, not an obligation. At least nowadays it's like that. Not all that long ago it might not have been."  
Larissa burst out laughing at this, and kept that up for a solid half minute before choking out that at least there were some choices easier than what colour to paint a wall, which, in their case, had taken them a good week to decide. Sniggering at this revelation of hers, Gilbert voiced his agreement.  
It was then that Larissa's father Hans butted in. "Might I ask what just happened here?" He sounded confused, mildly agitated and extremely curious.  
Larissa and Gilbert exchanged a look, each silently asking the other that very same question. And almost simultaneously it began to dawn on them. Larissa went beetroot-red while Gilbert stammered helplessly and looked every which way but at her father or brother, who were staring at them both in almost intimidating silence.  
"I, uh, well, I think…" he began, stumbling over his words as he tried to make sense of the situation himself and failed miserably.  
Larissa helped out in a tiny voice after listening to his pitiful attempts to speak for about a minute. "I think we just decided we're getting married, dear."  
Laughing sheepishly, Gilbert just about managed to not splutter his response as feebly as his attempts at speaking earlier. "Really? When did that happen?"  
"If I had to guess," Larissa replied in that same tiny, nervous voice, "I'd say sometime over the past five minutes."  
It took Gilbert a moment or two to realise she was right, but then he nodded a little absent-mindedly. "Huh. Well, what do you know. Okay. I'm okay with that."  
"Same here."  
Gerard sighed in exasperation. "Why couldn't my sister find someone just a little more normal than herself?"  
"Because, before she could, she found the most amazing kinda-human-ex-nation in the entire world and decided to go for that instead," Larissa answered her brother teasingly, even going so far as to stick her tongue out at him when he looked at her with raised eyebrows.  
Meanwhile, Hans had plopped himself down on one of the two only chairs in the otherwise still bare room, looking overwhelmed. Wide eyed, he sat hunched over, rubbing his forehead as if he was suddenly hit with a headache. "My little girl is getting married," he said to himself, dull with shock. With a sound that could have been a laugh as well as a whimper, he added: "And he's not even human."  
With a deep sigh, Gilbert planted himself on the chair next to him, feeling much the same as far as confusion went. The situation was starting to sink in now, and he could barely comprehend it himself. Honestly he couldn't blame his future father in-law (what a terrifying yet amazing thought that was) for reacting this way. "And here I always claimed I'd never get married again…" he mused to himself, recalling all the instances he had treated the concept of marriage as one of the worst things in the world after he'd lost Brandenburg. "Wow. I must be the first of my kind to marry a human. Although, technically, I suppose I'm one of those, too, so…"  
Beside him, Hans shook his head. "You're over eight hundred years old, man," he rasped. "Say what you will, I don't think I'll ever be able to consider you human again." Glancing sideways at the ex-nation, he added almost doubtfully: "Not… that I would keep you from marrying my daughter… I think. Let me get back to you on that."  
Gilbert could only hum and nod.  
"See? See what you did there?" Gerard berated his sister, his own voice trembling in what Gilbert could only guess was an amount of confusion equal to his own. "You've got to start being more careful about how you word things, Larissa - you just broke dad _and_ Gilbert!"  
Larissa, staring straight ahead and standing very still, answered softly: "I think I broke myself…"

Needless to say, no one got much work done the rest of the day. Gerard had finished up the section of the wall Gilbert had been working on while his father, sister and soon-to-be brother in-law were all still desperately trying to grasp the situation. After that, he had silently put the paint and tools away and joined them in their collective state of shock. Telling her mother Magda, who at the time had been out to buy them all some lunch and returned shortly after, hadn't gone much better than that. Neither had informing Germany, who also dropped by while taking Berlitz for a long walk, just minutes after that.  
At least now everyone had overcome their shock, and Gilbert could look back on that insane afternoon fondly. Planning the wedding was a slow process, as Larissa was often busy with her job as a translator at a publishing house in Berlin, and Gilbert had the same issue with his research. But they didn't mind; they were just as happy now as they would be if they were officially married, most likely. That probably wouldn't change anything; at least this time, Gilbert had already been head over heels for the woman he was to wed, unlike centuries ago when he was engaged to Brandenburg.  
The only thing that might prove an issue was picking a date when not only their human friends and family could attend, but also some nations, who would have a harder time getting there; they would have to travel much farther than any humans, for one. Larissa's family lived in Germany, at least for the vast majority. In fact, her grandparents even lived in Berlin. She had some cousins, uncles and aunts spread through the rest of the country, although most of them in the East, where she and her parents had lived most of their lives, also. One cousin had moved to Denmark to marry a Danish woman, but they weren't even sure whether or not to invite the two of them: they still had yet to decide the scale of their wedding and thus how distant the relatives invited would even be.  
But for Gilbert, there was no other option than to have Germany, Austria, Hungary, Scotland and preferably his three cousins in the Benelux attend. The two Italies, France and Spain, too, if possible.

His mind was so abuzz with all this, now that he'd been reminded of it in his conversation with the nations earlier, that he hardly even noticed when he walked straight past his destination. He immediately stopped in his tracks and spun around to go back the necessary five steps, hoping no one had noticed his little mishap. He took a deep breath, banished all distracting thoughts, no matter how pleasant, from his mind, then went inside.  
There were five people already there, speaking softly to each other. They paused their conversation briefly when Gilbert came in to look at the newcomer, then seemed to realise who he was and decided to stop altogether. Two greeted him with no more than a respectful little nod, but one actually walked up to him to shake his hand.  
"It's an honour to have the world's leading authority on Nation Biology here to teach us, sir," the woman, who Gilbert guessed was in her forties, said to him, a hint of awe in her voice. "I've read your publications so far; I never knew the differences between humans and nations could be so significant."  
Taken aback by this, Gilbert tried to smile. "Well, if you've already read it all," he answered jokingly, or at least in an attempt to sound that way, "then I'm afraid there's not much else that I can teach you today. And I think I should be the one feeling honoured that people would take such an interest in my work."  
The woman shook her head. "Oh, nonsense! You're the first person to research all this quite so extensively and publish articles about it - that in itself should be enough reason for people to take an interest in it."  
"Madelyn, are you quite finish licking the man's heels?" a man behind her joked. He looked not much younger than this woman, Madelyn.  
In response, Madelyn spun around to face him and huffed indignantly, hands on her hips. "Can't a woman take genuine interest in what is truly admirable work? Maybe you should try picking up a scientific publication once in a while, too." After that, though, she went away to take a seat.  
Gilbert just took the opportunity to take his place behind the desk and get his papers in order, along with any other preparations he still had to make.  
As he was doing so, more people gradually came into the room and also sat down, until there were twenty-two in all; Gilbert thought this whole set-up felt eerily similar to a classroom. Well, he was more or less about to give a lecture, anyway. Technically speaking, this was a classroom setting.  
When no one else had come in for a solid five minutes and it was about time to start, Gilbert stood up and cleared his throat, immediately catching everyone's attention with that.  
Pushing away his nerves, he addressed them all. "Is this everyone?" There was no response other than a few hums and nods. Good enough. He managed a smile, his nervously racing pulse gradually calming down. Maybe he could get used to this someday. "Well then. Shall we begin?"

* * *

 **So yeah. Gilbert is now officially spreading Nation Biology around the world. Got a new co-worker, his own house, a fiancée... Life is treating him well for a change. But then, that's the point of this story; after all I've done to this character for two entire books, he deserves some happiness now.**

 **I'm well past the point where I will make promises about the next chapter, except that is will be there. Really, it will. I promise.  
(I just hope you all haven't given up on me yet... It's just that real life takes priority)**


	15. Bonus chapter

**As promised, here is my bonus chapter for this universe! Prussia murdering Bavaria. From Brandenburg's perspective.  
Oh boy.**

 **It's not going to be pretty.**

 **But I hope you'll like it! This is really just something I wrote for the heck of it, I think a year or so ago.**

* * *

Brandenburg felt warm and comfortable in Prussia's arms, even though her entire body felt cold and weak and sore. She wanted to put her arms around him, but she couldn't move anymore. Any moment now, she knew. Her sight was blurred, the world gradually fading before her eyes, but she kept her gaze focused on Prussia's face. She wanted to see him for as long as she still could. The sight of him comforted her, even if her heart broke for her young cousin, her husband, the love of her life. She would have to leave him alone now. He had been alone for so long before they'd been forced to marry.  
 _No,_ she thought, driving away those thoughts. _I'll still be by his side. I'll be with him forever._  
Struggling to cling on to her consciousness, Brandenburg smiled at Prussia as the young nation was telling her how grateful he was to her for all she'd done for him. _I would do it all again_. She waited until he fell quiet for a second or two, then whispered: "I love you, Prussia."  
Tears sprang into Prussia's red eyes at these words, and he held her closer. "I love you too," he choked out in response. Those words warmed Brandenburg's weakening heart. He didn't say it very often, but when he did, she always knew he meant it. "I love you so much, Brand. You're by far…"  
His voice echoed in her ears, but it was fading, just like his face.  
"…The most important person in the world..."  
But she still felt the warmth of his body against hers. Still felt his arms around her.  
"…I love you…"  
Until that, too, slipped from her grasp the moment her heart beat for the last time.

"Brandenburg."  
Confused, the young nation glanced around when she heard her name. A man stood beside her, tall and broad-shouldered, intimidating but familiar at the same time. At first she thought she was looking at Hesse, but only for a second. She didn't know this man. Or did she?  
The man looked at her with a calm, warm, pale blue gaze. Pity lay in his eyes, along with grief and love. He sighed softly. "I'm Germania, Brandenburg," he introduced himself calmly. "I had hoped I wouldn't have to greet you for a long time yet. It's always so hard when the young ones need to go…"  
Brandenburg didn't comprehend it quite yet. "Germania?" she choked out, stunned. "A-as in… M-my ancestor?" _My father…?_ She had never known if she had been Germania's daughter or less directly related to him. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to know.  
Germania nodded and held out his hand to her silently. Hesitating for a moment, Brandenburg reached to take his hand. His grip was firm but gentle, his hands rough but also warm. It was at that moment that the truth began to sink in, and she couldn't suppress a sigh. "So it's really over for me?" she asked in a hoarse whisper. "I'm… I'm dead…?"  
Again, Germania nodded. He said nothing as Brandenburg turned to look over her shoulder. Prussia sat there, cradling the body she had lived in until just moments ago. The body she would never have to use again.  
Prussia looked pale as a ghost, his gaze blank but tears making his eyes look glassy. His breathing was slightly erratic, and Brandenburg could tell that he was almost crying, but not quite. It was as if he simply couldn't.  
Her heart broke all over again. She didn't know if she even still had one now that she was dead, but she could feel the cracks in it all the same. "I can't leave him," she choked out. "I promised him… I promised 'til death do us part and beyond. I know it wasn't my choice to make that promise, but I'll keep it all the same. I want to." She glanced up at Germania, her gaze pleading. "I _need_ to stay by his side, Germania," she insisted feebly. "He needs me."  
Germania sighed. "I know he does," he replied, still calm, but with sadness lacing his voice. "And you will be able to stay with him, I promise you. But he won't know you're there. They never really do."  
"He will," Brandenburg answered determinedly, pulling her hand back and walking over to Prussia's side. "I'll make sure he will." Then she knelt down beside the grieving albino nation, ready to wrap her arms around him and hold him close. But it was as if something stopped her: she could be close to him, but she couldn't touch him, almost as if there was a barrier between them.  
"We live in two different worlds, Brandenburg," Germania explained softly. "The dead and the living cannot touch one another. We can see them, they cannot see us. It will always be as if we're just looking through a window that they cannot see through." He sighed deeply and knelt down to be on eye level with her. "But sometimes we can talk. Just sometimes."  
"When?" She wanted to do so now, to let Prussia know that she was still by his side and would never leave. To show him that she had kept her promise to him and that she always would. That he would never be alone.  
"You'll know when."

It took a while for Prussia to move again. Brandenburg watched sadly as he lifted her body and carried it away. She followed him to a sheltered spot near the edge of what was a battlefield just a little while ago. Prussia gently placed her body on the ground there, promising that he would be back soon, but he had work to do now. Saying this, the younger nation looked over his shoulder at the soldiers who were marching once again, ready for a second attack on the Bavarian army.  
"He's going to fight again," Brandenburg said then, half to herself. "He's actually going out to fight again…" She couldn't believe it. _He's such a strong person…_ She was proud of him, but she also worried. He was obviously shaken, and who wouldn't be? Brandenburg herself could barely come to terms with what had just happened.  
Would he be okay in battle?  
Scared, Brandenburg spun around to look at Germania, who was still with her. "We've got to stop him!" she pleaded with the ancient nation. "Somehow, _somehow_ , we need to stop him!"  
Germania just sighed and shook his head sadly. "We cannot," he told her solemnly. "We can only stay by his side. Don't worry about him too much, Brandenburg," the man added reassuringly. "He's always been and always will be among the strongest of my sons, mentally and most of all physically. He can handle himself."  
"But I just _died_!" Brandenburg insisted desperately. "If there's anything that will throw off his focus, it's that! It's not safe for him out there, not when he's like this."  
"He'll be okay," another voice suddenly put in, and Brandenburg's eyes widened when she saw a teenage girl, just a little younger than she was, approach her and Germania. Her hair was dark brown, nearly black, her eyes grey and calm. Brandenburg didn't recognise this girl, but she knew she must be a nation like her and Germania.  
The girl blinked at Brandenburg, completely calm and her face expressionless. "My name's Prussia," she introduced herself. "I'm the incarnation of Prussia before the one that you know -the Baltic Prussia from before the German settlers came." Turning her gaze away from Brandenburg, Baltic Prussia stared at her young reincarnation as the albino kingdom walked steadily towards the battlefield, sword held tightly in his left hand. She smiled a little, looking completely confident in that moment. "If I know anything about the little bugger, it's that he's unbeatable in battle. The more intense his emotions, the stronger he gets." Then her gaze darkened a little, her smile fading. "After what just happened, he'll be like a one-man army, I assure you."  
Brandenburg kept her gaze fixed on Baltic Prussia, still not at ease, but she knew that she couldn't do anything about the situation, anyway. She would just have to believe that Prussia would be all right. "I'll take your word for it, then," she sighed, going after her husband again.

Baltic Prussia and Germania had both been right: Prussia, by some miracle, looked more in control than Brandenburg had ever seen him. If he hadn't before, right now, he fought with all the strength and skill of a God of War. He was never hit, not by swords, not by arrows, not by bullets. At times, the young albino kingdom was just a streak of white and dark blue, flashing through the ranks of enemy soldiers. His foes dropped to the ground one by one, struck down by movements that were sometimes too fast for Brandenburg to even know what exactly had happened.  
Even seeing this, Brandenburg couldn't shake her worry for her husband. In fact, it only grew stronger. He shouldn't be out here, fighting, not right now. He should be grieving, taking time to process his emotions, cry, scream. Whatever he needed, _but he shouldn't be fighting._

She eventually followed him to the edge of the battlefield, where there was hardly any fighting going on anymore. Prussia's red gaze was dull again, fixed on a rocky formation further up the slope, much like the one where he had hidden Brandenburg's body for safekeeping until he could bring her back to camp.  
Suddenly she saw a flash in his eyes, fury blazing in them, and his body tensed. With determined steps, the young nation marched away from the battle and toward the rocks, left hand clenched tightly around the hilt of his sword.  
Confused, Brandenburg followed him yet again. She had hoped he would take refuge between the rocks, safe from battle, and take the time he needed to get his emotions sorted out. When she'd seen the furious look in his eyes, however, she knew that he wasn't going to do any such thing. Then what? Why would he go there?  
She soon found out, and her mind began reeling the same instant.  
Propped up against one of the boulders that seemed to be strewn about the grassy plain sat Bavaria. Brandenburg's sister was staring at her left leg with clenched jaws and panic in her eyes; blood was seeping through her breeches and pooling around her on the ground.  
 _The wound I gave her…_  
Brandenburg remembered that moment so clearly: how she had fired at an enemy soldier, hit her enemy in the leg, only to find out when the soldier dropped to the ground that it was her sister Bavaria. Scared and in pain, Bavaria had instinctively retaliated, turning over onto her back and shooting before quickly scrambling to her feet and stumbling away as swiftly as her injured leg allowed her. Meanwhile, the bullet she had fired became lodged in Brandenburg's abdomen, blood pouring out of the hole it left in her flesh.  
Misery flooded Brandenburg at those memories. She had unknowingly attacked her sister, and Bavaria had unknowingly attacked her, and they had both paid the price for it. Brandenburg was dead and Bavaria was injured. A steep price.  
She followed tentatively as Prussia approached the wounded nation with determined steps. It took only seconds for Bavaria to notice him, and she looked up, a startled look in her pale blue eyes. "Prussia!" she exclaimed, the emotions in her voice unreadable. Then she narrowed her eyes at her cousin. "What do you want from me?" she spat, shifting where she sat; her leg wouldn't move well, though, and if she had been trying to get up in the first place, she was unable to. "I'm not fighting anymore, if you can't see that," the Bavarian went on angrily. "Run along, Prussia, and help your soldiers down there. Isn't Brandenburg out there, also?" Rage flared up in her eyes when she said this. "I knew you didn't deserve my sister, but I thought you'd at least have the decency to stay by her side in battle!"  
Feeling choked up with anxiety and distress, Brandenburg's gaze flitted from Prussia to Bavaria and back again. She had the nagging feeling she knew how this was going to turn out, but she desperately pushed those thoughts away, didn't want to think about it. It wouldn't be like that. It wouldn't be pretty, but it wouldn't be _like that._  
She felt cold with dread when Prussia choked out hoarsely: "Brandenburg is dead."  
Immediately, Bavaria's eyes widened, pain and grief exploding in her blue gaze. "What?" she breathed, disbelieving and distraught. "How? W-what happened?"  
Prussia blinked calmly, his expression blank. " _You did_ ," he replied coldly. "You shot her." He took a step closer, and another one, then halted again. "Why else do you think your leg hasn't healed yet? It's been a while. It shouldn't be bleeding anymore, at least if it was an attack from a human." He narrowed his eyes in disgust. "To shoot an enemy without even bothering to look at them… Disgraceful, Bavaria. That's all I can say."  
Meanwhile, Bavaria's eyes had flooded with tears, her lips trembling. She was shaking her head as her entire body began to tremble slightly. "No…" she choked out, despair clear in her quivering voice. "No… Brand… I'm so sorry…"  
Feeling tears of her own well up, Brandenburg looked at her sister. "It's okay, Bavaria," she said, praying that, somehow, the younger nation could hear her. "You didn't know it was me, just like I didn't know it was you. It was my own fault..." She gritted her teeth, biting back a sob. "It's okay, sis…"  
Prussia didn't share her thoughts. His shoulders tensed up even further, his hands starting to shake with emotion. "Do you think apologising makes any difference?" he roared at Bavaria, and the girl flinched and whimpered at his words. " _She's dead,_ Bavaria! She's dead, and nothing will ever bring her back again!" He gritted his teeth for a moment, looking as if he was trying to control himself, but he either gave up or couldn't do it. "You _killed_ her! You… She…" He narrowed his eyes in complete rage. " _Murderer._ "  
Brandenburg felt her heart break yet again. She was convinced now that she still had one, even in death. How else could it still hurt so much, after all? With every word that Prussia spoke, with every choked sob from Bavaria, she felt another crack open up in it.  
Trembling, she took a step closer to Prussia. "My love," she choked out, her voice as soft as a whisper. "It's okay. I know that you're angry, I know that you're hurt. I am, too. But it's not her fault." She looked at Bavaria, whose face was flushed now, tears trailing down her cheeks as sobs racked her body. "Can't you see, Prussia? She as hurt over this as you are. Please forgive her, I beg of you."  
She held her breath as Prussia knelt down in front of Bavaria, gaze fixed on her face. A smirk lay on his lips as he stared at her. "You're so pathetic," he told her in a hushed voice, reaching out to her face with one hand. Very gently, very softly, he placed his hand on her cheek as she cried. "What are you crying for, Bavaria? Do you regret what you've done?"  
The Prussian's voice was smooth as honey as he spoke, but chilling Brandenburg to the bone at the same time. She felt paralysed, unable to do anything but stand there and watch. She _couldn't_ do anything else, in fact; no matter what she did, no matter what she said, neither her husband nor her sister would ever know, and nothing would change.  
Bavaria couldn't answer through her frantic sobs, and Prussia just watched her in silence for a moment, as if he was waiting for a response that he wouldn't get. Then his gaze hardened again. "But that's not good enough, Bavaria," he said, still in that ice-cold, blood-chilling voice. "Regret doesn't turn back time. Regret doesn't bring her back to life." He ran his fingers through Bavaria's raven-black hair for a moment, sighing. "Rather than regretting your actions now, you should have thought before you shot her. You should have thought before you condemned her to death. She died slowly, Bavaria," he added, anger beginning to edge his voice again, and grief, too. "Brandenburg died a slow and painful death because of what you did to her."  
Bavaria whimpered at those words, shrinking back, distraught. Brandenburg gritted her teeth as she couldn't do anything but watch. Why would Prussia be so cruel to her? Couldn't he see that she was hurt, too? Didn't he care at all?  
But even when she tried to be angry at him for this, she just couldn't. She knew the pain he was in, the despair he was feeling over the loss of his wife. He just needed time. Once he had come to terms with all this, he would be himself again, she was certain of it.  
But her entire body ran cold, no, her very soul seemed to freeze over, when Prussia spoke again.  
"Your death won't be so slow, Bavaria," the kingdom said in a soft voice as he leant back a little, straightening his back. In the same instant as his grip on his sword tightened even more, a grin appeared on his lips and a dark light sparked in his red irises. "Although it will still hurt, of course."  
Confused and scared, Bavaria opened her tear-filled eyes and stared up at him. Barely a heartbeat later, Prussia thrust his sword into her chest.  
Brandenburg cried out, slapping her hands over her mouth as if she could even be heard by anyone, and closed her eyes. She was shaking all over as she heard her younger sister's agonised scream, followed by a ghastly gurgle, a whimper. Next there was the sound of metal sliding against stone, and she pictured Prussia twisting his sword inside Bavaria's chest before he pulled it out again.  
Then there was silence.  
Brandenburg opened her eyes again in time to see Prussia getting to his feet, staring down at Bavaria's motionless, blood-soaked body. "What goes around, comes around, Bavaria," he said in a quivering voice, tears in his eyes. "You took her life… so I take yours." Then he just stood there, silent.  
Desperately wishing she was just having a nightmare, Brandenburg watched the husband she loved so much. _Oh, Prussia,_ she said to him in silence. _Why?_

Suddenly Brandenburg saw movement in the corner of her eyes, and almost numbly, she turned to see Bavaria standing beside her own body, still looking frightened and in pain. The girl screamed for a moment, stumbled back as if she was still trying to get away from her attacker, but then she froze, her wide blue gaze fixed on Brandenburg.  
Feeling tears well up in her eyes, Brandenburg turned away from Prussia and met her sister's gaze. For a moment, Bavaria looked stunned, motionless and silent, but then tears sprang into her eyes also and she clenched her jaws tightly. For a few seconds, the two sisters just stood there like that, both shaking with emotions and tears rolling down their cheeks.  
Then, finally, Bavaria managed to speak. "B-Brandenburg…?" she choked out disbelievingly. "A-are you really…?" A sob broke from her lips then. "Oh God… B-Brand…"  
Suddenly she dashed forward, tackling her sister and swinging her arms around her as she cried out. "I'm so sorry!" she sobbed frantically. "I-I didn't know… I'm so sorry… I-I can't believe I…" She trailed off, unable to say anything else at that moment. The Bavarian pressed her face into the crook of Brandenburg's neck, holding her tightly and crying. " _I killed you…_!" she choked out eventually, sounding utterly disgusted with herself and terrified by the idea. "I-I know we… we'd been having some troubles lately…" the younger nation then went on, her voice shaky and feeble. "B-but you know I would never… R-right? Y-you do know that I…" She whimpered then and held Brandenburg even more tightly. "I-I love you, Brand! Y-you're my sister and… I love you…!"  
Brandenburg took a deep breath, trying not to cry also, but she began to feel as if that was a hopeless effort. "I love you too, little sis," she whispered. "It's okay. I promise you, it's okay. I shot you and you just tried to defend yourself. I-if it's anyone's fault, it's mine."  
Bavaria leant back in her sister's arms then, staring up at her wide-eyed. "No!" she choked out, confused and her voice full of indignation. "No, of course not! Y-you injured my leg, but I… You _died_ because of me!"  
A shrill screech alerted both nations, and the two sisters looked at to their sides. Prussia had still been standing over Bavaria's body, but he had now collapsed onto his knees, crouched on the grassy ground. His whole body shook as he cried and screamed again. Brandenburg had never seen someone look so heartbroken. Her breath caught in her throat when she saw Prussia move closer to Bavaria's body, stare at it for a few seconds, then reach out to it with shaking hands. Almost tentatively he picked her up, sat down on his knees and lifted her onto his lap much like he had held Brandenburg as she'd been dying.  
Both Brandenburg and Bavaria watched with bated breath as Prussia hugged Bavaria's body close, still crying frantically. "I'm so sorry," he choked out hoarsely, over and over. "I'm so, _so_ sorry…" He was trembling violently, his face half hidden by Bavaria's black hair, but what was visible was flushed and wet with tears. " _P-please forgive me…_ "  
Letting her own tears fall freely, Brandenburg whispered to her sister: "No… _I'm_ sorry." She sighed and closed her eyes, holding Bavaria close again. "If I hadn't died… I-if I hadn't told Prussia what had happened… mentioned your name…"  
But yet again, Bavaria shook her head, almost angrily so. "Don't you _dare_ apologise for the actions of a madman!" she scolded her sister fiercely, her eyes on Prussia, glaring furiously. "I know you love him and I know you've always seen good in him, but… but…!" A low growl rumbled in her throat then. "He's always been a sick-minded, violent man, and you know it."  
Immediately feeling defensive of her husband, even now, Brandenburg shook her head. "He's not," she protested calmly. "He's always been alone and afraid. Shunned and hated by everyone without any good reason." Her eyes trailed over to Prussia's sword, which lay in the grass beside him. The blade was red with blood, both Bavaria's and her soldiers'. Grief pricked in her chest like a giant needle piercing her heart. "Violence has always been his only means of survival… His skill in battle was the only thing people respected him for. N-no one truly cared about him or loved him unconditionally… until I did…" Realising this once again, Brandenburg felt sick at the thought that she was dead and he was now alone. She would always be with him, near him, but the only one who would ever benefit from it was herself, being able to watch over her beloved husband. Prussia would never know, would never feel her beside him or hear her as she talked to him.  
She had never wanted to think of herself that way, but she knew that she was the one person keeping him together, the one pillar that held up his entire world, and she had just slipped from his grasp.  
 _No wonder he was distraught enough to…_  
Brandenburg would never be able to look back on what she had just witnessed without feeling disgusted, terrified and angry, but she knew deep inside that she had already forgiven Prussia the moment he thrust his sword into Bavaria's chest. She would never understand fully, but she knew why he had done it, what had driven him to kill his cousin.  
It had been out of grief. And it had been out of love.  
After a moment of silence, broken only by Prussia's crying, Bavaria sighed. "I know I always said he didn't deserve you," she said to Brandenburg in a soft voice, "but that's not true… For all his flaws - and he has those in abundance - I know… I know he loved you more than anything. And I guess… I guess what he did just now was only proof of that."  
Brandenburg nodded, her arms still around her sister but her gaze resting on Prussia.  
"That's why, no matter what, I will never leave his side…"

* * *

 **So yeah. That's what happened. He just honestly got freaked out by what he'd done so badly...**

 **I hope it's not disappointing ^~^'**

 **Thanks for reading!**


	16. Chapter 16

**I hope the extra chapter last month made up for the long wait for this one a bit?**

 **I think that from here on, I will write snippets from what happens in Gil's life from here on. Major things, mostly, with likely some major time-skips too. I hope you will forgive me that. I know how I want to end this story, and it might well come sooner than expected. Well, story-wise, that is. I never expected to spend another year on a half-baked epilogue. Much as I loved writing Historical Hetalia and especially Prussia's story, my muse for this project has officially left me. And though I will keep my promise and write this story to its end, it will probably end up a bit of a mess to get to the ending I wrote months ago now.**

 **Oh well. I hope you don't mind. University is so much work, there's so much else going on, and more than three years down the line, this story seriously needs to end. I will do my best to make the ending at least somewhat satisfying!**

 **Thanks to everyone who still sticks with me and I'm sorry to disappoint (which I'm certain I do more often these days). I hope you'll like this chapter and whatever's still to come.**

* * *

"What's that supposed to mean? Of course a wedding should have a ball!"  
"Well, I'm sorry, Elizaveta, but this wedding is still _ours_ , and I'm not much of a dancer. Neither is Gil, as you yourself admitted just minutes ago."  
With an exasperated sigh, Hungary replied stiffly. "He actually did learn to waltz properly back in the day. Maybe not skilfully, no, but more than good enough."  
Gilbert just sat back and watched in silence, feeling a little helpless as Hungary and Larissa argued. Beside him, Gerard looked no better off, if more astonished than Gilbert was by it all. He had only met Hungary a day ago, and had an even harder time coming to terms with having met his second nation, third if you counted Gilbert, than Larissa had a few years ago. Unlike the young man, his sister had adjusted to that knowledge very well by now, and whenever a nation was mentioned or she met one for the first time, she just seemed to take it in stride and not make much of a fuss about it anymore.  
Hungary had almost immediately taken it upon herself to 'help' with planning the wedding when she had arrived, and both Gilbert and Larissa had been thankful for her help. That is, until Hungary began disagreeing with them on several ideas, the absence of dancing being only the most recent. And only minutes ago did it become apparent that the two women might well be evenly matched in their stubbornness. The ex-nation really had no clue who would win the argument in the end.  
But then Larissa sighed in annoyance much like Hungary had and looked at her with a blank stare. "Elizaveta, pray tell, when is the last time you've been to a wedding?"  
Hungary clearly immediately understood what she was trying to say and got red in the face. "That has nothing to do with this! The fact still stands that I've been to far more than you have, even more than Gilbert, and I know very well what weddings should be like."  
"No," Larissa said sternly, and Gilbert felt a jolt of pride for his fiancée as he realised she was winning the argument with this. Or, more accurately, she was bringing it to an end whilst refusing to submit to the nation's will. "Hungary, listen up. This is _our_ wedding. Our modern, _twentieth-century_ , _non-royal_ wedding, which is not required to include a 'ball'. We can do with it what we like. And since we both don't like dancing, there is no reason for us to do so at our wedding. Definitely no _waltz_. Doesn't mean there won't be music and an opportunity for others to dance if they want to, but some silly, outdated tradition such as the newlyweds having the first dance is something I will _not_ tolerate."  
Much to Gilbert's surprise, although of course she wasn't actually left with much of a choice, Hungary conceded after this with about as much resistance as grace. "Fine, have it your way. You're right that it's your wedding and your choice, after all, even if I don't like to agree very much."  
Larissa nodded, satisfied with the answer, then added that they would still appreciate her help, but to make suggestions more than decisions. And with that, the discussion was finished, and the two women looked almost as if they had already forgotten that there had even been an argument to begin with.  
But then, as the completely unexpected icing on the cake, Hungary even went as far as to apologise, leaving Gilbert to stare at the two with his mouth ajar in shock.  
"Well, I'm sorry if I can be a bit too adamant on things sometimes," Hungary said with a bit of laughter. "I suppose you could, though only in this situation, almost consider me to be Gilbert's mother, after all! At least I'm probably the closest he's ever had to one." Much as the idea disturbed him, the albino had to agree. A friend and occasionally almost a sister was what Hungary had been to him most of his life, and yes, they'd had their time as lovers, also, but Hungary had definitely had her moments that could very well be described as 'motherly' with him more than once, too.  
Gilbert was still not fully recovered from his shock when both women suddenly looked at him and Gerard with a look of confusion. He knew that Larissa asked something, but he wasn't sure what.  
Thankfully, Gerard took care of that for him by answering. "Well, sis, I love you, but…" The young man laughed sheepishly. "Sometimes you can be almost scary. It's impressive and terrifying at the same time." Then, with a grin, he added: "I'm proud of you."  
When next Gilbert was the sole target for the questioning looks, he just pointed to Gerard. "What he said."  
At this, both Hungary and Larissa laughed, and Gilbert let slip a chuckle also. When they quieted down moments later, Hungary sighed, still grinning. "Well," she began, turning to Gilbert. "I took the liberty to make an actual schedule of nations' availability the coming months, for as far as I was able to, of course." She took a sheet of paper from the shoulder bag she had hanging from the back of her chair and slid it over to the ex-nation. "I hope you don't mind that I went through your notes on that - do you make notes like that for your research, too? However do you keep track of information like that? Either way, I hope this will be of some help to you."  
Before she had even voiced her 'apology', Gilbert had with one look already decided that her going through his notes had been the best thing she could have possibly done. Usually he was very good at keeping things under control, easy to keep track of and easy handle, but between work, planning a wedding and life in general, his ability for this and many other things had sadly left him. By now he could probably have kissed his job goodbye if it hadn't been for Adam. Then again, that was more than likely an exaggeration. Even so, Adam was a massive help on the work front, and he honestly didn't know what he would have done without him. Larissa's family were basically the only ones even enabling this wedding at the moment, because without their aid, they likely would never find the time to get around to everything that needed to be done. That Hungary joined in the effort now was very welcome, too. The legal aspects were all up to Gilbert and Larissa to deal with, though, which was more of a hassle than either of them had imagined.  
"Lizzie, this is amazing," the ex-nation said with a sigh of relief. "You're amazing. Have I told you that before? Surely I have."  
"Only a few times so far," the Hungarian replied, smiling. "I'm glad to be of help. You look like you need it."  
Larissa abruptly got up from the table at that moment, looking everything but pleased. "Yes, about that," she mumbled grumpily. "Much as I would love to spend more time on this - God knows I want to get this over with soon - I do have some fifty pages to translate due by tomorrow night. I should probably get around to that before nightfall, too."  
Gilbert wished her luck as he watched her go and promised to bring up some coffee soon. Then he turned to Hungary, who met his gaze with a tiny smile.  
When the Hungarian hummed questioningly, Gilbert deadpanned: "But seriously. No dancing."  
"… _Fine._ "

* * *

With the outside help they received, slowly the wedding plans were being finalised. The date was set on 10 February 1998. It would be a relatively small celebration with not many people, but the ones who would be there would be the most important people, anyway. For Larissa, it would be her parents, brother, grandparents and a number of friends, and a woman named Ida, whom she had been close friends with since primary school, would be her Maid of Honour. Gilbert had known her for a few years by now, too, and was glad to know that she was as capable as Hungary when it came to arranging things, but not as stubborn in defying her friend's wishes. She had in fact once toyed with the idea of becoming a professional wedding planner. Sure came in handy now.  
Gilbert would naturally have his family there, too, with the exception of Switzerland and Liechtenstein, who had in fact been invited as a formality, but had declined, as expected. They had, however, sent their heartfelt congratulations to their cousin and his fiancée. Besides Germany, Austria and the Benelux, there would be Hungary, Scotland, Italy Veneziano, Adam and Benjamin. Others like Spain and France couldn't make it, but that was all right. At least the people who meant most to both of them would be there.  
Meanwhile, Nation Biology was slowly but steadily gaining ground, much to Gilbert's pride. The ex-nation had by now given instructions at the UN and the EU, and would continue to visit international gatherings like those to spread his knowledge where needed. There were vague plans for him and Adam to give a lecture at the start of or prior to the next Olympics, but nothing definitive yet; it was more the exception than the rule for nations to be there in person for the duration of the games.  
When it came to active research, the economic situations in some countries made for great research opportunities; while it was difficult to get clear answers on the relation between the concept of economy and the physical health of nations, progress was being made. The next question would be whether or not anything could be done about economy-induced illness, something which Gilbert very much doubted going by his own past experience, but that was an issue for another time.  
The duo had also revisited Gilbert's first subject of restorative abilities. They had delved deeper into disabilities in nations, with help from Wales, Scotland and Austria. The latter had admitted, not for the first time, that in both World Wars he had been all too glad to use his once-shattered legs and the 'lingering damage' as an excuse not to fight. Sure enough, traces of Prussia's assault on his cousin more than two centuries ago remained, but even in the Napoleonic Wars, Austria had in fact fought in a handful of battles. Nothing that his leaders in the past century's wars had needed to know, of course.  
All three nations had over time recovered more from their respective injuries than expected, which had all been inflicted by fellow nations and should, by all accounts, have been permanent. It made Gilbert change his age-old hypothesis that nations were as vulnerable as a human when faced with one of their own kind, and it was one of the rare instances when he dreaded not being a nation anymore; he would have jumped at the chance to research his own apparent lack of symptoms related to his albinism over the course of his life. He and Adam had in fact talked about researching Gilbert at some point, too, in order to find out more about the concept of ex-nations. All they knew now was that Gilbert aged like a human, while retaining some minor traces of his heightened restorative abilities and a slightly stronger immune system than the average human's.  
But all that would have to wait. Time enough for that after February.

* * *

"I can't believe you're actually getting married tomorrow, laddie!"  
Gilbert gasped for breath when Scotland held him in a tight embrace and gave him a pat on the shoulder - at least, it was probably meant to be a gentle pat rather than the oxygen-robbing wallop that it was. Even so, he couldn't help but chuckle. "I'm struggling to process it myself, actually," he admitted when finally his friend let go of him again.  
Scotland was positively beaming when he looked down at the ex-nation. "Well, you'd better get 'round to it before tomorrow!" The old Kingdom then looked aside to the table, where some of Gilbert's guests had already gathered. "Good to see all of you again, too. Although, I don't believe we've met yet, have we?" he added to Benjamin, walking toward the ever so slightly overwhelmed man.  
Ben was clearly trying hard to hide his awe when Scotland introduced himself in his best German. But despite already knowing Germany, Austria, Hungary and Netherlands, meeting Scotland, Belgium and Luxembourg in the span of two hours was proving to be a bit much for the young man to handle. Even so, he kept himself pretty well composed in his reply to the Scot.  
Adam was a lot more relaxed than Benjamin: due to working alongside Gilbert, he had already met more nations than their friend had, and he had actually worked directly with Scotland not too long ago. They got along fairly well. But then, Scotland was the type to get along with everyone until proven otherwise, and Adam wasn't much different from that.  
Gilbert just smiled as he regarded the small assembly of his friends and family. It didn't happen often that almost everyone he cared about gathered in one place, UN or EU meetings notwithstanding, and he counted himself lucky that there was barely any chance of arguments or fights breaking out among these people. If they weren't actually each other's friends, then at least all of them could tolerate one another well enough to hold friendly conversations and keep the mood light and pleasant.  
Meanwhile, Luxembourg let out a sigh, smiling also. "I must admit, it's nice to be here without the prospect of being used as a guinea pig for a change."  
To this, while taking his own seat at the rather crowded table, Gilbert just rolled his eyes. "Well, it's not like anyone forces you to help us out. And besides, we're nearing the point where we have the budget to even start paying people for their cooperation. Keep this up and you'll have an extra source of income soon."  
"I'll keep you to that!" Belgium said with a wink. "Assuming that's the same for everyone."  
Hungary grunted opposite of her. "Why are we talking about work?" she complained, though the twinkle in her eyes betrayed her joy. "Gil's getting married tomorrow! We should be celebrating, not holding a conference for Beilschmidt and Grünberg's Guinea Pigs!"  
Sliding his chair back, Gilbert shook his head amusedly. "Fine, fine, I'll whip out some more beer." Except before he could even get up, a hand on his back slammed his shoulders down onto the table and held him down.  
"You're not going anywhere, laddie," Scotland said with a bit of laughter. Meanwhile, Germany got up and went into the kitchen instead. "We can't let you out of our sight anymore now."  
A few people, including Gilbert himself, looked a bit confused at this, but Austria soon clarified. "You're now officially fifteen hours away from the start of your wedding ceremony. Last time you were this close to getting married, you stole a stash of food, water and wine from the kitchens and locked yourself in your chamber in hopes of avoiding it. We only just about managed to prevent a crisis, and we seriously can't have you do that to poor Larissa like you did to Brandenburg."  
Adam laughed loudly at this. "He was like that?" he spluttered to Austria, trying to quiet himself down more. Then, turning to Gilbert, he gave his friend a shove. "You utter drama king!"  
Hungary hummed and added to it: "Roderich told me that Gil was spouting some nonsense about the Four Horsemen and pretended that it was the Apocalypse."  
"Please tell me you won't be a baby about having to kiss your bride tomorrow," Netherlands dead-panned with a blank stare in his cousin's direction. "Honestly, I'm still surprised Brandenburg didn't punch you for your behaviour that day." Then, with a spark in his eyes and his mouth twitching into a grin, he added: "She did, didn't she?"  
Gilbert shrugged, also unable to not smile fondly at the memories. "Sometime between the ceremony and the dance, yes." He glanced at Brandenburg, who stood between Austria and Hungary and was giggling at what everyone was reminiscing on. "But this time I'm marrying out of my own volition. So while I hope that the marriage as a whole will be at least as good as what I had with Brand, I'm confident that the wedding at least will be better."  
"It had better be," Brandenburg put in sternly. "If I hadn't been as unwilling to marry as you were at the time, I would have declared that day ruined. As it stands, you're lucky we can both look back on it fondly and laugh about it."  
Hard to deny the truth in that statement. But Gilbert told her in silence that there was no need to worry about that. _I have no intention of breaking Larissa's heart. Knowing her, she might try to break my teeth as compensation._  
Brandenburg held his gaze directly now, warm but hard. "She is a blessing to you, my love. And while I would never want to be replaced - and I'm happy to know you think I could never be - I am overjoyed to see you have moved on. I know I've said this before, but now that it's happening… Just know that I will be there tomorrow, and I will be smiling through every second of it. And I shall keep doing so for the rest of your lives together." She smiled gently as she added: "And when the time comes for you both to join me here, I only hope she will be as welcoming to me as I am and shall be to her. But going by your past conversations about me, I hardly think there's need for worry."  
Gilbert barely had the chance to answer that he hoped so, too, when he got pinched in his shoulder. Flinching, he turned to see Adam leaning over the table to him. "Well, took you long enough," his friend scolded him. "You were spacing out. Again. Are you sure you don't want to have that checked?"  
Germany, with a knowing look in his eyes, shrugged as he set down a crate of beer bottles and started handing them out. "He's been like that for about as long as I've known him." As he sat down again, he glanced at his brother. "Thinking may be his strong suit, but he's always had this knack to start doing it at the worst times." Though he said this, the look he gave Gilbert said otherwise. _Not everyone needs to know about your thing with ghosts. I've got your back, but be a little more careful._  
Grateful for his effort, Gilbert couldn't help but sigh. He could see Germany's point, but he wished he could just have the freedom to talk to Brandenburg or any of the others whenever he wanted.  
"No kidding," Benjamin huffed. "And you're certain it's a good idea to give him alcohol on the night before his wedding? At this rate, he'll spend all of tomorrow spaced out, pondering Nation Biology and the meaning of life."  
"Oh, no need to ponder any of that," Gilbert assured him jokingly. "Life is about finding your purpose and your place in the world. Nation Biology has given me purpose. My place in this world, as I've come to understand, is between humans and nations, and right beside Larissa soon-to-be-Beilschmidt. I've got it all figured out here, no worries."  
Scotland looked a little surprised at one part of that comment. "So you don't see yourself as a human, then?" he asked with a curious flicker in his gaze.  
Gilbert shrugged. "Fact is, I'm not. Not entirely. But without the immortality and any connection to land, people, politics or economy, I can hardly say I'm still a nation instead, can I? It's a bitch to figure it all out, really." Having said that, he flipped the lid of the bottle of beer in front of him and took a large gulp from it. He sighed. "I'm not particularly fond of not knowing the details, though. So I guess I'll just try and try again, and maybe I'll be able to finally have certainty someday. But whatever this is, I'm content with it. Life as a nation has never been all that pleasant to me, but so far, this hasn't at all been bad."  
"Yes, and I think I can tell you why," Austria commented flatly, though the look he gave his cousin showed some form of amusement. He raised fingers to count along as he listed off all the reasons he could think off. "There's been no war that you've been involved in in quite a while, you've been reunited with Ludwig only shortly before all this started and were probably still happy about that, it must be nice to not feel like a zombie anymore after your economy treated you so badly immediately after the Reunification, you finally got the chance to spend your time studying - which you've been wanting to do for how many centuries now? - and basically started over with a clean slate, seeing as not many people you now see daily didn't know you as Prussia or East Germany." The nation shrugged at this and added coolly: "And especially that last part must have felt like a blessing to you, considering most nations had little to no tolerance for you."  
It was silent after this calm observation, which Austria had brought quite matter-of-factly, and everyone, nation, human and in-between, stared at him. It was only when Adam spoke up that others seemed to move or even breathe again, too.  
"Dude," Adam muttered to Austria. "Bit harsh, maybe?"  
Out of the blue, Gilbert started grinning. He didn't know whether it was because of how calm Austria had said all that or that Adam was actually defensive of his friend over this, but either way, it was amusing. "Well, even if it may have been a bit harsh, it's most definitely also true. Antagonising people, whether I wanted to or not, has always been one of my greatest talents, second only to warfare!"  
"Oh, no," Hungary immediately countered. "Antagonising others was number one. By a landslide."  
Still grinning, the ex-nation turned to look at her. "Love you too, Lizzie."  
Benjamin hummed, seemingly impressed. "So how'd you manage _that_?"  
Again, Gilbert shrugged. "I was quite arrogant sometimes."  
"All the time," Austria corrected him.  
"And bossy," added Netherlands calmly.  
Hungary sighed. "Violent."  
Belgium grimaced for only a moment. " _Rude._ "  
"An insufferable prick," Luxembourg added with a serious nod.  
"Intolerant of others, too," Scotland admitted almost reluctantly.  
After this list, everyone, including Gilbert himself, turned to look at Germany, waiting for his say in this. The young nation looked flustered for a split second, but then he shrugged. "All of the above. No offense of course, brother, but you were… difficult."  
Gilbert could only laugh for a moment. "Really? That's all?" he choked out, trying to suppress his laughter enough to speak. "My wedding day is _tomorrow_ , guys; no need to be so generous right now!"  
He almost regretted saying that, because Hungary took up the offer all too willingly. She even went so far as to stand up from her chair and lean on the table with both hands, looking straight at the albino. She took a deep breath in preparation, then began the onslaught. "You were the most annoying, _stubborn_ , confusing, aggravating, incomprehensible, _stubborn_ , arrogant, impolite, infuriatingly _stubborn_ guy I've ever met! Always pretending to be all high and mighty when you were really just this insecure man, desperate to be accepted by literally _anyone_ , but _no_ , admitting to that would have been a show of weakness! So instead you acted like you ruled the world and everyone in it and were the best thing to ever happen to this planet. And have I mentioned yet how utterly, exasperatingly _stubborn_ you always were? I swear to God, Gil, you-!"  
"Okay, okay, enough!" Gilbert interrupted her, laughing for the lack of a better response. "We get the picture. Thanks."  
"But I'm not done!" Hungary protested, staring down at him indignantly. "I don't think I've ever known anyone else who made it as hard to like them as you did. Truly, I wanted to be your friend, but you made it so _difficult_ , I was ready to give up more than once!"  
Just when Gilbert was beginning to wonder where she was going with this, her tone shifted. "So, with all that in hindsight, I just want to say that you've come so damn far since then. Letting people in, allowing yourself some so-called weakness every once in a while, actually making an effort to be a kind, likable person… I'm proud of you, Gil. I am truly and honestly proud that you turned yourself around like that. And hey, even if it took you some seven centuries and then some… Better late than never, right?"  
Stunned silent, Gilbert just stared at her. He was lost for words after all that. Brandenburg, now by his side, leant in closer to him. "She is right. And you should be proud of yourself, too. Not many people manage to change themselves as drastically as you have, especially if it's for the better."  
Getting a little flustered from all the praise, which he hadn't quite expected to receive tonight, Gilbert just resorted to sipping from his drink again. He nearly managed to choke on that, coughed, then stammered that maybe they could change the subject now?  
For this, Scotland just laughed and gave him a firm pat on the back. "What, can't handle it when people are actually speaking positively about you? Sorry to say, lad, but if that's the case, you might not want to get married. That's, like, the one way to be sure you will always have someone to speak highly of you." He pondered that for a moment, then added pensively: "Unless you mess it up, of course. Then you'll have a new enemy."  
Gilbert gave him a shove for this. "That's something I'm not planning to do."  
After that, thankfully, the subject changed indeed. Everyone simply had a good time, poked fun at one another and laughed together, even more so than Gilbert had even thought possible.

And as he looked at everyone at the table whilst thinking about tomorrow and all the days still to come, he still could not believe his luck. For so long he had believed his life would never be any better than it had once been, that his best chance was to put up with it and convince himself that his life was fine as it was and to never hope for more. For a brief period of time, not too long ago, he had given up on life altogether, convinced that he had reached the end of it and those fears of the past had been justified.  
Now he saw that life really _could_ be beautiful, and that in the end, he had received so much more than he could have ever hoped for. Friends and family he loved who loved them back, a job he gladly spent his days on and was proud of, and just hours from now…  
Just hours from now he would even have a marriage again, a self-chosen one, no doubt a good one. Better yet, a marriage his long-deceased beloved Brandenburg approved of.  
If this, all of this, was what he'd had to wait for and suffer for all those centuries, then it was worth all the pain he had been put through. It was worth all of that and so much more.  
His happiness had lasted long enough now that he truly believed it would stay this time around.

* * *

 **So that's it for this chapter. In spite of everything, I hope it's at least good to see Gilbert enjoying life for a change?**

 **Thank you for reading!**


	17. Chapter 17

**So guess what? I'm actually still alive. And I'm back with another chapter.  
Now I didn't think I would be doing this so soon (and I'm not talking about having been MIA for almost two months, of course) but I did. Because I could.**

 **I hope you'll like it! Oh, and happy 2019 of course.**

* * *

"Brother, please. I think you might be wasting your time with this." Germany sighed, although he did hold out his arm for his elder brother to draw some blood for tests.  
Gilbert refused to listen. "It's not every day that multiple countries adopt a new and common currency," he argued stubbornly, checking over his needle one more time before he tried to find a good spot in his brother's veins. Not too difficult, thankfully; he'd never had trouble drawing blood from Germany before, unlike some countries and humans, who had veins who just loved to play hide and seek and the most inopportune moments.  
"I'm sorry, Ludwig, but I'm not going to pass up this opportunity," the albino said with a smile as he carefully slid his needle into the nation's arm. "I just wish all the others could be here in person so that I could ensure all goes well." As it stood, multiple nations who had officially adopted the new currency called the euro just days ago would have some blood extracted by local doctors instead of Gilbert or Adam. The blood would be sent to this lab as soon as possible with all the precautions needed to preserve it for research by the world's two only official nation biologists, and Gilbert knew from experience now that this shouldn't be a problem at all. Still, he considered the situation less than ideal, although he knew he could hardly expect nations to always come to Berlin to help him out.  
"You know it might be better if more people would learn Nation Biology?" Germany suggested with a one-arm shrug. "Maybe a few people in different countries around the world. It's already tough for you and Adam to manage Europe on your own, but how many experiments have you been able to do with nations from Asia, Africa or the Americas?"  
Gilbert shook his head with a soft sigh. "I can only hope we'll one day get to that point." Just the thought made his heart pound in excitement mingled with slight disappointment and even anxiety. How wonderful it would be if his work could really grow to be successful like that. But he feared it might never reach that point; Nation Biology was and would always be a very niche-market, so to speak.  
For all his love for this work, Gilbert had never made himself the illusion that knowing how nations' bodies work was even equally important to knowing the workings of the human body. Knowledge of human biology had often proved itself sufficient to be applied to nations as well. Only a number of rare situations would require deeper knowledge of the inner workings of nations. He knew for a fact that the work he did was not useless, but he also knew that the people who wanted to be their most useful to society, which was an ambition many aspiring biologists and doctors shared, would not choose to focus their studies on something like Nation Biology.  
Even so, since the start of this academic year in September 1998, Nation Biology had become an official course in the university Gilbert worked at. It wasn't mandatory to follow for any student, but for second- and third year biology students, it was an optional course. Gilbert and Adam split their time teaching, and even Benjamin had helped out once, being the third most knowledgeable person when it came to this field.  
"We are slowly gaining ground," Gilbert mused, half in response to Germany's suggestion. "But I doubt we'll ever reach the point where people all over the world will have studied all of this."  
When Germany just hummed, Gilbert flashed him a brief smirk. "But do tell me, little bro," he began with a hint of a chuckle. "Why would you say that I wouldn't get anywhere with this?"  
Germany shrugged. "Because you're looking for things that likely aren't there; I feel absolutely fine. No different from a week ago. No different from two weeks ago."  
Gilbert chuckled some more and shook his head, amused with his little brother's stubbornness. Even if he felt fine, that didn't mean there was nothing to be gained from this. And even if there was really no physical effects to be found from this whole EU-wide change in currency, that too would be valuable information. Germany was just not too keen on doing this right now.  
Just as Gilbert finished up making notes to accompany the two doses of blood for further testing, the phone started ringing. He put his pen down and picked up, wondering only for a moment who would be calling him before he heard Larissa's voice. Despite his confusion over her calling at this time, he smiled.  
But when he heard the tremor in his wife's voice, his heart skipped a beat. "Gilbert?" she began, sounding anxious. "I know you're still working, and I don't mean to make you drop everything for this, but… Well, could you please make sure to be home as soon as you can?"  
Just listening to her like this got the ex-nation nervous, too. "Of course I will. What's wrong?"  
He could practically hear her shaking her head. "Not over the phone. Please." Just when this sent another shockwave of worry through Gilbert, she added: "It's not… It's not _bad_ , not per se, but we… We do need to talk this out. Soon."  
His mind reeling over what might be going on, Gilbert nodded. "Of course. No, I'm nearly done here, so I'll be home in an hour or so. Less, if I can." Larissa sounded grateful about this, relieved. She finished up by telling him not to rush now and mess up his work over it, that it was fine, truly, but they just needed to sit down and talk about something. When Gilbert put the phone down, those words were still echoing in his head. He wanted to believe her, but the anxious shiver in her voice had not said the same thing her words had, and that made it all the more difficult not to worry.  
By now, Germany was looking at him with a curious, concerned look. "Is something the matter?"  
Gilbert shook his head and shrugged. "I don't know," he sighed, trying to push this aside for the moment. Worrying and not finishing up his job here correctly would not make anything better. "She wouldn't say, except that she wants me to come home as soon as I can to talk about something."  
Germany gave him a firm pat on the shoulder. "In that case, if there's anything I can do to help you finish up as quick as you can, just say the word."  
With a smile, Gilbert just put an arm around him for a brief moment. "Thanks, Ludwig. But all I _need_ to do right now is store this properly so we won't have to do a repeat tomorrow." As he said this, he was already moving to do just that, and Germany just grimaced at the thought of doing this again within the same week.

* * *

It felt as if Gilbert's heart was beating in his throat by the time he came home and announced his arrival. Larissa called back to him that she was at the kitchen table, so that's where he went. Larissa was already sitting there, a cup of tea in her own hand and a mug with coffee waiting for Gilbert. She smiled as he came in, and the sight of that brought a smile to his own face, too. Contrary to that phone call, this setting didn't give him such a sense of dread anymore and calmed his nerves.  
"Well, as I promised," the ex-nation said as he sat down, "I came as soon as I could."  
Larissa smiled wider for just a moment. "And I'm glad you did." But the moment Gilbert picked up his coffee, she stopped him hastily. "You might want to wait with that. Splash risk and all that." She grinned as she said this, lightening the mood that she had just made heavier again with that action.  
Gilbert set down his mug again, impatient now. "So what's the matter?" he asked, anxious for answers now.  
In response, Larissa fidgeted for a moment, looking down at the table. "Well… We need to seriously look over some plans we made for the coming year. Finances, too. Just... revise some things."  
And why would they do that? They didn't have that many plans, and what they had was fine. They didn't have financial problems and no threat of any, either. Well, not that he knew of, anyway. Not unless either of them lost their job, and even then they would be fine for a little while to come. Was that what she was referring to with this? He couldn't imagine it: she was a very good translator and the company she worked for had always been pleased with her work.  
But no. No, it turned out to be none of that. Larissa took something out from under the table and put it down right under Gilbert's nose. The moment he laid eyes on that object, his heart seemed to stop altogether. "We do need some revision," Larissa said again, a little more pressing now. "We never considered the possibility of having to take another person into account."  
Never considered the possibility. No, they sure hadn't. Gilbert had always thought, just as an assumption, that him being an ex-nation meant that it was simply impossible for him and Larissa to ever have a child together. Well. Maybe this meant he shouldn't jump to conclusions that quickly.  
"Oh, sweetheart…!"  
It took everything Gilbert had not to turn and look at Brandenburg behind him when she said this. A moment later, he didn't even need to. Brandenburg walked past him to Larissa's side, looking as if she could burst with joy. She had never looked this disappointed that she was unable to give the other woman a hug. "Larissa, this is wonderful! Congratulations, sweetie. I promise I'll help as best as I can! Well… No, no, we'll find a way." Then she turned to look at Gilbert again, her eyes shining. The ex-nation thought he could see some faint shimmer of tears as well. "Prussia… My love, I'm so happy for you."  
Gilbert wanted to reply. Really, he did. He just couldn't even formulate any coherent thoughts.  
Of course, Larissa just had to ask him a question at that moment. "So… What do you think?"  
He felt as if his answer was given on auto-pilot. "So that's one part of me that we know is human now…" he mused, literally the first thing on his mind that instant.  
After that, both Larissa and Brandenburg were silent, staring at him in shock. The look in their eyes was so similar that Gilbert momentarily could not believe that Larissa wasn't aware of Brandenburg standing by her side. But then Larissa started laughing, causing Brandenburg to turn her shocked stare to the young woman instead.  
"Really?" she choked out. "I mean, _really?_ I tell you I'm pregnant, and this is your initial reaction?" She laughed a bit more, but her laughter soon slowed down and changed its tone. It took Gilbert only a few seconds to realise she had started crying instead. He got up, went to her side and took her into his arms.  
"It's okay."  
"It's terrifying," Larissa sobbed in response as she pressed her face into his shoulder.  
But Gilbert shook his head and held her tighter. "Yes. It is. And it's also wonderful. And I… I'm just happy. Extremely happy. And I hope you are too."  
To his relief, Larissa nodded against his shoulder, though she was still crying. "I am happy," she choked out. "I am. But… also scared."  
Forcing his own pounding heart to calm down, Gilbert smiled warmly and got onto his knees instead, looking up at her. Meeting his gaze, Larissa was smiling with tears going down her cheeks. The ex-nation didn't say anything, just held her hands and then stretched up to kiss her. Kneeling back down, he held her gaze as calmly as he could. "All will be fine," he promised her. Then, with a brief chuckle, he added: "I hear being scared is so natural, there might be something wrong with us if we weren't."  
Larissa managed a bit of a laugh again, too. "I guess I'm not the only one who's scared, huh?"  
"Absolutely petrified."  
Brandenburg took a step back at this, watching them quietly as Larissa got off her chair and onto her knees also, wrapping her arms around her husband's neck and holding him close.

* * *

"You're pregnant?" Germany looked as astonished as Larissa's parents had the day before. Actually, probably even more so. His eyes looked ready to pop out of his skull for just a moment, before he blinked and recollected himself. "So that's… great."  
"Such enthusiasm," Larissa replied a little stiffly, though the ever remaining warmth in her gaze made it clear that she didn't take any offence.  
Germany still apologised, though, not trying to hide his astonishment anymore. "I'm just… confused," he said with a sigh. Looking at his brother now, he elaborated on that: "I thought you'd proven that it was impossible for this to happen…?"  
Gilbert shrugged. "Not a nation anymore? I'm not entirely sure how it works either." Then he nudged his younger brother, smiling wide, unable to contain his happiness. "But are you going to be happy about this or not? You're going to be an uncle, you know!"  
This managed to get a brief flash of a smile from the nation. "Now that you mention it…" Then he shook his head. "No, I… I _am_ really happy for you both. But also… really confused."  
Larissa sat back with a grin on her lips. "How do you think I feel? Aside from a tad nauseated, of course." Then, with a sigh, she slid sideward to lean on her husband's shoulder. "And tired… I swear to you, this is a much better explanation for how I've been feeling the past two weeks than the flu."  
Gilbert just put an arm around her, enjoying the moment. "You know," he said eventually. "I really do wish you could get through this without all the discomforts, but at least there's one source of discomfort that you won't be bothered by anymore for another eight months."  
At this, Larissa only snorted. "Honestly, I have yet to see which is worse. Although if I have to believe my mother, I will have a hellish summer this year."  
With a sympathetic smile to his sister-in-law, Germany said he could only imagine pregnancy to be quite uncomfortable in the first place, let alone in the middle of a warm summer. "Honestly, I'm glad I'll never know what it's like."  
"Oh no, it's great," Larissa protested, sitting up straight. "That is, the idea that I'm in the process of creating a whole new mini-human right now is… pretty awesome. It's just that I could do without the tiredness, nausea and hunger and then some. And I'm not entirely looking forward to this child growing. Not yet, anyway."  
"You know what I'm looking forward to?" Gilbert said with a sigh. "Reorganising the house so we'll have a proper nursery. Because we could definitely do with refurnishing the storage room to be an office and the office to be a bedroom. Or keep the office and make the storage room a nursery instead. You know… Changing everything."  
Larissa's expression grew more exasperated with the word, and she too let out a long sigh when Gilbert finished his speech. "Let's just, please, get around to it before I'm too far along and my mobility has been halved or so."  
After listening to all of that whilst observing quietly, Germany laughed, amused. "Well, sounds like you've got everything under control," he teased them both with a grin. His grin faded into a warmer smile then as he added: "But if you need any help, just give me a call. And when the time comes, I'll be happy to look after my little nephew or niece when you two want a few hours off."  
They all agreed that those last words sounded both incredibly weird as of yet, and wonderfully amazing.

* * *

Eventually, when their shock faded a bit, Gilbert and Larissa managed to get everything back on track and running smoothly. Larissa got permission to work at home more often if necessary and Gilbert changed some plans to ensure he wouldn't be at the other side of the world on the day he officially became a father. And that idea became more natural as the weeks passed, too, though no less wondrous. In fact, the first time he saw an ultrasound of the child, all of it only became more amazing.  
Initially they had thought they wanted the full surprise package - unexpected pregnancy and unknown gender - but when given the chance to find out what their child would be, they were all too happy to know they were having a daughter.  
Brandenburg was no less excited about it than Gilbert and Larissa were. At first Gilbert had doubted any possibility of involvement from her part, though he had welcomed the idea, but soon enough he realised how wrong he was about that. Strangely.

Deep in the night, Gilbert was only a hair away from sleep, which was made a little difficult to achieve with Larissa tossing beside him. He couldn't begrudge her this, though, even if it was the fourth night in a row; he knew she was far more uncomfortable than he was.  
"Gil, please," she groaned, sounding exhausted and entirely fed up with her lack of sleep. "Tell your daughter to stop using her mother as a punching bag. Especially in the middle of the night."  
Despite himself, Gilbert couldn't help but smirk at those words. "She's taking after her dad. Little firecracker we've got there."  
"I'm being serious."  
The ex-nation was about to roll over and do, well, something, but Brandenburg's soft voice stopped him. "I've got it. Just try to sleep." After that, he was vaguely aware of her sitting down beside Larissa. "It's okay, little one," she began in a calm voice. "You just want to hear a voice that isn't tired and cranky, don't you? But you see, the thing is, your parents _are_ really tired, and being tired can make people cranky. They really, really love you, but they also need their sleep. So how about we do this: I will talk to you, or sing you a little song, and you will stop punching and kicking your mommy. Okay?"  
Gilbert was smiling through it all, his heart feeling all warm just listening to it. But then Brandenburg directed her attention to him instead. "I think she might want some attention from you, too. Come, just put your hand on your wife's belly and let your daughter know you're there." Gilbert followed orders quietly, rolling over and doing exactly as he was told. Poor Larissa. Even he felt the squirming inside her belly at that moment. A little firecracker indeed. He was already looking forward to meeting her. All the trouble she would get into. All the wonderful moments they had yet to share.  
"There. Feel that, little one? Daddy's right there. And just like mommy, he's really tired and wants to sleep. So do you think you can calm down and let them get their rest now?" Brandenburg's voice was still calm and warm, soothing even to Gilbert. He wished Larissa could hear it, too, and be calmed down right along with her husband and daughter, who, admittedly against Gilbert's expectations, did settle down as Brandenburg spoke to her.  
 _You're amazing, Brand,_ Gilbert said in silence as he felt Larissa's breathing grow deeper and more rhythmic as she drifted into sleep now that she was finally able to. _Thank you. We're lucky to have you. And little Firecracker is lucky to have a second mom like you.  
_ The brief silence that followed told Gilbert exactly what Brandenburg felt over that comment. He could picture her smile as if he was looking directly at her. Then: "You really need to start thinking of a proper name for her, you know."  
 _Sure. But until we've decided on something, Firecracker it is._

* * *

"Gil. Gil, calm down." Hungary looked both amused and annoyed with her friend as the ex-nation wouldn't stop worrying. With a grin, the Hungarian gave him a pat on the back. "You'll be here for one week and then you'll be home with three weeks to spare. All will be fine, so stop stressing."  
"And what if it's not fine?" Gilbert countered, his heart racing in his chest. "What if she decides that thirty-six weeks are long enough? Which, mind you, it is _not_. Not if you want more than the bare minimum needed to hopefully survive, that is." He sighed deeply, trying to calm himself down. Arabel had been an energetic one at least for as long as Larissa had been able to feel her movements. Gilbert wouldn't put it past his daughter to decide that she didn't have the patience to wait another month to be born. Honestly, even if it would take another month - hopefully it would - Gilbert wanted to be home right now either way. For once in his life, he desperately wished he didn't have to work, especially if it meant being at the UN once again. It had been the only way for him to be home when his daughter was to be born, though, so he'd really had no choice. By the end of this week, Adam would go abroad in his stead, giving a series of lectures in the UK, then in the Netherlands, Belgium and lastly in Austria. Gilbert would actually prefer not to miss any of that, had it not interfered with likely the most important day of his century, if not his life.  
His only consolation that he had to be here now, was the knowledge that Larissa had both a friend and her mother looking after her while he was away.  
"Hey guys!"  
Gilbert nearly jumped when he heard a voice behind him. America was there, with Japan and England. The American was grinning wide as he came their way. "Didn't expect to see the two of you here. Or at least not without Germany and Austria." His gaze landed on Gilbert, and his grin faded. "What are you looking so glum about?"  
Hungary smirked and gave the ex-nation a firm pat on the back. "He's just worried that his daughter won't wait for him."  
England and Japan just gave Gilbert sympathetic smiles as they joined him and Hungary where they sat, but America remained standing, staring wide-eyed at the albino, his mouth open.  
"Uh, what?" he choked out eventually. "Something else you forgot to tell me? Daughter? When did this happen?"  
Gilbert smiled sheepishly, feeling again that mixture of pride, a strange sense of embarassment and lingering disbelief when telling people for the first time. "About eight months ago. And considering what she has been like so far, I really wouldn't put it past her to be born a little bit prematurely," he added with a sideward glance to Hungary, trying to let her know that he didn't appreciate his worries being passed off as silly like that.  
"So have you named her yet?" England queried calmly, ignoring America entirely as the younger nation seemed to be having a slight mental breakdown. "Allistair was wondering about that just recently, and I must admit I'm also curious."  
The ex-nation gave a nod, still smiling. "Arabel Beilschmidt." His beautiful little eagle. He hadn't even seen her yet and he already knew that was what she would be. She already was.  
Japan's dark eyes shone with warmth at this. "A beautiful name. Did you come up with it, or was it Larissa?"  
"Larissa, of course," Gilbert laughed. He had proven himself worthless when it came to thinking of names. But when Larissa had mentioned this one to him, he had immediately decided that it was the best one. She agreed. "She's the only one capable of such a feat."  
Meanwhile, America still hadn't recovered from his shock. He just stood there, staring wide-eyed and with his jaw dropped, at Gilbert. "But… How…"  
With a teasing smirk, Gilbert looked back at him now. "Please don't make me explain to you _how_ , it's kind of personal."  
But clearly America was too shocked to even react to that comment. "Dude…" Then, after some more silence and a deep sigh, he finally also decided to sit down. "So here's some questions for you," he said, seemingly recovered from his astonishment. "Will she be, you know… an albino?"  
Gilbert raised an eyebrow at that query. Certainly not one he had expected, especially coming from America. "Likely not," he answered in truth. "For one to be an albino, both parents need to carry the right set of genes - or the wrong ones, depending on how you look at it. I certainly have them, but chances are low that Larissa does, too. It could be, but I highly doubt it." He mulled it over for a moment, but that didn't change his mind on the matter. "Does make me wonder how come I have albinism, of course, what with only having _one_ ancestor-possibly-parent in the first place. Perhaps nations are the exception, as in so many things, but then, to my knowledge at least, I _was_ the only albino nation around."  
"Yeah, and that brings me to my second question," America went on, eyes narrowed in focus and curiosity. "You're not human. Not entirely. I thought you'd stated once that 'ex-nation' is somewhere in the middle between nation and human? So disregarding the whole aspect of _how the hell you're able to procreate with humans now_ … What will, uh, Arabel - Arabel, right? - be?"  
That question rendered Gilbert silent for a moment, staring wide-eyed at the American. His mind was torn between wondering at how America was for once focused enough to ask questions such as these, and wondering how to answer this one. "Well, uh…" he stammered for a moment. "She will probably be a human. Normal human. A perfectly… _normal_ human being… with direct blood-ties to several European nations." Saying it out loud didn't make it sound any less crazy, he found. Honestly, this was something he'd been wondering about himself, but he hadn't found any answers yet. He didn't want to, either. Not as of yet. Let her first be born and grow up, and maybe, one day, they would get answers. And perhaps they would decide that to be unnecessary.  
"If it turns out her health is abnormally good, she might get that from me. If it's just average, that's fine too. If her lifespan is a little longer than the average human's, we'll know where she got that from. If she's just like a normal human, that would be just as great." Truth be told, he didn't wish for her to be any more special than she already was. Even now he had already imagined what an abnormal life his daughter would have, and though it was by no means a bad thing, it wasn't necessarily good, either. Family reunions would be weird, what with a number of nations being present. He could already picture how it would go if ever she were to make a family tree as a school assignment. At least it could double as a geography and history project.  
Useless to worry about any of that now, of course. But also normal, if he had to believe Larissa's parents, who had told him not too long ago that it was quite common for a parent to plan out their child's entire life even before they were born. Worrying about every little thing was part of that.  
"Just be sure to let us know when she's here," Japan said with a smile, and England nodded.  
"Yeah, absolutely," America added, grinning. "This time, don't forget to tell me, too, 'kay? 'Cause I definitely plan on dropping by to meet the little girl someday! Even if it takes so long that she's already hobbling about and babbling half-baked sentences by then, I _will_ visit."  
Gilbert just smiled back and said they would all be welcome.

* * *

"Welcome, little one," Gilbert whispered as he carefully drew his thumb over the new-born's tiny pink cheek. Arabel was sound asleep on Larissa's chest, who was also starting to doze off. They had been told this birth had been a relatively easy one, but Larissa had strongly disagreed when in the middle of it. Gilbert, too, as he sat by her side and saw the pain she was in. Also when she was only moments away from breaking the hand he had offered to her to squeeze.  
But all that was behind them now as Arabel, perfect little Arabel lay sleeping on her mother's chest after having cried for a few minutes straight, having her first drink in Larissa's arms and spending some time held by her father in between the two.  
Larissa's family was standing just outside. They had already been here to see their grandchild and niece, and Germany would be waiting for them at home - he'd been on his way to a meeting when Larissa went into labour, one that should have ended some thirty minutes ago now.  
Eyes half-closed, Larissa smiled happily. She seemed to have already forgotten all her pain, had she not been so exhausted right now. But nothing would be able to tear her out of the blissful bubble she appeared to be in. "We should be going soon," she sighed, her voice barely louder than a whisper. "She's perfectly healthy, I'm doing just fine… Doctor said we're good to go. Ludwig will be waiting for us."  
Gilbert smiled back at her and gave her clammy forehead a kiss. "Well, _this_ doctor says you shouldn't get up if you don't feel up to it yet. It's okay to sleep first. Just a quick nap won't harm anyone."  
But Larissa shook her head. "Except maybe the next mother to-be who is in desperate need of this room and the doctor and nurses. You never know. No, I'm fine, and if I'm still too wobbly on my feet, then I'll just ask for a wheelchair to get to the car. Simple as that."  
 _Stubborn oaf_ , Gilbert thought lovingly as his wife sat up. But all that was instantly wiped from his mind when she told him to take Arabel from her and called to her parents to help her out of bed. The very instant Gilbert held his daughter again, all else seemed to vanish almost completely. _Mine._ That was the first instinct he'd had holding her a few minutes ago, and it was that way now, too. _My daughter._ His little girl to protect, to care for, to hold and to love.  
His mind wandered back to the last time he'd held a child this young. He'd loved his little brother from the moment he saw him, even though the Prussian had been quite confused over the sudden new nation appearing. He'd felt responsible for Germany straight away and wanted nothing more than to help him grow into a powerful nation. But all that had been nothing compared to what he was feeling now.  
He hadn't always been the best big brother he could be. He'd let Germany down numerous times, and though he had been forgiven by the nation in question, he still hadn't quite forgiven himself. No matter what, he would do anything in his power to never do the same to this perfect little being. He may not have always been the best brother, but he'd be damned if he wouldn't try his hardest to be the best father he could be.  
It wasn't a role he'd ever thought to have, but now that he did, he was determined to excel at it.

* * *

 **So. That's a thing. I created Arabel not long after Larissa. So she's been a character for well over a year now. Close to two, in fact. I'm happy to finally have a chance to write about her!**

 **My battery is nearly dead so I'm finishing this up quickly. I hope you liked the chapter, thank you so much for reading, and now that I have little Arabel to write about, I might just be quicker with the next chapter. Who knows!**


	18. Chapter 18

**I'm alive! I mean, I can't really explain it, but I am somehow alive. And my writing isn't dead yet. Just on its last legs.  
Aaanyway. I'm sorry that after two months of absence I come back with a short little chapter like this. Not that I think many people are still reading this. But for those who are, I will continue to write. Which I think will be one or two more chapters consisting of little more than time-skips until the inevitable end of this story, which I will now admit has gone on too long. If not in general, then at least for my inner Muse. She quit and went looking for a new job, last I recall.**

 **But I promised Arabel. So here I present to you: Arabel Beilschmidt.**

* * *

Gilbert watched with a warm joy as he brought Scotland into the living room and the old kingdom was immediately tackled by a little girl.  
"UncAl!" was the first noise that came out of Arabel, her own little mixture of 'uncle' and 'Al'. How and why she had decided the Scot was an uncle to her, no one but her knew, but no one really cared either way.  
Scotland's face immediately lit up, his pale eyes shining and his lips curled into a massive smile as he bent down to pick up the toddler happily clinging to his knees. "Hey there, little princess!" the old nation greeted her with enthusiasm equal to hers. "And how are you, sweetie? Is it just me, or do you look a little taller than last I saw you?"  
The very instant Scotland said this, Arabel was beaming. She didn't answer, but giggled as she put her arms around the nation. Meanwhile, Larissa let out a sigh of relief.  
"Thank God you're here, Allistair," she said as she walked up to him and greeted him with a quick peck on the cheek. "We only told her you were coming this morning, so as to not have to deal with her being hyper about it for too long, but…"  
"Next time, you'll be a surprise visit for her altogether," Gilbert finished, thinking back to the incessant questioning Arabel had put her parents through all morning. 'How much longer until he's here?' 'How long will he be staying?' 'Is he here yet?' 'Why is he not here yet?'  
It had been adorable at first. As in, the first five minutes. After that, it had only been annoying and tiring and growing exponentially worse in both ways.  
Scotland just chuckled, making a motion as if he was about to set Arabel down again, but she remained clinging to his neck, so he decided to hold her a little longer. "Oh, I know what that can be like," the Scot said to his two friends. "When Coineach was little, he was just like her in certain ways. I think all children this age are." Then he told Arabel that he really was putting her down now, and though she whined for a moment, the second her feet touched the ground she was happy and smiling again.  
Gilbert was nothing but contented at that moment. There wasn't a moment he could look at his daughter without feeling immense pride in her: she was already proving herself to be a bright girl, despite her young age of barely five years. She had only just started school, but already she was able to read simple texts. Both Larissa and Gilbert had adopted the habit of reading to her early on, and somewhere along the way she had started to recognise sounds and patterns until one day she had said on Larissa's lap and surprised her mother by reading two words ahead. When Larissa asked her if she simply remembered the story, Arabel shook her head and pointed to the words as she read them again, then moved to the next page, pointed to another word and read that one, too. Numbers were starting to become familiar to her as well. Her speech, though simple, was clear and meaningful most of the time instead of being the meaningless babbling of random words that many five-year-olds were still capable of.  
Right now she was looking up at Scotland with big blue eyes. "Did you fly here?" she asked him with awe in her voice.  
Scotland nodded and smiled at her. "I did," he replied with excellently feigned enthusiasm. "And the plane was _really_ big."  
"Would it fit in the house?"  
"No. It's that big."  
"Wooow."  
Arabel skipped away, squeaking that she would grab her favourite book to show to Scotland, giving the three adults time to breathe.  
"So," Larissa sighed as she looked at Scotland. "How was your flight?"  
Scotland shrugged, saying it had been quite all right. Departure had been delayed by ten minutes, but that had been all there was worth mentioning.  
"Honestly," he said, looking quite content with it, "life's been pretty boring lately. Nothing truly noteworthy has happened for quite a while. But considering what the previous century has been like, I'm not complaining."  
Gilbert could only imagine. Scotland and his brothers had barely known any peace since the beginning of the twentieth century. The Irish Revolution had immediately followed up on the First World War, and the Second World War had been close on its heels, only to go into the Cold War and the Troubles until 1998 straight after.  
Larissa still had trouble imagining what all of that would have been like, but that didn't stop her from sending the old Kingdom a sympathetic smile. "Well, I can only say that I'm glad to hear that."  
Footsteps on the stairs, signalling the return of Arabel, alerted Gilbert, and he quickly nudged Scotland and warned him in a low voice: "Don't be surprised by her favourite book: it's an atlas."  
Scotland only got a brief chance to look surprised before Arabel reached his side with her mini-atlas in her hands. "Look, UncAl, look!" Beaming, the little girl held up the book to him like it was her proudest possession.  
Immediately hiding any surprise he might be feeling behind a warm, happy smile, Scotland got down on one knee and admired the book that Arabel had now flipped open.  
Silent, Larissa and Gilbert stood side by side and watched as Scotland picked up Arabel and went to sit on the couch with her as she showed him several maps in her precious atlas. "We've lost them both, haven't we?" Gilbert asked dully.  
Larissa hummed. "Right up until the moment she goes to bed, yes."  
"Well. For as long as Allistair's here, we can at least join them on the couch and pretend we still have a social life that way."  
"Sounds like a plan."

By the time they both sat down, Arabel had a page showing Europe in front of her and was pointing at nations. "That's Uncle Ludwig!" she declared proudly, her finger on Germany. Sliding down, she went on: "And that's Uncle Roderich!"  
Gilbert smiled warmly as he observed with pride. Arabel really was a bright girl, able to remember things more quickly than most of her peers did. Not that her memory and knowledge were flawless, of course.  
"And that's Auntie Liz!" she said, pointing at Romania.  
At this, Gilbert couldn't help but bark out a brief laugh. "Don't let her catch you saying that!" Arabel looked at him, her light blue eyes wide with surprise at her father's reaction, and Gilbert shook his head. "No, sweetie, that's Romania," he corrected her gently. "What do we know about Auntie Liz?" he then prompted.  
Arabel held his gaze for a moment, and he could see the wheels turning in her little head before her eyes shone with pleasure. "She's next to Uncle Roderich!" she said. She moved her finger a little to the left, now pointing to Hungary.  
Scotland chuckled for a moment, then asked Arabel if she could also point him out on a map. When the little girl shook her head silently, he showed her. "There. The top bit of that island, see? And the other parts of those islands are my brothers."  
Arabel nodded, taking it in very seriously. "Is your whole family on the map?" she asked him, stretching her head back against his chest to look awkwardly up at him. "Mine isn't. Grandma and Grandpa and Uncle Gerard are not there. Also not mummy and daddy and me." She sounded disappointed by this fact.  
When she said this, Scotland looked at Gilbert and Larissa for help. "How well does she understand all of it?" he asked them in a hushed voice.  
Larissa just sighed, and Gilbert shrugged. Not the easiest topic, this. "We're… getting there. I think. But at her age, I don't even know how much we should be telling her, let alone how much we can expect her to grasp."  
"I'm not even certain we were right to tell her anything at such a young age," Larissa put in, stroking her daughter's brown hair as she spoke. "But then, what else should we have done? Of all the guides to raising children, there's not one that will tell you how to explain their part-nation heritage to your child."  
Scotland glanced down at Arabel, who at that moment looked content just browsing through her atlas and letting the adults talk while she sat there. The nation gave a soft sigh. "Well, I know from personal experience that my friends and neighbours don't bother explaining me to their children until they're a few years older than Arabel, but then, they have no nations in their direct family, so it's less urgent. Royal families and such also handle it all slightly differently."  
"But they still don't have to explain to their kids that part of their family is immortal and the other part, including themselves, is not," Larissa countered. She was having a harder time with not knowing what to do about this than Gilbert was so far. "And we're keeping the whole Prussia-story for much later."  
"Prussia?" Arabel piped up, indicating that she had in fact been listening, even if just a bit.  
Gilbert ruffled up her hair a bit. "A story for later, as your mother said."  
"Later when?"  
"When you're older, sweetie."  
"Why?"  
"Because we say so."  
Arabel for once decided not to argue about it (which seemed to be one of her greatest hobbies), and Gilbert said a silent prayer of thanks for this. As much as he loved his daughter, she could be quite a handful, and sometimes he was simply too tired to want to have to deal with that.

* * *

It wasn't long before Arabel decided to go to her room and play on her own there, finally giving her parents and Scotland a real chance to talk: the Scot seemed happy to talk about how things were with his family, something he had dreaded for almost a century. It was only since a few years that they were finally at peace after decades of strife, and he was clearly enjoying it. It wasn't only the international relations that had improved, but also the personal ones.  
"If you had told me a century ago that there would come a day we could all sit together and talk amicably, I would have laughed at you and called you mad," Scotland said with a smile. "Not that I wouldn't have welcomed it."  
"I don't think there's ever been a time when my entire family was together like that," Gilbert mused, thinking back. After a brief pause, he chuckled and added: "But then, with so many people, it would be very difficult for everyone to get along."  
Larissa snorted. "Trust me, it's no different with human families," she told the two men. "There will always be two or three people you should not have in the same room together if you want to keep the peace."  
This earned a snigger from Scotland, although he also shook his head. "Except humans won't be bound to their less-loved family members for eternity. But then, I suppose it would feel like it, what with human lifespan also being a factor and all."  
For some reason, his words got Larissa laughing. As she did, she expressed her joy over Scotland 'finally acknowledging human life isn't perfect', as she put it. "I mean, do you realise that, had you been humans instead, you and your brothers might never have lived in peace with one another at all?"  
Then a silence fell, and Gilbert watched realisation slowly seep into his friend's expression. "Huh," the near-ancient nation said, surprise lacing his voice. "I'd never thought of it that way, you know."  
Silently and behind Scotland's back, Gilbert sent his wife a grateful smile; they never spoke of it, but the ex-nation knew for a certainty that Scotland still felt some sort of jealousy over Gilbert getting the chance to live as a human. And though he had been fawning over little Arabel from the moment he'd first laid eyes on her, it had been strikingly clear to Gilbert that his daughter coming into their lives had pained Scotland in some way. He seemed to have got past it very quickly, though.  
But now… "I guess," Scotland admitted, his lips carefully twisted into a little smile, his pale blue eyes filled with warmth. "I guess that, though fighting amongst ourselves for literal centuries has been in no way pleasant, if we hadn't had that eternity to find common ground like this… So I suppose you're right."

* * *

"Dad."  
Gilbert was surprised to hear the barely-controlled contempt in his daughter's voice. What a greeting that was; he'd only just come home, he hadn't even had the chance to hang up his coat, and already there was an annoyed ten-year-old standing in the hallway.  
Arabel had her arms crossed over her chest, her lips pursed in anger, but she was silent for now.  
Wondering what was going on, if he had done something wrong, or if she thought he had anyway, Gilbert still tried his best to smile and greet his daughter warmly. "Is something the matter, sweetheart?"  
The young girl sighed and rolled her eyes. "Yeah," she said derisively. "I think it's time you and mum give my teacher 'the talk'. Sooner rather than later."  
 _So it's not me, then,_ was the first thing that came to mind. Relieved as he was, Gilbert barely managed not to laugh at the way she'd phrased that. Still, it _was_ a serious matter, and if Arabel was in such a mood over it, he had better take it seriously, too. "Why is that?" he asked calmly, silently goading her into the living room with him.  
Arabel went to the couch in a straight line and ungraciously flopped down onto it, arms still crossed, and Gilbert just quietly took his place beside her and waited for the girl to start talking. She did so basically the moment he sat down, though.  
"Guess what she wants us to do next week?" she began, her frustration evident in every syllable and her blue eyes flaring with the same emotion. "A family tree! She wants me to make a _blasted family tree._ " She huffed and added in a low mutter: "Stupid 'creative projects' of hers…"  
Gilbert, trying to be soothing, moved a strand of brown hair away from her eyes. "We'll explain it to her," he promised. "And the principal."  
Arabel leaned sideways against his shoulder, still tense. "What would she say if I just left out your side of the family?" she mused, probably as much to herself as to her father. "Or that I can't name a grandmother on your side. And that I'd list _Germania_ as my grandfather!"  
Gilbert chuckled, hoping this thought would amuse her as much as it did him. "I just hope she won't expect you to name all your uncles and aunts and second-cousins and so on… Either that, or that she gives you a _massive_ sheet of paper to work on."  
To his relief, this did bring about a quiet little giggle from his daughter. "Oh, I'm not even certain I can remember all their names… And what about Uncle Ludwig and Uncle Roderich? Do I list them with their chosen names, or their nation names?" She fell quiet for a moment, nuzzling closer to Gilbert, and adding in a soft voice: "…How do I list _you_?"  
The plea for help in Arabel's voice was a dagger to Gilbert's heart, especially since he knew there really wasn't anything he could do about it. "Just as Gilbert Beilschmidt, of course," he answered calmly, trying to mask every emotion he was feeling at that moment. "It would be the truth, after all."  
Arabel give a tiny nod. "But it also wouldn't make the nations in the family tree more believable," she sighed helplessly. She didn't say it, not with words, but Gilbert knew exactly what went through her head at that moment. _They'll think I'm mad._  
"And that's why we'll take care of it," he promised her with a kiss on her head. "We'll explain everything. It wouldn't be the first time we've had to."  
The only response he got was a hum. Then they sat there in silence, Gilbert with his arm wrapped around Arabel as she lay against his side. He couldn't be more proud of her (or that is, that's what he told himself day after day, only to be proven wrong every time he laid eyes on her) but sometimes he wished she wasn't as intelligent as she was. She had been much too quick to understand how unique her family was. Much too quick to understand how others might react to her talking about it, too.  
Finally she let out a soft sigh. "I'll just add 'formerly Prussia' between brackets, I guess."  
Gilbert bit his lip, telling himself not to respond; it wasn't as if he knew what to say right now, anyway, and anything he said would probably have been met by an angry retort.  
His heart sank when Arabel suddenly got up, but then the girl looked at him over her shoulder, and the look in her eyes remedied that in an instant. "I'm just going to do some reading," she told her father. The moment she said this, she paused, musing on something. "Is there any chance we can go to the bookstore soon? I'm nearly through this one, and I really want to read the sequel."  
Gilbert smiled at her. "How about Saturday?"  
This appeared to be all that was needed to cheer up his daughter. Arabel's pale blue eyes sparked with joy. "Thanks, dad!" And with that, she ran up the stairs to her room.  
Watching her go, Gilbert just shook his head in amusement. She was such a bright girl. But still just a girl. Easily distracted from her troubles when presented with something she enjoyed. She was an avid reader, but that didn't mean the books she read didn't suit her age; children's fantasy books were her favourite, about medieval settings and magical worlds. Maybe her family history was to blame for that, although Gilbert had once read one together with her, and while a bit cheesy and simple, he had to admit that the stories were enjoyable in their own right.  
Larissa had taken up writing as a hobby, and while she didn't have the time or ambition – yet – to write a full-length novel, she had joined forces with Arabel on a short story or two. Both appeared to really enjoy doing so, and when they spent their time together on that, Gilbert happilly took the opportunity to catch up on work or have some time to himself. Especially the latter had been a rarity in recent years. While Arabel was in school, he was working. When Arabel was home, she took up a good portion of his time – which he accepted lovingly. Still, having time alone and especially having time with Larissa was precious to him. If Arabel spent a weekend's day at a friend's house, or if she went to see her grandparents or either of her uncles, that was their rare chance at us-time.

Gilbert got to his feet to go to him and Larissa's shared office space, where he knew she would be working at the moment. He knocked, but went in without waiting for a reply. As expected, he found his wife behind her desk, typing away at a document. When he came in, she looked up, the look in her eyes serving as a greeting as proper as words would have been.  
"Hey," the ex-nation said as he closed the door behind him. "So, have you spoken to Arabel?"  
"Oh, absolutely," came the immediate response. "Not that I was able to cheer her up about it. Were you?"  
With a wry smile, Gilbert leant with his back against the door, hands loosely on his hips. "Not exactly. The prospect of going to the bookstore on Saturday certainly did, though." He sighed. "Do you think we should have talked about this with her teachers sooner?"  
"Well, we definitely should once she gets into Middle School," Larissa put in, turning away from her laptop. "But how many times have we talked about this now? We both agreed we wanted her to be treated as a normal girl-"  
"Except that there's nothing 'normal' about her," Gilbert muttered.  
Larissa ignored him. "-and there was no immediate need for them to know. How were we to know she would be told to make a family tree somewhere down the line? So far, she seems to have always spoken about the nations in our family using their chosen names. There's nothing weird about her having an Uncle Ludwig or a sort-of Aunt Elizaveta. Lots of kids have sort-of aunts and uncles, you know, quite like she does. Except they aren't immortal nations."  
Gilbert shook his head. Either Larissa was being very persistent, or she was missing the point. "But what if she hadn't? What if she took her atlas to school and showed it around like she used to? I know you've seen her scribbles in it. She wrote 'Uncle Ludwig' right underneath 'Germany' in that thing, which, yeah, was useful for herself to learn geography and understand her family back in the day, but seriously... What if she had?"  
A brief silence followed, more uncomfortable than Gilbert liked. Still, Larissa was the first to break it. "Look, that's all in the past. She has a year and two months left in this school, and this is the first time something like this has come up. We will tell her teacher and the headmaster, they will probably set up a staff meeting over it, and she will get to make the choice if she wants to tell her classmates or not – and if they think otherwise, we will not back down until that choice is left with Arabel and no one else." She looked down for a moment, a gesture that told Gilbert she felt as uncertain about whether they had acted correctly or not as he was, despite the conviction in her voice. "And as for her next school, we will know better. We will ask for an appointment first chance we get and explain everything. That's all we realistically can do."  
Gilbert knew she was right, but that didn't stop him from feeling guilty. Arabel was obviously upset about this, and honestly, it was their fault for having made the wrong decision in the past. But Larissa was right. The past was exactly that, and all they could do was to do better by her in the future.  
"It's a shame that there aren't really any guides to how to raise a nation-descended, overly intelligent child. It's not exactly proving itself to be easy."  
Larissa snorted. "Not to mention considering the possibility of autism and the likes. It does seem to run in the family."  
This statement left Gilbert dumbfounded, and for a moment he could do nothing but stare at Larissa, who met his gaze evenly. "...What?"  
Larissa rolled her eyes and chuckled. "Really? You never had any suspicions?" She sighed and shook her head. "I'm talking about Ludwig, silly. You know how my dearly beloved sister-in-law -" The sarcasm could not be more clear in Larissa's voice; she had never been too fond of Gerard's choice in wife, although they got along well enough when absolutely necessary, an excellent façade. " - works with autistic kids, right? Well, Gerard has told me plenty about her work. And it's actually interesting – quite the opposite of the woman herself, really. Anyway, I started thinking about some of Ludwig's quirks and looked around, and while I'm no psychologist, Aperger's Syndrome does sound like something he could have."  
Gilbert just stood there, mute, retracing the past century-and-a-bit. Germany had been quite a unique child, too. Gilbert recalled his brother's lists on how to deal with certain scenarios. He wasn't sure what 'quirks' Larissa was referring to, but Germany's intense love for manuals and schedules was a quirk if he ever saw one.  
Eventually he just hummed. "I'll... look into that." While he wasn't quite sure what to make of it, Gilbert could not deny that he was intrigued now.  
Larissa just smiled. "So. How about after dinner, we discuss how to present our little family to our daughter's school?"  
Gilbert just groaned and nodded reluctantly.

* * *

 **So this is what my story has become. Slivers of slice-of-life. I was and still am proud of CYH and HtD, but this… is very far from my best work (I sent out applications, don't get me wrong, but no new Muse has bothered to apply for this job yet).**

 **That last bit about Ludwig? Been a thing since before I started HtD. I myself have Asperger's, although I must say that I have it mixed with other disorders, one of which is basically the contradiction of Asperger's, so my knowledge of it, though through first-hand experience, isn't pure and might well be faulty in some areas. Sorry about that.**

 **Still past the point of making promises about the next chapter. All I can say is that there will be one. Someday. When my life isn't so chaotic anymore, perhaps. Hopefully before then, though. I would hate to wait until my graduation from uni to post again.**

 **To everyone still reading this: you truly are awesome. Thank you so much, and I'm sorry for the sporadic and not too great updates.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Did I expect to end my story this way? No, never. Am I glad I did? Well... somewhat. Regrets? Plenty.**

 **But at least I have now given myself the freedom to write what I want, when I want, without feeling guilty about that one unfinished story that I promised not to leave unfinished.**

 **Did it turn out shitty? Yeah. Yeah, pretty much.**

 **But I hope you like it anyway.**

 **Thank you all for reading my story until the very end, and I'm sorry this epilogue has been such a failed mission. I wish I could have kept up quality, but I stretched this sotry longer than I could and should have. Mistakes are there to learn from, I suppose.  
But here it is. The very last thing I will write for the CYH & HtD universe. What a wild ride it has been!  
**

* * *

 _18 January 2046_

 _H_ _appy birthday, brother. I still can't believe it's been over two years since we last saw each other or spoke to one another...  
I can't believe you've been gone for over two years._

 _I really don't know what possessed me to start writing in one of your old journals. I'm sorry if I wasn't meant to. It's just... You've kept a record of so many important events in your life. I thought maybe someone should also record that which you could not._

 _Nation Biology is thriving. Adam retired shortly after your death, but your students have taken over splendidly. And under Arabel's lead as the current most successful Nation Biologist, I expect the field will only grow. Over the past two years, five more universities across the world have adopted Nation Biology into their curriculum as an optional course. Arabel has given lectures at each one so far._

 _Don't worry about Larissa. She misses you, of course, but she has people to spend her days with. Me included. And your two grandchildren, of course. Although Johnathan is busy with school lately – graduation coming up soon. How time flies, right?_

 _I can only hope that you're with Brandenburg now, and Holy Rome and all the others. But I suppose you are. And probably watching my every move. Probably watching me as I'm writing this. And I bet you're standing there with Arabel for every lecture that she gives. Just be sure to visit me once in a while. I'd love to talk to you again. There's a lot I can tell you about our family._

 _It's funny though, isn't it? All those years as a nation, and still it took you until you became human to truly achieve immortality._


End file.
